


The Art of Summer Dreaming

by silentlylo



Category: Little Mix (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst and Humor, Clubbing, Depression, Drug Abuse, F/M, Los Angeles, Rave, Suicide Attempt, Summer Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-06-07
Packaged: 2018-01-27 22:06:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 30
Words: 167,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1724075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentlylo/pseuds/silentlylo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Liam returns home to Los Angeles after college, he finds himself unsure of what to do next, but there is one thing he knows for sure -- he wants to avoid his old friends and the toxic rave scene that he had left behind. </p>
<p>Jade is running away from a mysterious past and has found herself an apartment in Los Angeles, where she owns nothing and knows no one. That is until her quirky neighbors, Niall and Leigh-Anne, invite her out one night and introduce her to a world she didn't know existed.</p>
<p>Louis is the prince of the underground rave club scene, promoting clubs and putting on his own nights that keep the lines stretched around the block. He keeps himself busy and lost in that world so he can avoid dealing with his painful secrets.</p>
<p>Their three stories intertwine over a summer full of new beginnings, second chances, and old demons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A Pop Culture Inspired Fic. One Direction/Little Mix Crossover. Inspired by _Less Than Zero_ and an idea I've had for a long time that was recently rekindled by Lana Del Rey's "Summertime Sadness" and having just watched _The Bling Ring_. Also, I totally wrote this for [M](http://parchedforpaynis.tumblr.com). I'm not too familiar with 1D or LM canon, so I'll just stress that this is AU. Totally AU. Look at how AU this is! Also much love to [cmdf](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cmdf/pseuds/cmdf) for her support with this one.

The landlord let her move in because of her name.  
  
“You’ll bring me good luck,” the diminutive man said as he clicked the key in the lock and turned the rusty brass knob. “I need good luck. This place needs good luck.”  
  
Jade could smell the slight touches of sea breeze from the Pacific as she entered the apartment that was now her home. She had never had her own place. She looked around at the dingy white walls, the coffee-stained tan carpets, the mismatched wood-like counter tops that she knew were some cheap synthetic alternative, and the streaky windows that were left open, allowing the final spring breezes to flow in and out through the space.  
  
“You act. You’re an actress.”  
  
The landlord watched Jade as she walked around her new space, making sure it felt like the right place to be. She had already made enough bad decisions for one week.  
  
“No,” Jade replied as she pulled her long brown curls over her shoulder and stared out her window.  A wooden fence made up her view, separating her dingbat from the neighboring one.  
  
“Why you here?”  
  
She knew he meant Los Angeles. City of Angels. City of Lost Dreams.  
  
“I write,” Jade said almost embarrassed. “I’m a writer.”  
  
“Rent can’t be late,” he said firmly as he narrowed his eyes, and Jade wondered if he would’ve mentioned that detail if she had been an actress.  
  
"It won't be," she stated wondering how much she'd have to deal with him. He already seemed like a nuisance.  
  
She needed tranquility.  
  
"No pets. No sleepover. Only you. No parties. No loud noise."  
  
"I'm a writer," she stated again as if that should ease his fears. "I need peace and quiet," she added in case he needed the clarification.  
  
"Very good," he said as he handed her the key. "No problems. You bring good luck."  
  
She took the key and saw him out, closing the door and fussing with the lock before it bolted the whole way. Good luck. Sure.  
  
#  
  
Louis opened the door to his apartment and waved Harry in while talking on the phone and eating Frosted Flakes. Harry nodded in greeting and closed the door behind him.  
  
"I haven't heard from Perrie yet,” Louis said to his caller, “But I'll text you the info when she calls. No worries, man. Later."  
  
Louis tossed the phone onto the bar counter of his kitchen and looked Harry over.  
  
"The hell happened to you?"  
  
He watched Harry scratch his messy curls and throw a glare in Louis' direction as he walked over to the couch.  
  
"Nothing, you asshole," Harry replied.  
  
Louis shrugged and picked up his ringing phone, not losing the grip on his cereal bowl nor missing a beat while saying "You look like shit" to Harry and "Hey, girl, what's up?" to the new caller, all in one sentence.  
  
Harry flipped him off and Louis went over to the couch as Harry picked up an Xbox controller to play Call of Duty.  
  
Louis finished his calls and told Harry, “We’re going to 521.”  He finally put the bowl of cereal down so he could send out mass texts giving people the heads up.  “Never heard of it, don't know what it is, but that's where we're going."  
  
"Sweet," Harry said as he moved his entire body in the direction that he wanted the controller to convey to his player.  
  
As Louis finished sending texts, he received three in its place. He walked about his apartment as he replied to the messages and glanced over at Harry a few more times, not bothering him for the time being. Instead he walked into his bedroom and opened the door to his walk-in closet, trying to figure out what kind of club 521 sounded like. Black on black? Jeans and a button down? Suit? Weren't girls supposed to be good with detail? He texted Perrie back to ask her and strolled back out to the living room to check up on Harry.  
  
"You on something?" Louis asked as he looked him up and down – messy hair, slightly greasy, dirty T-shirt that he probably hadn't changed in a couple of days, holey pants that looked brand new. "Where did you come from?"  
  
"Why the interrogation?"  
  
"I don't know. You just look off."  
  
"Maybe you're on something."  
  
Maybe.

Louis sat beside the Texan actor who somehow had wormed his way into Louis’ crew.  Louis was usually selective about the company he and his friends kept, but Harry had seemed cool enough at the clubs and he liked having another guy around to talk to.  
  
Harry paused the game and let out a yawn while stretching his arm behind him.  
  
"I came straight from the set. I haven't slept in 48 hours," Harry explained.  
  
"Take a nap before we go," Louis said taking the controller from him.  
  
Perrie texted him back. _Just wear what you normally wear_. A lot of help that was.  
  
"If I sleep I might not wake up."  
  
"Won't be the end of the world if you miss tonight," Louis said as he moved the black couch pillow to the side for Harry to lay his head on.  
  
"Think Liam will be there tonight?" Harry asked with a bigger yawn than the last.  
  
Louis paused as he read a few more texts, letting the question linger for a moment. He stood back up and paced as he texted back and turned down the volume on the game.  
  
"Who knows?  Just get some rest," he finally answered when he caught Harry's green eyes staring at him and fighting to stay open.  
  
Harry gave in to his sleep and Louis went back to his room to find an outfit for tonight.  
  
Perrie texted him again. _Hooking you up with a friend. Look better than usual._  
  
Louis tossed his phone on the bed and went for the black on black.  
  
#  
  
Jade had fallen asleep on her floor. She had nothing yet. Just the clothes on her back, her laptop, and a small duffel bag with toiletries and tiny trinkets of inspiration. She had put her towel down as her bed and used her forearm as her pillow, then had startled awake while dreaming that her arm had been cut off by a maniacal landlord with a knife.  
  
She regulated her breathing before checking the time on her cell phone. Eight o'clock and already the sun was gone. The breeze was cooler and she pushed herself up from the floor so she could close the window, but loud voices caught her attention and she stood still, hoping no one could see her creeping by her own window.  
  
Two people who looked around her age, somewhere in their early twenties, were dressed and ready to start the night. They laughed and spoke loudly as they passed by, the girl jingling her purse as if looking for keys; the boy making some obnoxious joke about some friend of theirs.  
  
Friday night, sleeping on the floor, alone in her place, not knowing a single soul in town.  She shut her window and sat against the wall, bringing her knees up as she grabbed her camera from her purse. She scrolled through the pictures and stopped on the last photo she had taken before she had packed up her car and left the east coast.  
  
A two-story brick house, stood almost hauntingly, surrounded by trees so old that Jade was sure they had been there back when only the native tribes ruled the land.  The house sat on its own hill, posturing above the houses around it who dared to compete. And in the foreground, one solitary middle finger.  Jade would never return home.  
  
More voices passed by and Jade realized her windows didn't reduce the noise level as much as she had hoped. She turned off her camera and lay back down, drifting off into another fitful sleep.  
  
#  
  
521 was the address. The place was abandoned if the front facade was to be believed, but the line behind it made it seem as if everyone in town was trying to get in. Louis took inventory of how everyone else was dressed before handing the valet his keys and adjusting his shirt collar one last time.  
  
"You ready to do this?" He asked Harry who was a bit late getting out of Louis' silver Mercedes.  
  
It had been a college graduation present from his dad given to him just a few days ago out of pure shock that he had actually graduated. Louis had actually liked college. He had been voted president of his frat and had managed to organize one of the best Homecoming block parties the university had ever seen. How those talents didn't impress his dad was beyond him.  
  
"Always ready," Harry said having thrown on one of Louis' casual dark gray blazers over his ratty tee. Anything was an improvement in Louis' eye.  
  
Louis headed toward the line where he greeted familiar faces that said hi, exchanged air kisses, and hugged him on sight. The bouncer caught notice and motioned him to the front.  
  
"I'll see you inside, babe," he said to a brunette he knew for sure had been in a sorority at his school. He tried to think if he had slept with her or not while he waited for the bouncer to check over his list.  
  
"Your friend's a funny girl," the bouncer said motioning for Louis to hold out his hand.  
  
"Is she?" Louis said as he nodded at the money guy putting a wristband on him. "Which friend are we talking about again?"  
  
"That blonde girl, Perrie. She said when I spotted a guy that everyone in line knew, to grab him and let him in."  
  
"Huh," Louis said amused but not bothering to show it as he fixed his sleeve. "That is funny. Are we good?" He asked and the bouncer nodded and motioned him and Harry to go in.  
  
521 was dark, just like any of the other rave clubs set up overnight for one night of debauchery before being wiped off the LA underground rave club map. Blue neon lights led the way to the bar which was packed with girls in clothing so tight that even Louis couldn't breathe as he stood beside them. He ordered a beer, keeping it simple, as he scanned the crowd for Perrie's blonde hair.  
  
Harry leaned against the bar and sipped on something that had come on rocks before he asked, "Has Liam texted you?"  
  
Louis stopped himself from rolling his eyes and shook his head before saying, "Fuck Liam."  
  
He left Harry by the bar as he went to find her royal blonde highness. He figured she'd be toward whatever makeshift area had been set aside for VIP, and he weaved through bodies as they danced and apologized when he accidentally copped a feel of some hot girl's firm ass as he passed by her.  
  
"Looouis."  
  
His name was followed by a giggle and he turned to see Jesy, one of his closest childhood friends. She pulled him into a hug that he returned.  
  
"I’m so glad you’re finally here," she said motioning for him to follow with her finger as she led him up a small set of stairs to VIP. Even though they had been friends forever and he saw her more as a sister, Louis wasn’t blind.  He admired the view on the walk up, taking in Jesy's curves in her tight blue dress and noticing how the long curls of her dyed red hair landed right above her ass.  
  
Once Louis had cleared the VIP bouncer, his favorite blonde stood up to greet him from her princess perch, right by the railing with a perfect view of the dance floor.

“Hey, baby," Perrie said as they exchanged kisses on the cheek.

As always, she looked gorgeous, having dressed in a red mini dress with bright red lipstick to match. After greeting her, Louis half-raised his hand in greeting to her boyfriend, Zayn, who looked bored as shit.

He always looked bored as shit.  
  
"Did you bring Harry?" Perrie asked as she instructed Louis to sit right on the other side of her.

Zayn gave him a brief up-nod in acknowledgment before returning to whatever exciting thing was on his phone for him to stare at.  
  
"He's down there somewhere. He's going through this narcoleptic phase."  
  
"You think they'll actually pick this pilot up?" Jesy asked as she sat across from him. She crossed her right leg over her left and lit a cigarette.  
  
"Probably not. It has Harry in it," Louis smarted. He accepted the opportunity for a drag off Jesy's cigarette before handing it back to her.  
  
"That's mean," Perrie said as she dared to touch Louis’ perfectly messy straight brown hair in an attempt to make it more to her liking. "Harry's a great actor."  
  
"He's good enough at least," Jesy said more honestly.  
  
"He's alright," Louis said, his blue eyes darting around for a moment. "Where's this girl I was supposed to meet?"  
  
The music beat louder as more people filled the space below them and Louis could feel his own blood rush in time to the music. The loud repetitive thud made him feel alive, in a way that most other things couldn't. Perrie knew that and knew she could lure him to any club because of it.  
  
"She'll be here," Perrie said, still playing with his hair. "She's adorable. A model. Your type. I like this shirt. I don't remember you wearing it before."  
  
"I don't remember wearing it before either. Did you give it to me?"  
  
"No, I would've remembered."  
  
"So, Louis," Jesy cut in, "Have you heard from Liam yet?"  
  
"Jesy!" Perrie said, her blue eyes widening at her friend's inappropriate question. "You know we don't talk about Liam when Louis' at the table. He's too fragile for that kind of conversation."  
  
Zayn snorted and Louis threw him a slight glare, not that Zayn could've noticed with the attention he was paying to that damn phone.  
  
"I'm not Liam's keeper," Louis said as he finished off his beer. He took out his own phone and texted Harry to get his ass over to VIP already.  
  
"You're really still not talking to him?" Jesy continued and Perrie widened her eyes further at her as if telling her to stop telepathically. The effect was only greatly exaggerated by the pitch black eyeliner surrounding them.  
  
"Why should I?" Louis said, leaning into Perrie so he could take a selfie of them with his phone. "He decided he didn't want to be friends with me anymore, so why would I want to talk with him? In fact, I seem to remember he didn't want to be friends with any of you either."  
  
"Seriously, Jesy, stop asking about Liam," Perrie said as she demanded another selfie after evaluating how the first one had turned out.  
  
"Sorry. I just really miss him," Jesy said with a sigh while Louis just rolled his eyes.  
  
Jesy had always liked Liam as more than just a friend, so it figured she'd still be holding onto some sort of hope that he still wanted to hang out with them, or maybe just her. Either way, Louis didn't have time for it. Fuck Liam.  
  
"Harry!" Perrie said waving at him with both hands and her arms outstretched. Harry walked over and leaned over Louis so he could give Perrie a proper hug and kiss on the cheek. He traded hand slaps with Zayn who looked up enough to make sure his hand didn't miss. Then Harry made himself comfortable on Jesy's lap.

Louis shook his head at Harry's entrance. Such an actor.  
  
"So what's the big celebration?" Harry asked as he took Jesy's cigarette from her fingers to work on it himself.  
  
"Getting Louis laid," Perrie said as she motioned for the waitress to get them another bottle of wine.  
  
"No seriously," Louis said, "What’s tonight about?"  
  
"I helped this guy spread the word about this place tonight. It's his club experiment or something. You know I don't really pay attention when people start talking business. He just told me to show up and make sure the right people come out to make it happen." Perrie raised her newly filled glass and said, "So here's to making it happen."  
  
"To making it happen," Louis agreed as he toasted his glass against all those of his friends.  
  
#  
  
Liam blamed jet lag for missing the easy bank shots.  He dribbled across the half court that his dad had built for him at the side of house when he had turned five, then dribbled back before trying again. He had to work some of the kinks out, or maybe his timing was off. He threw it up again and watched the ball round the rim before falling back into his hands. He took a deep breath and let the ball bounce away as he put his hands on his hips and stared up at the offending hoop.  
  
He heard his phone go off again in the deep pockets of his board shorts.  He pulled it out with a sigh.  
  
A million text messages waited for him, mostly from Jesy, letting him know about this club tonight. He couldn't believe they still went to these things every single night. How were they not tired of it all?  How were they not tired of being a cliché?  
  
He looked up at the night sky, wishing for a star to guide him or help him make sense of things. He was supposed to be in New York right now.  Not back home in LA.  He was supposed to be living the dream, working on Wall Street, making the financial dreams of so many people come true while living off their riches.  It was how he had always planned on making his family proud, proving to his parents that he had been born with the same ambitions, fire, and mental prowess for money that they had.  But he hadn’t been.  He had learned that freshman year.  
  
That last thought turned his face sour and he kicked at the paved court and the tiny weed growing up through a crack. He knew the moment that his dad saw that weed it'd be obliterated and the lawn service would have to revamp the whole property again. His dad was particular like that.  
  
Liam walked over to where the ball had rolled and picked it up, sliding his phone back into his pocket. He shot from the corner and watched the ball finally slide easily into the basket. He ran to get it, trying from the other corner and barely missing. He went up for an easy layup and let the ball bounce away as he stood under the basket, hands on his hips once more.  



	2. Chapter 2

Jade knew she had to find a job, but that required getting up, showering, getting dressed, and leaving the comfort and safety of her new home.  
  
Her stomach grumbled. She needed to do groceries as well.  
  
She continued to lay on her towel, feeling the small imprints of its pattern against the back of her thigh. She could trace the pattern with her finger and found it a more fascinating endeavor than getting up and beginning her day.  
  
Perhaps she would have stayed on her floor forever if there hadn't been a knock on her door. She sat straight up and listened again, hoping it was just a one-time thing.  
  
The knock was more intent the second time, and she pushed her body up and tried to smooth down the curls and waves on her head into something presentable.  
  
"Who is it?" She asked as she grasped the doorknob and tried to peer through the keyhole. Unfortunately dirt and grime had made it opaque.  
  
"Your neighbor," came a male voice that sounded young and jovial.  
  
Jade opened the door and found a blond guy who looked about her age, if not younger.  He wore a loose fitting tank top with a smiley face on it and even looser fitting shorts, all which made him look younger and skinnier than she suspected he was.  
  
"Welcome to the neighborhood," he said as he flashed a toothy grin and blinked his blue eyes at her. "I'm Niall. I live next door."  He motioned his right thumb to his right. "Do you like cats?"  
  
"Oh," Jade said not awake enough to follow his train of thought. "No. I mean, I do, but the landlord said no cats, so I can't have one." She sounded ridiculous. Like a five-year-old telling this guy that her parents had said no to her having pets.  
  
"Right," Niall said.  He nodded as if he understood her special dialect of language.  "So like I've got two cats and I have to go out of town for a couple of days. If I leave you my key would you mind checking up on them? They're mean, but they'll like you I'm sure. You know what? Don't even worry about it, they'll like you and everything will be cool. Forget I mentioned the mean part."  
  
Jade wondered if this was a test or a set-up of some sort. She peeked her head out to see if the landlord was standing around.  
  
"I thought we couldn't have pets," she said confused.  
  
"Well that's why I'm asking you for the favor and not the landlord. Want to come meet them? You probably should so they don't hiss at you while I'm gone."  
  
Jade felt more confused, but she followed him anyway next door and into his apartment which had furniture and belongings and actually looked lived in by a normal human. What a concept.  
  
A large flat screen TV sat on an entertainment center with both an Xbox and a Playstation. Bookshelves bracketed the entertainment center and Jade was surprised to see them full of decent books, mostly of the art variety.  Abstract artwork with blocks of color, ominous shadows, and lines that formed nondescript people, lined the walls of the apartment.  
  
"This is Walter and this is Crazy Cat," Niall said pointing out two cats, one orange and one half black and half white, that made Jade coo. She crouched down and began to put her hand out when they both hissed at her.  
  
"Told you," Niall said. "This one's mine," he said picking up Crazy Cat who was still glaring down at Jade, even as he was risen above her. "That one's my girlfriend's."  
  
"Do you really call him Crazy Cat?" Jade asked standing.  
  
"CC," Niall said rubbing CC's head.  
  
"Why are they so mean?"  
  
"Why is anyone mean really? I mean we’re all just born with our personalities aren't we?" He said as he put CC down. "Do you want some water? Soda? Beer? We have sangria somewhere."  
  
"Water's fine," she said wondering if she could get away with asking him for some food.  
  
"So where you from?" Niall asked as he handed her a glass of water.  
  
"I just moved here from Maryland," Jade said as she took a larger sip than she had intended. She hadn't realized how thirsty she was.  
  
"Nice. I'm from Virginia myself."  
  
"Really?" Jade said surprised.  
  
"Yep, military brat. Dad was stationed at Quantico. Here let me get you more water," he said taking the glass from her hand before she could protest.  
  
"Thanks," Jade said smiling at him with slightly pink cheeks. "Is your girlfriend from Virginia also?"  
  
"DC," Niall nodded. "She's not a military brat. Just a DC brat."  
  
Jade laughed and thanked him for the new glass of water.  
  
"You want something to eat? We have some hummus..." he said as he opened the fridge.  
  
"It's that obvious isn't it?" Jade said feeling self-conscious. "Do I look homeless?"  
  
"Well you just moved in. I figured you hadn't had a chance to buy groceries yet or anything," he said thoughtfully. He pulled down a bowl to fill with hummus and pita chips for her. "You can take it with you and just bring the bowl back later."  
  
"Thanks," Jade said. "You're really nice."  
  
"I try. My girlfriend's not as nice. We balance each other out."  
  
"Oh," Jade said and then Niall smiled and shook his head.  
  
"Please tell me you're not that gullible."  
  
"Well how would I know?" Jade protested and Niall popped a pita chip in his mouth before closing up the bag and putting it away.  
  
"My girlfriend's a saint. You'll love her. Her name is Leigh-Anne. She's in DC for the week visiting her family, but I know you guys will hit it off when she gets back."  
  
"I can't wait to meet her."  
  
"So the cats. You in?"  
  
"Oh. Yeah no problem. Walter, me, and CC will be friends in no time I'm sure."  
  
Niall's laugh at her statement didn't brew confidence, but she shrugged and smiled anyway. She just hoped that this was her first friend she had made, and not just a neighbor buttering her up so she'd do him a favor.  
  
#  


The old man kept calling, so Louis headed over to his dad's house and hoped his dad’s girlfriend wasn't around. He wasn't good at pretending to like people if he didn't like them.  
  
"I just got back in town," his dad explained to him as he led him to the living room to take a seat. Louis didn't even have a room in his dad's house.  That thought was always the first one on his mind whenever he walked through the obnoxiously large black door of the house.  
  
"Good for you," Louis smarted as he left his shades on and sat in a black leather armchair.  
  
His father fixed himself something from the living room’s mini bar and Louis looked over at this week's magazine selections.  The standard trades were on the black coffee table: _Variety_ , _Hollywood Reporter_ , _Billboard_ , and scattered about were financial magazines and select entertainment mind-candy reads. The entire living room was a juxtaposition of serious business and escapement. Black furniture contrasted against the white walls and wall to wall windows that allowed all the light of LA to shine in.  
  
Louis hadn't grown up in this house. When his parents were still together they had lived in Beverly Hills in a more modest mansion with no city views. After the divorce, his dad had upgraded, moving up the hill.  On a clear day, he could see both downtown and the ocean.

It didn't feel like home.

"Are you excited to start law school in the fall?" His dad sat down and watched him carefully.  
  
"No, but you are."  
  
"I really think this is going to be a great experience for you.”  
  
Louis played with the tiny fringe of a friendship bracelet Perrie had made him as a high school graduation present. It was her favorite color, red, intertwined with his favorite color, green, and he was well aware that it clashed with everything he wore which was why he usually didn’t wear it.  For some reason he felt the need to have it on that day.  
  
"So is that why you wanted me to come over?" He asked looking up at the man that he resembled too much. He knew he'd end up looking like his dad when older. It was inevitable.  
  
"I just want to see where your head is with this.  And I want to make sure you have everything you need for when you start. I can get you a new laptop. Or a tablet?"  
  
"I just need new clothes. I want to make a bold fashion statement when I walk into my first class. I'm thinking of wearing leather pants and mesh shirts each day."  
  
"You have to take this seriously."  
  
"I take my fashion choices very seriously."  
  
Louis' father just stared at him and Louis knew that his dad was trying to get a glimpse into his mind, trying to reconnect with him mentally after Louis had created a large rift between him and his parents two years ago.  Unfortunately, things had already been rocky between them by the time they had received the phone call that their only son was in the hospital after a failed suicide attempt.  
  
Louis ran his hand through his straight brown hair and stared right on back.  
  
"I think that you need to take some time to really think about your life," his father said and Louis rolled his eyes, even as his father continued to explain, “No, I just mean that you need to learn to take care of yourself."  
  
"By being a lawyer. I got it."  
  
"The world can be anything you want it to be, and yet you’d rather hang around with your friends and waste your nights away."  
  
"I waste my days as well," Louis smarted.  
  
Louis looked up at his father and watched him run his hand through his own brown hair. That was definitely his future he was staring at.  
  
"Well this has been fun, Dad, but I have to go be a loser now,” Louis said as he stood up.  “Plus I have to pick up my loser friend from his loser actor job."  
  
"Louis." His dad grabbed his forearm as he passed by. "I'm not saying don't have fun. I want you to enjoy your life and live it to the fullest.  I want you to be happy and have what you want. All I'm asking is that you take a small moment of your time to consider your future. You will have to give up certain things you're used to. Choose those things before life chooses them for you."  
  
Louis pulled his arm away more for show since his father had started to let go, and he left the house and sped away in his car, turning his sound system all the way up to drown out his father’s words in his mind.  
  
#  
  
Liam realized that the problem with his plan of avoiding his friends, was that he didn’t really know anyone else in the city he had grown up in.  His life had always been so intertwined with Louis’ ambitions, Perrie’s lifestyle, and Jesy’s dreams, that he had never had a chance to build a life of his own outside of them.  That’s part of what New York had been about.  But what he had built there had collapsed, and now he was back, feeling alone and finding it difficult to imagine how he was supposed to build his own life in a city where his three best friends existed.  If he could even still call them that. 

So he called Harry instead, and they agreed to meet at the Coffee Bean near the studio where he was filming. 

"How's it going, man?" Liam asked looking Harry over. "You look rough. What kind of role is this?"  
  
"The kind where I get beat up a lot. It's a crime thing. You look good, man. You beefed up even more."  
  
Liam shrugged and played with the lid of his coffee cup.  He only knew Harry casually.  When Liam had come home from college for summer vacation after his sophomore year had ended, he had been curious to meet the guy that Louis had kept talking about in his random texts to him.  Letting people into their inner circle had never been Louis’ style, or any of theirs really, but Liam had thought that it was due in part to the sudden appearance of Perrie’s new boyfriend.  At least Liam had hoped that Harry had been brought in to counteract the existence of Zayn and not to be his replacement. 

"Working out gets my mind off things," Liam said.  
  
"And what things are we trying to get our mind off?"  
  
Liam shrugged again.  He had been hoping to find out about his friends, but he probably should’ve prepared for some questions.

“Being back here isn’t what I had planned after college,” he explained.  “I thought I’d make it in New York, prove to myself I could make it anywhere.”  
  
“I hear ya, Frankie,” Harry said nodding at him with his coffee cup before taking another drink from it. “I was a little surprised to hear you were coming back.”  
  
“How did you guys hear?  Jesy’s been texting me non-stop since I pretty much landed.” 

“Your mom mentioned something to Louis’ mom who mentioned it to us while we were over there for dinner.  I told everyone else.”  
  
“She still makes you guys her amazing dinners?”  
  
“It’s her secret weapon. The only way she can lure Louis home.”  
  
Liam shook his head and almost said something shitty about Louis, but he kept it to himself. Harry already knew how he felt about how Louis treated his parents, and for that matter, anyone that cared about him.  
  
“How’s he doing?” Liam hated that he asked, but he couldn’t help it. Habit.  
  
“Same as usual,” Harry said not judging him for the question. Harry never seemed to judge, and that was the thing that had made Liam comfortable with the idea of him being let into the crew. “Sometimes I think he’s got it all figured out, other times I think he needs someone to hold his hand and make sure he gets across the street okay.”  
  
“Well some things don’t change I guess.”  
  
“Maybe,” Harry said with a neutral shrug before shifting his legs to get even more relaxed than he already appeared. “So what brought you back? You still haven’t explained.”

“I’m not sure I’m in the mood to explain.”  
  
“Well how about I play detective?”  Harry said, leaning forward and clasping his hands on the table as Liam caught his green eyes staring into his brown ones. “It’s good for this role I’m doing.”  
  
“You’re playing a detective?”  
  
“Not exactly. So okay, we know you were all gung ho about starting your New York life.  You had a job interview with this big firm right?  And wait, you also had this kick ass internship.  Why didn’t they hire you?  Did they find out about your other interview?  Were they rivals?  Was insider trading involved?  How far off base am I?”  
  
Liam smiled at how seriously Harry was taking this investigation into his life.

“I had a job interview.  Yes.  I had a great internship.  Yes.  The internship didn’t keep me on after my semester ended, and my interview didn’t pan out.  None of my interviews panned out.  You know what they all told me?  That I didn’t have what it took to handle Wall Street.  I didn’t seem invested enough.  So I spent four years investing myself in something that no one thinks I’m invested in.”

“Ouch,” Harry said, shaking his head in sympathy.  “That’s not cool, man.  They should’ve given you a chance.”

“Why waste their time when they had fifty guys in line behind me ready to do anything for the jobs?  I should’ve quit while I was ahead.”

“So what are you going to do now?”

Liam picked up his coffee cup and took a sip.  He had no idea.

“I’m trying to figure it out,” he said.  His mind drifted to thoughts of the other reason he had left New York.  He was glad Harry either didn’t know or didn’t think to ask about it.

“You should do extra work.  Keep me company on set.”

Liam smiled and shook his head.

“I don’t think I have what it takes to do that.” 

Liam remembered him and Louis running lines with Harry once to help him prepare for a big audition.  Louis had had a better knack for it than Liam.  Louis probably had what it took to get a Wall Street job as well.

“I think you have a lot more going on with your talents than you give yourself credit for,” Harry stated, staring right at him.  “How’d your dad take the news of you coming back?”

His dad’s look of disappointment returned to him as if he was witnessing it in the present moment.  The worst part had come as his dad nodded at him with his hands on his hips and said, “I had a feeling.”  A feeling.  A feeling that his own kid hadn’t inherited every great trait that he or his wife had.  Liam had gone for a walk after that and had managed to avoid seeing his dad since then.  It had been a few days.  He bet he could keep it up for at least a few more.

“He’s my dad.  He took it the way he would.”

Harry’s face contorted into a sympathetic grimace, and the curly-haired actor leaned forward and reached out to give his arm a pat.

“You’ll be good.  He’ll get over it.  Everything will work out.”

“Okay, Detective,” Liam said with a smirk, and Harry laughed.

“So are we going to see you at the club tonight?”  Harry asked him.

Liam shook his head.  The club was the last place he wanted to be, even if he couldn’t think of a better place to go.

“You’re missed,” Harry told him.  “Just so you know.”

Liam doubted that.  Maybe Jesy missed him.  Maybe a part of Perrie missed him.  But he knew Louis probably didn’t miss him.

“I should get going,” Liam said, checking the time on his cell phone.

“Yeah, I have to get back on set,” Harry agreed.

“It was good catching up.  Maybe we should do it again.”

“Definitely, man.”

Liam didn’t know if hanging out with Harry would be a good idea.  He imagined Louis would be suspicious of it.  He wished he didn’t care what Louis thought.

#

Jade needed to get out of the house, and having gone over to the neighbor’s to meet some cats didn’t count.  She showered and washed her hair, thankful that the lack of humidity would be kind to her curls for once in her life.  That was the thing she had most loved about the idea of coming out to LA.  Her hair might have a fighting chance at looking decent without having to spend hours on it.

She fussed with the lock for a few minutes before it finally slid into place and started her stroll around her new neighborhood.  It looked residential, but the high volume of cars crossing in front of her building made it seem like anything but.

Jade took in the shops closest to her: a pharmacy, a nail salon, an insurance broker, a small deli that caught her attention.  There was a gas station on the corner and she had to check the price twice to make sure she wasn’t hallucinating.  She certainly wasn’t in Maryland anymore.

The deli smelled of fresh bread, and Jade smiled as she walked in and looked over the selections.  She ordered herself a salami and swiss on a baguette, and picked out some fresh fruits as she waited for the deli guy to make it.  She had tried to budget how much she could spend before things got dire, and put back a bag of her favorite chips when she thought about how tight she needed to keep her spending.  She had to rectify this job situation soon.

The deli guy gave her a wink and told her to take care of herself, and she smiled and thanked him, paying for her items and walking back to the apartment.  However, instead of going to her home, she headed straight to her car.

She knew her destination and blasted her radio when she finally found a station that played a song she liked.  She preset the station into her car stereo and felt more like an Angeleno now that she had her first radio station programmed.  She felt even more like one when she found herself driving along the beach and taking in the view while trying to avoid hitting the car in front of her.  The first moment she got to turn into a parking lot, she did so, taking her sandwich, apple, and snack grape juice box with her to the shoreline.

It was beautiful.

With the sun warm, the breeze comforting, and the Pacific Ocean cool as it washed up onto her bare feet, Jade enjoyed her lunch and tried to think of what she needed to do.  Yes, she had told the landlord she was a writer, but she wasn’t a paid writer.  She wasn’t a published writer.  Writing didn’t pay her rent.  She hoped having a college degree could at least get her a temp job answering phones or something. 

And even thinking about the uncertainty of her life couldn’t keep the smile off her face as she stared out at the Pacific Ocean.  She most certainly wasn’t in Maryland anymore.

#

Harry got into Louis’ car and said, “I had coffee with Liam.  He looks bummed, but well.  Asked how you were doing.  Told me why he’s back.  How was your day?”

Louis blinked his electric blue eyes a few time, making sure this conversation was real and that he wasn’t just hallucinating Harry getting into his car talking about Liam.

“You seriously just got in my car saying all that?”

“You seriously going to be a baby about it?  Just drive.  I’m starving.”

Louis rolled his eyes and sped off, cursing every time someone had the audacity to slow him down with their careful driving.  He didn’t care.  He didn’t care.  He really didn’t care.  And yet, he couldn’t stop himself from asking.

“So why’s he back?”

“I think that’s a conversation you should have with him.”

“I’m not having any conversation with him.”

“Yeah okay.”

“I’m not.  That friendship’s long over.  I don’t know why all of you don’t let it go.”

“Because you two haven’t let it go.  You two are playing this stupid game like you guys were a couple that broke up.  Him contacting me was his way of feeling out where we stand with him.  Where you stand with him really.”

“Well you can go be his new best friend all you want.  Take Jesy with you.  She gets wet anytime anyone says his damn name.”

“You’re an asshole,” Harry said turning the radio up louder.

Louis drove faster and got lost in the song that played.  He didn’t have to think about anything.  No worries.  All he had to do was drive.


	3. Chapter 3

Louis knew the look that Perrie gave him.  The little smirky pout, head tilted, finger curling the bottom of her blonde hair look.  The look that said his services were required please pretty please with a cherry on top.

“What is it?”  Louis asked after letting her in and returning to his balcony where he had been laying in his lounge chair. His shades were doing little to block out the bright light as he rested off his hangover.

“Jesy has this amazing idea for your club night this Friday,” Perrie said, pulling up a chair right beside him, so close her knee touched his arm as she practically spoke into his face.

“Jesy never has amazing ideas.”

“Shush.  So you know how we’ve been working on our clothing line?  And Jesy’s designed the absolute cutest clothes you’ve ever seen? Jesy thinks we should put on a fashion show during the night to promote our line.  The warehouse you booked is the best venue ever, and it can be a club, fashion show, rave thing.  Like make it a night to remember.”

“Doesn’t the initial concept of a dark rave in a warehouse seem counterintuitive to highlighting clothes?”

“No!  Does it?  You know I don’t know anything about things like that.  Just do it please?  For Jesy?  For me?”

Louis would’ve rolled his eyes if he knew it wouldn’t make his headache worse.  He knew he could sit there for hours explaining to Perrie what was required to make her fashion show happen in such short notice and it would all go over her head.  So he closed his eyes and lay his head back against his chair again.

“Sure, babe.  I’ll make it happen.”

He could feel her happiness upon his cheek as she gave him a quick kiss of gratitude.  She got up and said something about running over to Jesy’s to tell her the good news.  A fucking fashion show rave thing?  He had no idea why he entertained the madness of his friends.

#

Jade tried to reason with CC that she just wanted to refill his water bowl, but the black and white cat glared at her and hissed anytime she came near his feeding area.  There had to be some treats in the place.  She opened the cupboards and found a lot of organic offerings in the form of dried fruits and trail mixes, but no sign of cat-friendly items.

A knock on the door startled her and she rushed over to the wicker divider in the little dining area and pulled it open as much as she could, hoping it covered the evidence of the cats.  She glanced back as she walked to the door and realized that Walter was peeking out curiously from behind it.  So much for that idea.  She just wouldn’t open the door all the way.

The only person she expected to see was the landlord, probably wondering why she was in her neighbor’s empty apartment after only two days of residence.  She had excuses at the ready as she cracked the door open and peeked through to see a set of brown eyes, a chiseled face from the very pages of _GQ_ , and black hair that seemed eccentric as it fell around the offending knocker’s face.  Jade had intended to say, “Can I help you?” but all that came out was “Ummuhm.”

“Hey,” the dictionary definition of tall, dark, and handsome said.  Although if Jade was honest with herself, handsome wasn’t quite the right word.  Beautiful.  This man was beautiful.

“Ummuhm,” Jade said.

“Is Niall in?”

Jade shook her head.  What was this guy?  Freakin’ Los Angeles, was this city for real?  People that looked like that just walked around like it was normal for them to look like that?  Maybe she was still sleeping.

“Do you know when he’ll be back?”

Jade realized two things at that moment.  First, this wasn’t the landlord.  Second, she was being rude and hadn’t even invited Beautiful in. 

“Sorry,” Jade said finally finding her voice.  She opened the door fully so he could step in.  “I’m cat sitting for Niall for a couple of days.  He had to go somewhere, though come to think of it, I’m not sure where he went.  I don’t think he ever said.”  Close the door, Jade, close the door.  She closed the door because she knew she was starting to look very dumb standing there staring at him and holding onto the doorknob as if it was the only thing keeping her weak knees from causing her legs to collapse from under her.

“Ah,” he said.  “That was this week?  I thought it was next week.  My bad.”

“It’s okay.  Uh, maybe you can help me actually.  I’m trying to refill the water bowl for the cats but they’re being mean.”

Beautiful smiled and headed right over to the cats who sauntered up to him and rubbed their soft, adorable, suddenly non-mean faces against the calf of his jeans.  Of course the cats loved him.  She couldn’t blame them.

“Well, at least they like you,” she remarked, crossing her arms and watching him as he reached down to pick both cats up and nuzzle their noses with his own.

“I’m their favorite uncle,” he said before asking the cats how their day had been.  They meowed in reply and Jade decided that she was in the presence of the most perfect man in the world.  He even spoke cat.  No one could beat that.  No one.

He took on the task of refilling their water bowl and food, then came back over to where Jade stood.

“Sorry, I didn’t introduce myself,” he said reaching a hand out to shake.  Jade looked down at the hand and noticed faint colorful discolorations that could only have been caused by many encounters with paints and markers and other fun art supplies.  He was an artist.  As if he couldn’t get any more interesting.  "I’m Zayn.”

And Beautiful had a beautiful name?  Zayn?  Of course his name wasn’t George, or Herbert, or Bill.  It was Zayn.  Like some sort of art god’s name.

“Jade,” she said, shaking his warm hand.  “I just moved in next door.  Like literally just moved in.”

“Where’d you move from?”  He seemed to be genuinely interested and not just asking to be polite.

Jade pouted slightly when he slipped his hand away from hers.

“Maryland.  Bethesda.  I mean, you know, Bethesda, Maryland.  How about you?”

“I’m from the area.  Do you know where Torrance is?”

Jade shook her head.

“It’s a bit south from here.  Like heading toward Long Beach.”

“Oh, I’ve heard of Long Beach.  Not that I’ve been there or know where it is.”

“Probably a good thing,” he said with a smile that just about gave Jade a heart attack.  What on Earth?

Jade knew what she’d be writing about tonight.  Zayn, the boy she thought was perfect, and then he smiled the most heavenly smile she had ever seen and flat out killed her.  She’d be writing from the grave.  Was he taken?  Please don’t let him be taken.  Who was she kidding?  A guy like this?  She had a duffel bag full of clothes to her name.  She had no business thinking this guy would ever be interested in her.  She didn’t even have a sofa.  How would she ever be able to invite him over?  She wouldn’t even be able to offer him a cup of water.

“You alright?”  He asked as his brown eyes squinted a little in concern.

“What?  Yeah?  I’m fine.  I was just thinking of something I had to do later on tonight.”

“Yeah?  Big plans?”  He asked as he comfortably rested his hands in his jeans pockets.

“Um, you know, getting my place together kind of stuff.”

Zayn nodded.  Zayn.  She still couldn’t get over how much she loved his name.

“Do you have big plans?”  She jumped in and asked before she mentally talked herself out of being so nosy.  She wanted to know everything about him.  She wanted to drive to Torrance and see what it was all about.  It must be a magical place to produce a specimen like him.  Oh my God, were there more like him down there?  What if everyone in Torrance looked like him?  She’d die.

“The usual,” he said with a little shrug.  “Whatever club my girl wants to go to.  She always knows the right club for the night.”

And there it was.  The big rush of water pouring out from the breached dam of truth.  His girl.  And his girl happened to always know the right club for the night.  That made perfectly good sense and Jade sighed inwardly.  Everything seemed to be back to normal now.  Guys like him went out at night with their perfect girlfriends, and girls like Jade sat in an empty apartment writing about guys like him going out at night with their perfect girlfriends.

“Sounds fun.”

He shrugged again.

“It is what it is.  If you’re not doing anything tonight you should check it out.  Here, give me your number,” he said as he took out his phone from his jeans.

She didn’t hesitate to recite her digits.

“Alright.  I’ll text you where it is and you can come by if you’re not too busy.”

“Okay,” she said because she certainly wasn’t going to say, “Busy?  Not only am I not going to be busy writing about you all night, but I also have absolutely nothing in my duffel bag that’s club worthy.”

He headed to the door and Jade wanted to stop him and find a reason to keep him around longer.  Maybe she could play the “The cats will kill me if you leave” card.

“Thanks for helping me out with the cats,” she said instead as she held the door open for him.

“No problem.  If you need any more help with them, just let me know.  I texted you my number back.”

“Okay,” she said hoping she didn’t sound too excited by the fact that she now had his number.  “Thanks again.”

“No worries.”

And then he was gone.  Just like that.  Zayn from Torrance.  Zayn with the brown eyes, shaggy black hair, faded-paint hands, and electrifying smile.

She sensed she was being watched, and Jade looked down to see both CC and Walter sitting beside her and staring up at her, as if they were judging her, as if they couldn’t believe she let Zayn get away from them.  She was such a failure.

***

Liam jogged up the dirt path, pushing himself to go up the last incline on the hill.  He had experience jogging through these trails, and somehow they never seemed to get easier.  He had missed them honestly.  New York didn’t have hills that rewarded your jogging efforts with amazing views of the city.  New York had gyms, but gyms never felt quite right.

He rounded the bend as he heard his phone ring and debated letting it go, but he needed the breather and he pulled the phone out of his shorts and picked up the call just as he noticed Jesy’s face on the screen.  Now he really wished he had ignored it.

Okay, that wasn’t fair.  He knew it wasn’t fair.  Jesy was sweet.  Jesy always meant well. 

“Hello?”

“Liam!”

He held the phone away from his ear, letting his ear drum momentarily recover.

“You finally picked up!”

“I did,” he said, carefully testing how close he could hold the phone without permanent hearing loss.

“I’ve missed you.  Why haven’t you shown your face around?”

“I’ve been a little busy trying to find a job and stuff,” he lied as he looked out at the city and down at the pale green brushes that sloped down the side of the hill.

“That sounds harsh,” Jesy said.  “I just wanted to make sure you’re coming Friday night to Louis’ thing.  His rave club night that he’s putting on downtown.  You’re coming right?”

Liam looked up at the hazy, blue sky and wished he could just hang up.  But he’d feel guilty.

“I’m not sure…”

“Liam, come on.  Perrie and I are going to debut pieces from our new line.  And honestly, it’d be really great to see you again.  People miss you.”

Liam had a feeling she was saying “people” to be nice.

“I’m really not sure, Jesy.  My parents might have dinner plans.”

“Your parents won’t have dinner plans at midnight.”

“They’re really judging me right now.  It would look really irresponsible for me to go to a club when I haven’t even found a job yet.”

Jesy sighed and Liam bit his full, bottom lip as he kicked at the dirt.

“You know, Liam,” she finally said.  “I wonder.”

“You wonder what?”

“You’ve always been the responsible one.  Yet, it doesn’t seem to have gotten you anywhere.  I just wonder when you’ll let yourself be a little irresponsible.  Just once.  Just for yourself.  I don’t know, it just seems a little sad.”

Liam blinked, wishing he had the right words to counter her statement, but she had him pegged.  Jesy had always known him too well.

“I have to go,” Liam stated, and he heard her cut in quick before he hung up.

“I’m sorry.  That was out of line.  I just…I want you to be happy.  And I miss you, and I just want to see you again.  Come on, for a few minutes at least please?  Just see our clothes.  Tell me what you think of them.  I’d like an honest opinion.”

If he said yes, he’d be committed to going.  Liam wasn’t the type to back out of a promise.  He should say no.  It was the responsible thing to do.

“I’ll think about it.  I have to go.  Take care of yourself, babe,” he said and hung up before she could say another word.

Liam took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he stared at the bustle of the city beneath him.  He wished he had stayed in New York.

***

Louis stood in the middle of the warehouse he had rented out for Friday night.  Most of the modifications he had asked for had already been made, and he had just finished what was probably his hundredth phone call of the evening.  Things would be ready.  Things would be perfect.  And then they’d open the doors and all hell would break loose.  That was his favorite part.  The line outside, the rush of people, the music driving them, the beat of the songs providing directions for how they should move, how they should drink, how they should impress, how they should fuck, how they should spend money, how they should have the time of their life.  He loved it all.

“Knock knock,” came Perrie’s voice as it echoed around the empty metal walls, bounced off the exposed plumbing, and reverberated down to his ears.  Louis thought Perrie was her own song, her own rhythm, her own beat.

“Came to figure out your fashion show set up?”  He asked pointing toward the space where a small stage had been erected.

“Came to check up on you,” she said.  The clicks of her red Jimmy Choo’s on the concrete floor was the start of a melody he had heard many times before.  She was striding with purpose, as if things could go all wrong if she didn’t get to him in time.

“I’m in my element.  What’s to check up on?”

“Still,” she said giving him a small kiss on the cheek as her blue eyes inspected him.  “I wanted to warn you.  Jesy got a hold of Liam and invited him to Friday night.  She got the impression he might actually show.”

“He won’t show.”

“But he might.  That was a problem the two of you always had.  Neither of you quite understood the either.  He might show.  Accept that.”

“I need all of you to stop trying to make Liam happen.”

Perrie touched her perfectly manicured hands to his arm and forced him to look her in the eyes.

“Are you going to be okay if he shows?”

Louis fought the urge to roll his eyes and provided a smirk instead, wrapping an arm around her slight shoulders.

“I’m always okay, babe.  You know that.”

He kissed the top of her head and looked out at the stage he had built for her as she wrapped her arms around his waist.  He was always okay.  Perrie was always okay.  Everyone was always okay.  The only person who never seemed to be okay was Liam.  He hoped he didn’t show.


	4. Chapter 4

Leigh-Anne was Jade’s favorite person in the world.  She was her new best friend.  She was the reason that she hadn’t packed up and left after days of not hearing back from the temp agency or any job she had applied to.  She had only known Leigh-Anne for two days, but it felt as if she had known her forever.  Their first exchange had involved Leigh-Anne coming over to introduce herself, bringing food and making herself at home as she asked Jade what her favorite things were.  She made Jade feel at ease and comfortable, and Jade spilled all her likes, becoming more excited each time Leigh-Anne proclaimed, “Me too!”

Leigh-Anne was also the reason that Jade was next door, in Niall and Leigh-Anne’s closet, trying on anything and everything for this thing she was getting dragged to tonight.  No matter how much she complained that she wouldn’t even be able to help pay for parking or buy herself a drink, Leigh-Anne wouldn’t listen.  Instead she forced her into the closet to pick out an outfit.

“Trust me,” Leigh-Anne said as she applied a pale, golden eye shadow that made her brown eyes pop. Jade could see her across the way from the closet, and still couldn’t get over how gorgeous the girl was.  She had been shocked to learn she wasn’t an actress or singer or anything that required her kind of beauty to be part of the job description.  “If I didn’t have to go, I wouldn’t go to this thing either.  You’re going to be my sanity tonight.  It’s going to be so nice to have someone there that I actually want to hang out with.”

“I will not take that personally,” Niall said as he came into the room, texting someone as he walked toward the bed to sit on it.  In true male fashion, he was already dressed and ready to go.

“No one told your best friend to go start dating a socialite,” Leigh-Anne said to him.  She primped her black, curly hair as she explained to Jade, “Zayn makes us go to these things because he can’t stand his girlfriend’s friends.”

Jade wanted to tell Leigh-Anne so badly how much she was looking forward to seeing Zayn again, but she didn't think it was shareable.  Not even with her new best friend of two days.

“To be fair,” Niall said, “We don’t go to everything.  Just the ones that are so unbearable that Zayn feels compelled to bribe us to go by bringing us food and drinks.  Make sure and have some of that Moscato he brought us before we leave.  It’s delicious.”

“Then,” Leigh-Anne continued for Jade’s sake, “I spend the night bored because Zayn and Niall go into their own little world and I have to listen to the most superficial conversations on the planet courtesy of Princess Perrie and her lady in waiting, Jesy.”

“I think Jesy holds her own,” Niall said with a shrug.

Jade wanted to know all about Princess Perrie.  Everything.  She wanted to know what Zayn found attractive and why.  Not because she was going to try and do anything about it.  It was research.  For her novel.  Of course.

“How long have they been together?”  Jade asked as she pulled on a little black dress.  She couldn’t go wrong with a little black dress could she?  The other great thing about her new best friend was that they had similar body types, were the same height, and wore the same size.  They could’ve passed for twins if Jade had been born with darker skin instead of being a heterogeneous hybrid of too many nationalities to count.

“Like two years and a half or so.  Right, babe?”

Niall nodded his affirmation and added, “Longer than anyone would’ve thought.”

“They don’t seem compatible at all,” Leigh-Anne explained as Jade found another little dress that was blue and glittery.  “You’ll know what I mean when you meet her.  Zayn’s a sweetie, and Perrie…is not.”

“So what does he see in her?”  Jade figured she might as well ask while they were on the topic.

“What does any artist see in superficial, tall blondes that make a whole life out of looking better than anyone else?”  Leigh-Anne said rhetorically.

Jade nodded in understanding.  She knew about the power of muses.

Jade closed the closet door enough to change into the dresses she had picked out, and after stepping out twice to show them both off, and getting two so-so reactions, Leigh-Anne walked into the closet herself and whipped through the items hanging until she pulled out a tiny red dress that appeared to be made out of satin.

“Are you crazy?” Jade asked looking at her with wide brown eyes.  “I can’t wear that.”

“You have to wear this.  You’re going to look amazing in it.  I want your first night out with us to be a night you remember, and you will remember it if you wear this dress.”

“I’ll be self-conscious the whole night if I wear that dress.  Is it even a dress?  It’s more like lingerie.”

“No it’s not.  Stop being a prude and just put it on.  Niall will let you know if it works on you or not.” 

After having the dress shoved into her hands by Leigh-Anne, Jade felt she had no choice but to acquiesce.  She slipped the thin dress on, loving how the satin fabric caressed her skin.  She felt like she was wearing nothing and was too shy to step out of the closet.

“It doesn’t fit!” She yelled out, rushing to pull it off before Leigh-Anne could come in and check for herself, but as if anticipating that this would be Jade’s reaction, Leigh-Anne pulled the closet door open and stopped her.  Jade noted this as a drawback of them being too similar.

Leigh-Anne tugged the dress back down and took Jade’s hand to pull her out into Niall’s view.

“Holy shit,” Niall said.  “Babe, you know I love that dress.  Why haven’t you worn it since that one time?”

“Because we’ve been together long enough that I don’t need to impress you anymore.  Jade, however, is new in town and needs to meet some hot guys.  I think we have a winner.”

“I don’t know…” Jade began, but Leigh-Anne cut her off.

“Get started on your hair while I find the right shoes for the dress.  Go.”

“Babe,” Niall said standing up and stretching as if giving them a cue that if they didn’t hurry, he was just going to pass out and let them go alone, “You know who isn’t going to like that dress.”

“Oh I know,” Leigh-Anne said as she came out of the closet with a pair of gold strap sandal heels that looked about four and a half inches high.

“Who?”  Jade asked.  She styled her hair in long brown waves and brushed them toward the front of her shoulders, hoping it helped cover up some of her nakedness.

“Princess Perrie,” Leigh-Anne said pulling some of Jade’s hair back behind her shoulder.

“Why?”  Jade asked looking with confusion at Niall through the mirror.

“Red’s her color,” Niall said with a smirk.  “Leigh-Anne calls her the Queen of Hearts.  Hope you’re ready to spend some time in Wonderland, Alice.”

Jade was definitely not ready for that.

#

In the end, it came down to a flipped coin. 

Heads he’d go. 

Tails he’d stay home. 

He flipped the coin. 

Best two out of three.

#

It was the right kind of turnout.  They had to cut off the line and make people wait, but Louis knew a lot of these people weren’t getting in tonight.  It was so easy to lure people into a trap, he thought.

He had hired one of his favorite local DJs for the night, and he knew that the crowd would not be disappointed.  Maybe if things went smoothly enough, he himself would be able to get on the dance floor and let go for a small moment.  That would be the true sign of a successful event.  He enjoyed being the master of the hypnotic hysteria, but he also enjoyed being caught up in it.  So far tonight was boding well.

“Dude, man, this is crazy,” Harry said coming up to him and giving him a tight hug before addressing the girl Harry always referred to as his “possible girlfriend.”  “Baby, go ahead and head up to VIP while I catch up with Louis for a sec.”  He gave her a kiss on the cheek and told her he’d be right up.

“You gonna make that official anytime soon?” Louis asked, not sure if he cared one way or the other, but asking just the same.

“I take my cues from you, man.  Is Friday here yet?”

“Probably,” Louis said. 

His “days of the week” were pretty good about giving him his space when he was the one throwing the event.  Normally, his girl of the night would be by his side, looking hotter than all the other girls in the club, and distracting the other club promoters enough to give Louis the upper hand in all their business dealings.  But on nights like this, when he was the one behind the magic, all of the girls were invited to make VIP look like every guy’s fantasy.  Only if he had time, did Louis make his way over to say hello.  Since it was a Friday night, he’d find Friday first and give her slightly more attention, maybe he’d get the chance to dance with her before the night was done.

Louis motioned for one of his shot girls to come over so that he and Harry could take some shots together.  Jesy showed up moments later and gave kisses and hugs all around before disappearing to the area Louis had allotted her to get her fashion show in order.  He noticed his days of the week show up intermittently, each girl looking as if she purposely had tried to outdo the other with their tight dresses and perfectly applied make up.  As Saturday walked in, he thought to himself that some of his girls were more effortless at looking perfect than others.  He texted her that she looked great so she knew that he had noticed just in case he didn’t get to tell her that night.

Then, just as the club was vibrating with the energy of bodies, immersing themselves in the extrasensory experiences of the union between music and lights, Perrie walked through the door in a show-stopping red party dress that sparkled and shined and fit her body as if it had been created right on her. 

The party had officially started.

#

The line was endless.  Jade stepped out from the back of Niall’s blue Prius and knew there was no way they could get into this event.  She waited for Niall to get the valet ticket before following him.  To her surprise, instead of heading to the back of the line, he headed to the front.

“Relax,” Leigh-Anne said.  “You look great.  I wouldn’t have led you astray just so you’d be miserable.  We’re going to have a lot of fun.”

“Okay,” Jade said because what else could she say to that?  Leigh-Anne seemed so committed to the cause of Jade having fun.

Niall gave his name to the bouncer who checked a list and motioned for him to get a wristband.  Jade put hers on, and then she was inside and it had all happened so fast that she wasn’t even sure what exactly had happened.  The deafening music and strobes-and-laser light shows almost made her lightheaded as her eyes adjusted to the atmosphere around her.  There were people everywhere, and she anticipated not being able to hear tomorrow.

Niall grabbed Leigh-Anne’s hand, who in turn grabbed Jade’s hand.  Niall led them through the bodies and to the VIP area which apparently their red wristbands granted them access to.  Jade had never been in a VIP area in her life.  What was this and how had she managed it?  All she had done was watch these people’s cats.  Mind blowing.

They stopped at a table, and Jade caught her breath as Zayn got up to pull Niall into a bro hug before greeting Leigh-Anne with a kiss on the cheek.  He then noticed Jade and smiled.

“You made it out,” he said.

God, that smile.  How had she forgotten it?  Her knees went weak again.

“They made me,” Jade said nodding toward Leigh-Anne and Niall.

“Cool,” Zayn said giving her a kiss on the cheek as well and Jade was rendered useless.  He smelled like a freshly showered man who had spent some time playing under a fresh waterfall before drying off under a fresh set of palm tree leaves.

Niall sat in the chair beside Zayn, and Jade sat beside Leigh-Anne at the edge of the table.  Jade looked toward the blonde girl beside Zayn.  She wore a red dress that Jade was pretty sure cost a small fortune.  So this was Perrie.  Zayn’s Perrie.  Was she glaring at her?

“Perrie, this is our new neighbor, Jade,” Leigh-Anne said introducing them.

Perrie gave a curt smile that felt more like a thrown dagger and Jade looked at Zayn to see if he had caught that, but Zayn was caught up in some private conversation with Niall.  They looked like two eight-year-olds working out the schematics for the perfect tree house.

“When’s this fashion show happening?”  Some curly-haired, hipster-looking guy said as he leaned across the table to trade hand slaps with Niall before he sat down.  “Niall, shit, you’re alive.  Hey, Leigh-Anne.” 

“Hey, Harry,” Leigh-Anne said, “This is Jade, my new best friend.”

Harry smiled at her and extended his hand to shake hers.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he said politely. 

Jade smiled thinking he seemed nice enough.  And he seemed to get along fine with Niall and Leigh-Anne which confused her.  She thought they had made it clear that they didn’t like any of Perrie’s friends.  Was this a friend of Zayn’s?  She needed details.

“Hey hon,” Leigh-Anne said to the girl standing beside Harry.  She was a super pretty Asian girl with cropped black hair and a nose ring, and Jade wondered if there was a single non-gorgeous person in these people’s lives.  How had she ended up there again?  Jade started to wonder if Leigh-Anne had brought her along to be the token plain girl.

“Hey,” the girl said a little shyly, as if she didn’t care much for the scene either.

“His possible girlfriend,” Leigh-Anne explained to Jade after Harry and his girl had taken a seat next to Perrie and focused on drinking.

“Possible girlfriend?”  Jade asked noticing Perrie throw more dagger-smirks in her direction as she pretended to care about what Harry was talking to her about.

“He won’t commit to her.  Pulls some bullshit about how his actor life doesn’t afford him the luxury of committing.  The poor girl keeps waiting, but I want to tell her to run.  Don’t get me wrong, Harry’s a nice guy, but this little crew,” she motioned with her eyes to Perrie and Harry, “It’s got issues.  We tried to warn Zayn about getting involved, but you know how it is.  No one listens to the rational people.”

“What kinds of issues?”  Jade asked, but before Leigh-Anne could reply, Jade noticed Perrie’s eyes sparkle as she gave a genuine smile to someone she had seen.  In the few moments she had been in her presence, Jade hadn’t thought the Queen of Hearts capable of that kind of emotion.  Go figure.

Jade followed the smile straight to another pretty guy, and she honestly felt that this shit was just getting downright ridiculous.  This one had straight brown hair, blue eyes as bright as the laser lights around them, and the type of posture that let people know he was probably the most important person in the place.

Jade knew what power looked like.  She had grown up in a house with a man whose power was so extensive he couldn’t see beyond it. This guy walked like her dad.  This guy walked with that kind of power.

“Jesy’s ready to go,” he said addressing Perrie only.  It seemed to Jade that he hadn’t even noticed anyone else sitting there.  “I just wanted to make sure you were good with your view before I gave her the go ahead.”

“It’s perfect,” Perrie said.  “Everything is perfect.”

The guy gave a nod and motioned to some guy a few steps above them before pressing something at his pocket and speaking into the small mic on the cord of his earpiece.

“That’s Louis,” Leigh-Anne said leaning into Jade so she’d hear her.  “He’s the one who put this whole thing together.  He’s also Perrie’s best friend.”

“I can see that,” Jade said, watching as Perrie prissily took a sip of what looked like a cherry martini and turned her attention toward the stage that had been set up.

An emcee came out on the stage to address the crowd as the music lowered a notch in volume.

Jade felt a pair of eyes on her, and she glanced toward Perrie’s direction and found Louis with his arms crossed as if trying to figure out who she was.  She watched him as he leaned down to Harry to ask, and Harry looked over at Jade and smiled before saying something back.  Jade figured he was filling Louis in on who she was.  Louis nodded without any facial reaction and turned his attention back to the stage.

Yep.  She was all too familiar with the type of person Louis was.

#

Liam knew this was a bad idea.

He debated telling the valet to just let him have his keys back and that he’d park himself.  The line went around the block and Liam had no confidence that Louis had let Jesy put his name on the list.

He checked the last text message he got from her.  _I better see you tonight!  Don’t make me cry. :(_

Liam didn’t like making anyone cry.  So he went up to the bouncer, gave him his name, and hoped he didn’t give the people at the front of the line a reason to rag on him for trying to get in before them.

The red velvet rope was unclasped for him and a red wristband was put on his wrist.  Louis always made the VIP wristbands red so that they never clashed with Perrie’s outfit for the night.  Strange how that little consistency actually gave Liam a warm feeling of familiarity he hadn’t felt in a while.

The fashion show had just begun when he walked in, and he took the opportunity to get himself a beer from the bar while people were occupied with watching whatever Jesy had created.  It was Jesy and Perrie’s clothing line, but Jesy was the vision behind it.  Perrie was just the investor.

He leaned against the bar and took a much needed long sip of his beer before looking around to feel out where Louis had put the VIP area. 

Liam knew nothing about fashion, but the crowd seemed to like what they saw.  He thought it all looked like what Jesy and Perrie wore on a regular basis to begin with.  Cheers and accolades were thrown out when Jesy came onto the stage to thank everyone with a bow, and then she motioned to the DJ to bring the music back up exactly to the level that Louis liked it.

If they had still been friends, Liam would’ve leaned into Louis and told him he could go have fun now.

Instead, Liam worked his way toward the stage, trying to figure out where the makeshift backstage area had been set up.  He found it behind a hallway where he heard a lot of fussing happening along with a lot of laughing and loud chatter.

Jesy was in the midst of it all, hugging each model and making a toast with them before she sent them all out to have a great time.  Liam stood flat against the wall, smiling at the girls as they all rushed by.  Once gone, he stepped into the small space that felt more confined due to the racks of clothing.

“Not bad for something you planned in a week,” he said and Jesy’s already large, round, green eyes widened even more before she rushed to him and gave him a tight hug.

“Oh my God,” she simply said, and then she pulled away to look at him.  “Oh my God!  How did you get hotter?”

“It looks like I was just following your lead,” he complimented her.  She had gotten hotter too, but that wasn’t the reason his eyes lingered on her.  He realized he had genuinely missed her.

“Oh my God.  You’re so buff and firm and, Jesus, you’re really walking around like that?  You got taller, too.  It hasn’t even been that long.  God, look at you,” she said just shaking her head and taking him in, “Just look at you.”

“Your clothes looked great,” he said with a smile.

“You have no idea how they looked, you liar,” she said going in for another hug.  He put his arms around her.  A pang of guilt washed through him as he thought about how he had abandoned his friends, but he reminded himself that he had done it for a reason.

“So now that I made my appearance can I go?  You can come with me.  We can hit up an all-night diner and catch up.”

“Tempting,” Jesy said, looking to consider the idea, “But I have a lot of people to talk to out there.  People interested in the clothes.  Some fashion blog people Louis invited for me.  You have to come up and say hi to everyone.”

“How about I not?”

“Liam,” she said.  It was a half whine, half plea.  “You’ve made it this far.  Come on, Zayn’s up there.  You’ve always liked Zayn.  You should say hi to him.”

Liam had always liked Zayn.  That much was true.

“I can’t believe he hasn’t run away screaming yet,” Liam said and Jesy pretended to be shocked by that before laughing and slapping his arm.

“You’re terrible.  Come on.  Do this for me, okay?”

“I already did this for you,” Liam said motioning toward the stage entrance.

“Not good enough.  We have to do at least one shot together with everyone.  It’s a celebration.  And you need to be part of it.  Come on, Liam.  You wouldn’t have showed up if you didn’t really want to be here.”

Liam hated that Jesy was right.  He also hated that the tiny part of him that had wanted to go to the club had beat out the more rational parts of him.

“Just one shot,” Liam said putting his arm around her as he led her out.  Just one shot.


	5. Chapter 5

Liam felt his stomach tighten as they moved closer to VIP, and once the security let them through, he knew there was no turning back.  He tried to get a scan of the lion den to visually prepare himself, but there just hadn’t been enough steps to do so.  Greeted with faces that looked surprised, Jesy barely said, “Guess who I found,” before Harry was up and hugging him tight as if he hadn’t seen him several days ago at the coffee shop.

“Man, this just made my night,” Harry said as he patted his back before letting go.

Liam looked across the table, catching Perrie’s blue eyes first as she looked at him amused that he had bothered to show up.  He shifted his gaze to her left, knowing Louis would be standing there.  Louis’ face looked impassive, which Liam knew meant he was trying to stay in control of the situation.  Poker face.  Never show your cards.  Typical Louis.

Zayn reached across the table to give Liam a hand slap-shake combo.  “It’s good to see you, man,” he said and Liam returned the sentiment before doing the same with Niall. 

“Hey, baby,” LeAnne said as Liam leaned down to give her a small kiss on the cheek in greeting, and then he looked at the girl next to her.  A girl with the audacity or death wish to wear red in Perrie’s presence.  “This is our new neighbor, Jade,” LeAnne said and Liam extended his hand in greeting, as LeAnne said, “And this is Liam,” to Jade.  She reached out her delicate hand and he shook it firmly before leaning in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek as well.

Liam thought she smelled of flowers that seemed they might have been pastel in nature.  Something pale pink or lavender.  Something soft and delicate and so beautiful that people wouldn’t think of how resilient and strong it was as it competed with all the other flowers and ultimately came out victorious.

He let go of Jade’s hand though his eyes lingered on her face as he tried to determine what made her look so exotic. He then looked at Jesy who pat the seat next to her so he’d join her. 

“So,” Jesy said, “Where are my shots?”

“Well, it looks as if we’ll certainly need them,” Perrie smarted as she indicated for Louis to just sit down already.

Louis said something inaudible into his mic and then nestled in safely between Perrie and Harry.   He had probably ordered the shot girl to make a special shot just for Liam made out of vodka and arsenic.

#

Done.  Jade was done.  Completely done.  She could still feel the soft lips on her cheek of the boy, no, the man that had just walked into VIP and caused a storm of tension to blow across their table.  Something was not right in this situation, and Jade hated not knowing all the background.  She also hated that she couldn’t take her eyes off Liam. 

He was Adonis in the flesh.  Some beautiful carving that had been created in a woman’s imagination when she had been at her most vulnerable.  This was not okay.  She reached to grasp her drink and take a sip, needing something to calm her ecstatic emotions.  Jade was surrounded by beauty and tension, and she wanted to be writing it all down before this exact moment no longer felt vivid enough to write about. 

“So what made you show up tonight?”  Louis asked Liam, and a silence fell as everyone at the table looked between the two.  Jade observed that it wasn’t just silence.  It was a stunned hitching of breaths.

Jade looked to Leigh-Anne for explanation, but her friend was as enraptured by the proceedings as everyone else.

“I asked him to come,” Jesy said before Liam could answer.  Not that Liam had looked like he was going to answer in the first place.  God was his arm really as big as it looked?  Did he lift weights every day?  What was he?

“I don’t think I asked you,” Louis said rudely, and Perrie let out a dramatic sigh.

“This is so Cro-Magnon,” Perrie said, and Jade was shocked she knew the word, its meaning, and had used it in a proper context.  “Liam, it really is good to see you.  I’m glad you came out to support our clothing line.  Louis may not be happy to see you, but the rest of us certainly are.”

The shots seemed to have been timed on purpose to come after Perrie’s inspiring white flag speech.  Louis didn’t take his eyes off Liam, but he said nothing else as the shots were passed around.  Liam didn’t have a reaction to Perrie’s words, deciding instead to look around the club.

As his eyes came back around, they caught Jade’s and she mentally cursed herself for staring.  She looked down at her drink.  Great.  Now she was the plain, crazy, stare-y girl.

“To a great fashion show,” Perrie said lifting her shot, and everyone followed suit, “And to an even greater party.”  She smiled at Louis who finally placed his eyes on her and nodded, tapping his shot glass to hers.

They all took their shots and Jade tried really hard not to cough.  She rubbed her chest and realized it was futile to hide the fact that this was not her scene and these were not things she normally did.  Between her drink and this shot, she probably was going to need Leigh-Anne’s assistance to get back down those VIP steps.

“Well I don’t know about all of you, but I’m ready to dance!” Jesy proclaimed as she threw her hand up in the air and let out a “whoo!”

“I’m game,” Harry said, looking over at his possible girlfriend to see if she wanted to as well, which she did.

“Come on, Liam.  I want to see if you picked up any good dance moves in New York.”

New York?  What was he doing in New York?  Why hadn’t Leigh-Anne properly prepped her for tonight?  She needed to know things!

Liam seemed grateful for the out, and he stood up with Jesy to head down to the main dance floor.  Jade wanted to dance also, but she didn’t want to leave the safety of Leigh-Anne’s side, so she was relieved when Leigh-Anne stood up as well.

“Come on, I want to dance, too,” she said motioning for Jade to go with her.

“What about Niall?”  Jade asked.

“He’ll join us later,” she said, then explained as they walked down the steps, “Zayn doesn’t dance, so Niall usually keeps him company while everyone’s dancing.”

“He doesn’t dance?”  Jade asked because how did perfect Zayn from Torrance not dance?  He was an artist.  He should love dancing, too.  It was moving-body art.

“He’s shy about it,” Leigh-Anne said as she grabbed Jade’s hand to pull her onto the dance floor with her, laughing as she moved her hips to the beat.

Jade moved her hips as well, trying to get lost in the music instead of lost in her head as she thought about all the people she had met tonight.  She tried really hard to not look back up toward VIP or to look a few people away at Liam dancing with Jesy.  She tried to just focus on the fact that she was out here in the city she had always wanted to be in, living the dream, living her life, and getting material for the great American novel she had always felt destined to write.

#

“What was that?”  Perrie asked Louis once the table had been vacated by everyone who had gone dancing.

“What was Jesy inviting him?”  Louis asked as he reached over to Harry’s drink to finish it off for him.  He’d make sure he had a fresh one by the time he got back.

“I told you she had.”

“That didn’t mean he had to show up.”

“Well he did.  That means something doesn’t it?”

“It means he was bored and doesn’t know what to do with himself now that he’s back.  It also means he hasn’t made any new friends yet.”

“You didn’t kick him out.”

“He’s not worth making a scene for,” Louis said before hearing the crackle of his earpiece and the voice of the front door security guard mentioning something about an argument.  Louis told him to keep an eye on it and glanced over at Zayn and Niall who were talking about some art installation at some museum.

“You really need to be less mean.  I think he’s making an effort here,” Perrie said as she reached into his pocket, making herself at home to search through the contents for whatever she needed tonight to kick her fun up another level.  “Even if it’s only because he has no other friends.”

“So he goes to New York, writes us off when he finds new friends, comes running back with his tail between his legs, and we’re supposed to just be okay with it?”  Louis said as Perrie found what she wanted and motioned for him to hand over one of his credit cards.  “Fuck that.  I’m not giving him what he wants after that.  And I’m not even sure that’s what he wants.  He’s reached out to Harry and Jesy, but he hasn’t reached out to me yet.  Or you, for that matter,” he pointed out as he handed her a Platinum card.

“You’re making it sound so petty,” Perrie said.  She divvied up thin white lines.  “It’s really not that serious.  He’s allowed to come back so long as he apologizes for being an asshole.”

“Well he hasn’t apologized yet,” Louis said as the security guard’s voice crackled in again over his earpiece to say the situation had escalated.  “I have to go and deal with shit outside, don’t let Harry have any,” he mentioned before giving her a kiss on the forehead and leaving her to her vices.

Whatever was happening outside was a godsend because the last thing Louis wanted to do was sit there and keep having this pointless conversation about Liam.  Why did he have to show up and ruin things?  And why had he really bothered to show up at all?  Whatever.  He didn’t care.  All he had to do was focus on keeping the show running smoothly.

#

Liam was grateful to Harry when he decided that Liam and Jesy, along with Leigh-Anne and Jade, should dance with him and his possible girlfriend.  The six of them tried to impress each other with the silliest move they could come up with before jumping around to a ridiculous song that was begging to be jumped around to.  Liam was having fun, and that was something he hadn’t been expecting to happen when the coin had betrayed him earlier in the night.

Jesy had dropped Molly and her hands got frisky and traveled too close to places Liam would rather not be groped.  As he found clever ways to steer Jesy’s hands away from their destinations, his eyes kept travelling to Leigh-Anne’s neighbor.

Jade.  She wore red, and Liam had a strong feeling that Leigh-Anne had seen to that herself.  The idea made him smirk a little and Jesy took that as a sign that Liam was into whatever dance move she had done, so she did it again.

“I need a drink,” Harry said after a couple more songs were danced to. 

“Yeah me to,” Liam said taking the out.

“Me three,” Jade said and Liam smiled at how she fanned herself as if trying to prove her point. 

They all headed back up to VIP where Liam let out a small breath of relief at the absence of Louis.  Maybe his good mood wouldn’t have to be killed after all.

“We should do more shots,” Jesy proclaimed as she waved down the shot girl.

“I think I’ll pass on that,” Jade mentioned.  “I just need water.”

“Me too,” Liam agreed.

Jade looked at him with surprised eyes and Liam bit back the laugh that he almost let out.  She was not like the other people sitting at this table, and he couldn’t help but be intrigued.  The fact that she was beautiful may have been a factor as well.

#

Jade knew she was tipsy because her mouth just wouldn’t shut up.  Why was she blurting out everything on her mind?  I just need water?  Really, Jade?  Get it together.  Hot, buff, arm-muscle guy was going to think she was insane if she kept this up.

“We need shots,” Jesy said to their VIP waitress girl.

“And two waters,” Liam ordered for her and him.

Jade stared at him as if he was the nicest guy on the planet.  Stop staring, Jade.  Stop staring.  She could feel how embarrassing she was being and it didn’t stop her from staring.

“I’m good.  I have a drink,” Harry pointed out.

Now she knew she was tipsy because she remembered Harry’s drink being half done when they left to dance.  How could it be full again?  Just as Niall had warned her, she started to feel a lot like Alice stuck in Wonderland where the physics of the world she knew were completely skewed. 

“We could use some lines though.  You should score us some from Louis,” Harry said.

“Already did, babe,” Perrie said pulling out a shiny little mirror from her red clutch.  “I saved some for Jesy, but none for you,” she said to Harry.

“The hell?  Why don’t I get any?”  Harry said as he looked offended.

“Talk to Louis,” Perrie said, and then Jade watched as Perrie hesitated, then smirked toward Leigh-Anne before looking at Jesy and pointedly saying, “The three of us already took our turns, so it’s all yours.”

Jade looked toward Zayn and Niall, then zeroed in on Niall as he looked up at the exposed plumbing and mouthed a silent, “Fuck.”

“Ooooh shit,” Jesy said snickering as she reached for the mirror and small baggie from Perrie.  “Niall, you better run.”

Jade noticed that Liam intercepted the transaction, shaking his head at Perrie as he indicated to her that Jesy was already a bit far gone.  Liam then distracted Jesy by pointing out she had a shot coming first which Jesy seemed excited to be reminded about.

“Seriously?” Zayn said, looking at Perrie as if mentally asking her why she would do that to Niall.  “Not cool, babe.”

“Was that too much information?”  Perrie asked, trying to play coy, but Zayn just shook his head at her looking disappointed, and to Perrie’s credit, she did look as if she may have fucked up a little. 

Jade noted that even Perrie didn’t like to disappoint Zayn.  Not only was he the cat whisperer, he was also the queen whisperer.

Leigh-Anne darted up and Niall said, “Baby, come on,” as he rushed after her.  Jade got up as well because they were her ride and she didn’t want to lose them, but as she reached the steps, she wobbled a little at the top, thinking they somehow looked steeper than she remembered.

“Hey, I got you,” Liam’s voice said out of nowhere as his massive, manly, strong hand grabbed her arm.

“Were these stairs always this high?”  She asked.

“Here, come on, I’ll help you down.”

He was such a gentleman.  He was so nice.  She was willing to bet cats liked him, too.

“Wait,” Jade said as she reached down to unbuckle the strappy gold heels.  She carried them in her hand, knowing her chances of falling would be less now.

“Are you sure you want to do that?”

“They’re not even mine.  I can barely walk in them as it is,” she explained and then held his arm as she walked down the steps.

“This can’t be sanitary,” he said as they reached the bottom step.

“It’s okay.  I’ve had a tetanus shot.”

Did she say that out loud?  Was she saying all of this out loud?  It wasn’t until she got out into the warm summer air that her thoughts seemed to clear a little.  It was as if her mind had been returned to her after being held hostage by a big scary army of loud music and bright lights.

Jade took big waves of breath, loving how being outside felt and wanting to walk around.  But it was late, and they were downtown in a part that looked a little more on the side of sketchy, and she was barefoot.

“Do you want to go to Denny’s and get some greasy food and milkshakes?”  He asked her.

Jade looked up at him to see if he was being serious and nodded.

“Yeah.  I’m starving.”  Then she had the sense to remember how broke she was.  “No wait.  I should go home.  I have to go look for a job in the morning.”

“You have to go look for a job on a Saturday morning?”  He asked, raising an eyebrow which only made her notice just how really _really_ pretty his brown eyes were.  So pretty.  Way prettier than her boring brown eyes.  His were squinty and darker and therefore showed more of the sparkle from the streetlight reflecting in them.

“Oh, yeah, Saturday,” she said wanting to look away, but not able to. 

“I think you need food in you first.  Come on.  My treat,” Liam said as he handed his ticket over to the valet.

Well, if it was his treat….


	6. Chapter 6

Jade was grateful for the invention of coffee.  She must’ve looked it because the waitress at Denny’s kept refilling her cup without asking.  Her french fries were also something to be grateful for, especially since the cooks had been nice enough to smother cheese all over them.

“How do you feel?”  Liam asked her after he took another sip of his own coffee.  He was still on his first cup, the show-off.

“I’m fine.  How about you?”  Jade had no idea why he was asking, so she thought she’d just be polite and ask back.

“Fine.”

She noticed the stubble on his jawline and had the sudden thought that he looked great with facial hair.  She almost wanted to reach out and touch it.  The little light bristles on his face were taunting her.

“So you’re looking for a job?”

Jade nodded, putting her cup down and grabbing another cheesy fry.

“I just moved here.  Literally.  I’ve been here for like a week and change.”

“Where’d you move from?”

“Maryland.  And you just came back from New York?”

He nodded and his fingers played with his coffee cup as he spun it around.  His hand was much larger than the small cup.  Jade imagined how his big hand would feel resting on her hip if he had his arm around her.

“I just graduated from college there,” he explained.

“New York’s amazing.  Why did you leave it?”

“It wasn’t for me.”

She understood.  A small bit of silence surrounded them as tiny stares passed from one to the other.  She tried to not be obvious as she looked at him, but he wasn’t hiding how he looked at her, so why should she?

“So you’re looking for a job too then?”  She blurted out.

“I am.  Or a direction.  I don’t know what I want to do, so I’m not sure what kind of job I want.”

“Oh, you have an option?”

She noticed that he looked at her unsure, as if he wasn’t sure how to take the question, so she clarified.

“I just mean that I know what I want to do, but I can’t do that so I’m going to go and find any job that will take me.  Temp jobs, waitress, movie ticket taker, anything to help pay the rent.  I can’t really be choosey.”

“Your parents aren’t helping you?”

Jade snorted and ate some more fries.

“I take that as a no,” he said.

“I basically ran away from home after I graduated from college.  I’m trying to put as much distance between me and them as possible.  Mostly my dad, but they come as a pair so, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“You obviously don’t have those issues.  I mean you came back home.”

Liam snorted and ate some more fries.

“I take that as a no,” she threw back at him.

Liam smiled at her and Jade smiled at him, and something once again passed between them.  Or maybe that was Jade reading into things because she wanted to think that something passed between them, something like a connection that can only be made with someone who fundamentally understands you.

“I love my parents,” he stated.

“But…”

“They’re very Type A.”

“Say no more.”

He smiled even more and Jade was pretty sure that she would be in jail before the night was over.  As far as she knew, you couldn’t grab people without their permission, but she wanted to reach across the table and do things to him.  That’s the kind of smile it was.

“So what do you do when you’re not looking for temp jobs and breaking hearts in your little red dress?”  He boldly asked her.

Jade’s breath caught and she coughed a little, grateful for the glass of water the waitress had also kept refilling throughout the night.

“Um,” she cleared her throat.  “I…this isn’t even my dress.  Leigh-Anne picked it out for me to wear.”

“Check.”

Jade frowned in disappointment.  He was ready to leave already?  What had she said?  She didn’t want right now to ever end. 

“Check?”  She wanted confirmation, hoping she had misheard him.

“You were Leigh-Anne’s move in this crazy game of chess that Perrie and Leigh-Anne have been playing since they first met.  She thought having you show-up Perrie would be a checkmate, but Perrie had the last laugh didn’t she?”

She was relieved that he didn’t want to leave, but she was also annoyed that Leigh-Anne would use her like that.

“Why are they playing this crazy game of chess?”

“Some people just don’t like each other.  They know it the moment they meet.”

“Is that what the tension is with you and Louis?”  Jade jumped in, and Liam’s fingers stopped spinning his now empty coffee cup.  “Sorry, you don’t have to talk about it.  It was just really obvious.  The tension and all.”

The waitress had coffee radar and was over at their table in a flash refilling both of their cups.

“That’s not the tension with me and Louis.  No,” he said as he reached for the creamer.

Jade watched his coffee fade in color, and wondered if he was thinking of a new topic to talk about or looking for a way to explain the tension.

“Louis and I have been friends forever.  We went to a really small private school where there were only six kids in your class until about third grade when they started mixing everyone together into bigger classes.  So in third grade we get put in the same class, and he came over, sat by me and started talking to me as if he had known me his entire life.”

Jade smiled and said, “That’s how me and Leigh-Anne were.”  Liam looked amused by that and Jade figured he thought she was insane once again.  “So how could a friendship like that go wrong?”

“You get older,” he said eating more fries before continuing.  “Life starts happening to you, you start becoming your own person, and you realize you don’t have much in common with your old friends anymore.”

“I felt a lot of tension for it to be something as simple as that.”  Liam raised his eyebrow, and Jade felt it necessary to explain.  “Sorry, I’m a writer.  I do that.  When someone’s telling me a story, I want to know the whole story.  All of it.  I’m weird.  Continue so I can shut up and stop embarrassing myself more.”

Liam smiled and continued as directed.

“Nothing’s ever as simple as that.  Probably how you running away from your dad isn’t as simple as that.”

Jade bit her lip.  No it definitely wasn’t that simple.

“Leigh-Anne didn’t properly prepare me for tonight,” she said to him with a sigh.  “I wish she had given me more background on all of you.  I felt like I was intruding.”

“You weren’t,” Liam said, and it sounded reassuring.  “You were a much needed breath of fresh air.  If anything I felt like I was intruding.”

“Well it’s a good thing you showed up.  Or else who knows where Jesy would be right now.  I saw you cut her off.  That’s so nice of you to look out for her like that.”  Jade said, not wanting to fish for information but having to, especially after discovering Zayn had a girlfriend.  It seemed to her that Liam and Jesy had some sort of thing going, even if she wasn’t sure exactly what kind of thing it was.

“She was just really excited tonight and so caught up that I think she had lost track of what she had done,” he explained as if he had needed to defend her.

“I completely understand,” Jade assured him.  “Have you guys known each other for a long time?”

“Jesy and I?  We’ve known each other practically all our lives.  Jesy, Perrie, Louis and I all grew up together.”

Jade momentarily thought about the friends she had grown up with.  Friends that she probably would never see again.  She stared down at her half-empty coffee cup.  She was never going to be able to sleep tonight.

“Do you want to get out of here?”  He asked her, probably interpreting her looking down as her being tired or bored.  “We can go for a walk.”

“Sure,” Jade said.  She didn’t want the night to end, and the idea of going for a walk with him sounded great.  Liam paid for their food and then they headed out to his car.  “So where are we walking?”  Jade asked, thanking him as he opened the door for her.

“I know a place.  I think you’ll like it,” he said with a smile. 

Jade smiled too, the image of his smile lingering in her mind as he closed the car door.

#

Louis had paid the last person he needed to for the night then locked the rest of the money in the safe box, and made sure all the doors to the warehouse were locked.  He pulled himself onto the makeshift runway stage and sat on it, pulling his knees up and holding them against his chest as he looked around at the now empty and dark cavernous space.  Gone was the life, gone was the energy that had been flowing through it.  He closed his eyes and wondered if he could feel any residual energy still lingering, but he felt nothing. 

Even the ghosts of the night seemed to have left.

#

Liam apologized with a hint of embarrassment when he had gone down the wrong road, telling Jade, “It’s been awhile,” as he u-turned and tried to find the right road.  When he finally reached his destination, he parked triumphantly and gave a small fist pump.

“Wow,” Jade had said, and that had been exactly the reaction he had been going for.  He was pretty sure Maryland had nothing that compared.

They got out of his black SUV and sat on the hood, looking out from their hilltop view at the sparkling lights of LA that stretched out infinitely into the sea of night. 

“Now I know why so many songs are written about this view,” Jade remarked and Liam had a few pop into his mind suddenly.

“Are you being inspired right now to write something because of this view?”

“Oh you have no idea,” Jade said with a small laugh, and Liam couldn’t believe how much that laugh made her even more beautiful.  Jade was full of life and Liam wondered if it could be contagious.  He’d like some.  “This whole night has been inspiring me.  Especially the parts I remember.  Some parts at the club are a little fuzzy.”

“That’s how you know it was a good night,” Liam said, but he never really believed that.  It’s just what Louis would always say.

“It was,” Jade said smiling at the view.  “I met you.”

Liam smiled, but Jade seemed to realize what she said and how it may have come across and started backpedaling.

“And you know, I met Harry, and everyone else, too.  Kind of.”

Liam decided to save her from embarrassment by leaning in to give her a small kiss.  He hadn’t intended it to be a big deal, just a little something to let her know that he was happy to have met her, too.  But for some reason, their lips wouldn’t part, and her lips were so soft, and she tasted like coffee.

Liam had had a girlfriend in New York.  She was a dancer at Juilliard and he had intended to marry her.  And then one day, out of the blue, she had told him that she had found someone else.  That he wasn’t the guy she remembered meeting.  That he had lost his spark.

Kissing Jade felt like a spark.

“Um,” she said hazily when they finally pulled away from each other.

He had no words.  His eyes took her in and then he looked down to admire how stunning that tiny red dress looked on her, and how perfectly shaped her exposed legs were, and how they looked so soft that he wanted to run his fingers over her skin.

“You’re beautiful,” he countered.

“Oh God,” she said, touching her fingers to her lips and looking at him as if he had hit his head really hard. 

He thought she looked adorable when concerned.

“I’m sorry if I overstepped…,” he began.

“No no no.  You didn’t.  I mean, I just think maybe you’re a little drunk, and I’m a little tipsy…”

“I’m not drunk,” Liam stated.

“You wouldn’t really know though…”

“I barely drank enough to even give me a buzz.”

“Is this where you bring all the girls to kiss?”

Liam wasn’t sure why she would ask that.  Was she trying to break the mood?  She looked incredibly flustered and he tried to not be offended that she thought he was running game on her.

“This is where I would come to get away from it all,” he confessed.  Hoping she’d see that he was being genuine when he had kissed her.  “Louis and I used to come out here to dream about the lives we thought we were going to have.”

“Did you guys kiss?”

Liam snorted and Jade busted out laughing. 

“I’m sorry,” Jade said looking at him which gave him the chance to really study her brown eyes.  They were honest eyes.  They gave away too much.

“For what?  You’re not the first person to fantasize about me and Louis kissing.”

“Not that, oh my God,” Jade said laughing.  “I’m sorry I’m so…me.  I bet other girls just throw themselves at you.  Like how Jesy was practically trying to sex you up all night.  I bet that happens all the time.”

“It doesn’t.  And Jesy has had a crush on me forever.”

“I don’t blame her,” Jade said, and she covered her mouth again.  “Why do I keep doing that?  I swear all this commentary is supposed to stay in my head.”

“I’m glad it doesn’t,” Liam said and he put his arm around her as he leaned back against the window with her, staring up at the night sky.  The only stars visible were man-made as the bright lights of distant planes dotted their nighttime backdrop.

“Did you ever date her?  Jesy?”

He smiled when she settled in and nestled into him.

“No.  It seemed weird.  I always saw her more as a sister.  I actually don’t think Jesy really likes me.  I just think that I’m one of the few guys she trusts.  She’s had bad luck with guys over the years.  Perrie, too.”

“Really?  I can’t imagine the Queen of Hearts ever having boy trouble.”

“Queen of Hearts?”  Liam said surprised to hear her call her that.  Yet he knew exactly where she had pulled it from.  Leigh-Anne had many nicknames for Perrie.  He supposed Queen of Hearts was one of the nicer ones.  “And what about you?  You’re wearing red, too.”

“No, I’m Alice.  And tonight I was in Wonderland.  I think I’m still there honestly.”

“You have no idea,” Liam said sighing and tilting his head to take in the scent of her wavy brown hair.  “You didn’t fall down the rabbit hole tonight.  You got pushed down it by Leigh-Anne.”

“And which character are you?  I think you’re the Cheshire Cat.”

“I seem evasive to you?”

“You seem enigmatic.”

“I like that better.  See, I would guess that you’d peg Louis as the enigmatic one.”

“Noooo,” Jade said shaking her head as if having to make sure Liam understood she meant “Noooo.”  Jade looked over at him and said, “He’s the Mad Hatter.  Have you ever actually read Alice in Wonderland?”

Liam shook his head and admitted he only had ever seen the Tim Burton adaptation.

“Well,” Jade explained, “The Mad Hatter was sentenced to death by the Queen of Hearts for murdering Time.  He escaped death, but Time punished him by keeping the clock at 6 pm, which is tea time.  So he’s always stuck at his own tea party.  Like Louis tonight.  Stuck at his own party that he threw.”

The profoundness of this was not lost upon Liam who stayed silent for several moments as he contemplated Louis in this new light.  Jade had no way of knowing that what she had said had gone so much deeper.  Louis had sentenced himself to death a couple of years ago, but he had escaped it, and now he threw party after party.  Liam was lost in thought about this for so long that he himself had felt as if he had murdered time.

Jade sat up and Liam shivered at the soft breeze that cooled the spot where she had been.

“I should go home,” she said pushing herself off the hood.

“Why?”  As far as he was concerned, they could stay on that hill top forever and he’d be fine.  He certainly didn’t want to go home.

“Um, I kinda have to pee.”

He tried very hard to keep a straight face, but instead he started cracking up as he slid himself off the hood.

“What?” She said pouting.  “I do.  I can’t help it.  I should’ve gone at Denny’s, but I was too busy thinking of us going for a walk.  Which we didn’t even do.”

Officially, she was the most honest person he had ever known.

While he drove her home, they listened to the radio and discussed how good or bad a song was.  Jade then switched the station and landed on a song that made her excited. 

“They played this song at the club tonight,” she said as she fumbled to get her phone out of her clutch.  “I have to Shazam it.  I’ve never heard…”

Liam looked over to see why she had stopped rambling and saw that her eyes were wide as she stared at her phone.

“What’s wrong?”  He asked, trying to not lose focus on driving as his heart sped up a little.

“I have a million missed text messages and calls from Leigh-Anne and Niall.  Oh my God.” 

Liam drove faster as Jade checked her messages.  He waited until she was done texting back before asking, “Are they okay?”

“I think Leigh-Anne went to bed, but Niall is sleeping in his car.  He said to knock on his window when I get home.  God, what a mess.”

“Don’t worry too much,” Liam tried to assure her as he relaxed again.  “Niall and Leigh-Anne will be fine.  I don’t think anything could break them apart.”

When he pulled into her parking lot, Liam walked with Jade to Niall’s car and sure enough the blond boy was curled up in the backseat, sleeping and holding onto a hoodie he must’ve left in there.

“I’ll let you handle this one,” Liam said to Jade as he took her hand and pulled her in to him.  “Do you mind if I call you tomorrow?  Or later today I guess technically.”

“You’re not going to stay and help me with this?”

“I actually have to get back home before my parents wake up.  You’ll be fine.  Just get some sleep and have a good talk with him in the morning.  And make sure to pee at some point.”

“Oh my God!” Jade said, and Liam pulled her in to kiss her before her cheeks could turn rose red.


	7. Chapter 7

Jade woke up because Niall was foraging through her kitchen cabinets attempting to find sustenance.  She heard him call Zayn and ask him to come over to Jade’s bearing breakfast-type gifts.

Jade rubbed her eyes and forced herself to sit up, stretching her arms and back out to try and work out the cricks caused by sleeping on the floor.

“Sorry, I was loud wasn’t I?  My bad,” Niall said finding bread and taking a slice before sitting down on the floor facing her.  He ate the bread systematically, removing the crust and eating it first.

“What time is it?” Jade asked.

“Almost noon.”

Jade made a face at the idea that she had lost a whole morning, but she supposed that’s what Saturdays were for.  Her lips turned into a soft smile as she remembered why she had slept in so late in the first place.  She hoped it hadn’t all just been a dream.

“How are you?”  She asked, focusing her attention back to Niall.

He shrugged and ate the rest of the bread.

“Why did she get so upset with you?”  She pressed on.  “I mean, I feel like if she had such an issue with you doing stuff like that she wouldn’t have wanted you to go in the first place or something.”  Jade realized it was too early for her to try and make sense of things.  Especially if she had made it all up.  What if Liam hadn’t really kissed her?  She would cry if that hadn’t been real.

“Leigh-Anne hates anything that makes her think I’m becoming one of them.  I legitimately have nothing against Perrie.  Zayn likes her, so she’s okay by me.  She makes my best friend happy,” he shrugged again.

“What is the deal with Leigh-Anne and Perrie?  I mean, Liam said they just didn’t like each other the moment they met, but that seems so … arbitrary.”

“It is pretty arbitrary,” he confirmed.  “But maybe it’s not,” he said in a way where Jade swore she could see his mind rethinking his own thoughts.  “I think they both are jealous of each other.  Isn’t that the way things work with you girls?  I think Leigh-Anne is jealous of Perrie for seemingly having it all, and I think Perrie is jealous of Leigh-Anne for having me.”

Jade snorted and reached over to hit his arm.

“You’re funny,” she told him.

“So are you.  How’d you get home last night?  Cab?”

“No.  Liam brought me home.”  She thought.  She hoped.

“That sounds about right,” Niall said with a nod.  “Liam’s nice like that.”

“Um, yeah, he is,” she nodded.  “So you and Leigh-Anne,” Jade said getting the attention off her before she started blushing and saying things she didn’t want to.  “Are you guys going to kiss and make up?”

“Well we always have before, so I don’t see why this time would be any different.  Did I ever tell you how Leigh-Anne and I met and came to be?”

Jade shook her head and wished that Zayn had arrived already with breakfast so she could eat while enjoying the story.

“So here I was,” Niall began, “This dorky-ass senior in high school at an art fair in D.C. where his work was getting showcased along with the work of thousands of other dorky-ass artsy seniors in the area.  I’m standing there in front of my poster.  I had made this cool watercolor painting and photographed it so I could Photoshop these surreal photographic elements onto it, and then I printed it out as a poster and called it _The Truth about Heaven_.” 

“Talk about overpromising,” Jade commented with a small laugh.

“Tell me about it.  I was a pretentious kid.  So here I am standing in front of the show’s pièce de résistance when this gorgeous girl walks over, reads the title, looks at me like I’m crazy, crosses her arms and asks me, ‘So what’s the truth?’  And I point to the poster and say ‘That’s the truth’ and she gives me this dubious look, looks at the poster, then looks back at me and says, ‘You’re full of shit’ to which I replied ‘And that is the truth about heaven.’  Needless to say, we exchanged numbers and lived happily ever after.”

Jade wished she had thought to be a pretentious kid in high school so she could pull stunts like that on her dad. 

“Is that really what you think about heaven?”  She asked him.  “That it’s shit?”

“I think it doesn’t exist.  At least not the streets paved in gold, a thousand wives for each man version of heaven.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s two different religions.”

“Is it?  Or is it the same heaven interpreted by two cultures who value different types of greed?  Collecting women, collecting gold, it’s still wanting a lot of what you don’t have in this world.  Heaven sounds pretty damn selfish.”

“My dad would have had a field day with you,” Jade said shaking her head and wishing she could record this conversation and send it to him.

“Super religious type?”

“He’s a minister.”

Niall’s blond eyebrows raised as he smirked in amusement.  “That must’ve been fun.”

“Oh you have no idea,” Jade said, but she didn’t want to talk about her dad.  She wanted to hear more about Niall and Leigh-Anne.  “So, you both decided to come here together after high school?”

“Yeah, she knew I wanted to go to Cal Arts, and so she applied to schools in the area and ended up at Cal State Northridge.  She wanted to major in marketing, which, let’s be real, she could do at any school.  So it worked out.”

“And now you both have just graduated and you’re staying here?”

Niall nodded as he checked his phone text messages and got up from his seated position.

“Yeah, we talked about heading back, but we had planted roots here,” Niall said as he opened the door and waved his arm, summoning who Jade assumed was Zayn, in his direction.  “We’re giving it a shot.  My degree gets me further here.  I doubt anyone in the Mid-Atlantic is going to give two shits about an art degree from Cal Arts.”

“Hey,” Zayn said as he came in with bags of food and a cardboard drink carrier.

Jade smiled and surprised herself by sounding normal when she said “Hey” back.

“What’d you bring us?”  Niall closed the door and sat back down on the floor, making Jade very self-conscious about the fact that she now had two guests over and they were forced to sit on the less than comfortable carpet.

“Bagels, cream cheese, fruit, coffee,” Zayn said, as he started distributing food.  “You alright?”

Niall put his hands up and asked, “When am I not alright?”

Jade thanked Zayn as she took her bagel and almost let out an audible sigh at how warm and fresh it felt in her hands.  It smelled right out of the oven and ready to be devoured.

“You sleep here?”  Zayn asked Niall as he blew on his coffee.

“Yeah, Jade let me crash,” Niall stated.  He wasted no time in slathering cream cheese all over his bagel.

“I’m super sorry that I didn’t even have an air mattress for you,” Jade said.  “I need to invest in one of those.”

“You really don’t have anything in here?”  Zayn asked looking around as if she had played an elaborate joke and hidden all her belongings.

“I really don’t,” Jade pouted.  “But I will once I get a job.”

“I think my parents have a spare air mattress lying around,” Zayn said “I’ll bring it over next time I’m here.”

Jade smiled even though she swore up and down that Zayn didn’t have to do that, but he wouldn’t hear her objections and turned the conversation back to Niall and his plan of action.

“After I finish eating, I’ll start the groveling process,” Niall informed.  “I need to get my strength up.”

“Power up, man,” Zayn said laughing.  “Level up so you can win this round.”

“This guy,” Niall said thumbing toward Zayn as he looked at Jade.  “He thinks life is one big video game.  That’s why Marvel hired him to draw shit.  He walked into the interview like a comic book hero ready to kick someone’s ass if they didn’t give him the job.  He wore a cape and everything.”

Jade couldn’t stop giggling as Zayn shook his head at her, mouthing that Niall was full of it.

“Niall’s bitter that he wastes his talent as a graphic designer for an online travel site,” Zayn explained to Jade.

“Yeah rub it in,” Niall said.

“At least you have a job,” Jade said as she took another bite of her bagel.

“What do you do again?”  Zayn asked.

“She writes,” Niall answered while Jade finished chewing.

“What do you write?”

“Fiction,” Jade said.  “I’m working on my great American novel.  But I haven’t found the right issue to make it a great American novel.”

“Issue?”  Zayn asked.

Jade nodded and explained that all of the great American novels were deemed so because of their larger themes and timeliness.

“ _Grapes of Wrath_ ,” she began, “It was about the Great Depression, a look inside that time in American history, _To Kill a Mockingbird_ – racism and segregation in the Deep South, _The Great Gatsby_ – wealth and greed and excess during the Jazz Era.”

“Life does seem a little theme-less at the moment,” Niall admitted.

“It does,” Jade agreed, “I mean, yeah, there’s the recession and people not able to find jobs, especially people our age.  You guys are the exception.”

“Always have been, always will be,” Niall said, and he and Zayn fist bumped and did some hand shake that she was sure they had created and perfected in their four years at Cal Arts.

“Well everyone says we Millenials are the lost generation,” Zayn offered, “Maybe that can be your theme.”

“It’s not big enough.  Not American history enough.  I don’t know.  I’m probably overthinking it.”

“Don’t we all?” Niall said, and Zayn nodded in agreement.

Jade sighed and reached for the fruit, thinking of how she did feel lost.  The lost generation.  Lost in the shuffle.  No purpose.  No direction.  And yet, two people her same age sat in front of her well aware of what they wanted to do and who they wanted to be. 

And they had furniture.

#

Louis hated going to his mom’s house, so he always dragged Harry along because he was always a good excuse to make his exit.  Louis knew that Harry was aware of his scapegoat status, but Harry didn’t seem to care.  For some reason, Harry really liked Louis’ mom, which Louis assumed had to do with Harry being far from home.

“You look so tired,” his mom said as soon as she saw her only son, and Louis rolled his eyes and wished he had kept his shades on.

The house he had grown up in always smelled the same, like a mixture of baked chicken and cinnamon, and it always smelled like that regardless of what his mom had cooked, or hadn’t cooked, that day.

“Hey, Mom,” Harry said giving her a hug and Louis let them have their moment while he continued walking straight into the kitchen.  He poured himself some water and stood there for a moment, leaning against the kitchen counter as he looked out the window to the garden out back.  His mom liked growing things.

“I hope you boys are hungry,” his mom said coming into the kitchen with Harry trailing right behind her.  “The pork chops are almost done.  I found this new recipe so you guys can tell me if it’s a keeper.”

“Will do,” Harry said sitting on a bar stool at the kitchen bar counter that separated the large open kitchen from the spacious dining area.

Louis wanted to say that he didn’t like pork chops, but he kept his mouth shut and let his mom buzz around.  He thought she looked straight out of one of those old black and white shows that you learned about in History of Television and Film classes.  The only thing she was missing was an apron and a pair of sensible kitchen pumps.

“Honey, why don’t you get some rest before the food is ready,” she said, stopping to take him in again.

“I’m fine.  I just woke up.  That’s why I look tired,” he said.

“Oh, did you have a long night?”

“They’re all long, Mom.  You don’t want to hear about them.  You know, I’m really not that hungry.”  He dumped out the water in his glass into the sink and opened the dishwasher to put the glass away.

“I’m hungry,” Harry said.  “So we’re staying for dinner.”

Louis rolled his eyes knowing that Harry was trying to look good for his mom.

“Come on, man,” Harry said getting off the stool.  “We’ll let your mom finish up while we go out back and stare at the pool.”

He followed Harry out, knowing Harry was going to say something fresh to him, so he beat him to it.

“If I don’t want to stay, then I don’t have to,” Louis said to Harry, trying to keep his voice calm.  “That’s not cool what you just did.”

“You know what’s not cool?”  Harry said.  “You treating your mom like shit when she’s making you pork chops.”

“I fucking hate pork chops.”

“Are you crashing?”

Louis blinked, the question coming out of the cloudless blue sky above them.

“You know I don’t do that shit anymore.”

“Do I?  Because you’re acting like an asshole right now.  So either you’re crashing or you’re just being an asshole.  And speaking of being an asshole, what the hell was that last night?”

Now Louis was just lost.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You told Perrie to not share her stash with me?  Why?”

Louis looked at Harry wondering if he was seriously asking about that at this moment.  He also wondered why Harry was so upset about it, so he shrugged.

“I don’t like my friends to be a cliché,” Louis said.

Harry paused and stared at him, as if trying to mull over Louis’ words.

“Okay, I have no idea what you mean by that,” Harry finally said.

“You’re an actor in an industry that prides itself on destroying talent.  If you’re going to get into shit like that, it’s not going to be because of me.”

Harry laughed.

Louis walked over to the pool, crouching beside it as he ran his hand over the crystal blue water.

“This is so rich,” Harry said, as he sat on a lawn chair and leaned forward to talk to Louis.  “A cliché telling someone they don’t like their friends to be a cliché.  What do you think Perrie and Jesy are?”

“There you go,” Louis said.  “I don’t need another cliché in my life.”

“Really?  Because I’m pretty sure you’re not talking to the last friend of yours who wasn’t a cliché.”

Louis felt the sting that came from that truth, but he didn’t show it.  He continued to play with the water and imagined falling into it, losing himself underneath its liquid density.

“I just don’t want you to be as fucked up as the rest of us,” Louis finally said.  “The worst thing I ever did to you was let you hang with us.”

“You didn’t let me.  I did it because I wanted to.  I would’ve anyway.  You used to be the most fun guy I knew.”

“Used to be?”  Louis tilted his head so he could glance over at him.

“Yeah, now Zayn is.”

Louis slightly smirked at Harry’s joke, and Harry took his loafers off, sitting at the edge of the pool as he dropped his bare feet into the water.

They sat there for a while, by the pool, not saying much as they looked at the water, or up at the sky, or at a bee weaving by.  Even in the silence, Louis knew that Harry wanted him to say something about seeing Liam last night.  Why had he bothered to show up?  Why hadn’t he reached out to him?  Why did he care?  But Louis kept his thoughts to himself, not able to make much sense of them.

“Your mom’s calling us,” Harry said.

Louis almost lost his balance as he tried to stand up.  He felt he had been caught in his transparent thoughts, but he wasn’t sure why it should matter if he had.

They walked back inside the house to find that his mom had set the dining table for the three of them.  Louis sat as far from her as possible.

“This pork chop is amazing,” Harry complimented.  “Best one I’ve ever had.”

“You’re laying it on thick,” Louis’ mom said, “But I’ll take the compliment.”

Louis barely touched his, focusing instead on pushing the mashed sweet potatoes around his plate.  He knew his mom was purposely avoiding asking him anything out of fear of saying something that would make him leave.  So he listened to her and Harry banter back and forth, feeling that familiar guilt creep up in him.

“Which TV show are you in?”  His mom asked Harry.

“It’s a Pilot.  It hasn’t been picked up yet.”

“How exciting.  What kind of show is it?”

“It’s a cop drama.”

“Well there just aren’t enough already on TV are there?”

Harry laughed.

His mom laughed.

Louis felt like throwing up.

“What part do you play?” She asked.

“Oh, you know, I’m just a key witness.”

“So you must have a lot of lines then.”

“I need to use the restroom,” Louis said, excusing himself from the table without looking at either of them. 

He went to his room, closing the door and letting out a long, pent up breath.  His mother had left his room exactly as it had been the day he moved out for college.  The walls still beige and covered in concert and rave posters he had picked up at each event he had attended throughout high school.  His classic vinyl collection still took up a whole wall, and his blue and brown comforter and bed sheets were still made as if waiting for him to come home and mess it all up.  He knew his mother wished he’d move back home.

He took his navy blue Vans off and crawled into his bed, hugging one of his pillows close to him, and tried to think of everything he had intended to do that day.  He had to have this lunch with his mom, he had to return some remaining rented items back to their rightful owners, he had to meet up with some investors about a huge rave he was planning to throw out in the desert, he had to meet up with some friends about some project they wanted to run by him for possible investment, he had to check up on Perrie at some point, he had to deal with Saturday who would probably be calling at any moment to find out where she was supposed to meet him tonight, he had to show up to whatever club tonight that was the place to be, he had to…

#

Liam looked at his phone with a smile, staring at the picture of Jade he had taken to save with the number she had given him.  He wanted to call her, but he was stuck at a home furnishing store with his mother who was attempting to decide on a new rug since the old one had, quite frankly, gotten boring.  Her words, not his.

Jade’s face vanished as Jesy’s face and number took over the screen, and Liam took the call as he walked away from his mom and stood behind a cherry wood armoire that looked like it had been brought in from some European palace.

“Hey,” Liam said, “What’s up?”

“Hey!” Jesy sounded excited, and he smiled.

“Hey,” he said back again.

“I just wanted to really thank you for coming out last night.”

“It was fun.  I’m glad I did.”

“See?  And you dared to doubt me,” she said with a tsk tsk tone.

“I never will again.  I’ve learned my lesson.”

“Good.  Although, I don’t know if you realized this, but you totally left with the wrong girl last night.”

Liam smiled, even if she had just made him feel a little guilty about it.

“To be fair,” he defended, “I came alone and didn’t think I’d be leaving with anyone.”

He spotted a gray arm chair next to a towering bookcase and sat in it, frowning at how it had looked more comfortable than it actually was.

“True, but you know I was hoping you’d leave with me,” Jesy said with a sigh.

“I’m sorry, babe.”

“It’s okay.  I’m used to watching you fall for every girl but me.  So what was her name again?  Jade?  What’s her deal?”

“She’s Leigh-Anne and Niall’s new neighbor.  She’s a writer.  She’s from Maryland.  That’s all I really know at the moment.”

“You’re crushing on her.”

Liam smiled, but defended himself again just the same.

“You can’t tell that from what I just told you.”

“You’re acting as if I don’t have a degree in Liamology.  I know how you look when you’re crushing on someone.  You’re smitten.  I could’ve reached out and grabbed the hearts flying out of your eyes last night.”

“Maybe,” he said coyly, and he could hear Jesy sigh again through the line.

“Well if Leigh-Anne likes her, then she can’t be bad people.  You should bring her to the club tonight.”

“Who said I was going?”

“Oh come on, you’ve re-de-virginized yourself all over again.  Last night was like taking a drink after being sober for months.  Just follow the bottle, man.”

“You’re crazy,” Liam said with a chuckle.  “I’ll let you know.  I might have plans with my parents.  Just text me the details.”

“Will do, Crushy McCrushy.”

Jesy hung up before Liam could protest the awful nickname.  He smiled down at his phone as Jade’s image came back up and he decided that he would call her after all.  If she wanted to go tonight, he’d go.  If not, he’d hang out with her.

He pressed the Call button. 


	8. Chapter 8

Jade and Liam.  Liam and Jade.  Whichever way she said their names, it sounded perfect.  Jade sifted through her duffel bag, knowing she had a limited amount of time to find the perfect thing to wear, shower, get dressed, do something with her impossible hair, and be done before Liam got to her door.

Challenge accepted.

She showered in record time and was in the midst of drying her hair when she heard the faint tinkling of her doorbell.  She threw her blue and white polka dot summer dress on and padded over to the door, opening it to find Leigh-Anne.

“Hey!” She said, “Come in, I was just getting dressed.”

“Cute dress,” Leigh-Anne said letting herself in and closing the door behind her.

“Thanks,” Jade said, returning to her blow drying task.  She needed her hair to magically turn into lush waves in a very short amount of time.

“You look like you’re getting ready for a hot date.”

“It’s not a date,” Jade said smiling.  “I’m just hanging out with someone.”

“With someone?”  Leigh-Anne asked as she leaned against the bathroom doorway with her arms crossed and an amused smile.  “You mean with Liam?”

“He wants to hang out.  It’s no big deal.”

“Oh Lordy.  Here we go.”

“What?”  Jade protested defensively.  “And by the way, I don’t appreciate being used as a pawn for your little war with Perrie.  That wasn’t cool, Leigh-Anne.”

“I know.  I’m sorry,” she said.  “It was just too rich of an opportunity to not pass up.  That girl brings out the worst in me.”

“Why do you let her get to you like that?  She shouldn’t even register on your radar.  I didn’t see anything that made her so special.”

“I have a general dislike for anyone who thinks they’re better than other people.  I feel someone needs to knock her off her throne, and since no one else in that crew is going to do it, it might as well be me.  Besides, it gives me something to do when I’m stuck hanging out with them.”

“Well now you have me so you don’t need to do stupid stuff like that.  I just don’t see the point in wasting your energies on someone who’s not worth it.”

“Which brings us back to this hot date of yours.  You’re spending a lot of energy on it, so it must be worth it.”

“Not a date, Leigh-Anne.”

“Suuure,” she taunted and Jade ignored her and the laugh that followed as she saw progress with her hair and turned off the blow dryer.  “So, I have to thank you for taking care of my boy last night, or this morning, whichever.”

Jade waved her hand before trying to smooth down the flyaways.  “It’s nothing.  I felt so bad for him.  I don’t like the idea of you two fighting.  Especially if it’s also related to Perrie.”

“It’s not related to Perrie.  Not directly anyway.  I just don’t want Niall getting caught up in their world like that.  He thinks because Zayn seems to navigate it so well that he can too.  Niall likes to join into things, try and figure it all out, make commentary about it in his artwork.  He submerges himself well, and that group of people is so toxic that I worry they’ll just pull him under completely.  I just worry about my boo.  You know?”

It made perfect sense and Jade looked at Leigh-Anne.

“I guess I’m just trying to still get to know what’s going on.  Understand it all.  This week of my life has been more interesting than my whole life.  I mean, you’re talking to a girl that was never allowed to watch a Disney movie growing up.  That club last night was like the most insane thing I had ever walked into.”

“Hold on,” Leigh-Anne said raising her hand, “Back up.  What do you mean you weren’t allowed to watch Disney movies growing up?”

“Long story,” Jade said with a laugh.  “Don’t worry, I made up for it in college.  I did a Disney movie marathon my freshman year.  It was my big act of rebellion.”

Out of nowhere Leigh-Anne closed the space between them and gave Jade a big hug.  Jade wasn’t sure why it was happening, but she hugged her back and laughed.

“I’m sorry, I just think you’re the most adorable thing,” Leigh-Anne said, taking a step back to look at her.  “This non-date with Liam thing.  You really like him like that?”

“I’m just getting to know him.  We really connected last night.  I mean, you know, we talked a lot, and it was fun.”

“Is that all you guys did?  You just talked?”

Jade paused and Leigh-Anne gave her a knowing look.

“He kissed me.  That’s all.  And I kissed him back.  Because he has amazing lips.  I mean, have you ever noticed how nice and full his lips actually are?”

“No,” Leigh-Anne said, and she sighed and went back to leaning against the doorway.  “Liam’s nice.  That much I can tell you.”  Jade was so grateful that Leigh-Anne could read her mind so perfectly.  She listened intently as she began working on her subtle eye makeup.  “He’s a good guy.  But he’s one of them, and you can roll your eyes and say that I have a chip on my shoulder, but just always keep that in the back of your mind.  I’m not saying don’t get to know him and have fun and see what could happen.  I’m just saying that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, and his tree has Perrie, Jesy, and Louis still living in it.”

“We’re just hanging out,” Jade said, keeping her focus on her eyelids as she applied her pale pink eye shadow.  “But I’ll keep that in mind.  I promise.”

Leigh-Anne nodded and gave her another hug from behind before heading to her place to grab shoes that would go better with Jade’s dress.

Jade finished applying her makeup and looked at herself in the mirror, thinking about Liam and how he seemed to be nothing like the other people she had met last night.  She hoped Liam was the apple that fell and rolled so far away that no one would ever think he had come from that particular tree.

#

Louis barely processed that Perrie had said something to him as he drank his beer and got lost in the 32 bar drop in this DJ’s remix.  The patterns of flashing lights scintillated in the club’s darkness and blocked him from getting a good look at the guy in the DJ booth tonight.

“Louis?”

“Yes?”  He said, knowing from her tone that Perrie had probably said his name about five times.  “Sorry, what is it?”

“My model.  She liked you.  Why haven’t you called her back?”

“She doesn’t know me enough to like me.  She just liked how I fucked her.”

“Crude,” Perrie said as she held her drink for decoration.  When full, it was an accessory.  “But possibly accurate.  Still, I like her.”

“Then maybe you should hook up with her.”

“I think she’d be good for you.  Better than your other days of the week.  Where is Saturday anyway?”

“Running late.  She should be here soon.”

Louis drank more of his beer and glanced over at Zayn who was caught up in a texting conversation, probably with Niall.  He looked over toward the speaker where Harry and Jesy were dancing as if practicing a routine for a talent competition.  They kept laughing and starting over and Louis wondered what it was like to be that carefree.

“At the very least, you should switch Monday out for my model.  Monday is the worst.”

“What do you have against Monday?”  Louis said, not sure why he was entertaining this conversation. 

“She’s boring.  She’s not pretty enough.  She does nothing for you.”

Louis’s lips had the nerve to betray him as they twitched in amusement.  Perrie was ridiculous.  It was probably why he adored her so much.

“Are you so sure your girl cares to be Monday?  She seems like the type looking for something with meaning.”

“Aren’t we all, babe?”  Perrie said reaching over to caress his cheek before cupping his chin.  “Replace Monday with my girl.  You’ll thank me for it later.”

Perrie removed her hand then cuddled into Zayn who put his arm around her and gave her a small kiss on the forehead before looking back at his phone.

“Any sign of Liam?”  Jesy asked as she and Harry returned to the table.  She fanned herself as she sat down and drained what was left of the midori sour she had left there.

“None at all,” Perrie said.

“I thought for sure he’d show,” Harry said looking through his text messages.

“He’s probably with Jade,” Jesy said with a little sigh.

“Who?”  Perrie asked and Louis snorted.

“The other Red,” Harry joked and Perrie rolled her eyes.

Louis however was fixated on Jesy, wanting her to say more about why she would think that.  He certainly wasn’t going to ask.

“She seems basic,” Perrie said, taking a tiny sip of her drink, “Liam can do better.”

“Jade’s cool,” Zayn said, and Louis raised his eyebrow as Perrie paused and gave a small glance to her boyfriend.

“Well,” Perrie said as she considered her words, “I certainly hope she’s cool enough to handle being abandoned by him when he gets tired of her and decides to move on.”

Louis nodded in agreement.  Liam’s track record of moving on was not just confined to his friends. He always seemed to be going through his fair share of girlfriends as well.  Liam fancied himself as always being in a constant state of evolution, and for some reason, that made him feel like he couldn’t keep the same people around.  At least that’s the way Louis interpreted it.

“That’s because he’s meant to be with me,” Jesy said, “He keeps moving on because he doesn’t realize that he’s had me here all along.”

“He’ll realize it soon enough,” Perrie said with an encouraging smile and Louis thought that for all of Perrie’s faults, her biggest was encouraging this pointless dream of Jesy’s.

“I’m gonna talk to this DJ,” Louis said needing to get away from the fake promises of the moment.  He took his beer with him and slipped out of VIP, moving across the dance floor where a beautiful black-haired girl stopped him and slipped him her number. 

Another possible Monday.

#

Liam couldn’t take his eyes off Jade.  Not when he picked her up, not when he took her to the Italian restaurant on the 3rd Street Promenade where they could sit outside and enjoy each other’s company while people watching, and not now as they walked down the street, stopping momentarily to take in two guys who were breakdancing as a large crowd gathered around them.  Liam threw a few bucks into their basket and grabbed Jade’s hand, strolling away from the excited mob forming around the street talent.

“I wish I could dance like that,” Jade mentioned.  “I love to dance, but growing up my dad would never let me take dance lessons.”

“Why not?”

“He thought it would lead to bad things.  Like it was a gateway to sex and prostitution.”

Liam looked at her oddly and waited for her to explain.

“My dad was a minister of a really big church,” she said and he had to stop walking and look at her to make sure she wasn’t joking.  “Yeah, exactly,” she said laughing as she stopped as well.  “And he isn’t one of those progressive, love everyone, live and let live types.  He’s very much the fire and brimstone, hell and damnation type.”

“That’s amazing,” Liam said. 

Fascinated, he led them to a bench where they could sit so he could hear more about her upbringing.  The tree beside them had thin branches that canopied over the bench, and it, like all the other trees on the Promenade, had been decorated with white fairy lights, casting a soft reverent glow over Jade’s brown, wavy hair.  He found it impossible to not stare.

“It’s not that amazing.  I couldn’t do anything growing up.  I couldn’t go to the movies with my friends.  I couldn’t do sleepovers at people’s houses.  I couldn’t wear skirts that showed my knees much less anything else.  I had to go to this private school that he pretty much owned and I was never, ever, under any circumstances, supposed to actually go to college.  So I applied to Georgetown behind his back and tried to make a run for it, but D.C. wasn’t far enough away.  It became pretty tumultuous.”

Liam frowned.  The idea of Jade’s father not recognizing the amazing woman he had created was disappointing.

“But he has to know that you’re smart and can be trusted.”

Jade shook her head and explained.

“He’s a control freak.  Type A parents.  You know how they are.”

He smiled.  He couldn’t believe that conversation had taken place just last night.  He felt he had known her for years and that they had had thousands of conversations logged between them.

“So he wanted to control everything about your life?”

“Yep.  His biggest fear was me turning out to be a bad girl and his flock finding out about it and using it against him and leaving the church.  My dad’s made a lot of money from putting the fear of God into people.  And he knew that in order to make sure that money kept coming in, he had to control every little thing around him.”

“I would invite you to my church, but you probably don’t want to step foot in one ever again.”

“Not necessarily.  I consider myself a spiritual person,” she said as she crossed her legs, leaning in a little more toward him.  “I like the idea of an all-knowing being looking out for us.  It’s comforting.  I’ve read the Bible countless times, and unlike my dad, I see the good parts.  The parts about love and acceptance and freedom.”

“That’s what my church is like,” Liam told her with a smile.  “Not that I’m trying to get you to go.  It’s just funny because I never once cared about the fact that I went.  My parents just think of it as something that needs to be done every Sunday morning, but I swear to you that never once have we ever had a conversation about it.  We go, come home and do our separate things.  I don’t even know if I believe in God.  I just know I believe in going to church on Sunday mornings.”

Jade laughed at that and Liam smiled, knowing it probably sounded crazy.  He really had never given it any thought, and the idea that he’d be on a bench someday in Santa Monica, discussing religion with a minister’s daughter was so far from his reality that he barely believed this moment was real.  He was pretty sure he had made Jade up.  Background, laugh, beautiful hair, and all.

“Anyways,” Jade said when her giggles had subsided, “I definitely don’t care to talk about stuff like that.  I want to know more about you.”

“I’m really not that interesting,” Liam said as his phone interrupted the moment.  He looked down to see a text from Jesy asking if he was on his way.  “Jesy,” he said showing Jade his phone.  “She wanted us to stop by the club tonight.  I told her we’d go if you wanted.”

“Do you want to go?”  Jade asked him.

“Not particularly,” Liam replied honestly.

“Well I don’t want to go if you don’t want to go.”

So that was that. 

He texted Jesy back to let her know that he wouldn’t be able to make it, and then stood up and grabbed Jade’s hand, gently pulling her up as well and holding her hand as they strolled once more.  He bought her a rose from the rose seller in front of the candle store, then bought her gelato from the packed, tiny, bright-lit store that had an Italian pop song playing through its speakers.

They continued to stroll until Jade suddenly stopped in front of the Barnes & Noble.

“Oh my God,” she said, pointing to the store, “I should go in and put in an application.  I’m a writer, they should hire me on principle.”

“They should.  Go make your case.  I’ll back you up,” he said joking, but next thing he knew she was marching into the store and he had no choice but to follow.

Liam watched in amazement as Jade talked to the cashier at the front about whether or not they were hiring, and then as she wrote down the name of the manager, who much to her dismay, was not on duty that night.

“I have to apply online,” she said to Liam, and then because she was so excited about it, and because it suddenly seemed like the best way to spend even more time with her, he said he’d do it as well.  “Wait, what?”  She looked at him as if he had to be joking.

“I’ll apply, too.  We could work together.  It’d be fun.”

“I’m pretty sure your parents would kill you,” Jade said laughing.

“I’m not too worried about that,” he said pulling her into him and dropping a soft kiss on her as they were illuminated by the Barne’s & Noble store lighting coming through the window.

He pulled away and bit his lip to keep from laughing at her dazed look.

“Okay, well, I mean, if you’re not worried…”

“You have a computer at your place?”

“I have my laptop.”

“Why don’t we go back there and work on our applications?  We can help each other out.”

“Okay.”

He smiled and kissed her again, not sure if she said okay because she really wanted to do applications or if she wanted him to just come over to her place.  He didn’t care either way.  He was just happy she hadn’t said, “No.”

#

Louis didn’t get sloppy drunk anymore, and he found it boring when the people around him got sloppy drunk.  This was why he was happy when Saturday finally showed up.  He could ignore his hard-partying friends while dancing with her and taking in how fluidly her curvy but thin body moved in her incredibly tight, neon-yellow dress.  He couldn’t wait to rip it off her later that night.

Saturday had been one of his first “days of the week.”  They had met at UCLA during freshman year and she had been in his fraternity’s sister sorority.  Her sorority hands down had the hottest girls on campus, almost as if that had been their only requirement, and he had thought she, with her luscious, wavy dark brown hair and her bold and curious brown eyes, was the most beautiful of them all.  They started off as party buddies on Greek Row, then friends with benefits, then he had asked her to be his regular girl for his Saturday club nights.  Now that they had graduated, she worked at her mom’s real estate company, slowly being trained to one day take over, but on Saturdays she completely devoted herself to having a great time.  So Saturday she remained.

#

Jade wondered what was wrong with her.  Why did she keep letting people come into her empty apartment?  Especially Liam.  She didn’t want Liam to see how impecunious she really was, and having him walk into her apartment would blow the entire cover.  And yet, there she was, opening the door and turning on the light.

“I haven’t had a chance to buy furniture yet,” she stated before he could make a comment.  “Just make yourself at home.”  Whatever that could possibly mean to a guy who fell off the Perrie-Jesy-Louis tree and was probably used to, not just furniture, but fine furniture of the highest quality.  Why hadn’t she suggested just grabbing her laptop and meeting him at Starbucks?  Why didn’t she have these brilliant ideas before embarrassing herself?

“Or anything else it looks like,” came the comment and Jade just sighed and grabbed her laptop.

“Hence why I need a job.”

Jade powered up her laptop and Liam excused himself and said he’d be right back as he left her apartment.  Yeah, sure, more like he was making a run for it while he had the chance.  Jade didn’t blame him.  He probably was second-guessing why he wanted to hang out with her, and he probably was going to call his friends and tell them that she actually had the nerve to invite him over to an unfurnished apartment, and… 

She sighed and pulled up the Barnes & Noble site, trying very hard to keep focused as she considered how she may never see Liam again.  It had all been a dream.  Obviously.

Then the door opened and she looked over to see Liam walking in with blankets, a chair, and a brown paper bag.

“Did you like go shopping in ten minutes?”  Jade asked dumbly because she didn’t know how else to process what she saw.

“Niall’s an artist, so I figured he’d have some good supplies for building you a fort.”

“What?”

Jade watched him set the chair down at the foot of the blankets that served as her makeshift bed.

“Didn’t you ever build a fort as a kid?” He asked her.  “I used to love building them.  Louis and I made an art out of it and the girls would come over and always want to play in our fort, but we wouldn’t let them,” he said laughing as he got to work.  He draped blankets over the chair and pulled out a hammer from the paper bag so he could nail the corners of the blankets into the wall.

“I never did,” she admitted, trying to not think too hard about how hot it was that he was in her apartment building her a fort.  His intense look and small lip bite as he made sure the nails were even were making it hard for her to concentrate on anything he said back to her.

It ended up being a really pretty fort.  The white and pastel blankets flowed in waves over each other, and he dangled Christmas lights around them, apologizing that they were different types and that he should’ve guessed Niall didn’t like consistency.  He explained himself by making a remark about Niall being a difficult artist as opposed to Zayn’s art which made a lot more sense.  The chair provided a shelf for them, which he moved her laptop to, and he disappeared next door again before coming back with sofa pillows to add to the blankets and comforter underneath.

Jade stood and stared at the creation, in awe and shock, and her mind fuzzy with warm feelings and pure desire.  Liam made her a fort.  She knew she’d have to give all these things back to Niall and Leigh-Anne, but she didn’t ever want to.  She never wanted to tear down this beautiful structure that Liam had made just for her.  For them.

Liam held his hand out, and she took it.  He led her into the fort, his above average height and muscular body taking up more space than he had probably anticipated.  She didn’t care.  She liked the close quarters, and she liked it more when he motioned for her to sit on his lap as they played with her laptop.  The seating arrangement made sense in their confined space, but she still wanted to believe that he had only led her into his lap because he wanted her to sit there.

“Do you think we should be honest about our education?”  Jade asked as she began filling out the application.  “I feel if I say I graduated from Georgetown, they’re going to throw out my application because they’ll think this is a filler job until I find a real one.”

“I can’t imagine Barnes & Noble is under the impression that it’s not a filler job.”

“Are you kidding?  I’m hoping to work my way up to management and retire from there.  Maybe they’ll even let me own a few stores of my own.”

Liam chuckled and placed a kiss on her shoulder that Jade felt all the way up and down her spine.  It made her head even fuzzier, and she desperately wanted him to do it again.

“Okay, let’s do yours,” she said once she had sent hers in.  She committed to memory a lot of his personal details, letting him put in his own Social Security Number and looking away as he did so which caused him to laugh and give her another shoulder kiss.  God, he was going to drive her insane.

“Alright, which school did you graduate from?”  She asked as she took over again at the education section.

“Columbia,” he said, and Jade paused and looked over her shoulder at him.

“Columbia?  As in, Columbia?”

“The school?  Yes?”

She blinked and then asked incredulously, “You graduated from an Ivy and you’re seriously about to apply to work at Barnes & Noble?  What is wrong with you?”

“I hated my major and I met you,” he said, leaning his head up to catch her lips this time instead, and she kissed him back and felt something stir inside her that she was certain she had never felt before.

How they managed to finish his application and send it in, she wasn’t sure, but after they had, Jade put her iTunes on at a soft volume and let her bedtime playlist serenade them as she lay down beside him in the fort. 

Liam seemed intrigued by her body, as he let his fingers trail up and down, finding bits of skin that seemed to send her into a shock each time he made contact.  She bit her lip as his fingers played with the hem of her dress, lifting it up slowly as his large, strong hand moved up her thigh and found the thin fabric of her blue panties.

Jade’s breath caught and she let out a soft moan as she found it again and exhaled.  She felt the thickness of his arms, the tight muscles that felt surreal to the touch of her small hands.  She leaned up to kiss him again, intoxicated as his fingers slipped under the fabric of her panties, to touch her and feel her warmth.  Her legs spread without thought, giving him more room to slide his finger around her clit, sending a wave of shivers through her skull down to her toes. 

She wasn’t a virgin.  Another act of rebellion in college.  But she wasn’t so experienced that she could handle this moment with bravado.  She turned to mush in his confident hands, and she had the idea that he knew what he was doing.  He had done this many times before.  He was one of those people.  The apple didn’t fall far from the tree.  There was a manipulation in play.  And all of these thoughts were mere hazy glimpses in a brain screaming as a result of his fingers sliding into her, moving rhythmically as she tugged at his shirt and wished he would take it off.

Jade slid her hands under Liam’s shirt, feeling the ripples of his hard stomach and following its path, down the hairy trail that led to the button of his pants.  She let out a soft whimper when his fingers left her, but was rewarded with his shirt being removed.  Liam reached for her dress, helping it off her as well.  Both items were banned from the fort, and soon the rest of their clothes were as well, until all that was left inside were the pillows, and blankets, and their naked bodies, and the soft sounds of Fleetwood Mac’s “Dreams” floating from her laptop.

That’s what she was doing right now.  She was dreaming.  This couldn’t be real.  There was no way this beautiful man had bought her Denny’s, taken her to look at the city lights, bought her a rose, built her a fort and made her feel as if she would combust as his tongue found her nipple and teased it, then taunted it, then sucked it as her body shuddered.

And through it all, Stevie Nick’s rasp warned her about how her loneliness could drive her mad, how players only loved when they were playing, and that warning turned into a mantra in Jade’s mind that just excited her more.  As if this is what living was, as if her hands grasping his short hair as her back arched was the whole reason that she was alive right at this moment.  She didn’t care about trees and Wonderland at that moment.  She cared that his tongue was giving her body all its attention, and she cared that right now, in that moment, she was giving herself completely to him.  She trusted him, and she believed in him.  He was real. 

When he finally stopped torturing her and thrust into her, Jade was sure that she wouldn’t survive the night.  He pressed his body against hers, and looked into her eyes, and in a moment of insanity, Liam said to her, “You are so beautiful,” but Jade wanted to believe that it was lucidity instead.  And so she believed it, as she rocked back and forth with him, her body vibrating in anticipation before it could even fully reach its cusp, and when he gave that final blow to send her over the edge, she swore that she could see all the sparkling lights of Los Angeles spread out before her once again.


	9. Chapter 9

The best part of working at Barnes & Noble with Liam was having someone to share literary criticism of the new arrivals with.  A particularly grammatically inept romance had won the display shelf honors, and Jade stood behind the customer service counter, fuming over each incorrect word usage and grimacing each time Liam walked by with a new stack of books to replace on the shelves.

“What incredibly incorrect action did our dear protagonist take now?”  He asked as he picked up an abandoned book from her customer service desk.

“She apparently had an inclination when she obviously needed to have a preference.  An inclination for strawberries, Liam.”

“Who hasn’t had strawberry inclinations?”  He asked with a laugh.

“This is a major publishing house.  I’m at a loss for words.”

“Apparently so is the author,” Liam noted before drifting off to find the right homes for the books in his arms.

They hadn’t been hired at the same time.  Liam had somehow managed to come off better in his application and was called first, then put in a good word for Jade who was hired the next day.  He had given the manager a story about how they had to carpool, so they needed to be scheduled around the same time, and Jade was pretty sure that Liam could’ve charmed the manager into letting them have stock options and bonuses if he had wanted to.

She was just happy to have a job.  She was happier still that she got to work with Liam, who was brilliant at returning books to their proper shelves, mostly because he didn’t want the job of interacting with customers.  Jade loved answering questions and even giving her opinions when sought.

_Have you read this?_

_I have._

_Was it good?_

_Sure, if you enjoy books at the reading level of a five-year-old.  No?  You don’t?  Might I suggest this instead?  Same concept, less condescension._

They only had thirty minutes for lunch, but they made the most of it, walking down the Promenade and enjoying the sandwiches that Jade would make, even though Liam insisted he could buy them both lunch at one of the restaurants.

“I’m trying to make money,” Jade said, “Not lose it.  Eat your sandwich.”

“Yes ma’am,” Liam said with a smile and another bite.

#

Louis did not like surprise visits from his parents, especially from his dad.  He had barely woken up when he heard his doorbell ring, and took his time getting to the door as he tied the loose strings of his black sweatpants.  He figured it was Perrie or Harry, so when he opened the door, he paused to take in his dad in his country club golfing wear.

“I was in the neighborhood,” his dad explained, not waiting for a formal invitation before letting himself in. 

Louis supposed it was only fair considering the place was under his dad’s name and the older man paid the rent.

“You just woke up?”  His dad asked as he stood in the living room, glanced around, and then faced him.  “It’s two in the afternoon.”

“I did and is it?  I should go back to bed.  I was aiming for three.”

“You can’t sleep your life away.”

“I’m pretty sure I read that on a fortune cookie yesterday.  You should get some new material.”

His dad held back a frustrated comment and continued to glance around, and then he walked around – inspecting.  Louis was used to this.  After his attempted suicide, his dad made it a habit to come over and look for signs.  At first Louis got defensive about it, but now he just let him do it.  He had nothing to hide.

The bedroom door opened and Friday came out, her shoulder length blond hair pulled back into a messy ponytail, and wearing a pair of Louis’ boxers and his T-shirt.  She still had another year left at UCLA, one of his favorite sorority recruits his sophomore year.  She carried her clothes from the night before in her hand along with her purse.

“I’ll return these to you next week,” she said before noticing his dad.  “Oh, hi.”

“Hello,” his dad said and Louis opened the door so Friday could keep it moving.  He gave her a small goodbye kiss before she left.  She didn’t usually stay, but last night had been particularly exhausting, and he honestly needed the company, even if it was just a warm body to sleep next to.

The mere fact that he had had company made his dad relax some, and he walked to the kitchen to open the refrigerator and check its contents.

“Why don’t you get dressed,” his dad said.  “I’ll take you to lunch and we can stop by Pavillion’s and get you some groceries.”

“I don’t want to get dressed and I’m good with cereal.  I don’t need groceries.”

“Well your refrigerator needs groceries even if you don’t.  Your friend probably could’ve used a banana on her way out.”

“She’s not my friend.  She’s just a fuck buddy.”

His dad sighed.  He knew Louis did this on purpose.  Louis didn’t even know why he did it.  He just found it impossible to be nice to his parents.  He swore that one day he would treat them better, but every time he woke up with that mentality, one of them would show up and ruin his mood.

“Your mother is worried about you, and so am I.  She called me last week crying because she thinks you’re depressed.”

“That’s why I don’t like to go visit her,” he said as he finally walked into the kitchen as well.  Louis opened a cabinet to pull down his last box of cereal.  He actually did need to go grocery shopping.  “She sees me and thinks the worst.  I’m just doing me.  If you guys left me alone, I could do me better.”

“We left you alone and you ended up with an IV in your arm trying to flush out all the chemicals in your system.  I just don’t even understand it.  I’ve never touched a drug.  Not even pot.”

“Yes, I know, Dad.  You’re the perfect person.  The upstanding citizen who is a role model for all.”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”  His dad watched him as Louis poured the last of the cereal into his bowl.  “I’m just trying to understand.  I’m always trying to understand you.”

“Maybe if you had been home more instead of out fucking your mistress then you could’ve gotten to know me enough to understand me.”

“Maybe,” he said, opening the refrigerator to pass Louis what was left of his milk.  “There’s not enough in there for that bowl.”

Louis shrugged and took it, pouring what was left and tossing the jug into the trashcan.  He knew he should’ve thanked him.  He just couldn’t bring himself to.

“If that’s your grudge against me, then I’m not sure what the grudge is that you have against your mother,” his dad said.  “She’s always been a great mother to you.  Treat me however you want, but don’t treat her like she’s done anything wrong.  All she’s ever done is love you.  Why punish her for that?”

“I’m not punishing anyone, and I don’t have any grudges against anyone.”

“Bull,” his dad said, “You walk around with a dark cloud over your head, hating the world.  And you don’t open up enough to let anyone help you.  Not even your friends.  You need to talk to someone.  I can get you the best therapist money can buy.  You haven’t talked to anyone since…that day.”

“I don’t need to talk to anyone.  I just need to be left alone.”

“You’re not going to be left alone.  I’m sorry to tell you that. I’m sorry that you feel that you need to be left alone, but that’s just not going to happen.  So why don’t we make this a lot easier and why don’t you just go get dressed so we can at least get you some groceries?  Where’s the harm in that?  What horrible thing do you think might happen?”

“Other than listening to you?”

He knew his dad wanted to probably punch a wall, or let out a loud, frustrated yell, but he held it together, and Louis was rather impressed.  Maybe his dad was seeing a therapist.

“Fine,” his dad said, “I’ll go pick up some things for you.”  Louis watched as his dad went to his trash can and started sifting through it.  Odd didn’t begin to describe seeing his dad do this.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“I need to see what you like so I can buy the right things.”

“Dad, stop.”

“I need you to eat, so if I come home with a brand you don’t like, then you won’t eat it.”

“Dad…”

But his dad continued, pulling out empty cereal boxes and empty chip bags and empty beer bottles and the emptiness continued until Louis went over and shut the lid of the trashcan.

“Stop,” Louis said, “This is crazy.  I can buy my own groceries.”

His dad looked at him, and Louis noticed the glazed moistness that glimmered from his eyes before his dad blinked it away.

“I don’t see any indication that that’s true.  I don’t know why you have a problem with this.  I’m your father.  It’s my job to make sure you are fed.”

“I’m 22.  That’s not your job anymore.”

He watched his dad pick up a cereal box to read the back.  A distraction so he could reign in his emotions.

“Being a dad is a job that never stops.  Every day you wake up and wonder if this is the day you’ll get the call that your kid has died.  That you so failed at your job that your only offspring chose death over dealing with it all.”

“I’m not going to try and kill myself again.”

“No,” his dad said looking at him with his own blue eyes.  “Next time you won’t try, you’ll actually do it.”

Louis wanted to protest, but he didn’t know what good it would do.  He dropped his uneaten cereal bowl in the sink and nervously ran his hand through his messy hair.

“I’ll go shower and get dressed,” he conceded, leaving his dad in the kitchen to sigh in relief.

#

Liam hadn’t come up with a good excuse yet for his parents regarding where he spent his days.  He couldn’t tell them he had a job at a bookstore.  The idea that they might be okay with it was always eclipsed by the memory of the disappointed look on his dad’s face at not getting a job on Wall Street after college.

In a perfect world, he’d go to Jade’s every day after work and spend the evening in the fort that she had refused to take down, and talk about books and movies and how everything she knows she learned from watching Disney movies her freshman year of college.  Liam couldn’t even see a Disney-related item anymore without thinking about her.

But he didn’t live in a perfect world, and he had to go home to sleep and pretend that he was looking for a real job.  Unlike Louis’ parents, Liam’s parents would never get him a place to live in without a job that provided enough to cover the rent.  Liam’s parents had the money to do it, but they wouldn’t on principle.  He had to work hard and earn everything he wanted.

He had done the math and knew that he wouldn’t be able to afford his own place off his Barnes & Noble paycheck, and even though he had received a trust fund on his eighteenth birthday, that money was solely to be used for paying his tuition.  He got another one when he graduated, but that one had a lot of restrictions on it as well, primarily that he couldn’t touch it until he had a full-time job.  Unfortunately the bookstore had just hired him and Jade as part-time employees, so he couldn’t even try to play that card if he had wanted to.

“You look exhausted,” his mother said as she grabbed her purse and met him at the door.  “What have you been doing all day?”

Lifting books.  Standing on his feet for long hours.  Picking up the mess in the kid’s book section.

“I was just playing some basketball with Harry.  It’s tiring to chase after all his missed shots,” he joked.  “You look nice.  Where are you headed?”

“The girls and I are doing a movie night,” she said referring to her group of friends who always seemed to be doing a lot of things together.  It was the main reason Liam avoided going to restaurants or wine bars or any activity like those near his home.  He didn’t want to run into his incredibly social mom.

“Have fun,” he said giving her a kiss on the cheek before he closed the door behind her and headed to his room to shower and change out of the clothes he’d been in all day.

His dad didn’t seem to be home, so once he was comfortable, he went to the living room and put on the TV, relaxing with some waffles he had made himself and texting Jade to make sure she had made it home alright.

She texted back a picture of her in her fort, now complete with an air mattress courtesy of Zayn’s family.

He texted her a picture of him eating his waffle.

She texted him a picture of her eating another sandwich she had made.

He texted her a picture of the TV remote.

She texted back a sad face and then asked how he could throw technology in her face like that when she was just happy to have an air mattress.

He texted back a picture of him laughing.

She texted him a picture of her middle finger.

Then his phone rang and a picture he had taken of Perrie at a club popped up. 

Liam considered ignoring it.  He hadn’t talked to Perrie in forever, and she had no real reason to be calling him.  He knew it was a bad idea, but he picked up the call anyway.

“This is random,” he greeted.

“Hello, Liam,” she said with a hint of deviousness.  She was up to something.

“Hello, Perrie.  What’s up?”

“I’ve been bored this week, so I’ve decided to throw a little soiree at my place.  I’d really love it if you and your side thing would attend.”

“Well that just sounds like the most welcoming invitation.  Let me flip that around for you.  Hey, Perrie, I’m throwing a party tomorrow night and I’d really like it if you and your side piece attended.”

“Well I can’t remember her name.  No need to be so defensive, Liam.  I’m just saying.  Come over tomorrow night.”

“I can’t.”

“You can’t or you won’t?”

“Both.”

“Liam,” Perrie said, and he could hear the small hint of irritation, “I really need you to come, okay?  I know you’re not interested in hanging out with us, so I wouldn’t invite you if I didn’t feel it was important.”

“And what’s so important about it?”

“I’m worried about Louis.”

Liam rolled his eyes. 

“This isn’t my problem,” he said.

“Liam, please.  I think the two of you should speak.  Something’s very off with him, and you know I’m useless at dealing with things like that.  Jesy just likes to pretend everything is okay and everyone’s happy and Harry doesn’t hold enough weight in Louis’ mind to make an impact.  That leaves you.”

“That ship has sailed.”

“Don’t say that.  Don’t be mean.  Don’t you remember when we were younger how you used to always promise us you’d protect us?  You’d say that you would never let anything bad happen to us.  You always wanted to be the savior.  This is your chance, Baby.  Save Louis.”

“I learned a lot when I went away.  And you know what the main thing I learned was?  No one can save you but yourself.”

“Louis can’t save himself.  We both know that.”

Liam sighed and even the text that Jade sent with a kissy emoticon couldn’t bring a smile to his face at the moment.  Perrie was right.  Louis had a gift for making others happy or creating the right environment so they could escape and leave their worries behind, but he couldn’t save himself.  He was the Mad Hatter, stuck, and no one could get Time to reverse the punishment.

Then again…

“Liam?  You still there?”

“Yeah, sorry.  Fine, yeah, Jade and I will show up.”

“Thank you.  It means everything.”

“We’ll see,” he said before he hung up.

He called Jade who was already talking into the phone before he could say hi.

“You took so long to respond that I thought you were mad that I had flipped you off.  But you deserved it.  Two paychecks, Liam.  Two paychecks and I too will have a TV, with a remote and everything.”

“We’re going to a thing tomorrow. Heads up,” he said turning the TV off.  He was exhausted.  He got up to put his empty plate in the dishwasher before heading to his room.

“What thing?”

“Perrie is throwing a small get together and invited us.”

“Oh great, the Queen of Hearts personally invited us to her place.  You know what that means, Liam.  Off with our heads.  Thanks but no thanks.”

“I really need you to do this for me,” he said.  “I just…you know, Alice never actually got beheaded.  You’ll be fine.”

“Why do you need to go to this?”

“I just do.  Call it a sixth sense.”

He heard Jade sigh before saying, “Okay, well I don’t play with sixth senses, so if you feel we must, then we must.”

“Thank you, Babe.”

“Yeah yeah.  You owe me.”

“I’ll buy you lunch tomorrow.”

“Deal,” she said, and he turned the light off in his bedroom and slid under his covers, curling up with his comforter as he heard her settle in as well.

They talked each other to sleep, the last thing Liam hearing being her soft snore and the sound of her nighttime music mix lulling them both into dreams.


	10. Chapter 10

“What does one wear to a Queen of Hearts get-together?”  Jade asked Leigh-Anne as she looked through her neighbor’s closet.  She couldn’t wait to make enough money to buy new clothes.  She wished she had the boxes of clothing she had initially packed for her move across the country, but her situation had changed so rapidly that she hadn’t had a chance to even put one of them in her car.  However, as she thought about it now, she realized that leaving behind her old clothes was just as important as having left in the first place.  Her parents had always approved her clothing choices.  Now they wouldn’t be able to.   

She wondered how her mom was doing. 

“I’m wearing jeans and a nice top with these sick heels I got from Nordstrom’s Rack on sale,” Leigh-Anne said snapping Jade out of her thoughts.

“So it’s a jeans kind of thing,” Jade noted, grateful that she only had to pick a top out then.  Jeans she had brought a few of.

“It’s a wear whatever you feel comfortable wearing thing,” Niall said coming into the room already dressed in jeans and a gray T-shirt with a faded design of the American flag.  “It’s just going to be us.”

“Does she do this kind of thing often?”

“Only when she’s up to something,” Leigh-Anne warned.  “You sure you don’t want to wear that red top hanging right there?”

Jade gave her a small glare, then smiled at Leigh-Anne’s playful lips.

“I like this crème sparkly one,” Jade said holding it up to herself.

“It’ll look perfect on you.  I already know.”

Jade returned to her apartment to get ready, looking at herself in the bathroom mirror and trying to back up as far as she could to get as much of a full view as possible.  She wondered what Perrie would be wearing and thought that if she was hosting a get-together with friends, she’d find something cute that both stood out and showed who was in charge without making it seem as if she was overdoing it. 

She knew Leigh-Anne hated Perrie, but Jade found her fascinating.

#

Louis arrived at Perrie’s parents’ house, which Perrie still called home.  Her parents lived up on the hill, far above anyone else so no one could really look at what they were doing, yet they could see all that happened below them.  Ironically, Louis’ parents never liked Perrie’s parents and always put up with them because of their children’s friendship.  Louis’ dad thought Perrie’s dad was a decent enough businessman, but too reckless with company decisions.  Perrie’s dad thought Louis’ dad was talented, but played it too safe.  And yet they still managed to find time to play golf together at least once a month. 

Their moms had never pretended to be cordial to each other.

“I was in the middle of fixing the playlist on my iPod,” Perrie said greeting him with a kiss on the cheek before leading him into the den that was wall-to-wall sliding glass doors and afforded a panoramic view of the city.  “Harry screwed it up.  On purpose, of course.  He doesn’t like me to have nice things.”

“He was trying to fix it for you,” Louis reminded her.  “And he was trying to delete evidence of your horrible music taste.”

Perrie looked at ease in her red leather pants and white midriff shirt that she had tied loosely at the bottom.  She had pulled her blond hair up in a bun and wore one of her mother’s priceless garnet necklaces and matching earrings set.

Louis’ mom thought Perrie’s mom was a stereotype of every Hollywood exec’s wife.  She spent all her time shopping and doing charity work, but nothing she did had real substance.  One day, Louis had overheard his mom mention to his dad that she was worried Perrie would grow up to be just like her mother.  Unfortunately for his mom, she had only been partially right.  Louis believed Perrie had plenty to offer, and he respected her natural instincts for business.  If anything, Louis always thought that Perrie would grow up to one day be a Hollywood exec herself.

“I have great music taste,” Perrie said as she turned the volume up on the stereo speakers that were broadcasting the contents of her playlist.  “Some of us like words with our music.”

“I like a lot of songs with words.  So what’s tonight about?  This whole charade of yours.”

“Can’t a girl want a nice, quiet evening with her friends?  You can invite Saturday if you want.  I won’t mind.”

“Huh, so I guess this isn’t an attempt for you to set me up again with your model friend.”

Perrie smirked at him and said, “Louis, not everything is about you.”

Harry arrived with his possible girlfriend and Jesy came soon after.  Louis occupied himself with trying to put together a semi-decent playlist while Harry told them some story about a crazy thing that had happened on set.

A picture caught his attention as he glanced up to check the volume.  A small framed photo of Perrie with her parents sat above the speaker shelf, and Louis distinctly remembered the day that photo had been taken.  It had been a Parents Day event at their school, Perrie, having just barely turned nine, had won a first place ribbon during a field day event where she had to find her shoes first in a pile, put them on, and run across the finish line.  The smile on her face was one he had never seen on her face again.  She had been so proud of her accomplishment.

“Hey, baby!” Perrie said as Zayn came into the den.  Perrie threw her arms around her boyfriend and gave him a big kiss that Jesy made a bigger deal of than necessary by telling them to get a room.

Zayn went around the room to greet everyone with a hug or a fist bump, but all Louis got was a curt head nod before he went to sit on the sofa next to Harry. 

Zayn had always been that way with him.  Considering that Zayn was the one that had infiltrated their circle, Louis had always thought Zayn could’ve been nice or made more of an effort, but Louis had a suspicion that Perrie had warned Zayn that Louis didn’t take kindly to any of her boyfriends.  Still, Louis thought it was rude. 

Louis did wonder what exactly Zayn saw in Perrie, and he was a little wary of his intentions, but he couldn’t deny that Zayn was a genuinely good guy, so most of the time, he didn’t bother to question it.  He just let Zayn do as he pleased and be who he was.  Zayn seemed good at affording the same courtesy to Louis. 

Still, Louis felt that maybe he should have a better relationship with the guy who had ended up saving his life.  Then again, maybe that was why he didn’t.

“Are Niall and Leigh-Anne coming?”  Harry asked Zayn.

“They’re on their way,” Zayn replied.

Harry got up and motioned Louis toward the pool table.  Louis joined him, more than grateful for the distraction.

#

Liam hated everything about the night, and he hadn’t even gotten to Perrie’s house yet.  He didn’t want to be nervous or anxious about going to her home, but there were too many negatives to outweigh the positives.  The only thing in his mind was the inevitable, impending disaster of the night.

However, he had sent Jade ahead, and he couldn’t leave her there alone with his former friends.  So he kept driving, meandering through the familiar roads past larger and larger mansions before turning onto the private road leading into the exclusive hilltop community with people so rich and powerful that they had long stopped remembering the world around them.

His own parents worked hard to make sure he never forgot, even though he knew they could’ve taken this path as well.  They were modest people.  Holding onto their fortunes until it was time to retire without a care.  They didn’t live in the now, they lived in the future.  Liam wanted to live in the now.

He parked on the street that may as well have been part of Perrie’s home.  The palm tree-lined street only led there, and it had no outlet.  He got out of the car and noticed that Niall and the girls had been waiting in Niall’s car for Liam to arrive.

“Safety in numbers,” Niall said when Liam had walked over to them.

Liam sighed and nodded, then looked up at the architectural masterpiece that he figured one day would be turned into a historical site.

_Here lived the Queen of Hearts._

He took Jade’s hand and led them in.

#

In Maryland, Jade had lived in the largest house in their neighborhood.  That house could fit comfortably three times inside of this one.  There had to be a rule for this much outlandishness.  Too many people had nothing and this house existed for a family of three.  

When they walked inside there had been a mixture of enthusiastic greetings and palpable silences.  People were giving hugs or hand slaps, but Jade was missing most of it as she took in the large spaces and quality furniture.  She broke into a silly grin as she thought of living in a house like this with just her borrowed air mattress and fort. 

“Come get drinks,” Jesy said waving them over to where some bottles and glasses had been set up at the mini bar.  “I love your shirt,” she said to Jade as she followed along.  Jade gripped harder onto Liam’s hand.  She imagined he would keel over at any moment from lack of circulation.

“Thanks, it’s actually Leigh-Anne’s,” Jade pointed out, giving credit where credit was due.

“She has the best taste,” Jesy said, and Jade wondered how honest she was being.  This girl had a massive lifelong crush on Liam.  She was pretty sure she couldn’t be happy about her being there with him.

“She does,” Jade agreed.

Jade felt Liam’s grip tighten, and she looked at him and noticed his brown eyes glancing toward the opposite direction.  She looked over to see Perrie talking to Louis as if having to explain something sternly. 

Why would Perrie invite Liam to something Louis was at if it was going to cause so much tension?  Jade really needed to know why this get-together had been thrown to begin with.  She looked at Liam and gave him a smile and his hand a reassuring squeeze.

“Now that we’re all here, we should play a game.”  Harry said.  “Truth or Dare.”

“I’m game,” Jesy said laughing.

“How old are you?”  Niall asked him as he poured himself some concoction from different bottles.

“You have a better suggestion?”  Harry countered.

“I think a game is a great way to get to know each other better,” Jesy said.  “Come on, everyone get a drink and let’s play.”

“I’m not playing Truth or Dare,” Louis said making his way into the center of the room with his own drink as he assessed the people in it.  “There’s not shit I want to know about anyone in here, and none of you would do anything I dared you to.”

He said it as a joke, and most of the people in the room treated it as one, but Jade knew it wasn’t.

“So then what do you suggest we play?”  Perrie asked, sitting beside Zayn and giving him a small kiss before turning her attention to Louis again.

“Never Have I Ever,” Louis offered.

“I love that game!” Jesy clapped.

“That game never ends well,” Niall said shaking his head.

“Well I didn’t throw a party for us to just stare at each other,” Perrie said, “So let’s go with it.”  Perrie looked back at Jesy and said, “Hun, bring the bottles.”

Liam and Jade hung back by the mini bar for a moment, Jade looking up into Liam’s eyes.

“You okay with this?  We can leave, you know?”  Jade asked him.

“I’m fine,” Liam said in a tone that betrayed the truth.  “If he wants to play games, we’ll play games.”

Jade didn’t like how that sounded. 

She followed him to where the couches and chairs had been set up and took a seat beside him on the loveseat beside Jesy.  Liam sat between the two of them and tried to seem relaxed by stretching his arms across the back of the loveseat and squeezing Jesy’s shoulder playfully with a smile.  Jesy laughed and elbowed him. 

Jade took a sip of her drink.

“Perrie, you should start,” Jesy said.  “It’s your party after all.”

“Hm,” Perrie said looking around as she considered what she should say first.  “Never have I ever started a party with a game until tonight.”

“That’s really lame, babe,” Zayn said, but he took a sip of his drink which caused Perrie to laugh.

“What game did you start a party with?”  She asked him.

“Niall and I threw a party at school that started with strip poker.”

“To be fair,” Niall interjected, “that was the premise of the party.”  He had taken a sip of his drink as well.

Jade took a sip.  Her third birthday party, before everyone could even settle in, she had placed her Twister mat in the middle of the living room floor and made everyone participate.

Eager to move things along, perhaps so he could break up the party and leave, Louis insisted on going next and Jade could feel Liam tense up beside her.  She hated that this arrogant guy had such power over Liam.  She noticed Jesy squeeze Liam’s knee before paying attention to what Louis was going to throw at them.

“Never,” Louis began, “have I ever led a girl on by making her think she’s anything more than just a fling that I’m using while I figure my shit out.”

“That’s…very specific,” Harry said looking confused as to what Louis meant as he tried to determine if he should drink or not.

Jade was confused as well, but only because she didn’t know anyone’s history, so she wasn’t sure who Louis was attacking, and then Liam started speaking, and Jade felt her stomach drop.

“Interesting that that’s the direction you would go in,” he said and Jade looked at him.  He stared straight at Louis, his face set as he zeroed in on his former friend.  “You know how to hurt people just the right way.  You couldn’t go with attacking me, so you had to go with attacking my girl.”

Jade’s stomach went from dropping to flipping.  Did he just call her his girl?  But wait, was he just using her?  What was happening?

“Oh, she’s your girl?”  Louis, so kindly, asked for Jade.  “I hadn’t heard.  Congratulations.”

“Is it too late to switch to Truth or Dare?”  Niall asked, and Leigh-Anne told him to hush.

“I think it’s my turn,” Liam said, and Jade wanted to leave this party immediately.  “Never have I ever been such a selfish coward that I tried to kill myself with my friends in my apartment so they could be left feeling guilty and traumatized for the rest of their lives.”

Jade's eyes widened.  Someone had tried to kill themself?  What was happening?

“I don’t seem to remember you being at the apartment,” Louis countered calmly, and Jesy put her hand up in the air as if trying to stop time from continuing.

“Guys, come on,” she said.  “We’re supposed to be having fun.”

Jade felt as if she was intruding on something too personal for her to be witnessing.  Why hadn’t Liam warned her?  Why had he wanted to come tonight if he probably knew this was what would happen?

“Are we?”  Louis asked as he glanced over at Perrie, “Because I have a feeling that Perrie conceived this little get-together just so she could be entertained watching Liam and I verbally spar.  Where were we, Liam?  We don’t want to disappoint our thoughtful and generous hostess.”

This was too Wonderland all over again.  Everyone was in line to be beheaded and Jade was not going to sit here for it.  She stood up and looked at Niall.

“I want to go home,” she told the blond boy.

“I bet you do,” Louis said addressing her, and Liam stood up beside her.

Jade cut her eyes to Liam to let him know that he didn’t need to do her any favors.

“I’ll take you home,” Liam said.

“But you haven’t even heard the best part,” Louis said, and Jade wanted to wish his words away before he even said them.  “Liam, how long do you normally keep your rebounds before you get bored again?  Two?  Maybe three months.”

Rebounds?  Jade felt her head spin.

“Really, Louis,” Perrie said looking both amused and bored, which Jade thought was quite the talent.  “You should give Jade more credit.  I’m sure she’s not the type to easily fall for a charming boy’s words.”

Strangely, all Jade could think about in that moment was the fort that Liam had built her.  Charming boys certainly had a way with words, but that had been an action, and it had been thoughtful and original.  And charming boys bought you roses and took you to dinner, but they didn’t get a job at a bookstore just to spend time listening to you bash bestselling novels.  Which made Jade think only one thing – his former friends may have known Liam once, but they didn’t know him now.

Liam grabbed her hand and told her they were leaving, but Jade pulled her hand away and looked between Louis and Perrie.

“No.  It’s my turn,” Jade said glancing toward Niall who had started to get up with his keys in his hands and then at Leigh-Anne who was trying to find a place to put her drink so she could get up as well.  Jade looked at Jesy who was biting her lip worried as she looked at her, and at Harry who still seemed as confused as his possible girlfriend looked.  Zayn’s attention was on Jade as well, with a small glimmer in his brown eyes as if knowing that she had it in her to deal with this moment.

Jade took a breath and looked at Louis and then at Perrie and then back at Louis, purposely avoiding any eye contact with Liam.

“Never have I ever been in love,” Jade stated.

There was a miniscule moment where everything froze, and no one moved or said a word.  But then Jesy took a sip, and Louis didn’t, and Harry didn’t, and his possible girlfriend didn’t, but Niall did, and Leigh-Anne did, and Jade watched Perrie carefully as the blond girl still looked at her half-amused, half-bored.  Then to Jade’s surprise, she took a sip, and then Zayn did, though Jade wondered if it was only because Perrie had.  Jade looked at Liam, whose Adam’s apple seemed even larger as he swallowed his entire drink.

Then he put his drink down and left the room.


	11. Chapter 11

Jade was too curious to not follow. She ran outside and looked behind her to see Niall and Leigh-Anne close behind. She motioned with her hand for them to stay back while she went to talk to Liam alone. Things needed to be said, or maybe heard. 

She found him leaning against the hood of his 4Runner, arms crossed, staring up at the hazy sky. He knew someone would follow. She wondered if he knew it would be her, or if he felt disappointed that it was.

“So,” she said, standing before him with her arms crossed as well. The action seemed inappropriate with the warmth of June enveloping them. She had no idea why she felt unsure and defensive. Jade stepped her right foot out, leaning it back against the heel of the tan pumps that Leigh-Anne had also lent her. “You didn’t tell me about your great love.”

Liam snorted and nodded as he looked down from the sky and toward her.

“That’s where you want to start this conversation?” 

“It was the last thing mentioned. I’m working my way backwards.”

“I don’t know why I agreed to come tonight.”

“I’ve been wondering that myself.”

Liam stared at her, the sound of the leaves playing a placating song that they both possibly needed at the moment. Jade looked up momentarily to take in the height of the palm trees on the street. She still hadn’t adjusted to the alien terrain around her, and for a moment had the feeling of being far from home.

“Perrie asked me to come tonight because she felt Louis needed an intervention. She’s worried about him.”

“About him?” Jade scoffed. “I don’t think anyone needs to be worried about him.”

“He’s not okay. Louis didn’t always used to be like this. He used to be the nicest, coolest, guy ever. He would talk to everyone, help anyone out, make you laugh. That’s the real Louis.”

“Was that before he tried to kill himself?” Jade decided to venture into this difficult territory, even though she still wasn’t sure if she was allowed to.

Liam sighed and looked up again. Maybe she shouldn’t have asked. Maybe it was too hard for him to talk about.

“Before,” he answered. He looked back at her, and she noticed that his eyes looked as if he was trying to collect his thoughts. “I still don’t really know what happened. When I came home for summer vacation after my first year of college, everything seemed to be back to normal. As if I had never left. When I returned after sophomore year, I expected everything to be the same again. But things had changed. That’s when Perrie had started dating Zayn, and Niall and Leigh-Anne had come into the picture. Everything for the most part seemed okay, but I knew it wasn’t. I know Louis too well. I know how he functions. Something about him was completely off, and I tried to ask Perrie and Jesy about it, but they acted as if everything was fine. That’s how they cope with things. Everything’s always fine in their world.”

She supposed throwing small get-togethers just to put people in uncomfortable situations for their enjoyment was just fine in their world as well. Jade stayed quiet and let Liam continue.

“Louis was never the type to lose control, but suddenly that’s all he was doing. He was getting careless with his partying, getting into harder drugs, ending up passed out or in some crazy situation that didn’t make sense. I tried confronting him about it, which made him start pushing me away. Then one Sunday morning, just as I was getting ready to head out to church with my parents, I noticed my phone was buzzing. When I checked it I saw all these missed calls and missed text messages. When I picked up the call, I had a hysterical Jesy on the line saying I had to hurry over to Cedars.”

Jade knew her big eyes were already wider. She couldn’t imagine receiving that kind of call from anyone, much less her closest friends.

“I could barely get the words out to my parents that I had to get to the hospital. They offered to drive me but I was already out the door. And I get to the hospital and Perrie is throwing herself at me, hitting me like if it’s my fault that Louis is in the hospital. And Zayn is there trying to pull her off while apologizing to me at the same time. After everything, I still vividly remember Zayn apologizing. It’s the dumbest thing what people remember when their lives have gone to shit. Like when you get in a car accident, and you can’t remember how you got into the accident, but you’ll never forget what song was playing on the radio when it happened.”

Jade nodded. That was so true.

“Finally, Jesy fills me in on what happened. After they had gone clubbing, they had gone back to Louis’ place. And they were just hanging out, playing music loud, smoking weed, relaxing after a fun night, when Louis excuses himself to go to the bathroom. After a very long while, Zayn asks what the hell happened to Louis. It wasn’t Jesy that asked. It wasn’t Perrie. It wasn’t Harry. It was Zayn, a complete outsider, a guy who didn’t even get along with Louis in the first place, who noticed that Louis was gone for a really long time. Everyone was so fucking out of it that they hadn’t noticed, but Zayn went to go check anyway and that’s when he found him. Passed out on his bathroom floor with empty bottles of pills beside him.”

Jade gasped, but more than anything, she was shocked and horrified for Zayn. Her hand flew up to her mouth as she continued to listen.

“He had used a combination of Xanax and oxy, the oxy he got illegally, the Xanax was his. Here I was standing in a hospital, hearing all this shit, and thinking to myself, what kind of guy doesn’t even know his best friend’s on Xanax?” He shook his head. “Anyway, that combined with all the alcohol he had already drank that night at the club, plus whatever the hell else he had taken, put him pretty well near death’s door. But whether he wants to admit it or not, he’s got a strong will to live inside of him.”

“I am so sorry,” Jade finally said. “I can’t even imagine what it’s like to go through something like that. Did he ever tell you why he did it?”

“I didn’t get to talk to him that night. Only his parents were allowed in to see him. Later, after he was more coherent and could receive visitors, he wouldn’t allow anyone in to see him. After he was released, he headed back to his apartment, and the longer he took to communicate, the angrier I started getting. So by the time Perrie informed me that Louis was seeing people again, I had pretty much had it. I went over, and all I could think is what kind of selfish person tries to kill himself, then tortures the people he hurt even more by refusing to talk to them? I don’t know what I was expecting when I went to his place, but he acted like everything was okay. He offered me some cereal, and then asked if I wanted to play Call of Duty with him. I looked at him like he was crazy. Then I asked him if we really weren’t going to talk about it, and he just shrugged and said he was over it.”

“Ouch,” Jade said.

“Yeah, pretty much. So I laid in on him. I just went off telling him how selfish he was, and how scared everyone was, and why didn’t he tell me he was on Xanax, and why didn’t he call me or talk to me when things were obviously getting so bad for him that he had to resort to trying to end it all. And he looked at me, and I swear to you, Jade, that I almost wanted to kill him myself at that moment, but he looked at me and said that he didn’t think I gave a shit about him or anyone else anymore. He said that to me.”

Jade pouted and reached her arm out to touch his, feeling he needed a reassuring touch. She could imagine how much that had to have hurt Liam.

“He wanted to hurt you,” Jade said.

“I know that now, but I didn’t know that then. It took me almost until this year to realize that he purposely was pushing me away. Just like he purposely pushed away his parents. Basically, anyone that really cared about his well-being. That’s why he keeps Perrie, and Jesy, and Harry around. They’re all good at playing along with his charade.” Liam shook his head and looked down at his shoes, almost as if he was ashamed and sorry again for Louis’ attempted suicide. It was clear to Jade that he blamed himself. “I wasn’t going to watch my best friend kill himself. I wasn’t going to stand by while he pretended that he was alone and without any worth. I wasn’t born with that kind of strength.”

“I don’t believe that for one second,” Jade said, rubbing his arm. “I think not enabling him requires a lot more strength. I think you were the strongest person in this situation, and I think your friends might partially resent you for it, but I also think, if I had to judge based on my limited interactions with them, that they’re actually hoping that you can fix things. Perrie invited you for that purpose. She thinks you can help him be who he used to be. I think you can, too.”

Liam looked at her, unsure of what he was hearing, but Jade continued.

“But I don’t think this is the right way to do it. You shouldn’t be doing it in front of everyone. This house is big enough for you guys to find a quiet place where you can just say what you need to say to each other.”

“I don’t know if I have it in me to deal with this tonight.”

“You’re already dealing with it. You might as well finish it.”

He stayed silent, and Jade figured he was thinking about how to approach the situation. The silence made her own mind wander, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get it to stop wandering right back to the same place. So she finally brought the conversation back to the beginning.

“So who was she? And did you dump her after two or three months when you got bored?”

It had sounded nicer and more like a joke in her head, but her feelings had betrayed her. Jade could see Liam’s annoyance level rise again, and she wished she could be put off by it, but it just made her more intrigued. He normally seemed so calm, but tonight was bringing out a side of him she hadn’t seen before.

“I can try and put the pieces together,” Jade said, “but it’s probably better if you just tell me the truth.”

Leigh-Anne’s heels weren’t as comfortable as she had hoped. Jade pulled herself up on the hood of Liam’s car to sit.

“No, I didn’t dump her. She dumped me. We were together for three years.”

Liam looked back up at the haze and closed his eyes for a moment. The action gave Jade a mesmerizing view of his sculpted jawline and the stubble that she wished she could feel against her skin instead of sitting there having this conversation with him.

“Three years is a very long time,” Jade said because she couldn’t think of what else to say.

“It went by really fast. So fast that when she was telling me that she had met someone else and that I wasn’t the same person I had been, it felt like someone had thrown ice water on me. Like what was she talking about? We had just gotten together, we were great, everything.” He shook his head. “I was so caught up in the frustrations of my life, that I didn’t even realize how I was coming across to her, or anyone.”

“Hm,” Jade said suddenly understanding and suddenly connecting the dots of his life. “Or even how you were coming off to your friends when you’d come back home.”

She saw his brown eyes narrow at the analysis, but he said nothing. Jade sighed and reached her hand out to take his.

“So you have your theories as to what made Louis change,” she said. “What do you think, if you were honest with yourself, what do you think Louis’ theories would be as to what made you change?”

“Being a failure,” he answered and Jade was surprised by the quickness of the reply.

“You can’t say you’re a failure when you’re a Columbia graduate…”

“Working at Barnes & Noble,” he cut in before she could finish.

“Hey! I don’t consider myself a failure.”

“Well your dad wasn’t expecting you to rule Wall Street was he?”

Jade snapped her hand out of his and got off the hood of his car, glaring at him as she stood before him.

“You have no idea what my dad expected of me! And it doesn’t matter anyway. He doesn’t get to dictate my life. I’m so sorry that you consider yourself a failure when you get to work at Barnes & Noble for fun to mess around with your two to three month crush, without having to worry about if you’re making enough money to cover rent, never mind actually pulling off electricity.”

Jade was yelling at him, but she wasn’t mad at him at all. She was incredibly frustrated with herself. What in the hell was she even doing hanging out with him or messing around with a guy like this? What was she doing hanging out with his friends? She was losing focus. She needed to find a real job that could actually pay her bills, she needed to write her novel, and she needed to make her dreams come true.

“God, I hate you,” she said shoving him and then walking toward Niall’s car. She hoped Niall and Leigh-Anne had seen enough to know that they needed to appear and drive her away.

“Hey,” Liam said taking her hand. “I’m sorry. Jade, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“I don’t care,” she said. “I just need to get…”

“No, listen to me. Just listen to me. I think you’re amazing. I have never thought bad of you for not having anything or for living how you do.”

“Right, because that way of living is good enough for me, it’s just not good enough for you.”

“No,” he said frustrated, “God, just let me talk.”

“You’ve talked enough, and I’m not the person you need to be talking to right now. You have a friendship to salvage.”

She pulled her hand away and tried to see if the door to Niall’s car was open, but it wasn’t. Jade looked toward the way that she had last seen her friends, but they seemed to have conveniently disappeared from view. She took out her phone to text Leigh-Anne.

“Jade,” Liam said in a calmer tone, “I don’t know how you do it actually. How you were able to stand up to your parents and just leave them and try and do this on your own. I didn’t even think twice of staying in New York once I failed at getting a job. The reason I like being around you so much is because you inspire me. You’re everything I can’t figure out how to be.”

“And once you figure me out and apply it to your own life, you’ll stop talking to me and move on.”

Confusion took over Jade as Liam suddenly walked away. She looked toward his retreating figure, surprised that that had been his reaction. She thought he’d argue or try and make her think differently, pleading his case again, but instead he was walking back toward the house as if he was on a mission, and then Jade realized probably why.

“Shit,” she said as she put her phone in her jeans and tried to catch up to Liam as fast as she could in Leigh-Anne’s uncomfortable heels.

#

Louis hadn’t bothered to stay in the den with the accusatory glares of his so-called friends. Instead he had gone out to the balcony and leaned forward on the railing, taking in the muted view of the city lights in the late-night haze.

He had gone too far. He knew it. But he couldn’t stop himself from doing it. It seemed natural to hurt people now. Especially Liam.

He heard the sliding glass door open and knew it was Perrie without bothering to have to look.

“Well that was quite the display,” she said as she grasped the railing and stood beside him, taking in her own view.

“It’s what you wanted wasn’t it? Is that what tonight was about? Oh wait, not everything is about me right?”

“I just thought you and Liam should finally talk this whole thing out. Frankly, it’s dumb.”

“Doing this was dumb. You don’t get to play god to your friends, Perrie. That’s not how it works.”

“I guess not, but it was certainly worth a try.”

Louis stared at the view for quite some time, and Perrie let him, staying quiet beside him, using the moment to regain her own bearings, he assumed.

“Look inside,” she said after a while. “Just like, turn around and look.”

Louis didn’t want to, but he did anyway, seeing that Niall and LeAnne had come back in and were talking to Zayn, while Jesy, Harry, and his possible girlfriend laughed at something as they talked to each other as well.

“What am I looking at?”

“Civility,” Perrie said. “Respect. Common ground. Friendship. Human bonding. You’re looking at life itself. I have a theory that you were successful at killing yourself, and you’ve been haunting us ever since. You’re a ghost looking in at life, but not able to partake of it because you’re dead. And without you, people keep living their lives, keep forming bonds and trying to chase their dreams, but then you come around and you make them scared, and you make them nervous, and they want you to just go away so they can keep living without being haunted. People always say that you can’t save someone, that they can only save themselves. But you can’t save yourself, because you’re already dead. So I invited Liam to try and save you, because I think he’s the only one of us that can speak to ghosts.”

Perrie had to be high. Louis was convinced she had done a whole bowl and not told anyone.

“I think you’re crazy.”

“I think I’m right.”

She left him alone on the balcony and Louis watched as she put the music on louder and grabbed Jesy’s hand to dance with her because Zayn never would.

He had to look away, not capable of looking at his friends as they carried on as if there hadn’t been a massive tension-filled game played just moments earlier.

Maybe his life really was just one long M. Night Shyamalan movie. In which case, he probably should’ve quit while he was ahead. He heard the loud noises behind him of laughing, and raised voices, and then exceptionally raised voices that sounded more like yelling. He turned just in time to see Liam yanking open the sliding glass door.

#

Liam knew there was no point in having a conversation with Louis out in the den balcony. There was no privacy and too many people were ready to jump in if things got too heated.

“Meet me upstairs in the theater,” Liam ordered.

He turned to leave, not answering any of the comments from the people around him. He saw Jade coming in, looking confused, and he wished he had it in him to laugh when she told Leigh-Anne that the house was too damn big and she hadn’t remembered how to get to this stupid room.

Liam went up the stairs and let himself into the theater. Perrie’s dad had had it built to resemble the old historic theaters in the area, and he’d invite his colleagues and friends over to screen the films he was financing. Instead of rows of uncomfortable theater chairs, there were rows of lush leather sofas that reclined and had large padded armrests with built-in cup holders. The screen was about the size of a small theater, and the entire place had the type of soundproof padding that Liam hoped would keep the conversation only between him and Louis. Even if their friends put their ears to the door, they wouldn’t be able to hear a thing. And that’s if Louis even bothered to show up.

When they were younger, Jesy, he, and Louis would come over to watch animated films with Perrie in this room. They would reenact their favorite scenes and jump around on the couches no matter how many times Perrie’s nanny had told them not to. He had half a mind to jump on them now.

The door opened and closed and Liam looked toward Louis as he walked over to him, hands shoved in the pockets of his pants. Louis stopped on the opposite side of the couch where Liam stood, keeping his distance.

“I’m here,” Louis said, his blue eyes daring Liam to attack verbally, maybe physically.

“You know I don’t care if you hurt me, but there was no reason for you to hurt Jade. Why would you do that?” Liam knew how he sounded, but he didn’t care. Let Louis see what he had done.

“Are you serious right now? You’re crying over pussy?”

“Fuck you,” Liam said. “I forgot, there’s no way you would understand. You treat girls like they’re just toys you can play with for the night and toss to the side.”

“So do you.”

“I used to, but that all changed in New York. And I always tried. I always got invested. You never bothered. Not even with Perrie.”

Louis and Perrie had always seemed destined to be high school sweethearts. When they had finally gotten together, Liam thought they’d end up living happily ever after. He had thought wrong.

“A lot seemed to have changed for you in New York. You should’ve stayed over there.”

“I wish I could’ve,” Liam admitted, and he walked away from the sofa, looking around. “I had my life mapped out. I knew what I wanted. For once. I knew that I wanted to marry my girlfriend one day, I knew that I wanted to make my dad proud, I knew that I thought I wouldn’t have a care in the world because I’d be doing what I wanted to do.”

“You never wanted to be a money guy,” Louis said, taking his hands out of his pockets so that he could cross his arms.

“No, but I wanted to be with her, and I wanted to make my own money and enough of it so I could buy us a summer house out here. She had never been to California.” Liam sighed. “I fell in love, but I never wanted to be a money guy. I let that consume me, and she left me for someone who had things better figured out. Now here I am, and I don’t relate to my friends, I don’t know what I’m doing, and the only thing that has made any sense at all has been this girl that literally came out of nowhere.”

“I don’t know why you’re wasting your time telling me this. I don’t give a shit about what you’ve done or what you do.”

Liam faced him and crossed his arms as well.

“Do you remember when we watched _Finding Nemo_ in here?” Liam said. “The first time. We were like 11 or somewhere around there. Jesy didn’t make it five minutes into the movie without crying. She thought it was the saddest set-up to a story ever, and she didn’t enjoy the rest of the movie because she couldn’t get over the tragic beginning?”

“Pixar has a habit of starting with tragic beginnings,” Louis offered.

“Seriously,” Liam said with a small smile of agreement. “But yeah, I remember that you tried to convince her afterward that nothing had really happened to Nemo’s family, because it was a movie and they were just actors and they were happily swimming in a million dollar aquarium that they could afford off their residuals alone.”

Louis rolled his eyes and said, “I was such a weird kid.”

“You were a great kid,” Liam said nodding. “A great kid. She wasn’t young enough to believe you or anything. She knew it was animation, obviously, but she was still upset thinking about all these fish living in the ocean in real life and all they had to put up with just to survive. Jesy’s so damn sensitive.”

“Too sensitive.”

“And she hasn’t changed. She’s still sensitive. And we watched her date asshole after asshole because she wanted to save them and make them better people. So she didn’t care that they never reciprocated or that they used her, because she just wanted them to be okay. Like Nemo’s family.”

“What is your point, Liam?”

“And Perrie. Can you believe she’s still with Zayn? Have you ever thought about what she could possibly see in him, or better yet, what he could possibly see in her? But there they are, still going strong, taking a sip of their drink because they’ve been in love, hopefully with each other. But I mean, Christ, do you remember that tool at our school that she was with for all of senior year? The one that told her that she needed to wear tighter jeans, and wear her hair down all the time?”

“I remember beating the crap out of him at a party.”

Liam remembered Louis trying, but the guy was bigger, and even though Louis was scrappy, he would’ve been put in the hospital if Liam hadn’t jumped in to help him out. Two against one wasn’t a fair fight, but the guy deserved it.

“Perrie was so mad at us,” Liam said.

“Yeah, well, she was smart enough to never talk to him again.”

“She was,” he remembered.

“I still don’t know what the point of this walk down memory lane is,” Louis said, but his demeanor was less defensive. His arms were still crossed, but had relaxed some.

Liam took a seat on the couch.

“Aren’t you tired, man?” Liam asked, looking back up at him. “Think for a minute about what your life was like. Before things got too crazy. Back when you dreamed of being the greatest DJ in the world.”

“Dreams are for idiots,” Louis said, but he leaned against the sofa facing him and uncrossed his arms, tucking his hands into his pockets again.

“Or maybe only idiots stop dreaming.”

“Either way you’re an idiot.”

Liam smiled and pulled up a picture of his ex-girlfriend. He hadn’t been able to delete all the evidence of her, a part of him believing that one day she would call and apologize and say she wanted him back. He turned his phone around and handed it to Louis so he could see it. Louis took it and Liam explained.

“I never really talked to you about her.”

“I saw the pics of you guys together on facebook,” Louis acknowledged, nodding at the picture as he took it in before giving the phone back to Liam. “You two looked happy enough.”

“She didn’t just break my heart. She murdered it, stomped all over it and threw it into the Hudson.”

“That sounds overdramatic.”

“That’s how shit feels when you’re in love. You’re actually smart to avoid it.”

“I’m sure you’ll find another girl to fall in love with. That’s the thing about girls. They’re everywhere.”

Liam snorted, and even Louis’ lips twitched.

“Well, right now, I’m intrigued by the one downstairs, or outside if they’re all trying to listen in.”

“Perrie knows there’s no point in listening. What do you like so much about this one?”

“She’s nuts.”

Louis raised his eyebrow.

“No, seriously, she’s nuts,” Liam said grinning. “She lives in a tiny apartment with no furniture and sleeps every night on an air mattress that was lent to her by Zayn’s family. I made her a fort, and she refuses to take it down. She makes us sandwiches for work even though I can afford to buy her lunch. She bashes every book that comes into the store for things like wrong word usage and misplaced modifiers. She’s nuts.”

Louis’ eyebrows downturned in confusion and he looked at Liam closer, as if he had missed something.

“I think I’m not aware of something here. What do you mean ‘for work’? Where are you working?”

“Barnes & Noble.”

Louis leaned back as if having to digest this information and then looked at him confused all over again.

“What? Why?”

“Because I don’t know what else to do, so I got a job with her so we can hang out while I try and figure out what exactly I’m supposed to do with my life since I can’t do anything with my degree.”

“And your parents are okay with this?”

“They don’t know. I can’t tell them. I don’t want to hear it.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Louis said shaking his head, but then he sighed and Liam could see him trying to regain his ill feelings toward Liam. Liam had made him too comfortable, and he knew he had a small window of opportunity before he lost him again.

“I’m not sure if she’s going to talk to me again after tonight,” Liam admitted. “She’s a little upset about things she learned here tonight, but I will say that you might be right. It might be a short fling while I’m figuring things out, but right now, it feels like the only thing that makes sense. I like her. I liked her the moment I saw her.”

“She was hard to miss in that little red dress.”

Liam smirked.

“I should’ve known you noticed,” Liam said.

“I notice everything,” Louis said with a shrug. “She’s a beautiful girl. I get it. I won’t get in the way of you and her and whatever this is you two are doing.”

“I appreciate that.”

“In return, I’d appreciate you not trying to psychoanalyze the shit out of me. Or talking to me about things as if we’re still friends. Because we’re not.”

“If that’s the way you want it,” Liam said getting up from the sofa. “Just so you know, I’m not going anywhere. I’m stuck here in LA, and we’ll probably end up running into each other a lot. Having the same friends and all.”

“Nah, it’s just a matter of time before you slip up and say the wrong thing in front of your parents blowing your whole struggling bookstore employee cover. Then they’ll kill you and I’ll never see you again.”

Liam nodded as he stood with his hands in his pockets, mimicking Louis without having intended to.

“That’s a high possibility,” Liam acknowledged. “So I have a Jade that I need to smooth things over with. I guess I’ll see you around.”

Louis shrugged and started toward the door.

“There’s a DJ I’m supposed to check out tomorrow downtown,” Louis mentioned. “We’re all going. Maybe you and Jade can stop by.”

“I’ll run it by her.”

Louis opened the door for Liam, and Liam stepped out.

“Good luck with that whole thing,” Louis offered.

“Yeah, thanks. Where are you headed now?”

“I’m gonna see if Saturday wants to hit up a bar. I need to get away from these people.”

Liam couldn’t agree more. He reached the bottom of the stairs where Niall was waiting for him.

“I thought I’d give you the chance to talk Jade out of walking down the hill, then walking down Sunset until she found the 405, to walk down it and somehow survive the walk without getting hit by the freeway drivers as she makes her way home, barefoot mind you.”

“That’s…so Jade,” Liam sighed.

“You’re right,” Louis said as he headed out past them, “she is nuts.”

Niall waited for Louis to be out the door before turning back to Liam and saying, “Well it looks like you two survived.”

“Baby steps,” Liam said. “Where’s Jade?”

“By your car. Last I checked she was hitting it with Leigh-Anne’s heels.”

“I’ll get her home. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

They traded fist bumps before Liam went outside and sure enough found a determined Jade, hitting his car with the heel that Leigh-Anne hadn’t managed to get out of her hand.

“She’s all yours,” Leigh-Anne said throwing her hands up in defeat. “And the next time you put her in this mood, I’m putting these on and kicking you in the damn balls.”

“I’ll make sure the other shoe gets to you in one piece, Cinderella.”

“Mhmm,” Leigh-Anne said rolling her eyes before leaving to go back inside.

Liam grabbed Jade’s hand to peel the shoe out of her fingers before opening the door for her.

“I can walk,” she stated.

“It amazes me how little alcohol it takes to get you like this,” Liam said trying not to show how amused he was by this bratty display. “Come on, get inside so I can get you to your fort.”

“You’re mocking my fort!”

“How can I be mocking your fort if I built it? I’m damn proud of that fort, thank you very much.”

Jade climbed in mumbling something that Liam didn’t understand, and he shut the door and took a deep breath before going to the driver’s side and getting in. This was going to be a long drive.


	12. Chapter 12

Louis had woken up entangled underneath Saturday’s long limbs. His movements were stealth as he slipped from under her, barely disturbing her position as he left the comfort of his warm bed. He pulled on his dark gray boxers and headed to the living room with his phone, seeing if he had missed anything interesting throughout the night.

Something always happened. And when it did, it was always communicated to him via text.

_Perrie: Sunday brunch, mimosas on me. Not like that. You wish ;)_

_Jesy: Are you okay? Is everything okay? Call me!_

_Harry: Possible girlfriend dumped me. Something about the party being eye opening. How is it possible to be dumped by a possible girlfriend?_

_DJ#1: You coming tomorrow night, man? Want to know what you think of my set. Hope all’s well._

_Perrie: Bringing my girl for mimosas with us since you refuse to call her._

_Frat brother#1: Hey man! What’s the word for tomorrow? Bored as shit._

_Harry: Why did I let Jesy talk me into that many shots? I just threw up._

_Jesy: I’m so drunkasted._

_Sunday: What’s the club for tomorrow night? I might be late because I have to help a friend move._

_DJ#2: What’s the deal with Splash or whatever the fuck it’s called? I want in._

_Harry: Jesy’s molesting me!_

_Perrie: Are you still up?_

_Investor#1: Just left a club that popped up this weekend. Great concept. Need a meeting to discuss doing something similar. Call me when you’re not hungover._

_DJ#3: Just got booked for a set Thursday night. Be there. I’ll email you the link._

_Jesy: Louis I love you okay? Be okay._

_Tuesday: I wish it was Tuesday. I need a good fuck._

_Sorority girl#1: Where’s the place to be tomorrow night?_

_Harry: Jesy’s crying :\_

Louis scrolled through the rest of his messages then went to shower. By the time he was done, Saturday was up, clutching a blanket to her chest as she sat in his bed and looked barely awake.

“I was waiting for you to be done so I could pee,” she said with a yawn and he smiled, thinking that was oddly adorable.

“Well I’m done,” he said as he walked to his closet, towel wrapped around his waist as he tried to figure out what to wear for mimosas with Perrie.

She lost the blanket and walked to the bathroom naked, Louis enjoying every piece of the view before turning his attention back to his clothes. He went with jeans and a polo, trying to think of what could most put off Perrie’s model friend. That night that he had met her, he had been a little surprised that she had been so willing to come back to his place with him. Something about her seemed reserved, introverted, conservative, and generally too nice. But she had played along well, taking his cues well and never balking at his suggestions or advancements.

He remembered they had started in his living room, on the couch, making out before he had led her to his room and told her to take all her clothes off. Louis liked to see how far girls would go on their first try with him. Most of the girls he met wanted to be part of his inner circle because they were going to use him for something – clout, money, drugs, fame, fortune. They each thought he could provide something that they needed, and he knew none of them gave a shit about who he really was. So they did whatever he wanted them to, but each girl had her breaking point – the one thing that would make them run. Only the ones that didn’t run could stick around and be a day of the week.

Perrie’s friend had taken her clothes off without hesitation. Louis accepted that. She was a model, she was used to showing her body. He had walked around her, assessing her, studying her, not because he was checking her out, but because he wanted to see if she would buckle under the scrutiny. She hadn’t. Each command after that, hadn’t broken her either. So Louis came to two conclusions about her that night. 1. She was a freak with a longer list of turn-ons than he probably had. 2. She was a model, so she wanted to use him for the visibility factor in their club and bar scene. Louis was used to both, and she was beautiful in a sweet way, more a girl-next-door type than a runway superstar, so he didn’t mind adding her to his roster.

“I see you’re channeling your posh-ness today,” Saturday said as she slipped her dress from the previous night back on. She didn’t bother with her panties, shoving them in her Prada bag instead.

“Even I have illusions to uphold,” he stated, sitting on his bed to put on his shoes.

“We all do, babe,” she said giving him a kiss before leaving.

Louis splashed on some cologne and tried to do something with his hair, opting to just let it be and letting his shades distract from it. He arrived just a few minutes late to Perrie’s favorite Sunday brunch spot on Fairfax. She was already seated with her model friend who wore a simple, off-white baby doll dress and had her wavy, brown hair up in a neat pony tail.

“Traffic was brutal,” he said greeting both girls with a kiss on the cheek before taking a seat next to Perrie.

“Did you call Jesy back?” Perrie asked him. “She had a premonition or something that something bad had happened to you.”

“I didn’t get the chance,” he said as he looked over the menu.

“I’ll call her and let her know you’re fine and with me,” Perrie said, deliberately getting up to leave him and her friend alone.

Louis didn’t bother addressing her friend as he continued to look over the menu. Their waitress brought him his mimosa and he took a sip before placing his menu down and finally turning his attention to Perrie’s model.

“So Perrie seems intent on making you and me happen,” he stated.

“I asked her to,” the girl admitted and took a sip of her mimosa as well.

“Why?”

“I’m intrigued by you.”

“You’re intrigued by my money and my popularity. You’re not intrigued by me.”

“I’m not sure of that yet. I was hoping to find out.”

“You should save yourself and not bother.”

“I’m a big girl, I can handle myself.”

Louis sipped his drink again, taking in the soft features of her face that made her look younger than the 21 years she claimed to be.

“Let me lay this out for you so you can stop wasting your time. I don’t do relationships. I don’t do girlfriends. I’m not the kind of guy you take home to your parents. I don’t commit. I don’t do things on your schedule. You do things on mine. I have a lot of girls. They each get a day. I can make you my Monday girl, and we can fuck around on Monday nights, but that’s as far as that will ever go. If I tell you to be at a place on Monday night, you need to be there. I don’t fall in love with people, so don’t get your hopes up. I will never see you as anything more than a business strategy, and I expect you to look like a fucking movie star whenever we’re out together. I don’t do ugly. No one should do ugly,” Louis unnecessarily added, but he figured she should be aware of his principles since she was sitting there listening to him.

He had given this speech to many girls in the past couple of years, and a great deal of them had run away crying or thrown their drink in his face, but the brunette girl just sat there staring at him, as she held her drink and seemed to be thinking.

“I’m taking some acting classes on Monday.”

“They go all night?”

“Almost, my last one ends around ten. And since I’d have to look like a fucking movie star for you, it would take me awhile to get ready. How about Wednesday?”

He didn’t answer and looked out the French windows at the busy street outside. He thought about how much he liked Wednesday. She was another brunette and an aspiring actress who he had met at some party Harry had told him to tag along to. Harry introduced them, knowing her from a movie they had been extras in together. He had wondered why Harry hadn’t just taken her for himself, but then soon learned that Harry had a thing for alternative types. He’d have to talk to her about moving her to Monday.

“Alright, Wednesday it is. We’ll see how it goes this week.”

“I guess we will,” she said and Perrie returned at that moment, as if she had been spying and waiting for the right time to sit back down.

“Jesy’s happy to know you’re fine,” she mentioned.

“Good,” he said as he took his phone out to see if he had anymore missed messages. He scrolled through them as the girls talked about unimportant things, and paused when he noticed one from Liam. He clicked on it, hoping that he said he’d be coming to the club tonight, but he was disappointed to find the exact opposite message.

_Liam: Jade needs a break from the crew so we can’t make it tonight. Taking her to the beach instead so she can recharge. Something about water being her spirit animal. Which makes no fucking sense. She makes no fucking sense. God I like her._

#

Jade didn’t know what Liam was on, but there was no way she was letting him follow her to the beach. This was her alone time, so she could recharge and get herself together. She was done with him. So completely and totally. The fact that he had stayed the night at Niall’s so that he’d catch her first thing in the morning had just upset her more. Why couldn’t he just go away?

“You do realize that you don’t own the beach?” He said as she warned him not to follow as she got in her car.

“Oh, you and your friends own that too? Thanks for letting me know.”

She shut the door and drove off fast, hoping he wouldn’t be able to catch up in his own car. She usually went to Venice or Santa Monica, but this time she went further north, thinking that if she lost him and he tried to look for her, he wouldn’t think to do the same. She ended up in Malibu, finding a spot to parallel park and taking her time climbing down the wooden stairs on the side of the hill that led to the actual beach. Small rock formations sprouted up from the water and a smile took over her face at seeing something she had never seen before. Ocean City and Rehoboth certainly didn’t look like this.

Jade took her Keds and socks off and left them on the sand as she ran into the shallow end of the water, kicking her foot against the cool Pacific Ocean and watching the water splash up. Then she put her hands on her hips and stared.

How had she allowed herself to get so caught up in this boy? How had she completely forgotten everything she was supposed to be doing the second he had come into her life? Jade had never really been good with boys. She had had one boyfriend at Georgetown which she had treated more as a social experiment than an actual relationship. Because her father hadn’t allowed her to date, she was completely inept in doing so when she got to college, but she was determined to change that. Unfortunately she spent their whole five-month relationship taking notes and overanalyzing everything they did together.

She had gone on a few dates after that, but none of the guys had really captured her interest, either being too into themselves or too interested in just wanting to sleep with her. Liam hadn’t been too into himself. He had taken care of her, and fed her, and shared so many deep and personal things with her. If it wasn’t love at first sight for him, it was certainly trust at first sight. And yes, she had slept with him soon after, but she had felt as if she had already known him for so long. Damn him.

Damn him and his crazy friends.

She still didn’t understand what had happened last night. Why was Liam friends with people like that? Why were Niall and Leigh-Anne fake friends with them? What the hell did Zayn see in Perrie? What was wrong with all of them? And what was wrong with her that she kept getting dragged into situations that required hanging out with them? She needed new friends. She needed to get away from these toxic people. She was losing herself, and she felt it, and standing in the water was giving her the clarity and reason to see her way back to the right path.

But she felt him standing behind her. She could sense his presence without even turning around. Maybe she could’ve made it harder to be followed.

Jade took deep breaths and breathed in as much of the ocean air as she could before giving up the fight and turning around to walk back to where he had sat on the sand. He had his knees up, his arms lazily wrapped around them as he waited.

“I told you not to follow me,” she said, looking down at him and blocking his view of the water.

“You know we need to talk. Avoiding the issue leads to bad things. I know this from experience.”

“Okay, let’s talk,” she said, putting her hands on her hips again. “I got caught up. You’re charming, and I fell for it. But I can’t be into someone like you.”

“Someone like me?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know what I mean. I don’t like powerful people. You and your friends are powerful people. I can’t be around people who think they can be assholes and not have to answer for it.”

“Look,” Liam said pushing himself up off the ground so he could have this conversation at eye-level with her. “I admit that last night was crazy. But there were a lot of hurt feelings in that room. My friends may not be the best people in the world, but they’re not the worst either. I think, maybe, we should try to hang out on a level playing field. Walking into Perrie’s lair wasn’t the smartest idea for any of us, but imagine Perrie here, on your spirit turf or whatever, or what if we invited them to come hang out at the bookstore and then get dinner after on the Promenade?”

Jade shook her head, not sure why he was pressing this issue.

“So I can have them ruin my favorite places? No thank you.”

“Okay, then a neutral place. I’ll coordinate something, but you have to promise that you’ll be there. Just give me and my friends one more chance.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not losing you without a fight, and I’m definitely not losing you because of them.”

“Losing me? How are you losing me? You never had me.”

Liam’s eyes flickered, and she thought that maybe that had come out meaner than she intended, but maybe he needed to be humbled. He couldn’t just build girls forts and think that meant he owned them or anything. God, how had she fallen for that? She felt so dumb.

“Okay,” Liam said. “Fine. I’ll see you tomorrow at work.”

“You should probably quit. You don’t need the job, and we probably shouldn’t be working together.”

“I like my job,” he said taking a few steps backwards, leaving, but still facing her and talking to her. “I like my co-workers, too.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, well they don’t like you,” she snapped back. It was official. She was five.

“I think they do. Especially this hot brunette girl that works the customer service counter.”

Why was he doing this to her? And why was he getting further away? And why was she taking steps toward him to keep bantering and defending her position?

“That girl definitely doesn’t like you.”

“I see how she looks at me when I’m reordering the books. I think she likes to check out my ass.”

Jade’s face had the audacity to betray her by blushing.

“She definitely doesn’t check out your ass.”

“That’s too bad, because I always check out hers,” he said having to stop his backward progress as he came up against the wooden steps. He leaned against the railing of the stairs and crossed his arms, watching her, a tiny, knowing smirk playing at his lips.

She hated him.

“Well he should stop before she reports him to the manager for sexual harassment.”

She was still walking forward. Her feet were betraying her too. His body was a magnet pulling her toward him.

“He’d take his chances. Checking her out is what keeps him sane as he puts books back on shelves. And he may or may not purposely move particularly bad books from their places just so people can come up to her at the customer service desk and ask why we don’t have that book in stock, knowing it will piss her off because she can’t believe people are actually looking for books with such bad writing and mistakes.”

“I hate you,” Jade said finally reaching him, not stopping until she had wrapped her arms around his body and pressed her own against his.

“I know,” Liam said as he brought his lips down on hers, unfolding his arms to wrap tightly around her, letting his hands settle on her ass as he held her in place and kissed her deeper.

Jade didn’t want to move from this spot ever. In his arms, with the seagulls singing above them as they flew by, and the waves crashing against the rocks, felt like the safest, most sensible place in the world.

She was so screwed.

#

Liam tried to sneak in quietly into the house. It was close to midnight and he knew his parents would be asleep.

Except his dad wasn’t.

“I’m not sure if you were out late or home early,” his dad said when he walked in, and Liam silently cursed under his breath before facing his dad and giving him a smile.

“Sorry, I was helping Harry run through some of the lines for his TV show. Time got away from us.”

“It’s always good to help a friend,” his dad said studying him, trying to see if he was lying or not.

“Yeah, I’m tired though, so I’m going to head to bed.”

Liam attempted to make his exit.

“Hold on,” his dad said, “I got you an interview for tomorrow. I made it for afternoon, just in case you weren’t home at a decent hour.”

“An interview for what?”

“A friend of mine needs to hire a new accounts receivable person. I think you could do the job just fine.”

“Accounts receivable,” Liam repeated, as if the words were completely foreign.

“Your mom picked out a good suit for you to wear to the interview. He’s a good guy, and he runs his business firmly. You’ll learn a lot from him.”

Liam felt his stomach drop and his blood pressure rise.

“I kinda had plans tomorrow,” he said, knowing that was exactly the wrong thing to say at the moment.

“Well it would only take a couple of hours at the most. This is important, you can reschedule your plans.”

“I just, you know, you could’ve given me more warning. More time to prepare and change my plans around. This is really out of the blue.”

His dad’s eyes narrowed and he used his hand as he spoke as if he needed to make his point clear.

“It is obvious to me that you’re not making a real effort to find a job, so I am helping you,” his dad stated. “This is a great opportunity and exactly the kind of career you should be grateful to get straight out of college in this economy. People would kill for the opportunity to interview at this company for this position. It has full benefits, great bonuses, and hefty stock options. I’m handing this to you on a silver platter, and the least you can do is act grateful about it. I didn’t raise you to be a spoiled little shit like your friends are. I don’t appreciate you acting like one right now.”

Liam swallowed the lump in his throat and took a tense breath.

“I’m sorry, Dad. I am grateful. I just have had a weird day and wasn’t thinking. I’m tired, but I’ll be ready for this interview tomorrow and I’ll get that job. I can’t thank you enough for doing this for me.”

His dad didn’t seem to buy the act, but he nodded and told him he should probably get to bed.

Liam escaped to his room, wanting to slam the door, but closing it slowly instead so it wouldn’t make a sound. He stripped off his clothes and turned off the light, crawling into bed and staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars and planets above his bed. They had been there since he was eight when he had gone through a rocket ship phase. That was the year he had dressed up as an astronaut for Halloween and had convinced Louis to be an alien so they could spend the whole night running around and shooting each other with laser guns.

He had considered taking them down, but they had been a part of his room for so long that he didn’t feel right destroying them and throwing them away. They were part of a time when his parents thought he was amazing and could do no wrong, back when he had no problem making his parents proud. Now he couldn’t even make himself proud. He knew he’d never be even half the man that his dad was.

These were the kind of moments when he would’ve appreciated being able to talk to Louis. That was what he most missed about his former best friend – the ease with which they used to talk about anything. He couldn’t talk to Jade about it. She wouldn’t understand. She thought he was a powerful person.

He was definitely the most powerless person he knew.


	13. Chapter 13

Liam felt awkward as his dad’s friend introduced himself with a handshake and led him into his spacious, corner office. Liam had to ask his manager for unexpected time off due to an appointment, and hadn’t been able to tell Jade to her face what he had to leave to do. He knew she’d be asking a million questions later.

“How is your dad doing? I haven’t seen him in a while.” 

“He’s fine. Working as usual,” Liam said, looking out the windows at the great view of the hills.

Liam took a seat across from the man at his L-shaped cherry wood desk, and tried to think if he had ever remembered meeting him before. The face was not entirely unfamiliar.

“That’s good. So you just graduated from Columbia. What made you come back here?” 

“I discovered I was a Cali boy through and through,” Liam lied. “The weather is nicer.”

The man laughed and said the weather couldn’t be beat, and Liam attempted to smile although he was distracted by how stuffy the suit his mother had laid out for him felt. He wanted to change out into his work clothes that were in his car. Nothing about this situation could be less him.

“You’ll like working here,” the man continued, and Liam tried very hard to pay attention, but most of what he said went straight through him. “It’s a competitive environment, and hard work pays off ten-fold. We like to promote people, and I’m sure you’ll work your way up in no time and get to put that degree to real great use.” 

Liam had a strange moment of clarity. He had looked past the man speaking and noticed a bird fly by the window, angling before gliding around to the other side of the corner to continue his flight. If he could have, he would have jumped right out of the window and followed that bird.

“You would be expected to put in extra hours, but we compensate well for it. Although you’re probably used to doing that with the tough course load you probably had in school.”

Liam smiled and nodded, because he knew that was the correct reaction. He continued to smile at the appropriate moments as the man told him the history of the company, what his job description entailed, and what would be expected of him on a daily, weekly, monthly, and annual basis.

All Liam could think about was that bird, and how free it looked, and how it went wherever it wanted. Liam had always felt New York was just the beginning. He wanted to see more places, and see what was out there. He wanted to travel and be inspired and find his true life’s passion, just as his friends seemed to have found theirs.

The idea of being cooped up in an office for 8-10 hours a day, even more the way this guy was making it sound, made him feel as if he was dying a slow death just sitting there. How did his dad do it? How did his dad wake up every morning at 4:30 and go to his office and stay there later than anyone else, then come home just to go to sleep and do it all over again? And why couldn’t he just make his dad proud and do it, too? 

“Do you have any questions for me?”

Liam tuned back into the man across from him and shook his head.

“No, um, I’m sorry.” Liam stood up, not even sure what was propelling him to act. He figured it had to be fear. He always wanted to be like his dad, but now he was too scared to be trapped. 

He was confused.

“Sorry about what?” 

“Wasting your time,” Liam said. “I really appreciate this opportunity. It’s a great one, and I’m very grateful that you took the time out of your busy day to do my dad this favor. But, I don’t see myself doing this.”

The man took him in as he leaned back against his black, leather executive chair, swiveling slightly as he stared into Liam’s dark eyes.

“What do you see yourself doing?”

“I don’t know,” Liam said shaking his head. “I just know it’s not this.”

A perturbed look washed upon the man’s face, and he stood up as well.

“I’m not sure I understand, but if you didn’t want this job you should’ve said something sooner before I wasted my time explaining this all to you.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I wanted to hear it out, and give it a chance.”

The man didn’t care to listen to Liam, however, as he opened the door for him and asked his assistant to validate his parking.

Liam didn’t even get to shake his hand or thank him again. The man was off, checking up on employees and getting back to work.

He felt like the biggest loser on the planet.

As he drove to the bookstore, he tried to keep his emotions in check, drowning out his thoughts by blasting the radio and attempting to keep his mind from overanalyzing the situation. His dad was going to kill him. There was no way the fallout from this wouldn’t be harsh. He should’ve driven straight to his dad’s office and explained himself before his dad’s friend had a chance to, but the idea of confronting his dad, of seeing the disappointed look on his face once again, was something he couldn’t handle right at that moment.

When Liam arrived at the parking garage, he turned off the ignition and lowered the volume, sitting for a moment to try and collect himself and his thoughts. He didn’t want to trigger a response from Jade, or make her worry that things weren’t alright. He mostly didn’t want to be asked anything at all. He needed some alone time to regroup, but he also needed a distraction from thinking about the wrath of his dad.

If there was ever a time he needed to be surrounded by the support of his friends, whether the support was real or not, it was right now. And since he had promised Jade that he would coordinate something for them all to hang out, he figured there was no time like the present. So he gave it some thought, then decided on a neutral place, texting each one of them to make sure to meet there by 7:30 p.m.

Which is why he wasn’t surprised that Jade attacked him about the text as soon as he walked into the bookstore.

“Bowling, Liam?” Jade asked, holding up her cell phone with the text visible. “What is this?”

At least he had given her a distraction from asking where he had gone for the two hours he had been missing.

#

Jade couldn’t believe she was willingly going to go bowling with the evil people. Of all the friendship bonding ideas Liam could’ve come up with, this is what he conjured? She should’ve just told him that she was too tired from standing all day at work, yet here Jade was, tying her hair back into a ponytail and wondering if she could get away with just a plain T-shirt for her jeans. It was bowling. Certainly they didn’t have to dress up right?

“Oh no,” Leigh-Anne said when she saw her. “Try again.”

“It’s bowling.”

“Do you see how I’m dressed?”

Jade looked over Leigh-Anne’s ultra-cute ensemble: black jeans, glittery royal blue tank top, amazing blue heels she’d have to borrow.

“But it’s bowling! You’re not even wearing socks. Leigh-Anne, you have to have socks to bowl.”

“I have a pair in my clutch.”

Jade was so confused. She had been bowling several times in her life, and never wore anything more exciting than a cute top and jeans. But she returned to her closet to try again, and looked for Leigh-Anne’s approval when she emerged in something similar to Leigh-Anne’s outfit.

Jade had been hoping to have expanded her wardrobe by now, but as she was finding out, her part-time wages at the bookstore weren’t really covering her rent, much less anything else. So she kept getting creative with the clothes she had, while also borrowing from Leigh-Anne. She desperately needed a real job.

"So, what's going on with you and Liam?” Leigh-Anne asked her as they finished getting ready at Jade’s place.

Jade played with her hair, now self-conscious that just throwing it into a ponytail wasn’t going to be enough either. This bowling better be worth it.

“Nothing. We’re fine.”

“Really? You got over being mad at him pretty quick.”

“It was longer than how long you were mad at Niall for.”

“You’re deflecting. What exactly are you guys doing? Is he going to ask you to be his girlfriend anytime soon?”

Jade blushed and wasn’t sure why.

“No, of course not. Why would he? Wait, didn’t you say he was a good guy and that this was all okay? Are you now saying this isn’t okay?”

“He is a good guy. But that doesn’t make him a saint. I just think you need to find out what this all is. I mean, if you don’t already know.”

"What’s to know? We’re dating. That’s all there is.”

“Is that all you want?”

“We haven’t known each other that long,” Jade reasoned. “It’s only been like a month and a half. Not even.”

“I just wanted to make sure you still knew that,” Leigh-Anne said, snapping closed her make-up bag and heading out.

Jade frowned. She couldn’t quite think about what her friend was implying. Not after everything that had happened in the last two days. She’d simply have to try and think about it later.

They arrived at a bowling alley that made little sense to Jade. It was upscale, more a club than bowling lanes, with two bars and a bunch of people dressed to impress while holding martinis and wine.

She frantically glanced around for any sign of Liam and found him already at the lanes with Jesy, Harry, and Zayn. Louis and Perrie seemed to be going the fashionably late route.

“You guys aren’t allowed to warm up before us,” Niall said as he greeted the group. “That’s cheating.”

“You know I need all the help I can get,” Zayn said.

“You’re really the worst bowler I’ve ever seen,” Jesy said laughing and Zayn flipped her off with a playful smile.

Jade went up to Liam and took his hand, pulling him to the side.

“This isn’t bowling,” she informed him.

And really it wasn’t. At least not to Jade. Never mind the club, party vibe. The pins were larger than she was used to and the ball looked massive. She had no idea what was going on.

“It isn’t?” Liam played along, not understanding the seriousness of her concerns.

“No, it’s not. Bowling alleys are dumpy, and smell like fried food and stale beer, and they have small pins and small balls, and what is this?”

“Small pins and small balls?”

Jade knew something wasn’t connecting, so she reached over to grab Leigh-Anne’s hand and pull her over as well.

“Tell him this isn’t bowling,” Jade instructed.

“I think she’s freaked out about the club vibe,” Leigh-Anne tried to explain to Liam, but Jade shook her head.

“Well yes, but not just that. The balls are big, why are the balls so big?”

“Oh!” Leigh-Anne said as if it dawned on her. “Are you kidding me, Jade? You’ve only ever been duckpin bowling?”

Jade nodded, her brown waves as adamant as her expression.

“My mom only ever took me to the alley by the house. It didn’t look like this.”

“What the hell is duckpin bowling?” Liam asked looking between them amused, confused, and intrigued.

“It’s kind of like this,” Leigh-Anne explained, “Except with duckpins instead of pins, and the ball is smaller and doesn’t have holes in it, so you just have to palm it when you throw it.”

“Holes?” Jade asked Leigh-Anne. “There are holes in the balls? Why are there holes in the balls?”

“Come on,” Leigh-Anne said putting her hands on Jade’s shoulders to lead her toward the desk, “Let’s get our shoes. If anyone’s going to need a warm up and quick lesson, it’s going to be you.”

Jade wondered which part of Wonderland this was and glanced around for the Cheshire Cat who must have been chuckling at her much as Liam was right at that moment.

#

Louis had several errands and meetings to hit up that day, so he was a little late in arriving, having swung by to pick up Perrie along the way. Perrie often didn’t care to drive.

Perrie also often didn’t care to walk into a bowling alley holding her own bowling bag, which was bright red and leather and matched Perrie’s red top and heels more than it matched Louis’ khaki pants and green button down shirt. Yet he was the one holding it as they walked in and spotted their friends on the lanes in the middle of what appeared to be a group effort in teaching Jade how to bowl.

“How not surprising,” Perrie commented as she made her way to the bar first to get herself a drink.

Louis thought that was a good idea, and put the bag down by the lanes without indicating he was there so he could get his drink as well.

“So what do you think this is all about?” Louis asked Perrie as he handed over his platinum card to the bartender for the tab.

“Liam trying to reconnect with us, and by us, I mean you.”

“If he wanted to reconnect with me, he wouldn’t have picked bowling.” Louis looked over his shoulder toward the lanes where Liam was pulling his “teach a girl how to bowl” move, standing behind Jade with his hand on her arm as he showed her the right way to throw the ball. “This is about her.”

“If it was about her, he wouldn’t have invited us,” Perrie reasoned as she took a sip of her Metropolitan.

“I think he really likes this one.”

Perrie turned to better assess the game on the lanes.

“I think he really likes that she’s making him forget about everything that happened in New York.”

Louis knew Perrie was right, but he also knew that Liam had changed. If this was the Liam he used to know, he would say that this was all a lot of effort for a rebound, but with this new Liam he wasn’t sure.

“He treats her different than his other rebounds.”

“That’s because she’s different than the girls he usually rebounds with,” Perrie corrected him again. “His game is still the same. He’s just gone up a difficulty level. That girl’s heart will be shattered into a hundred little pieces before this summer is over.” Perrie leaned down to casually remove her heels. “Come on, let’s go help Liam play this little game of his.”

Louis took a drink of his beer before following Perrie, watching Jade as she jumped up and down and ran to give Liam a hug when her ball finally didn’t go into the gutter.

#

Jade felt she had gotten the hang of big-ball bowling. Sure the holes thing was a little weird, and the ball was a little heavy to manage, but she was getting the ball to go straight down and managing to knock over enough pins to pull ahead of Zayn who only seemed to know how to throw gutter balls. His girlfriend on the other hand …

Jade was pretty sure Perrie had never stepped foot in a bowling alley. And judging by their first game where she had spent the entire time sipping her drink like someone too prissy to bowl, and giving Zayn kisses of encouragement, and offering him sage advice like “just aim for the pins, baby,” Jade was very sure that Perrie would never kill a manicure by actually playing.

Jade was wrong.

Not only did Perrie join them for the second game, but she annihilated the competition. Jade looked confused as Perrie shot the ball down the lane, her right leg smoothly crossing over the back of her left with the kind of form people use to illustrate proper bowling techniques. If she didn’t bowl a strike, she would effortlessly pick up her spare, never once throwing a gutter ball.

“What in the hell?” Jade whispered toward Leigh-Anne.

“The Queen of Hearts has a lot of tricks up her sleeve,” Leigh-Anne said with a shrug before getting up to bowl her turn.

Liam sat beside her after hi-fiving with everyone when he picked up his spare. He put his arm around Jade and placed a light kiss on her cheek.

“Having fun?”

“You didn’t tell me Perrie was the queen of bowling. Why is she so good?”

“Perrie’s usually good at everything she does,” Liam stated. “When we were younger, a lot of birthday parties were thrown in bowling alleys, and Perrie made sure to practice so she’d always be prepared for them. She’d actually tell her nanny that she’d have to go down to the bowling alley to practice. She was like seven.” He chuckled lightly and Jade just stared at him, and then back at Perrie who was sitting with her arms around Zayn’s waist and her chin on his shoulder as they watched Louis curse the lane out when he missed his remaining pins.

“Okay,” Jade said.

“Okay?” Liam asked.

“Okay,” Jade nodded, and she stood up to give Leigh-Anne a hi-five after her friend had knocked down a lone stubborn pin.

“What does okay mean?” Liam asked when Jade sat back down, Leigh-Anne now cheering on Niall who was up next for their team.

“Nothing. You answered my question.”

“Usually there’s a follow up. You never just say ‘Okay’ and let it go.”

“I want to let this go. Okay?”

“Okay,” Liam said with a smirk and Jade shoved at his arm. He was such a pain and she had no idea why she put up with it.

Or maybe she did know. Because when it was his turn to bowl again, she cocked her head a little to admire that toned body of his throw the ball down the lane with so much force that the pins flew and careened off each other, decimated by a single, forceful throw.

Suddenly her mind was thinking of those powerful arms around her, and instead of his palm rounding a ball, she imagined his palm on her ass, with him holding her up against a wall and controlling her the way he had controlled every single tiny aspect of that strike.

“Pro Bowler of the night right here,” Harry said giving him a hi-five, and the accolades continued around the group of friends, but all Jade could do was stare at his arms and the lean line of his body.

It was intoxicating, and when he finally made his way to her, she weakly lifted her hand for a hi-five, even as her mind screamed that it wanted so much more.

“You alright?” Liam asked as he sat back beside her, but he knew. Jade could tell. He had mischief in his eye, a tiny glimmer that let her know that he knew damn well what was running through her mind.

“I hate you,” Jade said.

"For kicking your ass at bowling?"

“Shush,” she said and looked over to see Jesy looking over at them yet again. Every time Jade had caught her, Jesy would smile and then turn to Harry to mention something about whoever was bowling.

When they finally finished their second game, Perrie was the clear victor, followed by Liam, and Niall in a very distant third. Jade was glad it was over and took off her shoes, already dreaming about running home and taking a warm bath before crawling into bed. Working and bowling in one day had completely exhausted her.

“What’s the club tonight?” Liam asked Louis.

Jade looked at him hoping he wasn’t serious. Part of the crawling into bed fantasy involved Liam actually being in the bed.

“We’re hopping around a bit,” Louis told him. “I have a few DJs I have to check out at different places. You coming?”

Jade shook her head at Liam but he seemed to have already made up his mind.

“Yeah. I mean, we’re dressed, we might as well,” he said looking over at her.

So much for her fantasy.


	14. Chapter 14

Louis didn’t know why Liam needed to escape so badly tonight, but he’d flow with it and see if his former friend opened up to him and let him know. He wouldn’t press the issue. He had other things to keep his mind occupied that night.

Tuesday was always punctual. He met her outside of the first club of the night, complimenting her tight, blue, strapless club dress that combined with her 6 inch stilettos to make her legs look longer than they were. Tuesday wasn’t a model, although with a few extra inches, she easily could have been one. She was another brunette, an aspiring singer/actress/entertainment personality, a year older than him, and originally from a small town in the Pacific Northwest. She had skipped college in favor of jumping head first into the entertainment industry, and she had managed to jump head first into Louis instead. Lucky for her, he had hooked her up with the right people to lend backup vocals to some artists’ tracks.

His favorite thing about Tuesday, however, was her friskiness. She was always ready to show him a good time, which sometimes annoyed him when he was in the middle of making a deal, but most of the time pleased him. He walked in with her, his hand on her ass, and ran into the club promoter once he barely got inside. Tuesday leaned in to him, her arm around his waist, and her other hand on his chest, not interested in the conversation, but letting Louis silently know she was very interested in him.

“This thing’s been a year in the making and we’re literally a month away from it,” the club promoter said and Louis nodded even though he felt the need to correct him.

“A little over a month, but yeah,” Louis agreed as he spotted the rest of his friends making their way in. “Still trying to find some last minute talent to fill up the spots we have left. I have a few DJs to check out tonight after I say hi to your girl up there.”

Louis nodded up to the DJ booth where one of his favorite new DJ talents was currently working. She had blown into town a year ago from somewhere in Florida, and Louis had been one of the first of his peers to perk up and notice.

“Alright, man, I won’t keep you. Let me know if you and your friends need anything tonight.”

“Thanks, man.” Louis said, trading a quick hand shake, before guiding Tuesday into the small club’s crowd. They found the bar and were hooked up with a starter drink for the night.

“You know,” Tuesday said, in between sips, “I’m sad your big rave thing in August isn’t happening on a Tuesday. I vote you make some exceptions for the night, like you should’ve for your last event.”

“Well you can vote all you want, but this isn’t a democracy.” He said, ignoring her looks as he texted Harry his location. Harry would bring everyone over with him.

“But just imagine the things I could do to you on top of the high you’ll already be feeling from running the whole thing.”

“I think Saturday will have it all under control.”

He did peek up from his phone in time to see her roll her eyes. None of the other days of the week liked Saturday, but that’s because they all knew she had been around the longest and had the best chance of making an honest man out of him. Louis knew her chances weren’t any better, but he let the others hate her anyway.

#

Jade was not happy with this situation at all. By club number two, her feet were completely dead, she felt her hair frizzing into something scary, and the drink she had at the first club was not sitting well with her. The loud noise was making her more upset, and she gauged that she was tuckering out. She needed to be in bed.

“Are you okay?” Jesy asked her as they stood near the VIP area where there seemed to be a hold-up with the VIP bouncer. “You look pale.”

“I’m just really tired. And I think Liam forgot that we actually have to work tomorrow. I have no idea why we’re here right now.”

It dawned on Jade how obnoxious she must’ve sounded to Jesy continually saying “we,” but she was too annoyed and tired to care.

“It’s okay, I’m crashing a bit, too. We can bump some lines in the bathroom if you want.”

Jade was confused and looked behind her to see if there were lines for the bathroom. Did she mean she wanted to skip in front of people?

“I don’t have to go to the bathroom or anything,” Jade said, “I just want to go home and sleep.”

Jesy smiled and shook her head.

“You’re so cute. Come on. Louis always has the good stuff, and we can share.”

The “good stuff” and “sharing” rang an alarm in her head, and Jade’s eyes widened. When Jesy went to go get the good stuff from Louis, Jade frantically turned around to see if Liam was still behind her. He was talking to Niall and Zayn and she hobbled over to Liam and grabbed his arm.

“I want to go home.”

Liam looked at her with a small trace of annoyance behind his amused smile, and he excused himself from the guys and took her hand to pull her gently over to the wall near the bathroom.

“What’s wrong?” Liam asked.

“What’s wrong?” Jade asked him back like he was stupid for asking an obvious question. “Maybe you don’t remember that I’ve been on my feet all day handling stupid people’s questions about stupid books that shouldn’t have been published in the first place, and then went bowling, and now I’m here, and did you forget we both work tomorrow? I have to go home and go to bed.”

“Relax, babe,” Liam said putting his hands on her arms to rub his large hands up and down them. Earlier in the day, she would’ve melted at the touch. But at this moment, she narrowed her eyes and looked ready to yell at him.

“Relax?”

“We’ll leave in a bit. I promise.”

“What are we doing here, Liam? You don’t even like hanging out with these people. Or has that now changed? And where were you today? You like disappeared from work. Did something happen? What’s going on?”

“Are you sure you don’t want to add another question to that tirade?” He teased her and Jade pulled away from him, but he took her hand and pulled her close again. “I’m just messing with you, Baby. I get that you’re tired. Come on, let’s go sit down and just cuddle on that leather sofa up in VIP. You just need a nap.”

Jade did not understand what was going on here. Why was he acting like this?

Jesy showed up and took her hand.

“Come on. Girl time in the bathroom,” she said excited and Jade felt like she was stuck between the lesser of two evils. She looked around for Leigh-Anne who was now dancing with Niall and Harry on the dance floor.

Jade knew she should’ve walked out of there and caught a cab home, but with the way Liam was acting, she wasn’t sure if he would let her out of his grasp long enough to get outside and in one. So she took Jesy as her out and walked away from Liam, letting Jesy drag her to the bathroom and into the only open stall.

“I don’t actually want any,” Jade made sure to say as she watched Jesy pull out a credit card and put it in a small bag, taking out a little bit of the white powder on the corner of the card and sniffing it to nonexistence.

“Yeah, I got the feeling you were straight,” Jesy said, doing it one more time with her other nostril. “You looked like you needed some time away from the madness. I’m sorry you’re so tired.”

“It’s not your fault,” Jade said, leaning against the stall door. She could feel the bass vibrations on her back, and was grateful for the lessened amount of noise in the bathroom.

“What did you mean you both had to work tomorrow?”

“Oh, Liam and I work at…” she paused, thinking there may have been a reason he didn’t tell them, “…we’re doing this volunteer thing. It’s not a big deal, but we do have to be there by ten.”

“That’s so sweet. That’s so Liam. Always helping people out. He has such a big heart.”

“Yeah, except when I say I want to go home and he keeps telling me to hold on and wait.”

Jesy sighed. “Something’s definitely wrong with him tonight. He’s escaping something. I’m just not sure what.”

“He’s escaping something? How do you know that?” Jade asked looking at Jesy as if she suddenly had all the answers.

“I know everything about Liam. I’ve had a crush on him forever. I know when he’s off and when he’s on. Right now he’s off.”

“Is it me?” Jade asked before she could stop herself. “He’s been acting so weird with me all day…”

“No. It’s not you. I can tell that he really likes you. And you make him happy. I can tell that, too,” she said with a soft, encouraging smile.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you that,” Jade said feeling guilty. “This can’t be easy for you. Seeing us together.”

“I’m used to it,” Jesy said. “I’ve been doing this for a long time. There’s always a girl, and it’s never me. And trust me, I’m okay with it. You can’t make someone be into you. Sad but true.”

“I’m still sorry. If it makes you feel better, we’re not actually together. We’re just dating. I’m sure it’s not serious for him.”

Jade said it to hear Jesy say she wasn’t right, but Jesy didn’t confirm or deny. She just smiled at her, and took her hand.

“Come on, I feel this kicking in. Let’s go dance.”

“But my feet hurt!” Jade protested, but no one was listening.

She hobbled to the dance floor with Jesy and found herself dancing with Harry, Niall, and Leigh-Anne as they took over the dance floor. Within moments she felt Liam’s body behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

“Come on, let’s go sit for a while. I’ll carry you.”

Before Jade could protest, he had picked her up. She screamed in surprise and insisted he put her down, but he carried her into VIP and deposited her on the leather couch, sitting beside her and pulling her into him.

“You have no idea how mad I am at you right now,” Jade tried, even though being off her feet and having her head resting on him felt amazing at that moment.

“I’m sorry, Babe. Just rest up.”

Jade used her feet to slide off her heels as her feet screamed at her in both pain and relief. She wanted to reach down and throw her shoes at him, but she was exhausted and her body was betraying her. She rested instead.

#

Club number three had a great DJ, and Louis spent a while, sitting up in the DJ booth and chatting him up while he mixed his beats.

“I’m just visiting from New York,” the DJ said. “Getting a feel for the scene out here.”

“It’s a great scene,” Louis insisted, “But New York’s hard to beat.” Even Louis always had to admit the truth. “Still, I can fly you out for this rave in August. All expenses paid. We’re looking to make history, and in order for that to happen we need the best. You sound like you know something about that.”

“You play a sick game, man,” the DJ said. “I won’t say no to an all-expense paid trip.”

“I’ll be seeing you in August then,” Louis said extending his hand out to him.

“Alright,” the DJ said, shaking his hand right on back.

Louis left him and went to make his way to VIP, where his friends looked ready to pounce on him for more blow. He looked at the time and saw it was almost two in the morning, and the clubs were about to close. It was time to hit the underground circuit or to move the party to his place. Judging from the death glare Jade was giving Liam, he figured they should just go to his place and relax a bit.

#

“No!” Jade said, and Liam looked at her wondering how the drinks she had consumed throughout the night hadn’t made her calmer. They had just seemed to rile her up further.

“It’s not another club. It’s Louis’ place,” Liam tried to reason with her.

“I’m not going anywhere but home.”

“You can sleep in Louis’ room if it’s that serious.”

“I am NOT sleeping in that guy’s room. I can only imagine what happens in that room. I’m taking a cab. I’m done.”

“Jade,” Liam said holding her hand firmly, “Please. I just need a night of craziness. Just stick with me okay? After we wind down a bit at Louis’ we can do whatever you want. We can go home, or we can drive to the beach and watch the sun rise. We can do whatever you want. I promise. Let’s just go do this first.”

Something seemed to pass over Jade’s eyes. Liam wasn’t sure if it was suspicion or realization, but whatever it was, she handed him her heels and told him to turn around. It took him a second to realize that she was trying to climb onto his back, and it took a lot of will-power to not laugh and instead to just help her get on his back so he could carry her while they waited for the valet to bring his car around.

“Now I’m mad that you never carry me on your back,” Leigh-Anne sassed at Niall.

“Don’t be mad. You know I’d drop you,” Niall smarted back and Zayn hi-fived him then ran from Leigh-Anne who ran after him and seemed to be holding up much better in her heels than Jade had.

“Children,” Perrie said with a bored expression as she demurely waited for the valet driver to bring up Louis’ car.

“You’re just jealous that Zayn’s scrawny self can’t pick you up either,” Harry told her.

“Oh, but he has. Many times. In many different positions,” Perrie said with a smirk and Harry pretended to gag.

Liam shook his head and smiled at her, and Perrie smiled back with a shrug.

When the cars pulled up, Liam told Jade she’d have to get down to get in the car, which caused her to moan, curse, and punch his arm before actually getting into the car.

“Your girl’s a handful,” Tuesday said after Liam had buckled Jade in and shut the door.

“I like them difficult,” he said with a proud grin.

“I can be difficult. If you ever get tired of her,” she said with a smirk before walking away to get into Louis’ car which had just been brought up by the valet.

“Oh Tuesday, how I had missed her. Not.” Harry joked coming up to him with Jesy. “Jesy and I are going in your car. We refuse to sit through Niall and Leigh-Anne’s lovey dovey drives again.”

“Understandable,” Liam said and he got in to drive and made sure everyone was buckled in before taking off to Louis’ place. He tried to drive slow, knowing he was too intoxicated to be driving in the first place. Luckily Louis didn’t live too far from this club.

#

Jade threw up when she got to Louis’ apartment. She hit his bathroom just in time and became well acquainted with his toilet.

#

Louis left cut-up lines for his friends and whatever pot he had left in the living room for them to annihilate while he went to keep Liam company in his bedroom.

Jade was passed out sleeping on the bed and Liam was sitting on the floor, his back against the wall, his knees pulled up to his chest. Louis sat beside him and lit up a joint for them to share, taking a hit before passing it to Liam.

“So you gonna tell me what tonight was about?” Louis ventured.

Liam took a long hit, holding it in for an impressive amount of time before slowly releasing. Then he said, “My life is shit.”

“Everyone’s life is shit,” Louis pointed out.

“I can’t go home. If I go home, then my dad’s going to kill me for fucking up the job interview he set up for me today.”

“How’d you fuck it up?”

“By telling the guy I didn’t want the job.”

“Wow,” Louis said, taking another drag. “Congrats, you found your balls.”

“Only partially. I don’t have the balls to go home and stand there while he disowns me.”

“He won’t disown you. Your dad’s not the type.”

“I think he might be. This guy wasn’t interviewing me. This guy was giving me the job, which means my dad pulled every string possible to make it happen. I’ve embarrassed him and disappointed him in one shot.”

“Your dad loves you.”

“I’ll believe that the day you believe your dad loves you.”

“I do.” Louis shrugged. “Just because I treat my parents like shit doesn’t mean I don’t know they love me. It’s not their fault they ended up with an asshole for a kid.”

“It is their fault,” Liam countered as he took another hit. “They let you get away with too much shit.”

“Alright. So what’s your excuse for being an asshole?”

“Fuck you,” Liam said

Louis looked over at the sleeping girl who was drooling on his pillow.

“You think she knows you’re going to break her heart yet?” Louis ventured.

“I’m not going to break her heart. After tonight it’ll be a miracle if she talks to me again.”

“She’ll talk to you again. She has hearts in her eyes every time she looks at you. You probably shouldn’t fuck her over too badly. I don’t think she’s cut out for all this. Not judging by tonight.”

“She wasn’t ready for tonight. She didn’t know we were going to do all this.”

“Liam,” Louis said getting his full attention, “She’s not cut out for this. You’re going to ruin this girl and you know you don’t want that on your conscience. She went along with all this tonight because she trusts you. I know you like her, but you’re going to destroy her.”

“I’ll just stop bringing her around you guys.”

“We’re the problem?”

Liam shrugged and rest his chin on his knees as he looked toward her. Louis quietly smoked the rest of the joint, letting Liam get lost in his thoughts. Louis was right, but Louis also knew that Liam wasn’t the type to give up on something he wanted. Right now he wanted his escapism with Jade. Louis understood that.

“I promised her we’d see the sun rise at the beach after we left your place,” Liam told him.

“It’s almost four. Let her rest for an hour then wake her up. You should come out and hang with us for a bit.”

“You’re acting as if we’re friends again. Are we?”

Louis shrugged and got up, reaching his hand out to help Liam up as well.

“Let’s just say you’ll probably need us to be friends again after you deal with your dad. Mi casa es su casa in case you need to hide from him.”

“Thanks, man.”

They walked out into the living room and Louis made sure to close the door so that they didn’t wake up Jade with their noise. For some reason, Harry was in the middle of giving Jesy a lap dance which was causing everyone in the room to die of inebriated laughter.

“Maybe we should’ve stayed in the room,” Liam remarked.

Louis nodded.

#

Jade didn’t feel great when she woke up, but she began feeling invigorated as she sat on the sand and watched the water slowly reveal itself as the sunshine began to light up the sky. The sky turned pink and lilac and pink-orange again and she was sure that her own life stream was connected to the planet’s water cycle. She sat leaning against Liam, who held her tight as he sat behind her, his arms around her, and his lips dropping occasional soft kisses on her head.

“Are you going to finally tell me what tonight was about?” Jade asked him. The entire night seemed to be clearer now, and memories of his odd behavior seemed to dance before her on the shimmering water.

“I had a job interview today, and I fucked it up, and I don’t want to go home and deal with my dad ripping me a new one for fucking it up.”

Jade frowned as she tried to understand how the actions of the night were a result of that.

“You could’ve just told me that. We could’ve stayed in my apartment all night, and I would’ve let you stay, and you wouldn’t have had to go home to deal with it. Tonight was really extreme.”

“I didn’t want to bother you with it.”

Jade pulled away from him and turned around to kneel before him. She wasn’t sure if she was hurt to hear that. She wasn’t mentally recovered enough to know.

“You think it would’ve bothered me? If something is wrong with you, you can talk to me about it. I’m here for you, Liam. Or are we not there yet? Or are we never getting there?”

“You’re overthinking it, Babe,” Liam said as he reached out to tuck her hair behind her ear. “I don’t mean it like that. My family life is complicated, but you have enough on your plate with your own worries. I’ll handle this.”

“How? Another crazy night with Louis, who apparently is also the group dealer? Like what is that?”

“Louis keeps people happy. That’s what he does.”

“Did he keep you happy tonight?”

“I don’t know, Jade. I was trying not to think. I’m still trying not to think.”

Jade sighed and felt a new wave of nausea overcome her, so she turned around to lean back against him and kept breathing in the morning sea breeze.

#

Liam had hoped if he didn’t show up to the house until after his dad normally left for work, that he could avoid him all day. His plan was to sneak into the house, shower, change into his work clothes, and drive straight to the bookstore. He was also planning on packing a bag of clothes so he wouldn’t have to come home for several days, maybe long enough for this whole thing to blow over.

But life didn’t bow to the demands of hope.

He saw his dad’s Lexus, still sitting pragmatically in the garage, almost as if judging Liam for not having been put to use this morning. He walked in and shut the door softly, taking his shoes off so he made a minimal amount of noise as he walked, but his dad was waiting for him in his bedroom, anticipating his only son’s strategy.

He probably should’ve said “Hi” or “I’m sorry” but instead he said, “Fuck.” There was no point in lying or trying to play it off.

“You look like shit.”

“I haven’t slept yet.”

“Where have you been? You reek of alcohol and weed.”

“I was at the clubs.”

“So that’s it? That’s your life now? No job, no responsibility, just drugging and partying like your slacker friends?”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry about today. I’m sorry about fucking up this job that you got for me.”

His dad stood up and placed his hands on his hips, looking as if this would keep him from exploding and killing Liam.

“Your mother and I didn’t raise you to be like this.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“You’re not sorry. You’re not sorry about anything you’ve done or haven’t done in the past however many years. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I don’t know.”

“You think it’s okay to waste people’s time? You think it’s okay to throw a gift away when it’s given to you? You have no respect for me. You have no respect for yourself. You are selfish and ungrateful and have no idea how other people are struggling and what they would do for the opportunities you receive. I don’t know where we went wrong in raising you.”

Liam’s stomach flipped several times as his dad berated him, and he just stood there, unable to say anything. He was exhausted, drained completely and still feeling the lingering effects of the substances he had consumed throughout the night. He blinked slowly as he listened, but he just wanted to walk past his dad and tuck himself into bed.

“You didn’t go wrong,” Liam said, though his voice felt like it was coming from somewhere else. “I’m just not like you. I’ve tried to be like you, but I’m not. I’m sorry I let you down. I don’t know what else to do. And I’m tired, dad. I’m really tired.”

“You’re tired? You’re tired because you were out partying all day with your friends. I’m tired, too. I’m tired because I work all day long to make sure that this family has everything it needs so we’re not out on the streets struggling to make ends meet. I’m done with this, Liam. I’m done with you and your disrespectful, spoiled behavior.”

“Dad, I’m trying to talk to you,” Liam said feeling this whole situation weighing down on him. “I want us to talk about this. It’s not like I don’t have a job. I have one. I just know it’s not good enough for you. And I have to be at work in like four hours. I have to shower and go, and can we just talk about this when I get back?” He was rambling incoherently. He knew it because his brain had shut down and he was officially asleep. He had no idea how he was still standing.

“What do you mean you have a job?”

“I’ve been working at a bookstore.”

“A bookstore?” The look on his dad’s face was both dubious and not-amused.

Liam needed to shut up, but his brain was too tired to convey that fact to his tongue.

“Barnes & Noble. I re-stock the shelves and put books in order when people take them out of order. And it only pays minimum wage, but it’s something. And I have a job. I’m not spoiled. I’m just tired and need to get to bed, so I can go to work in four hours.”

His dad watched him as he walked to his bed and took his shoes off.

“Liam,” the older man said with a controlled voice, “You have exactly one week to get a real job. If you don’t, I’m cutting you off. You’re not going to spend any more of my money on becoming a train wreck.”

Liam didn’t hear his dad leave the room because he was overtaken by a deep sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

Jade had a lot of time to think while she stood at work and tried very hard to stay awake. She wasn’t surprised that Liam didn’t show up. Part of her thought that she should’ve been nice and called him to wake him up, but the other part of her didn’t care.

She stood at the Customer Service desk, staring blankly at an empty Hello Kitty notebook that someone had dropped off in passing. Weird memories assaulted her all at once. She remembered holding a Hello Kitty doll that one of the church families had gifted her for Christmas. People at the church were always giving her gifts, as if somehow it would put them in better favor with her father, and in turn, God.

Her mother would make her donate most of the things to children who needed them more, and her father had strict rules about the kind of toys Jade could have. Hello Kitty was not allowed, and so she had to give up the doll that she had thought was adorable and could maybe become her new best friend.

Her father’s strict rules were only part of what she had been trying to escape. The other side was the hypocrisy. Condemning people with his words while being a worse person than they could ever be. She knew her dad was stealing from the church, she knew that he was charging for prayers to build a sun room addition to the house, she knew that he would offer words to the faithful while talking badly about them at home with his friends while drinking beer and smoking expensive cigars. And through it all, her mother stood by, the faithful wife, letting her husband do as he pleased and never once having the courage to stand up to him and walk away from it all.

Jade didn’t want to be her mother. So she hadn’t called Liam. She wouldn’t cover for him. She wouldn’t put on a smile and make excuses for him. He wasn’t hers anyway.

“Worst Customer Service ever.”

Jade looked up, and a huge, relieved smile crossed her face as Leigh-Anne stood before her with an arm full of books.

“Hey! Oh my God, what are you doing here?”

“I had to pick up some books during my lunch break, so I thought I’d stop by and see what time you get off. Niall and Zayn want to go to Venice and be inspired or something. Artists,” she explained as she set her books down.

“Sure that sounds fun. I get off at five.”

“I get off at six, so we’ll just meet at home and go from there. In the meantime, I’m going to sit in one of your corners for the rest of my lunch and pour through these and see if I can figure out how to get this company to hire me permanently.”

Jade groaned in understanding.

“I need a job. Like a really real one. I have to use the rest of my savings to cover my July rent because I haven’t made enough to cover it.”

“Yikes,” Leigh-Anne said, “We have to find you a job for real. I’ll ask around the office again, but I don’t think they’ve added any new jobs lately.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it.”

“No worries, girl.” Leigh-Anne glanced around. “So did Liam make it in?”

“Nope.”

“Not surprised. He was pretty trashed last night.”

“He was?”

“Well, you were too, so you probably didn’t notice.”

“I just noticed he was off all night.”

“Yeah, I wonder what that was about.”

“His dad. His dad got him some job interview that he bombed or something, and he didn’t want to go home to deal with it.”

“Ah,” Leigh-Anne said nodding. “Well that makes sense I guess.”

“I’m over it,” Jade said with a shrug.

“Oh oh.”

“No, I’m just… I have other things I have to really focus on. I can’t be worrying about his problems when I have too many of my own to deal with. I haven’t even had the chance to sit and work on my great American novel.”

“Maybe a day away from each other will do you both some good. Regroup and everything.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

Leigh-Anne left to find a quiet corner to read and Jade picked-up around the customer service desk, putting away the books on the counter that Liam normally would’ve put away for her. She hated that she kept thinking about him. She wondered if he was thinking of her at all right now, or if he had thought of her at all that day.

#

Liam had woken up at three in the afternoon – cotton mouthed, sweating, and ready to vomit. He crawled his way to the bathroom and released the contents of the night before, flushing the toilet and just letting his head rest against the edge of the toilet seat.

Even with his eyes closed, a kaleidoscope of colors splashed in his mind, and he felt as if the entire bathroom might have been spinning around him. It was only when he played back the events of the night and morning that the colors began to fade into a pure darkness.

One week. He was pretty sure he had heard his dad correctly. He had one week to find a real job. He wondered if he could call his dad’s friend back up and say he was kidding about not wanting the job. Maybe he could ask his dad to set up something with another friend and promise he’d take that one. The idea of asking his dad for anything right now left a sour taste in his mouth that made him have to vomit again, only this time he had to settle for dry heaving. He returned his head to the toilet and decided he should go back to sleep.

He didn’t get to, however, because he felt someone shaking his arm. In the distance he could make out a voice, and by the time he realized it was his mother’s voice, she had resorted to running the water in the sink and splashing him with some of it.

“Mom, stop,” he said reaching out to defend himself from any new water attack.

“What is wrong with you?” She asked turning the faucet off. “Your father told me about what happened and now you’re in here looking like a homeless drug addict.”

“Mom,” Liam said fighting the squinting of his eyes to get a better look at her, “have you ever actually seen a homeless drug addict?” He knew he was out of his mind.

“Shower and get dressed and meet me in my office when you’ve pulled yourself together.”

He knew whatever would happen after that wouldn’t be a good thing, so since he was already in deep shit, he tried to be as quick as possible, which still proved to be a slow-moving process in his current state.

When he walked into his mom’s office, he found her typing away on her laptop while smooth jazz played lightly in the background. She always played smooth jazz when she needed to de-stress. Unlike his dad who did all his work at the office, his mom ran her business consulting firm from her home office. She had been a star businesswoman, rising the ranks of the Fortune 500 company she worked for, when she gave it up to have Liam and be a stay-at-home mom. Once he was old enough to start kindergarten, she had started up her consulting business, starting small and having to fight for clients. Now she had more than she knew what to do with, and had a few employees under her belt that worked remotely and only came in once a week for meetings.

“I’m sorry,” Liam said as he sat at the chair across from her at her desk. “I didn’t mean to let you and dad down.”

“You’re not letting us down, you’re letting yourself down,” she said as she continued to type away, not looking up at him.

He wasn’t surprised to hear that from the woman who had inspirational posters of generic quotes all around her in her office. Quotes about determination, and succeeding, and never failing. Quotes that read nice on posters, but seemed circumstantial in actual practice. Liam had figured out a long time ago that motivational posters had been created for people like his parents by people like his parents.

“I will have a real job by the end of the week. I promise.”

“And how are you planning on doing that?”

“I’m going to spend all day sending my resume out and applying to jobs.”

“What kind of jobs?”

“Real jobs?”

His mom sighed and pressed one final key before crossing her arms and leaning back in her chair as she looked at him.

“Real jobs,” she repeated to herself. “Why did you start working at the bookstore?”

Damn it. Had he mentioned that last night? This morning? Why were his parents so good at communicating?

“I needed something to do.”

“And the job your dad got you wasn’t something to do?”

How was he supposed to explain this to her? His mom couldn’t possibly understand his reasoning or thought process on any of this. She was someone who would’ve worked the overtime in a stuffy office without giving it a second thought.

“I’ve been very out of it since I got back from New York,” he said. It wasn’t a complete lie. “I just need to focus and start doing what I need to do. I promise I’ll pull it together.”

“I’d believe that if it didn’t sound like you were trying to convince yourself.”

Liam didn’t know what to say to that. He looked down at his hands on his lap. His mom was too smart to lie to. So was his dad. It had always been one of the many drawbacks of growing up in his home.

“Does working at the bookstore make you happy?” She asked him, and he felt that it was a trap question. If he said yes, she’d think it was because he was too much of a slacker to pick up a real job. If he said no, she’d know he was lying about why he got the job in the first place. He pondered the lesser of two evils.

“It doesn’t make me anything,” he said neutrally. “It’s just something to do while I figure things out. It’s less of a commitment than a major company with expectations by the boss who gave you the job because he probably owed your dad a favor.”

“Is that what bothered you? That your dad got it for you? You know he was trying to help you. He believes in you.”

“He doesn’t believe in me,” Liam said looking back at her as if he had caught her in a lie. “I know that both of you are disappointed. It would really help things if you both stopped rubbing it in.”

“Spare me the pity party,” she said sternly. “Don’t sit there feeling sorry for yourself because you’re under the impression that we don’t believe in you. Of course we believe in you. The problem is you don’t believe in yourself. You never have. I told your father to stop pulling strings for you. It’s ruining your confidence. You need to go out there and accumulate your own accomplishments. You’re smart. You’re capable. You’re charming and charismatic. There’s no reason why you can’t get a job on your own, or at least be successful doing what it is you want to do.”

It bothered him that there was some truth to her words, but he didn’t want to think about it just then. He wanted to get out of her office and go to his room and sulk for a while before beginning the laborious task of sending out resumes.

“Talk to me,” she said watching him. “Or do you want to keep hearing what I have to say. Because I’m sure you’ll like that a lot less.”

He looked at her unsure and shook his head.

“I don’t know what you want me to say. I’m going to go upstairs and work on my resume.”

“I want to know why you’ve now twice refused to answer my question about the bookstore. I want to know why you’re getting drunk and high and staying out until dawn. We raised you one way, and you’re acting the exact opposite. Do you resent us? Are you angry with us? Are you rebelling?”

“No.” Liam felt extremely uncomfortable. He felt like it was another set-up. The more information he gave them, the more they could use it against him. His parents weren’t the vindictive type, but they were businesspeople who knew how to get the results they wanted. It freaked him out. “I’m just trying to figure things out.”

“What things?”

“Things,” he said motioning slightly with his hands as if manifesting things from the air. “Life things. Things that they don’t make motivational posters for. Things that don’t have easy one-line answers applied to them. Mom, can I just go upstairs and work on my resume now?”

“Why the bookstore?”

He let out a frustrated sigh. She wouldn’t let it go. He knew she wouldn’t let it go because she was smart enough to know a big piece of information that she wasn’t getting was tied to it. This is when he did actually resent his parents.

“I was bored and I walked by it and they were hiring.”

“Why the bookstore?”

“Mom…”

“Why the bookstore, Liam?”

“This is crazy.”

“It is crazy. That’s why I keep asking. If there was a benign reason for it, you would’ve told it to me already before you turned it into a huge deal.”

He was getting a serious headache. The lack of food in his system, the hangover, and his mom’s interrogation were combining into a perfect storm of pain.

“Mom, seriously, just let it go. I have such a headache right now, and I need to eat, and I want to be able to work on these resumes. Please?”

“Fine, have it your way,” she said uncrossing her arms and turning her attention to the laptop, “But just so you know, I have my ultimatums as well. I don’t appreciate you lying to me or your father. Keeping secrets is just another form of lying.”

Another one-liner. He stood up, which seemed like a chore with the way his head was pounding.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“You should be sorry. Your father wants you to have a job in one week, but I don’t care about that. Here’s my ultimatum. The next time you come into this house drunk or drugged out of your mind, will be the last time you step foot in this house. Do you understand me?”

Liam’s eyes widened and his forehead crinkled in concern.

“Mom…”

“Do you understand me?”

He understood her loud and clear.

#

Jade wished she had brought her camera to the beach with her. She sat by the skateboarding park in Venice Beach, watching Zayn skate his way around it and do really cool tricks with his skateboard. The idea that anyone could roll around on something and make it flip really quick mid-air and somehow come down and land perfectly on it was something akin to magic in her mind. The fact that Zayn was doing all this while listening to his iPod and managing to never have his ear buds once fall out of place while doing all his tricks, made him the best magician ever.

“He’s so good,” Jade remarked to Leigh-Anne who was sitting beside her on a bench, eating her half of the Philly cheesesteak that she had split with Jade.

“I’m better,” Niall remarked from the sand where he was sitting and working on his latest masterpiece. He had brought out his sketchpad and was creating an amazing replica of the man walking back and forth on the sidewalk with a “Jesus Saves” sign.

“He can’t skate,” Leigh-Anne pointed out to Jade. “Zayn tried to teach him once and he just said it was boring and gave up.”

“It is pretty boring,” Niall agreed.

“You know who’s pretty good though?” Leigh-Anne continued. “Louis.”

“He’s not as good as Zayn,” Niall chimed in.

“No, but he is pretty good,” Leigh-Anne said. “I always thought they could use it to find some common ground, but I don’t think they’ve ever uttered enough words to each other to make that happen.”

“Why though?” Jade asked as she popped a fry in her mouth. She and Leigh-Anne had decided to share those as well. “I have noticed they don’t even really acknowledge each other.”

“It’s a weird thing,” Leigh-Anne said. “Zayn told us that Perrie had warned him that Louis probably wouldn’t like him. Apparently he never likes Perrie’s boyfriends. So Zayn went the defensive route from the beginning and just didn’t interact with him much.”

“And yet Zayn is the one that saved Louis’ life,” Jade pointed out and both of her friends looked at her. She realized she had only heard the story from Liam’s side. It hadn’t even occurred to her that Niall and Leigh-Anne had known Louis when it happened.

“He did,” Niall said with a nod before returning to his sketching.

“We weren’t there that night,” Leigh-Anne told her. “But Zayn called us in the middle of the night because he was freaking out. I think that’s when Zayn realized what he really had gotten himself into by dating Perrie. Louis comes with Perrie. They’re a two-for-one deal. Which is really ironic considering.”

“Considering what?” Jade was so intrigued. She ate the fries like she was eating popcorn at a movie theater while watching a really intense scene.

“Perrie and Louis used to be together.”

Jade almost choked on the fries in her mouth.

“It makes sense when you think about it,” Leigh-Anne said, handing the cup of soda to her.

Jade took a thankful sip and motioned for Leigh-Anne to continue.

“High school sweethearts,” Leigh-Anne explained. “Zayn said they were only together for just under a year, but they had a lot of history before that so it seemed longer. They were each other’s firsts and everything. But Perrie told Zayn that they felt more like brother and sister than anything else, so they ended it. I think she wanted to reassure Zayn that she didn’t still have feelings for Louis, but Zayn’s smart enough to know that that’s not the case. Perrie and Louis are tied to each other in this weird symbiotic relationship thing.”

“They do seem really close,” Jade agreed.

“I think now it really is like a brother-sister thing, or at least it’s become that,” Leigh-Anne said, “I think Louis would kill anyone that hurt her, and I think Perrie would do the same. I believe wholeheartedly that Louis is the only person Perrie cares about that isn’t herself.”

“You don’t think she cares about Zayn?”

Leigh-Anne looked over toward Zayn who was at the edge of one of the ramps, waiting for it to clear before he dipped down along the side again.

“I think when she took a sip of her drink during ‘Never Have I Ever,’ the person she was thinking of was Louis.”

“Louis didn’t drink,” Jade said as she remembered the events of that night.

“I think Louis doesn’t love himself and therefore can’t love someone else.”

“That’s deep, babe,” Niall commented.

“He’s making fun of me,” Leigh-Anne said rolling her eyes. “Yes, I know it’s a cliché, but I think it stands true. To be fair, I think Perrie is the closest Louis has ever come to being in love. And I think Perrie knows that. And I think they both also know that they’re not right together and work better in the relationship they have now.”

“So where does that leave Zayn? I mean, he has to know this right? Zayn took a drink that night.”

“Self-preservation,” Niall said. “Zayn could love Perrie, but he won’t let himself do it until he thinks she loves him. Taking a drink that night was him playing along with her game. Zayn plays Perrie well.”

“Yeah, I figured out that he spoke Perrie early on. Just like how I figured out that he spoke cat.”

“What?” Leigh-Anne asked.

“Nothing,” Jade waved off. “So, I know I’ve asked this before, but I want a real answer this time. What does Zayn see in her for real? Not your bratty answer about her being blonde and gorgeous or whatever. There has to be something that Zayn likes about this girl. How did they even meet?”

“These two idiots went to a party,” Leigh-Anne said rolling her eyes.

“That sounds like the beginning of a joke,” Jade said laughing.

“Leigh-Anne’s still mad about that night because she got stuck working at her restaurant job and couldn’t go,” Niall said.

“They were short staffed,” Leigh-Anne pouted.

“Zayn and I headed to this party in NoHo that we heard was going to be really sick,” Niall explained. “So we show up and start partying, and out of nowhere there’s a Perrie standing in front of Zayn. It happened that quick. She spotted him, went up to him, asked him his name, asked him to dance with her, as you would guess, he said he doesn’t dance, so she told him to go with her to get a drink. Meanwhile, I’m standing there apparently invisible because at no point did she once look at me or acknowledge me.”

“Obviously the sore spot for Niall in this whole story,” Leigh-Anne teased.

“No, the sore spot was that Zayn actually left me there to go get that drink. And then he continued to leave me there as he hooked up with her in the bathroom. Not once, Jade, but twice. They hooked up twice, while I’m just sitting there by myself and texting Leigh-Anne about how Zayn met a girl at this party who already had him whipped.”

“Little did you know,” Jade sighed.

“Little did I know,” Niall nodded.

“She saw him,” Leigh-Anne said, “She knew she wanted him, and as always, she got what she wanted. I think Zayn liked the excitement of her. That’s what pulled him in. What keeps him there is how she spoils him. Anything Zayn wants, Perrie gets him.”

“Right down to a dream job at Marvel,” Niall said. “Oh sorry, did that sound bitter?”

Leigh-Anne rubbed his shoulder and gave him a little kiss. “It’s okay, baby, you know you’re still the better artist.”

“That’s what makes it worse. Stop helping.”

Leigh-Anne sighed and looked at Jade with a shrug, still rubbing his shoulder.

“So you’re saying that Perrie got Zayn his job?” Jade asked, wanting to make sure she followed.

“Yep,” Leigh-Anne said. “Her dad is like best friends with like the CEO or something. I don’t know how that works, but basically, yes, she asked Daddy to get her boyfriend the job of his dreams, and Daddy did it for his little princess.”

“Meanwhile,” Niall interjected, “I do boring graphic design for a boring online travel company whose website is so boring that my eyes are threatening to go blind if they have to look at it one more time. I think I’m going to quit.”

“Babe,” Leigh-Anne said looking at him concerned. “I know you hate it there, but it’s only been two months. At least secure another job before you quit. It was hard for you to find that one.”

“Stop being practical. I want to be a broody artist right now.”

“Oh sorry, carry on.”

Jade smiled at Leigh-Anne who let out another long suffering sigh before mouthing “Artists” to her and rolling her eyes.

“So,” Jade pressed on as she looked over to make sure Zayn was still skating and not coming near them. “I know Zayn is probably happy to have the job of his dreams and all, but doesn’t it bother him at all? If that had happened to me I’d be freaking out that they didn’t think I was good enough to actually have the job.”

“No it bothers him,” Leigh-Anne confirmed. “But, it’s actually Perrie that he doesn’t want to let down. He doesn’t want it to come back to her that she’s getting jobs for people who don’t deserve them, so he puts in a lot of extra time and works really hard on the projects they put him on. I mean, it’s not like he sucked. He went to Cal Arts. He’s a great artist. Not as great as Niall, but great just the same. He told us the other day that his boss gave him a bigger project to work on with more responsibility so there you go.”

Jade was happy to hear that and smiled over at Zayn who was finally making his way over to them.

“Your food’s cold,” Niall told him after Zayn had taken his ear buds out.

“At least you didn’t eat it all,” he said sitting on the sand beside his friend and grabbing the chicken sandwich Niall had bought him.

“I was tempted. One more minute and it would’ve been a done deal.”

“Let me see what you’ve done,” Zayn nodded toward the sketch pad and took a bite of his sandwich.

It was fun for Jade to watch Zayn and Niall go into a serious discussion about what Niall had drawn, and watching Zayn critique it and give him his opinion made Jade miss her writing group in college. Some of the most fun she had ever had was finding fellow writers that she could share her stories with and talk to them about as she gave them her thoughts on theirs. Why couldn’t Leigh-Anne have been a writer?

Jade handed the rest of the fries to Leigh-Anne before she ate them all, and quickly reached into her jeans pocket to see if she had any missed calls. Nothing.

“Liam hasn’t called you yet?”

“Why would he?” Jade said defensively and both Niall and Zayn looked over at her at the same time.

“It just seems weird that he didn’t show up to work and then didn’t call you to tell you why,” Leigh-Anne pointed out.

“I don’t think it’s that big of a deal,” Jade said, but inwardly she was freaking out. That’s exactly what she had been thinking. It totally was a big deal that he hadn’t called to explain himself. Was he even okay?

“Okay, if you’re not worried about it, then I won’t worry about it,” Leigh-Anne conceded. “Babe, the sun is setting. Let’s go take a romantic stroll on the beach. You two don’t mind do you?”

“Go for it,” Zayn said while Jade just shook her head in reply.

Once the couple was gone, Zayn grabbed Niall’s sketchpad and opened it to a new sheet, taking the pencils and starting his own drawing.

Jade looked up at the tall palm trees that rose above them so high they looked like they could touch the sky. The seagulls and waves competed for auditory dominance over the one-man band who rolled by on rollerblades while playing his guitar. The guy holding the “Jesus Saves” sign started chanting, and a guy wearing only a thong had started playing the bongos.

“You really like him, don’t you?” Zayn said and Jade turned her attention back to him, though he continued to look at the sketchpad as he drew.

“The guy in the thong playing the bongos? Yes. I like him a lot.”

Zayn smiled and Jade very much understood Perrie at that moment. She too would’ve demanded bathroom sex from that smile on his face.

“Who doesn’t like the guy in the thong playing the bongos? Do you know he’s out here even in the winter?”

“What? No! That’s insane.”

“I don’t think sanity is part of his DNA,” Zayn admitted.

“Well I might be joining him soon if I don’t get a real job. I guess if I had to pick a place to be homeless, this place wouldn’t be a bad choice.”

“I’m pretty sure Niall and Leigh-Anne would take you in before it got to that.”

Jade sighed and looked back out at the water. They so would. They had been so generous to her already. But Jade thought about how that would mean she would lose her fort, and even though she wasn’t happy with Liam at the moment, she definitely didn’t want to lose it.

“Yes, I do like him,” she finally said. “And I have a feeling that it’s dumb of me to like him.”

“It’s not dumb to like anyone. More people should like people.”

“You really like your girlfriend don’t you?”

“I do.”

“Tell me something about Perrie that will make me like her. Since more people should like people and all.”

“That’s not how Perrie works,” Zayn said, as he seemed to be shading something in while paying close attention to detail, “You either accept her for who she is and like her, or you don’t and don’t. Like Leigh-Anne. Leigh-Anne will never like Perrie, and Perrie will never like Leigh-Anne.”

“Like you and Louis?”

Zayn shrugged and kept drawing.

“Like me and Louis,” he said after some time.

“So you don’t accept Louis for who he is?”

“Do I accept Louis as my Lord and Savior like his friends all seem to do? No.”

“Maybe we can get that guy to carry around a ‘Louis Saves’ sign instead.”

“Accept Louis, the end is near.”

Jade cracked up and Zayn chuckled which made her crack up even more. The roller blading guitarist sped by while the thong guy beat his bongos louder, and Jade felt sane in the insanity of it all.

#

Louis had a lot on his mind as he hit up his friend’s club, mostly to talk about business. With such a small amount of time left before the rave, everything seemed to take on a new sense of urgency as their underground marketing campaign had started picking up steam. He heard people talk about it at the clubs, and the word-of-mouth was spreading like wildfire. Louis kept trying to gauge the crowd size they should expect by keeping his ears open, but it still seemed too early to tell.

In the midst of discussing the sound system, Louis noticed his phone light up with a text from Wednesday. She had arrived at the club. He texted her back to let her know she was on the list and to just come on in. He returned to his conversation without a second thought, discussing the sound system option that one of the investors had emailed them about earlier in the day.

He took a sip of his drink and looked around the club as he listened to his friend, noticing the VIP rope being opened as Wednesday came into his view. At first he thought his mind was playing tricks on him, but then he suddenly remembered that he had indeed switched Wednesday out for Perrie’s model friend, and he took her in while his friend commented on her.

“Jesus, is it my birthday? Look at that beautiful piece of ass that just walked up into my VIP.”

“That one’s mine,” Louis said as she spotted him and made her way over.

“I should’ve known. Man, you’re my fucking idol. What is she? She looks like a model. One of those cute angels that model lingerie.”

“She’s a model,” he confirmed.

Louis took another sip of his drink as he took in Wednesday’s full look as she got closer. She hadn’t gone for the super tight, “leave nothing to the imagination” look that his other days of the week typically adopted, but Wednesday knew she didn’t have to. The royal purple dress was short, but it had wide straps. The material shimmered, but it gave a loose effect to the dress that kept you wondering and wanting to see what was underneath. The black heels were classy, and her long, brown waves flowed over her shoulders and framed her face in a way that highlighted how youthful she looked. He couldn’t take his eyes off her.

He stayed seated, just as his friend stood up to welcome her to his club and his VIP and his whole world. He insisted she sit between them and sent the VIP waitress to go get her the drink she wanted immediately.

“Traffic was bad,” she explained as she crossed her left leg over her right and leaned in to Louis to greet him with a kiss.

He accepted both the explanation and the kiss and put his hand on her thigh, running his hand down to her knee and back up.

“You’re here. That’s all that matters.”

“Is this okay? I wasn’t sure if it would be superstar enough for you.”

“Well you impressed him,” he said nodding to his friend who sat back down and put his arm around the back of the couch, leaning in toward Wednesday. “So it works.”

She smiled and looked at his friend who smiled back at her.

“Where were we?” Louis said getting his friend’s attention back on him.

The waitress brought Wednesday her drink and a new one for him as they continued to discuss business. Wednesday did a great job of being seen and not heard, which Louis appreciated greatly. Tuesday always had issues with that concept. The other ones seemed to be better at it.

When they had finished discussing things, it was time to make their exit. They had another club to hit up where he could potentially have fun instead of work.

“You have to let me kiss her goodbye,” his friend said, “It’d be a crime not to.”

“Only on the cheek, you asshole,” Louis said, wondering if Wednesday would balk at it, but she didn’t, as she let him kiss her on the cheek and linger a bit as he wrapped his arms around her.

“You are welcome here anytime,” he said.

“Thank you,” she said and Louis took her hand and led her out of the club, handing the valet his ticket.

“Did you drive?” He asked her.

“Yeah.”

“You should’ve taken a cab. I’ll text my friend that you’re leaving your car overnight.”

“I am?”

“You have other plans?” Louis asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No. I just didn’t know. I don’t think you gave me the car rules when you gave me the other ones.”

The snarky tone did not escape him and he gave her a small glare.

“It’s called common sense,” he chastised. “Next time just take a cab.”

“Yes, sir,” she said, and he swore he could hear amusement.

When they got to the next club, Perrie, Zayn, Jesy, and Harry were already there. It took him awhile to get to VIP as he was greeted by several people along the way, and he made sure to keep Wednesday’s hand in his the entire time.

Finally arriving at VIP, Louis tried to not roll his eyes at Harry as he pointed to his companion and proclaimed, “You’re not Wednesday.”

“It’s New Wednesday,” Jesy said to Harry. “Remember I told you about her?”

“Oh, that’s what you meant,” Harry said.

“You two look beautiful together,” Perrie said reaching her hand out to Wednesday to pull her in close for a kiss on the cheek in greeting. “How’s this guy treating you?”

“He’s fine,” Wednesday lied effortlessly, and Louis rolled his eyes and motioned to Perrie to come take a walk with him.

“Baby,” Perrie said to Zayn, “make sure she gets a good drink in her hands. I’ll be right back.” She gave him a small kiss then got up to follow Louis to the VIP bar.

“You’re bothered,” Perrie said reaching up to fix his hair. “What’s bothering you?”

“I don’t think Wednesday’s going to work out.”

“Why? Did she not give you a good blow job?”

“I’m serious.”

Perrie stopped fussing with his hair and looked at him, giving him her undivided attention.

“What’s the problem?” Perrie asked.

“She’s too different. I told you I didn’t think she was cut out to be a day of the week.”

“Too different how?”

“How’d you meet her anyway?”

“Hm, let’s think about that. She’s a model, I run a fashion line…”

“Yeah but you guys hire lots of models and you don’t become friends with them. Why this one?”

"I liked her."

“Perrie, you don’t like anyone.”

“Well I liked her. Stop being difficult about it and just enjoy having such a beautiful girl by your side.”

“No, something’s not adding up here,” Louis said, now wondering why Perrie had set this all up. “There’s more to this than you’re letting on.”

“Or, I met a girl that I knew would look great by your side while you take over the city’s nightlife. I’m always looking out for you, babe.”

“Where is she from?”

Perrie rolled her eyes and waved him off.

“I’m bored now. I’m going to go back to cuddling with my boyfriend. You know, the guy who looks great by my side while I’m watching you take over the city’s nightlife.” She smiled at her little joke, but he knew it wasn’t really one. There was no doubt in Louis’ mind that that was the only thing she saw in Zayn.

“You’ve never told me anything about her. I don’t know where she’s from. I don’t even know her last name.”

“Do you care?”

“Basic information is always necessary. I can tell you Saturday’s favorite color.”

“I should hope so. You’ve known her long enough.” Perrie took Louis’ hand and squeezed it as she looked him in the eyes. “You just met her. If you want to know those things, then it’s not a crazy notion to, you know, ask her.” She let go of his hand and walked back toward where their friends sat.

He didn’t follow.

Louis stood by the bar, drinking a new drink, and watching as Perrie leaned comfortably against Zayn and spoke to Wednesday, who still sat demurely and who still acted her part, even without him sitting beside her. She glanced in his direction and cocked her head, smiling as Perrie and Jesy talked to her about something that was making them laugh.

He was going to figure this out, and he hoped when he did, it didn’t reveal anything that would make him want to kill Perrie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! I ran out of time! Will post 16-20 later tonight.


	16. Chapter 16

Liam had been bombarded for days by text messages from Jesy reminding him that he needed to be at her annual Fourth of July party, and if he was okay, and why had he disappeared again, and to call her please and why wasn’t he talking to anyone again? Liam had deleted each text message until the morning of the fourth when he stared at the text message and debated his options. The idea of hiding out in the hills and spending it by himself, watching the fireworks from up high, sounded like the best idea.

Every year since Jesy had been sixteen, her and her sisters had thrown a Fourth of July party for their friends at their family’s beach house in Malibu. It had been her older sister’s idea, but she had been nice enough to include her younger sisters and their friends in the deal. Jesy’s parents were wary the first year, but after each successful year without incident, they had let their daughters continue their tradition. 

Liam had gone every year, even the years he wasn’t his friends’ favorite person. He didn’t think it’d be right to miss it, so he went downstairs to find his parents and let them know.

“You’re not dressed yet?” His mom asked as she put on a pair of earrings in the hallway mirror.

“I’m going to Jesy’s thing. Like I do every year.”

“I figured,” she said.

“Mom, do you think Dad would give me an extension considering I don’t think anyone’s hiring during a holiday week?”

“No, I don’t think he will.”

“But it’s not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair. You were given a deadline and it’s your responsibility to meet it regardless of what life throws at you. Resourceful people always have a way of figuring out how to meet their goals. You’re a resourceful person. Figure it out.”

Defeated, he went back to his room and sat at the edge of his bed, dropping his head into his hands. He hadn’t received a single phone call, or email, or any indication that anyone was interested. He shouldn’t have been surprised. Every job he had interviewed for had come from his dad’s connections. He had no idea where his mom got the idea that he was resourceful, but he knew he wasn’t.

He couldn’t figure a damn thing out.

#

Jade didn’t want to go to Jesy’s beach house party. Being away from that group of friends had done wonders for Jade’s psyche. She had picked up extra shifts at the bookstore to make some more money and even found an online writing group to join. She had one whole paragraph written in her novel, which was really nothing, but it was still a step in the right direction.

Going back near that toxic group of people felt like exactly the wrong thing to do. And as she explained to Leigh-Anne, none of this had anything to do with the fact that she hadn’t seen Liam since the morning they had watched the sun rise over the ocean.

When her boss had asked her if he was okay, Jade had shrugged and said she hadn’t heard from him, and made it clear with her tone that he was not a topic of conversation that ever needed to be approached again with her. Her boss let her know that they’d have to fire him, and Jade had just shrugged again.

He hadn’t needed the job, and his lack of interest in it was proof enough for Jade of his lack of interest in her.

“They haven’t heard from him either,” Leigh-Anne said to her. They stood in Leigh-Anne and Niall’s living room as Leigh-Anne waved a cat toy around for Walter and CC to go crazy over, both of them jumping in turns for the feather at the end of the stick.

“I don’t care.”

“I’m just saying. This is what Liam does. Now you know how his friends felt and why they were so upset with him when you first met them. It’s only been several days for you. Imagine how they felt after dealing with this for several months?”

Jade didn’t want to imagine. This was bad enough.

“They had history,” Jade reasoned. “It’s a different thing. I don’t think I’ve been anything more to him than a distraction, and honestly, that’s exactly what he’s been for me. A really bad one. I’m better off not having him in my life. And it doesn’t matter anyway, I have to work today. Not all of us get holidays off.”

“I wish I didn’t have this holiday off. That’s the worst thing about being an intern. You do all the work and get none of the benefits. No paid holidays. I would’ve gone in and worked on something if I could’ve just to not lose the day’s pay.”

Jade sighed and wrapped her arms around Leigh-Anne, giving her friend a tight hug.

“One day. One day I’ll be living in a nice beach house living off the royalties of my bestselling novel, and you’ll be in a house as big as Perrie’s, running the biggest marketing firm in town and living happily ever after with Niall.”

“Oh you think I’m keeping Niall when I’m balling out of control? No, girl, I’m trading him in for a younger, sexier, less pretentious model.”

Jade snorted and let go of her as CC claimed the feather and pulled the stick out of Leigh-Anne’s hand. Walter turned his attention to licking his leg. Cats. Jade wished she handled disappointment as well as they did.

#

Louis helped himself to some of the snacks laid out on the kitchen bar as Jesy arranged the new appetizers that had come out of the oven. Most of her sister’s friends had shown up already and the guests hovered equally between the lively living area where the iPod was providing dance and pop music, and the beach area where Frisbees were being thrown and people were tanning or grilling.

“I’m really hoping Liam shows up,” she said. “I’ve texted him a hundred times in the last four days.”

“That’s probably why he won’t show up,” Louis said with a shrug. He didn’t care if Liam showed up or not. Every time he thought they were making progress, Liam always pulled a stunt like this. What was the point?

“Don’t be mean,” Jesy said with a pout.

Louis looked over at her and rolled her eyes. Jesy was always too sensitive. He took a drink from his red plastic cup and tried one of the appetizers she had put on the plate.

“These are good,” he complimented her. “What are these?”

“Spinach bites. I can make you more if these run out.”

"Hello, lovelies," Perrie said walking in with a bottle of champagne as Zayn followed behind carrying her bags. “Sorry we’re late, but the line at BevMo was out the door.”

“You didn’t have to bring anything,” Jesy said, smiling as she took the champagne from her.

“Every party always needs an extra bottle of champagne,” Perrie stated as she directed Zayn to the corner where he could put their things. “I have to show you guys my new Fourth of July bikini. It already got Zayn’s approval.”

“I bet,” Jesy said with a laugh.

Louis looked over at Zayn who walked over to them and looked at all the appetizers, grabbing one of the spinach bites.

“Wow, I love it.” Jesy cooed.

Louis turned his attention back to Perrie. She had on a patriotic red and white-striped bikini with a blue star in the middle of the bandeau top. She wore it beautifully, and he wondered how Zayn wasn’t staring at his girlfriend.

“Let me see yours,” Perrie commanded Jesy.

Jesy pulled off her blue coverall to reveal her blue and white polka dot bikini.

“It’s so cute! I told you that one would look great on you.”

“I liked it more when I put it on today than I did at the store. I still think it shows too much of my ass.”

“It’s supposed to,” Perrie said.

“That’s easy for you to say. Your ass is perky.”

“Is this conversation really happening?” Louis asked them both with a disturbed expression. “Why isn’t Harry here yet to put me out of my misery?”

“Oh he’s running late,” Jesy informed him. “He had to go run some errands.”

“Hey, guys,” Jesy’s older sister said as she came into the kitchen with a plate stacked with burgers. Her boyfriend was manning the grill and doing a decent job of it judging by how great those burgers smelled. “Help yourselves to this first batch. Hot dogs are coming up.”

“Thank you,” Perrie said giving Jesy’s sister a hug in greeting. Jesy’s sister hugged her back and said hello to Zayn, taking a second unnecessary glance at him before leaving.

“Liam!” Jesy said with excitement as she dropped what she was doing to run over to him and give him a big hug.

“Well look who decided to acknowledge our existence again,” Perrie said, wrapping her arms around Zayn as she leaned into her boyfriend. Zayn put his arm around her and gave an up-nod at Liam who greeted him back the same way.

“I would never miss your party,” Liam said to Jesy and Louis decided the spinach bite was more interesting than Liam’s charming lies, so he grabbed another.

“Where have you been?” Jesy asked him.

“I was dealing with family shit,” Liam answered as he grabbed himself a beer from the cooler, “Actually, when you have a moment I’d like to talk to you.”

Jesy nudged Louis who looked at her. She nodded toward Liam and said, “He’s talking to you.”

Louis looked at Liam, not knowing why he’d want to talk to him.

“I’m not busy now,” Louis said heading out of the kitchen. He and Liam walked out to the beach where they were smacked simultaneously by the smell of the sea and the grill. “So what’s up?”

“I’m one day away from getting completely cut off by my dad.”

“That sounds like a problem,” Louis said as they walked up to the shoreline and stopped. Neither of them had thought to take off their shoes, which now seemed like a stupid oversight.

“I need ideas. You usually have them.”

“What are the conditions?”

“I have to have a real job by tomorrow. A full-time one. Not like the one at the bookstore.”

“I think he’s bluffing.”

“I don’t think so, man,” Liam said as he took a couple of steps back to avoid the water that washed up to them. He reached down to pull off his sneakers and Louis decided to do the same, taking off his tan Vans and tossing them further up the sand.

“Your dad’s not the type to just cut you off like that. No one goes from hooking people up to just cutting them off. He’s probably testing you, trying to see if he could scare you enough to want to play by his rules again. I guarantee you that tomorrow he’s expecting you to say that you haven’t found anything, and he’ll tell you that in that case he has something lined up for you, and he’s banking on the fact that you’ll be desperate enough to take it.”

Liam seemed to consider this and Louis focused on the view and his drink while he waited for Liam to share his thoughts.

“If you were me,” Liam said, “what would you do?”

Louis looked at Liam and shrugged. A lot of times he thought they were the same person in the same situation. He was sure it’s what had made it so easy for them to bond growing up.

“I would tell my dad to go fuck himself.”

“No you wouldn’t. If your dad told you tomorrow that he was no longer paying for your apartment unless you moved home, you would tell him to go fuck himself?”

“I would. I wouldn’t move back in with my mom, and his house has never been mine.”

“So what would you do?”

“I’d get my own place. I’ve made my own money. It wouldn’t be as nice at first, but that’s just a matter of time.”

“Yeah but you’re using your parents’ money to put on your raves and club nights.”

“For now. But each time around, I use a little less. If this rave in August is a huge success, I can cut that tie indefinitely.”

Liam nodded and looked down as he made a pattern in the sand with his foot.

“I need my own thing,” Liam admitted. “I’ve just never had anything I was passionate about like that. I should’ve chased my pro-surfer dreams when I had the chance.”

“Or your astronaut dreams?”

“My professional hiker dreams…”

Louis shook his head at Liam and his dreams. He had no idea why Liam had never thought he could really pursue them, but for some reason, even when they were younger, Liam had been set on growing up to be just like his dad. Louis knew from birth that he didn’t want to be anything like his dad as far as career options went.

“Look,” Louis said after a moment of thoughtful silence passed between them, “if you want an out, you can tell your dad tomorrow that you have a job. Which honestly would be the best way to tell him to go fuck himself anyway.”

“I can’t lie to him again.”

“It doesn’t have to be a lie. I need a financial guy to help me out with the numbers for this rave. Someone I can trust. I’m getting too busy to look at it all myself and I don’t trust some of these guys I’m dealing with. You could be my consigliere. Like in _The Godfather_.”

“You’re starting a mob now?”

“In my business, you kinda have to. It’d be a temp thing, just until the rave was over and done with. But it could buy you some time until you found a job you do want.”

Liam seemed to consider this, but Louis thought it was a no-brainer. He knew Liam would be smart enough to take it.

“Alright,” he said after a moment. “Thanks, man.”

“You just have to promise me one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“You can’t disappear on me again. At least not until this thing is done. It would suck for my money guy to skip out without a word in the middle of crunch time.”

“I’m sorry about the past few days. It won’t happen again.”

Louis thought it was interesting he was only apologizing for the past few days. He supposed he’d have to take it. Liam didn’t seem capable of understanding the real issues of his actions.

“I’ll email you details to get you started tomorrow. I’ll pay you weekly on Friday.”

“Sounds good. Thanks again, man. By any chance would you have any position you could pull out of your ass for an eccentric writer who probably will never talk to me again?”

Louis’ lips twitched but he kept the smile from completely forming.

“We could probably use another person to help with promotions. Let me think about that and see what I come up with. We’ll talk about it tomorrow. Today, let’s just enjoy this party.”

“Thanks, man. I owe you.”

“No worries, man,” Louis said lifting his cup up and giving him a nod.

Louis wasn’t entirely sure this was the best idea, but he really did need someone good with numbers. He did trust Liam enough to do the job right, he just wasn’t sure he’d actually stick around to do it. Louis was used to taking risks though, and in his mind, Louis supposed that Liam was a risk worth taking.

#

Jade wanted to not care about the people coming in and out of the bookstore in their patriotic T-shirts and outfits, talking excitedly about getting to a barbecue or staking out their spots for the fireworks.

But she did care.

She cared that right now in Maryland, her college friends were probably making their way down to the National Mall in the District to sit and enjoy the large fireworks display. Her childhood friends were probably at each other’s places, enjoying cook outs and chasing fireflies around with jars hoping to catch one just to turn around and set it free. It was probably humid at home, and people were probably watching the Orioles game or sunbathing in Ocean City for the day.

It was her maudlin thinking that made her decide that she would go to Jesy’s beach party after all. Sadly these were the only people she knew in town. The fact that Leigh-Anne kept texting for her to get over there so she had someone to talk to that didn’t make her want to slap people didn’t help matters. And maybe the text from Leigh-Anne that let her know that Liam was there also had something to do with her wanting to go. She swore she didn’t want to see him, but deep down she knew she did – even if it was just to cuss him out.

Jade went home to change and was thankful she had the sense to pack her bikini. It had actually been the first thing she had packed, since her plan had always been to spend as much time by the beach as possible. When she pulled it out of her duffle bag she laughed. Little did she know when she was leaving Maryland that having a red and black bikini might cause a problem. What kind of crazy world had she found herself in that she actually took a moment to consider not wearing the bikini to the beach party?

But she did wear it, and when she arrived at the address that Jesy had initially sent, she texted Leigh-Anne to come out and meet her.

“Are you sure you don’t want to just get in so we can drive to another beach and hang out alone?” Jade tried.

“Get out of the car, Jade,” Leigh-Anne said, reaching in to grab her towel.

Jade did as instructed and walked behind Leigh-Anne as she led her into the white, three-story beach house that had so many windows it almost looked like the house was a completely open space. The view was breath-taking, and Jade had to pause in her tracks to soak in the bright blue ocean that seemed to be at one with her architectural surroundings. She had found her dream house.

“Hey, Jade!” Jesy said waving at her from the couch, “You made it!”

Jade smiled and waved at her, agreeing that yes, she did indeed make it.

“Hey,” Harry said walking by her with two drinks in his hand, “Here take one, I’ll go make another.”

“Uh, thanks,” Jade said looking at the contents of her plastic cup. She’d hold off on taking a sip for the time being.

“The boys are playing a sloppy game of volleyball,” Leigh-Anne said, taking her to the deck so she could see Liam, Niall, and Zayn volleying a ball around and trying to dive for it or spike it.

But really, the other two guys may as well have been invisible, because her eyes were transfixed on Liam who was shirtless, and had on only his long swim trunks, and who was shirtless, and his body looked as if he had spent the last few days in the gym, lifting weights and toning his shirtless self just for this moment. And did she mention he was shirtless?

“Yep, I’ve lost you,” Leigh-Anne said.

“Do you see him?”

“Yes, I see him. I also see my boo’s pasty self about to get sunburnt if I don’t apply more lotion on him. Come on.”

“I can’t go down there,” Jade said stuck in her place.

“Suit yourself,” Leigh-Anne said, taking the bottle of suntan lotion with her so she could reapply lotion to Niall’s pale skin.

“Hey,” Jesy said coming out to stand beside her. “I’m really glad you made it. I know you had to work and everything. Totally sucks.”

“It does,” she said blinking so she could try and tear her eyes away from Liam to give her attention to Jesy. Then she realized that if anyone would understand, it would be the girl beside her, so she just said, “This has to hurt for you, because it sure as hell hurts for me.”

“Yeeah,” Jesy said with a very understanding expression. “You should’ve been here for the moment he actually took his shirt off. I swear every girl stopped what she was doing to watch.”

“I’m supposed to be mad at him, and instead I’m just staring like I have no common sense.”

“The Liam Effect.”

“I shouldn’t have come here.”

“No, don’t say that,” Jesy said taking her hand. “Come on, you like the water right? I think Leigh-Anne mentioned that about you. Let’s go splash around. I have some boogie boards we can ride out on.”

Jade smiled and seemed to receive some of Jesy’s contagious energy. She took off her shorts and tank top, and grabbed the boogie board that Jesy handed her. They raced each other across the beach and jumped on their boogie boards as soon as they hit the water. Jade paddled over the small waves and laughed at the insanity of it all. She was at a beach house in Malibu, boogie boarding on a beautiful summer day, celebrating the Fourth of July with some of the most beautiful and well-to-do people in the city. If she had written an email to her mom to tell her this, her mom would’ve thought it was a story she had made up.

#

Liam didn’t care that Jade hadn’t talked to him or said, “Hi,” when she had gone running by him, all he cared about was the great view she had given him of her petite figure filling out a red bikini in ways that Perrie could’ve only dreamed about.

“Mhmm,” Leigh-Anne said as she stood with her arms crossed looking at Liam after having given Niall a full-on upper body massage under the pretense of putting lotion on him. 

“What?” Liam ventured.

“I see you looking at my girl.”

“I’m just surprised to see her here. I figured she’d come up with an excuse to avoid hanging out with everyone.”

“Don’t act dense,” Leigh-Anne said rolling her eyes. “Are you going to go talk to her or what? You owe that girl more than an apology, but you should at least start with that.”

“You should go before Leigh-Anne literally shoves you into the water,” Zayn advised.

“You’ve got this, man,” Niall said with a supportive fist pump.

Liam handed the volleyball over to Zayn and headed to the water, hoping Jade didn’t see him and make a swim for it.

When he was close enough, Jesy spotted him and said, “I’ll uh, leave you two alone.”

Jade, who hadn’t been paying attention as she sat on her boogie board and stared out at the open sea, turned to see who Jesy was referring to.

He watched her close her eyes and take a deep breath before looking back out at the ocean.

Liam waited for Jesy to be out of ear shot and swam around to the front of the boogie board so he could make eye contact with Jade.

“I’m really sorry about not calling you,” Liam said.

“No you’re not,” Jade said, her voice dripping with the kind of sour aftertaste that her face was contorted into. “Don’t sit, swim, whatever, there and tell me that you’re sorry. This is your M.O. I get it. You hide yourself away from everyone when life gets too tough, and are too selfish to consider how that affects them. You know, your friends may let you get away with that, but I’m not like them. I’m not your fucking day of the week like Louis’ girls are. I’m not a booty call or just a sure thing that you can build forts for and fuck when you want, then not give two shits about when you go off to your real life. If you’re going to run away from me instead of talk to me when things get crazy for you, then we’re not friends, and if we’re not friends, then we’re nothing, and if we’re nothing then you get nothing from me. Nothing. And for the record, I will be taking the fort down the second that I have the free time to do it.”

Liam was prepared to hear a rant from her, and the fact that she seemed so resolute almost made him think she might be serious this time. He wanted to counter, but he took a half a second too long and she started ranting again.

“Also, I so don’t understand how it is that you don’t talk to people. We knew each other for like two hours before you told me all this stuff about you, your friends, and your life. Now you can’t even tell me about your issues with your dad, or what’s going through your head, or if there’s a way to help you with what you’re going through? You make no sense!”

“Okay,” Liam said, trying to calm her down. “You’re right, I make no sense. But you don’t make sense either, Jade. This goes both ways. You don’t really talk about your life either. I still don’t know the real reason that you left everything you knew to come out here. Sure you wanted to be a writer, but you don’t even communicate with your family. Something must’ve happened.”

That shut her up, so he continued.

“You’re right. I did share a lot with you when we first met. Probably a lot more than I should have. But it was easy to talk to you, and maybe I was a little more drunk than I thought, and maybe I thought that you were drunk enough to probably not remember. The point is, yeah, I close up. I don’t know why, but I do. It’s easier for me to pull away and hide than to deal with pretending everything is okay in front of the whole world. I’m not Louis. The worse things get for him, the more he has to be around people. I’m the exact opposite.”

“That’s ironic considering he lives alone.”

“Does he really though? He’s never at his place, and when he is, there’s usually someone with him.”

“I guess,” Jade shrugged. “Whatever, none of this has anything to do with you and me. Not that there is a you and me. Just so you know, my life has been sooooo much better without you in it.”

Liam frowned and he listened to her explain how she had come to that conclusion.

“I’m working more, and I joined an online writing group, and I’m putting myself first and not letting any male come between me and my dreams. I’m here to be a writer, and to write a great novel, and to live off my royalties. I’m not here to get caught up in spoiled-boy drama with people too self-involved to notice anyone or anything outside of their own issues.”

“Wow,” Liam said. “That doesn’t sound judgmental at all. Not even a little bit.”

“Oh please, you know your clique is self-involved. And you can’t say you’re not when you’re the main person disappearing and not caring how that affects anyone.”

“Look, you obviously have very strong opinions about me and my friends. But if that’s how you really feel about us, then why are you here?”

That shut her up again, and he watched her as she looked away, taking in the view to the right before looking up at a bird flying overhead. She then shook her head and looked away again, and Liam had a feeling she was two seconds away from crying. He pushed the boogie board with her on it, closer to land, and then took her hand.

“Come here.”

She shook her head, still not looking at him.

“You know, I could always play shark, come up under the board and knock you over.”

“Don’t. Do not make me laugh right now.”

“Then come down here so I can hug you.”

“I don’t want you to hug me.”

“I’m a shark,” Liam said, putting his hands over his head to create a fin.

“Oh my God,” she said frustrated, dismounting the boogie board unceremoniously by just flopping into the water.

Liam shoved the boogie board toward the shore so the tide could carry it in, and he pulled Jade closer to him, helping to smooth the wet strands of her hair back from her face.

“I’m mad at you, Liam,” she said with a slight pleading in her voice, imploring him to understand.

“I know you are. And I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”

He held her close to him, wrapping his arms around her small waist as he held her in the water. He had missed that look of consternation in her brown eyes.

“Sorry’s not good enough. You can’t do this to people. You can’t do this to me.”

“I won’t. From this day on, I will no longer disappear. I promise.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Then you’ll have to wait and watch me prove it to you.”

Liam leaned his head down to kiss her, but she looked away and said, “Why would you make me promises? You don’t even make your friends promises.”

Liam didn’t change his trajectory, using the opportunity to nuzzle her exposed neck as he replied.

“Because I like you. I like you a lot.”

He kissed the sweet spot right below her ear lobe.

“Oh Jesus Christ,” she said as he felt her hands grip his back tighter. “I’m still mad at you. I really really, oh…” she tapered off as he distracted her by sucking her earlobe between his lips, and letting his tongue gently caress the tip of it.

He didn’t have any more words to give her, no more excuses or apologies.

“Oh God, this is so bad,” Jade said as she moved her head so her lips could meet his. She wrapped her legs around him as he held her up and kissed her playfully, giving her lips the attention they deserved and had been missing for the past several days.

He wasn’t sure himself why he had thought it was a good idea to hide himself away from her. At that moment, she seemed like the only good thing he had left in his life.

#

Louis thought letting Zayn and Niall take care of the fireworks was the worst idea ever, but he sat on the railing of the deck, enjoying his beer, and watching the disaster take place.

“I’m putting ten bucks on this all blowing up in their faces,” Harry said leaning against the railing beside him as he ate some potato salad.

“I’m putting twenty on Perrie pulling away Zayn before that can happen. She wouldn’t allow anything bad to happen to his face.”

“Good point,” Harry said. “So you and Liam seem to be on the mend again.”

“We’re never on the mend,” Louis said taking another drink from his cup only to find he had finished all his beer. “He’s too much of an asshole to bother mending with.”

“Funny, I’m sure he could say the same for you.”

Louis shrugged and turned the cup upside down and over repeatedly in his hands. He switched the subject.

“Have you heard yet if your pilot got picked up?”

Harry shook his head. “Nah, not yet. I have an audition on Monday for an indie though.”

“Good luck,” Louis nodded. Louis had helped Harry find a decent enough agent who seemed to at least get him a lot of auditions. Harry had the right boyish looks to get called in for auditions, Louis just wasn’t sure how good Harry actually was at acting. He could only do so much for his friends.

Louis looked back out at the beach where sure enough, Perrie had pulled Zayn away from the fireworks. Some of Jesy’s older sister’s friends had taken over the duties and the first firework shot off into the air, causing a pop of red and blue stars to light up the sky and disappear.

Jesy passed sparklers around to everyone and Louis watched as they were swung around in patterns and letters, with everyone pulling phones out to document the cool effects they created. Jesy’s iPod shuffled to a Bruno Mars song and Jesy ran over to him and Harry to pull them away from the deck and onto the sand to dance with her.

Louis held Jesy’s hips as he danced behind her, and Harry danced in front of her, singing along to the song and pointing to Jesy as he sang about her being his treasure and golden star. Purple and silver fireworks fell from the sky and Louis bopped his head while still moving in time with Jesy. He glanced around to see that everyone seemed happy and were enjoying themselves. This is how it always should’ve been. This is why he wanted to throw his rave. It would be the perfect event and getaway for everyone to get out of their minds and dance around and have a good time without worrying about what life and reality expected of them. They could all be free and who they were meant to really be.

Louis glanced toward where Liam and Jade danced, even though Jade seemed to only be interested in finding creative ways to touch his chest and arms. Perrie and Zayn were in their own world as Perrie twirled with her sparkler and Zayn took pictures of her with his and her phones. Niall and Leigh-Anne were making out near the shoreline where they could have some time alone away from the other party-goers.

Jesy started laughing hysterically and Louis turned his attention back to her, wondering what was amusing her so much. Harry had started doing little thrusts to the beat as if he was in a boy band and trying to make the girls go crazy.

“You have problems,” Louis said to Harry who doubled over in laughter as well.

Jesy put her arms around Louis and gave him a tight squeeze, as she put her head on his chest.

“I wish we could stay like this forever,” she said, and he rubbed his hand around her back in a circular motion. “Just everyone, like right now, happy and feeling alive and living life and laughing.”

“Me too, babe,” he said, placing a small kiss on her head, before resting his chin on the same spot.

He looked over at Harry who was staring at them.

Harry gave Louis a small smile and a nod of agreement.

#

“Are you really taking this fort down?” Liam asked as he lay in Jade’s air mattress with her, naked and under the fairy lights that twinkled above them. Curled up against him, Jade had rested her leg between his and lay her head on his chest. Liam ran his fingertips over her bare arm, thinking of how he had missed the warmth of her body against his.

“It gets a stay of execution,” she said, her voice raspy and satisfied. He wished he had a recording of her sounding like that. He’d play it every morning when he woke up, and every night before he went to bed.

“I’ll have to fix it in the morning. That side over there is sliding down a bit.”

“So you’ll still be here when I wake up?”

“I was hoping I would be. Do you want me to go and leave you be?” He said with a soft smile playing at his lips.

“Nooooo.”

“Then I’ll be here.”

“This is so bad. You know that right?”

He did and he didn’t.

“It can’t be bad if we’re both happy.”

Her soft snores followed and he stared at her as he thought about how bad this could possibly be. He liked her. He couldn’t deny that. She was different, very different, than a lot of the girls he’d normally date. But in a lot of ways, she was exactly the kind of girl that always caught his attention – strong-willed, dedicated, and passionate. He liked girls that were exactly the opposite of him.

He wouldn’t destroy her. He wouldn’t. He’d prove Louis wrong, just as he would prove Louis right about giving him the job. He vowed at that moment to never disappear again.


	17. Chapter 17

Jade had many reservations about working for Louis. Many. But she had one big reason to push those reservations to the side. She simply needed the money.

There were so many alarms and red flags going off in her head about the offer, that when Liam was done explaining it to her she had just stared at him for a long time, counting seconds as she waited for him to say he was kidding.

“He can’t pay you much,” Liam had said, “Because they didn’t have an extra person in the budget. But I helped him rework some money things to get you in. It’s $10 an hour, and he’ll pay you weekly. And you can set your own schedule. Since it’s temporary I didn’t think you’d want to give up your job at the bookstore.”

At least he had thought of that. Jade had listened to him continue on about how Louis needed her to just help get the word out. She would write copy for the Facebook site and other online outlets that were being used to promote it. She didn’t quite understand it, but she did understand what happened when people like Louis did you favors. Jade felt like the type of hopeless person desperate enough to become a drug dealer. Louis was like the drug kingpin and she was now his henchman.

It was with this mentality that she drove to Louis’ apartment, by herself, for the first time ever. It freaked her out, but knowing Liam would be there kept her from turning around and driving back home.

She didn’t know how she felt about Liam working for Louis either. She supposed it was a temporary solution to his problem, but Liam and Louis’ relationship made such little sense to Jade that she couldn’t figure out if this was a good thing or a bad thing. When Liam had talked to her about it, he had seemed excited, probably because it had bought him some time with his parents. Regardless, something didn’t sit right with her about this whole thing, and she hoped that she was just overreacting.

Liam opened the door to let her in, and he greeted her with a kiss on the cheek that she returned. Jade walked in to find Louis pacing around his living room while talking on the phone with someone.

“Do you want something to drink?” Liam offered. “Water? Beer? I think there might even be milk in the fridge.”

“No, I’m okay,” Jade said. She felt like taking something from Louis’ place would come at a price. She knew she had to stop thinking like this to make this all work.

Liam pulled her chair out for her at the round glass dining table. She thanked him and took a seat. Scattered papers and folders covered the table, along with two laptops, and a few bottles of beer.

“How long have you guys been at this?”

“Only a couple of hours,” Liam said as he leaned back in his chair and looked at her with a smile. “I figured Louis wouldn’t be up until late.”

“This is a lot of paper.”

“Louis’ not good at organizing. I’ve been trying to put it in some kind of system, separating his notes, dividing money stuff from non-money stuff. He’s a scribbler. This doesn’t even include all the notes he’s taken on his phone.”

Jade looked at the guy pacing and talking in his living room and then she looked back at Liam. Never once had Louis seemed to her like the kind of guy that did mundane things like scribble notes.

“I can help type some of this stuff up. If that would help,” Jade offered. If they were going to be paying her, she should start being useful.

“That would be amazing,” Liam said.

Jade opened her laptop up and got to work, having a surprisingly easy time deciphering Louis’ hurried, but neat, handwriting. The more she looked at it, the more she found herself in analyzing-Louis mode, trying to figure out why the depressed guy pacing around had such relaxed and optimistic-looking handwriting.

“You need help with that one?” Liam asked and she shook her head, trying not to act like she had been caught doing something she hadn’t been doing.

“His scribbling is surprisingly easy to read,” she said.

“One asshole hangs up, another one calls,” Louis said rejoining them at the table. “What’d I miss?”

“Nothing,” Liam answered him, “Jade’s typing up some of your notes and I’m trying to decipher what PPD means on your spreadsheet.”

“Just skip that one for now. I’ll explain it to you later.”

Jade typed away, trying to not be too nosy as the guys discussed what seemed to be boring business stuff. That was until Liam’s phone inconveniently went off and he had to step outside to take the call from his dad, leaving Jade alone with Louis for the first time ever in the history of knowing him. It freaked her out. She wondered if it freaked him out.

She peeked toward him and saw him texting on his phone. He seemed to be well-occupied. It was his place, so of course he was at ease, but Jade knew that when strangers stepped into your space, it could make things very uncomfortable. Was it getting warm in there?

“Your handwriting is nice,” she blurted out. Jade was never good at stewing in uncomfortable situations. Neither was she good at saying the right thing under those same circumstances.

“Thanks,” he said without lifting his eyes from his phone, which made Jade feel more uncomfortable.

Now she had added contact and breaking the wall of “let’s ignore each other” to the mix. Why did Liam leave her alone?

“I mean, my scribbles look like random squiggly lines.” Why did Jade not have an off button? She was going to slap herself.

“Liam mentioned that you didn’t really want the job.”

And why had she opened up this line of communication? Why couldn’t he have just kept ignoring her? She knew why. She had pushed too hard. It was just like when her dad would turn situations back on her when she was asking for money to go see a movie or trying to get permission to wear a cute dress.

If this had been her dad, she would’ve said, “I do want it. Thank you so much for giving it to me.” But this wasn’t her dad, and she had left behind that part of her when she had flipped off her house, got in the car, and driven as far away as possible. She wouldn’t give Louis the power he commanded. And if he wanted to kick her out of the house and take the job away from her, then so be it.

“I had my reservations.”

“Such as?”

“You wouldn’t understand.” How could he? People like him ran the world. Perspective usually came at a price that people like him wouldn’t pay.

“Make me.”

She glanced at him, his blue eyes challenging her, a tiny spark in them that she was certain she had never seen before. But then again, she had never really paid attention.

“Why?”

“To see if they’re legitimate reservations.”

Jade rolled her eyes. Of course he’d think they weren’t. How dare anyone have reservations about the Great Louis? She wished Zayn was here so they could laugh about it together. Instead she was there alone with the Mad Hatter and having to put up with his superiority complex.

“They’re legitimate for me. You don’t get to decide if they’re legitimate for you. They’re my reservations.”

Louis had the gall to be amused by this, as Jade noticed his lips twitch and his attention focus entirely on her. He thought this was a game, and she wanted to throw his nicely written scribbles back at him.

“Are you scared I won’t pay you?”

“I’m not scared of anything.”

“You’re obviously scared about something.”

“I just don’t trust you.” She regretted letting her thoughts come out before she could refrain from saying them. This is how all power plays were lost, by giving information to your enemy that could be used against you. She was already losing this war.

“You don’t have to trust me,” he stated. “Was that your only reservation?”

Jade had no idea what to say now. He had taken the insult so calmly.

“I just feel like you’re playing a game, and I’m not interested in playing it.”

“You didn’t have to take this job.”

“So you admit that you’re playing a game.”

“The only thing I’m admitting is that Liam asked me if I could find something for you to do so you could pay your rent. You chose to take it.”

Jade’s stomach sunk. Not because he was right, but because she hated that she was in this position. How had she let this happen? In order to play by her own rules, she had to be self-sufficient. Yet here she was, working for a guy she didn’t trust at all, putting her own sanity on the line, just to try and pay rent. This was not okay. Something needed to change in her life, and it needed to change quickly.

“Only because it was temporary,” she said with a sigh, dropping the defensiveness and trying to focus back on her typing.

“Things in life usually are,” Louis commented before picking up his phone which had started to ring again.

Jade rolled her eyes at the unsolicited philosophy. Why hadn’t Liam returned already?

#

Liam knew from the way Jade ignored him when he had come back inside that words had probably been exchanged between her and Louis. She was quiet the entire time he showed her the social media channels that were already set up, and only spoke when she had a professional question specific to the material they were covering. When she was done for the day, Liam walked her out to the car, hoping for some insight.

“So what happened while I was gone?”

“Nothing,” she said, tossing her purse into the passenger seat.

“So this whole not talking to me thing was just an imaginary construct?”

“I just don’t like this whole situation, okay? I don’t like it for me, and I don’t like it for you. Why’d you take him up on it? Me, I have to pay rent. But you?”

“I didn’t have a choice either. My dad was about to cut me off.”

“Yes because being cut off financially is the worst thing ever. Oh wait, it is, because here I am, struggling to pay rent. Struggling sucks. It sucks, it sucks, it sucks,” she said as she kicked the side of her car repeatedly.

“At least you were prepared for it,” Liam said, ignoring her mini-temper tantrum. “You chose to cut yourself off. You had time to plan what you were going to do. I was given one week, Jade.”

“Oh please,” she said rolling her eyes at him. “Yes, I had a plan, but when I left, that plan went to hell. I left a week earlier than I was supposed to and was completely unprepared. You were given one week. In that week you could’ve created a new bank account, transferred the money you had into it, pulled money out of your credit cards that I’m sure your dad pays for anyway, throw that in your account, and talked to your friends about letting you crash, bringing along all your clothes, and even your bed if you wanted to. I’m sorry, Liam, but you taking this job with Louis is just dumb. You had options.”

“Yes, Jade, because it’s all just that simple to you isn’t it?” He said feeling personally attacked. He had tried to help her out, and this was what he got in return?

“Well then help me understand the logic here. Help me understand why you would put yourself in this situation?”

“What situation?” He said throwing his arms out in exasperation. “There’s no situation here. You’re creating a situation out of nowhere.”

“I don’t trust him, and I don’t think you should trust him either. No one just gives people jobs without expecting something in return.”

“You mean, like, work?”

“No,” Jade said looking very concerned at him. “Don’t make jokes right now. I’m being serious. Louis wants something from you. He offered you this because he knew you were desperate enough to take it. There’s a catch. There’s always a catch.”

“You’re being crazy right now.”

“You don’t see it because you’re in too deep. I’m the outsider. I see what’s going on. Him giving me a job has to do with you, too. He’s doing it for you because he wants something from you.”

“Jade,” Liam said stepping forward and putting his hands on her arms to keep her steady as he looked into her eyes. “You’re freaking out right now about things you know nothing about. I know Louis. He’s a lot of things, but he’s not whatever you think he is. I think you should take these next few weeks that you have working with him, and get to know him a little better. He might surprise you.”

He watched her brown eyes narrow at him and then relax as she pulled away from him.

“I have to go. I’m going to go to my beach and think about today.”

“Okay, babe. Can I get a kiss before you go?”

He offered her a slightly pouty smile, hoping to lighten her up a bit. It seemed to do the trick and he gave her a small kiss before heading back inside to where Louis had parked himself on his couch to play some _Call of Duty_ for a bit.

Done for the day, Liam shut down his laptop and gathered some of the papers he was going to take home to look through more. As much as he may have hated his major and all the homework and assignments and projects that came with it, somehow getting to use it all for something fun like helping his ex-friend put on a rave made him dislike it a little bit less.

Liam grabbed two beers and brought one over to Louis, sitting beside him and grabbing a controller to join in.

“I’m glad you made it back in in one piece,” Louis said to him as they played.

“She’ll be fine. She just has a tendency to overthink things.”

“Don’t we all,” Louis commented before cursing at being blown to bits by a hand grenade. He took a drink of his beer before rejoining the game.

“You know, you could try being nicer to her as well,” Liam suggested.

“You think I’m not being nice?”

“I think you could be a little more inviting.”

“More inviting than giving her a bullshit job and having her come over to my place?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Are you really not tired of her yet?”

Liam knew there was no way Louis would understand. The closest Louis had ever come to really liking a girl was Perrie, and even then Louis seemed to have his mind on other things, never giving her the attention she really deserved from a boyfriend.

“There are mysteries in life that you will never be able to figure out. Being legitimately attracted to someone, not just that they’re hot enough to make you look good in a club, but being attracted to all of them, is something I hope you one day understand.”

“If you tell me you’re in love with her, I’m going to kick you out.”

Liam smirked, thinking Louis just might.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be in love with anyone ever again,” Liam admitted. How was he supposed to be in love with someone else if his heart still belonged to a ballerina in New York? Just thinking about her now left a bitter taste in his mouth. Was she still with the asshole she had found to replace him? Was he making her happy or had he just been a rebound? Maybe she had moved on to another guy altogether.

“Well, moving on to more important topics of conversation,” Louis said, “So PPD. That’s a work in progress.”

It took Liam a moment to realize he had been referring to the spreadsheet.

“What kind of work in progress?”

“I haven’t completely figured out the logistics of it, and I’m running out of time. PPD is my very unimaginative code for paying off local law enforcement. Pay Police Department. Sorry. I wasn’t born with the creative moniker gene.”

Liam ran right into the trajectory of a rocket blast so he could turn to Louis and give him his full attention.

“We’re paying off the police department?” Liam asked, sure that he hadn’t heard him right.

“That’s the easiest way to put it,” Louis said as he continued to duck in and out of walls and barricades. “Basically, we have to give the illusion that nothing illegal is going down at the rave, so we have to let the cops do their thing. Pat people down at the entrance, confiscate drugs, the usual. Once inside the rave, everything should be cool, but they might have some undercovers roaming around. We have to make sure they get a cut to keep them from preying too much on our party goers.”

Liam blinked, not sure why he was surprised to hear any of this. He had been to enough of these things with Louis to know what went down, but somehow he had never stopped to consider how any of it was pulled off.

“This sounds dangerous,” Liam said.

“Putting on a rave is dangerous. You saw the insurance numbers. I have to make sure no one gets electrocuted, dehydrated, raped, murdered, injured in general. That’s what happens when you move up to this level. We’re going to be out in the middle of the desert with some of the best DJs in the country and a lot of people hoping to make a lot of money from this. Nothing about it is safe.”

“Have you ever paid off cops before?”

Liam was suddenly concerned about what kind of situations Louis had really been putting himself in. He knew Louis did whatever it took to get results, but this seemed like a level he hadn’t been ready to consider.

“Big downtown club events,” Louis confirmed. “Hard to pull off without some leniency. Noise ordinances, things like that, they’re a pain in the ass. You pay the right people, it’s less of a hassle. That’s why our PPD numbers are high.”

“Jesus,” Liam said running his hand down his face and rubbing his chin with the back of his fist. “Okay, so how am I supposed to keep track of that money? How do I itemize it and keep records of that?”

“That’s your job to figure out, money guy. I’m sure somewhere in your Columbia education, illegal activities accounting was covered.”

“I think I missed that class,” Liam said. He grabbed his beer to drink while he thought about how he was supposed to figure this out. He thought the most challenging thing he’d have to figure out was equipment rental expenses and DJ pay outs. Two things he knew absolutely nothing about. Now there was this?

“You thinking about how to tell me you want out?” Louis asked when Liam stayed silent a minute too long.

“No, I’m just running through things I hadn’t thought before.” The floodgates had been opened and now Liam tried to itemize in his head every illegal thing that had to happen for this rave to run smoothly. “So wait, every time we’ve gone to these things we’ve brought our own drugs in.”

“We always go VIP. No one checks VIP.”

“Right,” Liam said nodding. He had never gone to one without Louis. He hadn’t considered that Louis had hooked everything up just right.

“So how does everyone else get their shit?” Liam inquired.

“We have dealers we hire for the event.”

“We do?” Liam took another drink. “Is this in the PPD row on the spreadsheet?”

“No, that’s what your Rave Enhancements row is.”

“Which I’ll be shortening to RE from now on.”

“I told you I wasn’t good at naming conventions.”

Liam shook his head, still processing, still thinking.

“Louis, you have to stop carrying your own shit around.” Liam could see Louis’ eyes twitch in confusion, so he explained his train of thought. “You’re not invincible. You’re just really fucking lucky. I had no idea you were putting yourself in that many precarious situations. All it takes is one wrong move and your ass will be locked up for life with all that shit you carry around.”

“That’s where your head went with all of this?” Louis glanced at him as if Liam had missed the point completely.

Liam wouldn’t explain to Louis the banal logistics of how his brain word-associated its way there, but he nodded and really wanted Louis to understand.

“I’m not just talking about at the rave. With all this shit you’re dealing in and all the different people involved, you can’t trust any of these people to not rat you out if something should go wrong. Everyone knows you always have something on you. Hand it over to someone else. Shit, I’ll take it if…”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Liam,” Louis said finally taking his attention away from the game and looking at him completely. “There’s no way I’m going to let my money guy walk around with the goods. You’re the last person that can go down if this whole thing falls apart.”

“Harry would do it.”

“Harry would snort and smoke it all before it made it to anyone else. You’re making it a bigger deal than it is.”

“You’re not that stupid,” Liam said staring him down.

Liam watched Louis mull this over for a moment and then Louis nodded at him.

“I have a guy I trust to do it. You’ll have to budget him in though.”

Liam sighed and finished his beer.

#

Louis missed being behind the decks at a club. He had only done it for a brief period of time while at UCLA, first volunteering to DJ at their frat parties, later making a small name for himself on the Strip and Santa Monica Boulevard. He’d DJ any place that would let him, even after he started being specifically requested for gigs.

On nights like this, when he walked into a club, and a friendly club promoter asked him to guest DJ for an hour or so, Louis was in heaven. There was a high that came with controlling sound waves, with dropping beats at the exact interval that coincided with a heartbeat or a breath exhalation. The trick was to control the dancers for the lead-up so you could take them all over the edge at exactly the same time. Done right, the music itself couldn’t compare to the noise level of the satisfied crowd.

"You're amazing," Monday told him as he relinquished control back to the DJ of the night, and she handed him a drink and planted the type of kiss on him that let him know she too had gotten hit by the beat just right.

“I know,” Louis said as he slipped his arm around her waist, walking back with her toward VIP.

But he didn’t know.

He had no way of knowing if he was legitimately good or if people told him that to butter him up. He had gotten used to it though and just gave the cocky response people expected.

When he got to VIP, he had the sense that something was not quite right. He looked among his friends and noticed that Perrie and Zayn were missing. He looked over the VIP railing to check the main club floor, knowing he’d spot Perrie’s red from anywhere, but nothing familiar caught his eye.

“Where’d Perrie go?” Louis asked Jesy.

“She said she wasn’t feeling well so she and Zayn went outside for some fresh air.”

Louis nodded and took a sip of his drink while texting Perrie to check up on her.

“I keep wanting to call you Wednesday,” Jesy said with a laugh as she talked to Monday. “It’s so hard to adjust. How are you liking Mondays?”

“I definitely liked tonight,” she said, “I could watch Louis DJ all night.”

“How?” Harry asked confused. “He just stands there. I mean, he’s not even really doing anything.”

“He doesn’t get it,” Jesy said to Monday, waving Harry off.

Louis would’ve normally received a text back by now. He left VIP to investigate and made his way out of the club, not spotting Perrie or Zayn. He walked up to the main street and then back down, out toward the valet parking behind the club.

It was there that he saw Perrie standing against the wall with Zayn in front of her as Perrie nudged him back, appearing too weak for a proper shove.

Louis walked faster and could begin to hear part of the conversation as he approached.

“You don’t question me ever. Ever!” Perrie snapped at him.

“I’m not questioning you. I’m telling you.”

“You don’t get to tell me anything.”

“Oh I don’t get to tell you anything? We’ve been together all this time and I don’t get to tell you anything? That’s how you think this works?”

Louis slowed down to assess if he needed to knock out Zayn or not.

“That _is_ how it works. I told you that when we got together.”

“Fuck that, Perrie. I only went along with that because I was amused. Three years later, I have the fucking right to tell you that you need to slow down with this shit. You passed out in the middle of the farmer’s market yesterday. Are you going to tell me that’s just your style now?”

“Wait what?” Louis said jumping in and looking at Perrie. “You passed out yesterday?”

“Louis, take me home. Zayn is being insufferable,” Perrie said putting her arms around him and avoiding looking at Zayn altogether.

“Yeah, she passed out. And it’s not the first time,” Zayn said still addressing Perrie as if he had to tell her and not Louis.

“I want to go home,” Perrie said, tugging at Louis’ shirt.

“Here,” he said giving Perrie his valet tag, “Go tell the valet to bring my car around. I’ll take you home.”

Zayn glared at Louis so hard that he almost actually felt physical ramifications from it.

“I can handle this situation,” Zayn said. “You babying her isn’t going to help it.”

“I think I know how to handle Perrie just fine.”

“Yeah, fucking feeding her coke whenever she asks.”

Louis grabbed Zayn’s shirt and pushed him up against the concrete wall of the club.

“You do not want to go down this road with me,” Louis threatened, and Zayn’s brown eyes hardened before he shoved Louis away from him.

“Don’t you ever fucking touch me again,” Zayn said. “You want to take her home, fine, take her home. And when her nose starts bleeding uncontrollably again, hold her hair back and help her clean it all up like I’ve been doing for the past month. I’m fucking through with this shit.”

Louis stood stunned as he watched Zayn walk away, grabbing his keys from the valet to go get his own car. Perrie stood with her arms crossed by the valet stand, watching Zayn as he disappeared further away from her.

Louis seemed to be in a haze as he walked over to her. “You okay?” Louis asked, putting his arm around her shoulders and pulling her in to him.

“I’m always okay,” she said, but even as she leaned against him, her face was turned in the direction Zayn had left.

#

Jade was busy working on her critique group submission when there was a knock on her door. Figuring it to be Leigh-Anne or Niall, she opened it and instead found Liam, holding onto what looked like a mattress. No, that definitely was a mattress.

“Um…” Jade asked unsure.

“I’m tired of you taking your lack of a bed out on me. So I bought you one.”

“You bought me a bed?” Jade asked looking at the mattress again.

“Well I bought you a mattress and a box spring. I figured you’d yell at me if I got you a headboard and frame. I’m going to bring it in for you, but all I ask is that you stop pointing out that I have a bed and you don’t. Or that I talk to my family and you don’t. Or basically trying to make me feel bad about your situation, which need I remind you, you chose to be in.”

Jade bit her lip, debating slamming the door in his face or letting him in with the bed. These decisions were sometimes difficult to make at two in the morning.

“Fine,” she said opening the door wider so he could slide the bed into her apartment.

He set it up for her, careful to not mess up the fort as Jade focused on deflating the air mattress. She watched him arrange things, before balling up the plastic coverings and putting them in the plastic grocery bag that currently served as her trash can.

“So, thank you,” she said, standing up after folding up the air mattress. “How much was it? I’ll pay you back for it as soon as I get the money.”

“Let’s worry about that later,” he said, crossing his arms as he looked at the fort and bed. “I might have to move the fort up more or else you’ll hit it with your head when you sit up.”

“I won’t hit it,” Jade pointed out, “But you will.” She slid her arms around the hard biceps of his arm and leaned her head against his shoulder. “I’m sorry about being so crazy this morning.”

“It’s okay. You have the right to worry, and I have the right to defend my friend. Maybe we can compromise by you giving Louis a chance, and me keeping an eye out for anything that might seem sketchy.”

“I guess that’s fair,” Jade said with a sigh, and she moved her head so she could kiss his shoulder, before taking his hand and leading him to her bed.

Her bed.

That sounded amazing.


	18. Chapter 18

Jade tried very hard to be on her best behavior when she went to Louis’ place. The first few days after their incident, she smiled and was polite, grateful when he’d at least nod and say hello as well. She wondered what it took to make him smile. Especially since something about him seemed to be distant these past few days, as if his mind was elsewhere. Jade was pretty sure it had to do with Perrie and Zayn. 

Leigh-Anne had filled her in on what was going on, or at least as much as she knew. There had been a big disagreement between the couple and now Zayn refused to take any of Perrie’s calls. He had been hiding out at Niall and Leigh-Anne’s when he wasn’t at work, or he would be at the skate park in Venice Beach, ear buds in place, lost in his own world.

Jade didn’t like seeing Zayn so maudlin, and she imagined that Louis probably didn’t like seeing Perrie however she was. Jade didn’t want to pry, so she didn’t ask about it, and when she asked Liam he seemed to not know either and just told her she was sure it’d work out.

It made her appreciate Liam more at that moment, and she kept trying to spend more time with him than necessary, even though she had told herself so many times before that week to do the exact opposite. She watched him as he poured through numbers, shaking his head occasionally and sighing as he looked through his notebook before typing away on his laptop again.

Watching Liam work made Jade feel at peace for some reason. She liked how intent he looked, the way his brows furrowed and how quickly he worked his calculator. She also liked his habit of tapping his pencil against his notepad when he asked Louis a question, as if the beat helped him think of how to correctly phrase it.

"I didn’t know staring at Liam was part of your job description,” Louis said as he handed her an envelope.

Jade glared at him and tried to remember that she was being nice. She snatched the envelope from him, assuming it was more stuff to type up or information for the site. She may have still been glaring as she opened it.

Inside the envelope, she found a check for $400 and almost choked.

“Pay day!” She said excited to Liam, who had also received an envelope from Louis and hadn’t bothered to open it. He had just tucked it under his notebook.

Liam laughed at her while Louis looked at her like she was a different species.

“I didn’t even think about it being Friday,” Jade said already mentally adding this money to the money she had saved from Barnes & Noble. Two hundred more dollars and she’d make rent. She’d be getting that next week, which meant she could use some of this money for groceries. “This is amazing,” she said to herself.

“There’s something wrong with her,” Louis said to Liam.

“It’s called being happy,” Liam said in Jade’s defense. “You should try it sometime.”

Louis rolled his eyes and went to his kitchen to make himself a bowl of cereal.

“So do you want to hit up any stores after this?” Liam asked her with a knowing smile.

“Ralph’s and the 99 cents store. But mostly Ralph’s.”

“Sounds like a plan,” he said. “Let me just finish up this spreadsheet I’m working on and then we can get out of here.”

“Pay Day!” Jade said, doing a bouncy dance in her chair.

Liam chuckled and focused again on his work while Jade looked around the site, already having added the copy she had created. She tried to be humble about it, but she thought the stuff she had written for the site had come out pretty well. It certainly made her want to attend the rave.

Louis sat at the table with his cereal, eating a spoonful before looking at his text messages like he always did.

“Can you come to the club tonight?” He asked Liam. “It’d be good to formally introduce you to our biggest backer.”

“Yeah, we could stop by for a little bit. Right, babe?” Liam asked without looking up from his screen.

Jade knew it was because he probably didn’t want to lose his place, but she wondered if some of it was to avoid seeing her face which had fallen into a little pout. It was pay day! She wanted to get groceries with him and have them hang out at the beach watching Zayn skateboard while eating ice cream that she could actually buy herself! But meeting their biggest backer seemed really important so she just nodded.

“Yeah, for a little bit I guess. I have to work the opening shift tomorrow though at the bookstore.”

“Fair enough,” Liam said.

Louis texted some people back and Jade watched him, thinking about how weird it was going to be to go to the club with Liam and not have Leigh-Anne to talk to. Now that Zayn wasn’t partying with them, Niall and Leigh-Anne had no reason to go. Jade hadn’t thought this through. She would have to spend the night talking to Jesy, which wasn’t the worst thing in the world, but still, Jesy could be a bit much at times. She supposed she could talk to Louis’ “day of the week,” but that whole thing just seemed weird to her.

She looked at Louis as if wondering how the hell he even started doing it, much less how he actually convinced these girls to be his accessories for the night. It was so incredibly demeaning, which was another major issue she had with him.

“So, how does your days of the week thing work?” Jade asked Louis out of nowhere. She was not surprised when both his and Liam’s heads jerked up to look at her. “I’ve been wondering. Like how do you get these girls to just sit there and be your accessory for the night? Don’t they have any pride or self-respect?”

Liam brought his fist up to cover his mouth, as if that could hide the laugh that wanted to escape, but Jade focused on Louis who just seemed to be processing that the question had been asked in the first place.

“It’s a mutual understanding,” Louis said, as if that was enough to assuage Jade’s curiosity. He should’ve known better by now.

“A mutual understanding of what? If a guy asked me to be one, I’d kick him. In the balls.”

“Well that’s probably why no one’s ever asked you to be one,” Louis pointed out.

“But how does it work? I don’t get it.”

Louis sighed and put his phone down, lacing his hands behind his head as he leaned back against his chair and looked at her.

“What do you mean how does it work?”

“Like how do you pick a day of the week? Let’s start there. How did you pick your first one?”

“Saturday? We were friends at UCLA. She’s beautiful. She’s the kind of woman that makes guys break their necks, so I started asking her to go to the clubs with me as I did business with some people. People make bad business decisions and let you get the upper hand if they’re distracted by looking at the beautiful woman next to you. Also, people always want what you have. These assholes will do business with me because they see I can pull models, actresses, socialites, just about every woman they’ve ever fantasized about pulling themselves. They think they’ll get lucky by association.”

Louis now had Jade’s full attention. As gross as the whole thing was, there seemed to be a method to the madness and Jade wanted to hear it.

“So she didn’t start off as Saturday? Why not just keep using the same girl? Especially if she’s game.”

“To keep them from getting attached. If you have a girl accompany you two nights, and every other girl only gets one night, that girl that got two nights is going to feel more special and think that things might go from business to something more.”

“So you’re under the impression that each of these girls might potentially fall in love with you?” Jade snorted. She looked at him as if he had to be kidding. “Talk about flattering yourself.”

Louis shrugged and dropped his arms back down to the table, checking the texts that had just come in.

“It’s a risk I’m not willing to take,” Louis said.

“Well has it happened before? Are there days of the week that have been dropped off the rotation?”

“There have been several dropped for different reasons.”

Jade waited for him to expand and then motioned with her hand for him to continue.

“These reasons being?” She prodded him.

“Usually a better option comes along. Someone hotter and sexier. The least hot one gets dropped for her to take the spot. Sometimes the girl realizes she doesn’t have what it takes to do what she signed up for, so she gets replaced.”

“But none because they’ve fallen in love,” she said. It wasn’t a question. Surely he would’ve pointed it out by now if that had happened.

“Like I said, I don’t give them the chance to.”

Jade rolled her eyes. How full of himself could one guy be?

“So then how did Saturday feel when you told her she was only going to be your girl for one night a week?”

“She was fine with it. She understands the game and how to play it.”

Jade was conflicted about that answer. Part of her wanted to believe that no one liked Louis enough to care if she hung out with him five times a week or just once, but part of her knew that sometimes you couldn’t help your feelings for someone. Even if that someone was the worst of the worst misogynistic cretins to roam the earth.

“So you’re saying that all these girls know this is a game and know how to play it?”

“I let them know what’s expected. If they still sign on, then I assume they know what they’re signing on for.”

“So what’s expected? What do you let them know?”

“Why? So you can sit there and judge me more than you already do?”

“Don’t act sensitive about this now,” Jade said, “I want to know what’s expected. What are these girls signing on for? I’m just trying to understand all this better. I guess it’s my way of trying to understand you better for once.”

“Hm,” Louis said texting a very long message and eating more of his cereal before he got around to answering. “I just tell them that they have to look hot. That’s really the only requirement. They have to let me conduct my business and not interfere. We fuck around for only that night, they can also have the next morning if they stay the night. And I let them know I don’t fall in love, so for them to not get their hopes up. They have to do things on my schedule, and if I give them specific instructions for the night they have to follow them. It’s that simple.”

“It’s that simple?”

“See this is why I didn’t want to answer your question,” Louis said. Jade figured he was sensing her disgust and sarcasm.

“I just don’t get why any girl would agree to this. Like what’s wrong with these girls?”

“Nothing’s wrong with them,” Louis explained. “They want something that I can get them. They provide something I can use. Everyone wants something and everyone finds the people in their lives they need in order to get what they want. For these girls it’s the hook-up I can provide them. I’ve gotten agents for my actresses, producers for my singers, exposure for my models, and so on. Like I said. It’s all business.”

“Okay, it’s all business, but you expect these girls to sleep with you right? Which makes it more like prostitution.”

“You act as if all of it isn’t prostitution. Aren’t we all just prostituting ourselves through life?”

“Don’t get philosophical with me,” Jade chided him. “Expecting sex from a girl is wrong. What happens if she just doesn’t want to? She’s not feeling it? Or she’s on her period?”

“If it’s her day of the week, then she better want to and she better be feeling it. As for periods, that’s what blow jobs are for.”

She almost threw something at him.

Jade looked over at Liam, who was doing a great job of pretending to work and not pay attention, but his widened eyes at the screen gave him away.

“I can’t even,” she said trying to reign in the anger she felt swell up in her. “Like, who the hell do you think you are?”

“Babe…” Liam said looking over at her.

“No, I want him to answer for himself,” she snapped at Liam before looking back at Louis who seemed rather calm considering how she was feeling. “If it’s my day of the week and I’m not feeling it, I’m not doing it.”

“Again, why you’re not a day of the week.”

“So these girls don’t have any rights on their day when they’re with you?”

“They have the right to not be a day of the week. It’s like a job. You sign up for it, you show up and do what you’re paid to do.”

“Ha! See! It’s totally prostitution.”

“Okay, Jade, if it makes you feel better, it’s prostitution,” Louis said raising his hands as if physically offering her the answer that she wanted. “I have seven whores that I pimp out to myself every night. I pay them in free drinks and career advancement.”

Jade’s face fell, not because he admitted it, but because it made her sad to think about what these girls were doing. Especially considering how little Louis seemed to care about them. He would switch one out for a newer model without hesitation. It just seemed sad.

“Do you ever make them hook up with anyone else? As part of your business deals? I mean, since you’re admitting that it’s prostitution and all.”

Louis stayed silent as he looked at her and Jade wondered if that was a confession or if she had hurt his pride with thinking he would do something so unforgiveable. At least to her it would be unforgiveable, maybe to him it would just be business.

“I usually have a ‘you can look, but you can’t touch’ policy.”

“Usually?”

“Let me put it this way. I have rules for my girls, but they ultimately are free to make their own decisions. There have been times that offers have been put on the table that included one of my girls in the deal. For a night, for a date, sometimes just for a dance. At that point I let the girl decide if it’s something she minds doing. If she doesn’t want to, then she doesn’t have to.”

“How many times has that happened?” Jade asked, knowing her face was showing pure horror.

“Maybe just six or seven in the past few years.”

“And of those six or seven, how many said no, that they wouldn’t do it?”

Louis shook his head at her. “They’ve all done it,” he said.

“Because they probably thought you’d be pissed at them if they didn’t!” She said wanting to reach across the table and punch him. “Or they thought you’d kick them out of the rotation. Don’t you understand that you’re not really giving them a choice if you’re the one that holds all the power? You keep saying that they can just stop being a day of the week, but you know they’re desperate enough to do this just to try and make their own dreams come true. You’re preying on their dreams. That’s like the worst thing ever. People’s dreams are special. They’re sacred.”

She looked at him, her eyes burning with a stubborn set of tears that seemed to have manifested out of nowhere.

“Babe, let’s go,” Liam said, grabbing a few things to start packing up.

“No, I just,” she shook her head and motioned for him to stay, “I just want to understand your best friend, because I want to understand how someone who I think is a genuinely good person, can be friends with someone who would do something like that.”

“There’s no point in understanding me,” Louis said. “Even Liam doesn’t understand me.”

Liam snorted at the comment and closed his laptop.

“I’m done, Babe,” Liam tried again. “Come on, let’s go and get your shopping started.”

“I’m not done,” Jade snapped at him. “Okay, wait, I have two more questions.”

Liam let out a frustrated sigh, but let her continue.

“Okay, so,” she said taking a breath before continuing, “So they’re actually okay with them not using their real names? Do you even know their real names?”

“Of course I know their real names,” Louis answered, “But I don’t need to know their real names. It’s part of keeping things professional. They are who I need them to be, not who they really are.”

She wanted to throw up at that answer. It actually got worse. His freaking answers actually got worse.

“Last question.”

“You just asked two,” Louis pointed out.

“That second one was a follow-up. My second question is, what happens if you accidentally knock one up?”

“Oh, Jesus,” Liam said dropping his face into his palm.

“That will never happen,” Louis stated.

“Condoms aren’t 100%,” Jade pointed out, “And neither is birth control. And shit happens. What if it does happen?”

“I don’t think you understood the answer,” Louis said. “That will never happen.”

He was right. She didn’t understand the answer.

“You can’t control nature. What if it does?”

“It will never happen. Never,” he said, adding a head nod for effect.

“Let’s go,” Liam said.

Jade was rooted in her seat, feeling like she missed something.

“Do you shoot blanks?” She asked, trying to understand.

“Jade, for the love of God,” Liam said standing beside her, “Let’s go before you seriously regret the rest of this conversation.”

“Yep, let’s go with that,” Louis said picking his phone up again. “I shoot blanks.”

Jade put her laptop away and shouldered her bag, walking out with Liam and trying everything in her power to not give in to the emotions flooding her after having that conversation. She stood by her car door for a moment, looking at the envelope sticking out of her purse. Possibly having sensed that she wasn’t going to immediately get in her car, Liam walked over to her and took her things for her, placing them in her car for her.

“You okay?” Liam asked as he laid his hands on her arms and turned her to look at him.

“He doesn’t shoot blanks does he?”

“Not that I’m aware of,” Liam said and he sighed. “Jade, Baby, please just don’t think too hard about this. Louis is fucked up. What he does is fucked up. We know this. You just have to leave him be.”

“Has it happened before?”

“Jade…”

“Liam, please just answer my question. Has it happened before?”

“I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. I hope it hasn’t, but I also know that if it has, then he took care of it. There’s nothing you and I can do about that, and there’s nothing you and I can do to change how he handles his situations. It’s not our problem, Babe. You just have to let it go.”

"You know, I never thought there'd be a man that I hate more than my dad, but I think I’ve just found him.”

She pulled away from his grasp and got in her car, not caring anymore that it was Pay Day or that she had big plans to raid her local 99 cents store. She didn’t want to use the check that was in her purse anymore. That check came with conditions, and taking it had been a mistake. She wasn’t a day of the week. She didn’t need to play by Louis’ rules. She didn’t need to help his business be successful so he could continue to ruin people’s lives.

But she needed to pay rent.

#

Louis thanked the maid that had opened the door at Perrie’s house and moved about the familiar home, up the stairs, and straight to her room where he knew she was hiding. Just like the other days he had checked up on her, she was laying in her beige and maroon canopy bed, clutching a pillow, and staring at the phone in her hand.

Louis took the phone from her and placed a small kiss on her forehead.

“How are you feeling?” He asked her.

“I’m fine,” she said, her lifeless voice betraying her words.

Louis toed off his Vans and climbed into her bed, facing her as he lay on his side beside her.

“Tell me you haven’t been in bed all day,” he said to her.

“I haven’t been in bed all day.”

“Perrie…”

“I haven’t. Mom made me work out with her this morning and then do some yoga and eat some awful salad she created. It had dried cranberries. Why would someone put dried cranberries in a salad? Why not fresh cranberries?”

“Probably texture.”

“Probably.”

Louis passed his hand through her blond hair, and couldn’t help looking down at her nose, as if needing to see that she hadn’t done anything that day. They hadn’t talked about it. He refused to bring it up. Part of him wanted to believe that Zayn was being overdramatic about the whole situation, but part of him knew that Zayn wasn’t the type.

“What’s the club tonight?” Perrie asked.

“It’s a boring one. You won’t be missing anything. I have to have Liam meet our key investor.”

“I’m going.”

“Babe…”

“No, I’m going. I just need to take a shower and pull myself together. I’m not going to lay here thinking about how I’ve been abandoned by my boyfriend when I can talk to Liam and find out why Zayn won’t answer my calls. I know he’s been talking to him, or at least seen him. He’s always with Jade, and I’m sure Zayn is at Niall’s.”

“I think you need to give the scene a break. I can tell Liam to stop by.”

“I’m going.” Perrie sat up, resolute as she pushed her hair back from where it had fallen in her face. “Can you give me something to perk me up? I have to get in the mood.”

Louis’ stomach sunk, Zayn’s words punching his gut.

“How about we wait to get to the club first?”

“Don’t do this. Don’t take his side.”

“You know I would never take Zayn’s side in anything. But I think if you really want to go, then you’ll shower and get your ass dressed without any help. Otherwise you’re lying about not wanting to lay here all night thinking about Zayn.”

Perrie’s blue eyes were level as they stared at him, and then she made a frustrated sound and got up from the bed, marching to her bathroom and slamming the door.

Louis closed his eyes and lay in her bed, listening to the shower run, thinking that there had to be a way to fix this situation without having to admit that Zayn had been right. Zayn wasn’t right. Zayn couldn’t be right. Perrie was fine. Perrie was always fine.

#

Liam had stayed completely professional as he met the rave’s biggest backer. He made it a point to come off as serious. More business than pleasure. He was trying to get a read on this guy, wondering if he was trustworthy or not. Louis seemed to think he had his people figured out, but Liam knew that even Louis could be blinded by the possibility of what he was hoping to accomplish. He wanted this rave to be successful too badly and was doing more than he could handle to make it happen. It was easy for things and people to fall through the cracks.

They gave their final handshakes and headed to VIP where their friends were already settled in, taking shots and laughing about something that seemed to keep them chuckling. Louis took a seat beside Friday and Liam slid in beside Perrie.

“Long time no speak,” Liam said. Louis had mentioned that Perrie was going to want to talk to him tonight. He had given him the heads-up that it was about Zayn, and Liam let him know that he was cool with it. Anything to help the situation, even though Liam had yet to wrap his head completely around what the situation was.

If he had to guess which of his friends would’ve lost their grip on partying, he would’ve thought it’d be Jesy. She was overly sensitive, and he could see someone in that situation turn to escapism, needing to be taken away from harsh realities. Perrie’s life was one gigantic escapism. Everything was tailor made to go her way. How was she the one with the “problem”?

Liam put his arm around Perrie and gave her a smile.

“Louis told you. Didn’t he?” Perrie said, holding her full glass of wine. He glanced over to see two empty ones already in front of her.

“He told me you wanted to talk.”

“You know what would’ve been nice? If he hadn’t told you, and you had just decided that you wanted to come over to me and say hi and remember that we were friends on your own.”

“Like how you do that to me?”

“You’re the one that leaves. I’ve always been right here. I’m easier to find than you are.”

“You know where I live.”

“You haven’t invited me over since I was seventeen.”

“Are we really going to do this all night?” Liam said. He thanked the VIP waitress that brought him his beer and focused his attention back on Perrie. “Zayn’s not doing well either. He’s upset and won’t talk much about it.”

“I don’t know why he started making a big deal about everything. We were doing just fine.”

“He was worried about you. Like we all should’ve been.”

“No. There’s nothing to be worried about. I just have sensitive capillaries.”

Liam frowned as his eyebrows narrowed in concern.

“Sensitive capillaries? Really, Perrie? Do you know how lame that sounds?”

“It’s the truth.”

“When was the last time you did it?”

“Well, Dad, I don’t really keep track of things like that.”

“Quit with the dramatics and just answer the question, Babe.” Liam looked at her thinking that even all dolled up and with her make-up on and her hair in place, Perrie still look tired.

“Yesterday. Don’t tell Louis.”

“I won’t tell Louis if you promise not to do any tonight.”

“I’m not in the habit of making promises to people who don’t even remember I exist.”

“Oh, we’re back to that?” Liam said. He took a drink of his beer and looked over at Louis who was talking with some other guy while Friday acted as if she was interested in what they were saying. Harry was dancing with Jesy in the corner, laughing as she pretended to dance up on him.

“Aren’t we always? I don’t need you to sit here and try and pretend you care about me. I just need you to help me get Zayn back. I miss him so much. I love him, Liam.”

Liam was sure that Perrie was drunk. Perrie had never admitted to loving anyone outside of her parents. He looked at her for a moment, trying to understand where this was coming from. He felt unsure of what to say.

“First of all, I do care about you. And second, you love him? Zayn?” He wanted to make sure.

Perrie nodded and leaned into him a bit more, taking his arm and just holding it.

“Have you ever told Zayn that?” Liam asked.

“No. Why didn’t I ever tell him that, Liam? I should have told him, right? I just never thought about it. I figured he knew.”

“You know better than that. There’s no way for him to know you love him if you don’t tell him. You barely treat him better than Louis treats his girls.”

“That’s not true,” Perrie said, snapping a little at him, but not letting go of his arm. “Louis wouldn’t care if something happened to any of those girls. If something happened to Zayn, I would break. I’m breaking now. I don’t ever break.”

“We all break,” Liam said knowing all too well. “You’ve been breaking for a long time. Since Louis tried to kill himself if we’re honest.” Liam had seen it then. The tiny spark that Perrie had had in her eyes had disappeared the moment that she realized Louis had no issues leaving her alone on this planet without him.

“That’s when I fell in love with him,” Perrie stated. “With Zayn. When he saved Louis’ life. That’s when I transferred my heart to him.”

“Did you?” Liam asked, “Because it seems like your heart may have died with Louis’ too that night.”

Perrie pulled away as her hands left his arm. She looked at him hurt and shook her head.

“No, I gave it to Zayn. I just didn’t bother to tell him. I can’t lose him, Liam. I can’t lose Zayn, too.”

Liam sighed and rubbed his face, trying to take in Perrie’s current mental state. He tried to remember what Perrie was like before Louis had taken a part of her to the grave with him. But the change in Perrie had started well before then, and Liam knew that there had always been more going on in Perrie’s head than she ever let on. He thought that maybe what she needed was a good night’s rest away from all this.

“Maybe I should take you home,” Liam offered.

“No, I’m fine. I belong here,” she said flipping that switch in her that took her from human to unaffected VIP queen. “Did I mention that I really like this shirt on you? You left open the right amount of buttons to show off the right amount of chest and chest hair. It’s like you’ve actually remembered a fashion tip I told you.”

“I remember all your fashion tips,” he said warily. It made him sick to watch her pretend to be okay.

“I should’ve hooked my model girl up with you instead of Louis. She’s wasted on him. And you deserve someone you can fall in love with again.”

Liam had no idea why she would say that. He played along.

“You think Wednesday would make me fall in love again?”

“She’s magical. I think she could, but I threw her to the wolf instead.”

“Why’d you do that? Especially if you think so highly of her?”

“Because, I think she can make Louis fall in love for the first time. It’s an amazing feeling, and it’s something he needs to experience, just so he can experience the pain of losing it, like you and I have.”

“That’s mean, Perrie. You wouldn’t really wish that on Louis. You’re drunk.”

“Maybe,” she said, taking another long sip of her wine. “Wednesday is dynamic. Is your girl dynamic?”

“Jade? Nah, she’s not dynamic. She’s just crazy.”

“You always have liked crazy.”

Liam smiled, not needing to confirm the truth.

“Why didn’t she come tonight?” Perrie asked.

“She was going to until her and Louis got into a small argument this afternoon. I don’t think she wants to be in his vicinity ever again.”

“What were they fighting about?”

“Louis being Louis. Jade is very vocal about her opinions.”

“I think it’s sweet that you have someone,” Perrie said. “It makes your pretty brown eyes come alive. I think you should try and keep her for a while.”

Unsure of how to respond, Liam focused on his beer and glanced back over toward Jesy and Harry. No, Jesy wasn’t pretending to dance up on Harry. Jesy _was_ dancing up on him. There was no doubt about that.

“What’s going on with Harry and Jesy?”

“What do you mean?” Perrie said, glancing in their direction.

“They seem a little more than friendly.”

Perrie glanced again as she took a sip of her wine.

“They always do that. They just like to amuse each other. I think they get bored just hanging out with us.”

Liam didn’t think it seemed that simple. Jesy was definitely putting moves on Harry, and Harry was definitely responding.

“This wine is boring,” Perrie said and Liam turned his attention back to her. “I need something better.”

“It’s probably boring because it’s your third glass.”

She looked at the glass, almost as if she was debating if she was ready for a refill or not, then her eyes returned to their human state and she looked at Liam and said, “Can you take me to him? I know you know where he is.”

Liam nodded and set his beer down, extending his hand to help her up, and sneaking a glance back toward Harry and Jesy who had stopped dancing and were just swaying as they talked with their arms around each other.

That was definitely more than friendly. That was downright intimate.

#

Jade was so excited about the small chair she had purchased that she had invited Niall, Leigh-Anne, and Zayn to come over and sit in it. She even forced them to play a small game of Musical Chairs which ended with Niall winning and everyone laughing. It was a laugh that Jade really had needed.

They had ordered pizza and sat on her floor, the new chair alone and unused by the wall as they talked about mundane things. But as the night wore on, and the pizza and beer slowly disappeared, the conversation seemed to shift in tone.

“Is Liam coming over tonight?” Niall asked.

“I don’t know,” Jade shrugged. “I don’t care.”

“We’re back to this?” Leigh-Anne asked.

“I just don’t get how Liam can be friends with Louis. Louis is the worst human being on the planet. I don’t even think he is a human being. He can’t be human.”

“Oh oh,” Leigh-Anne said, “What’d he do?”

“I asked him about how his whole days of the week thing worked.”

“Stop right there,” Leigh-Anne said, “Why would you do that? You knew that wouldn’t end well.”

“I was curious!”

“Don’t be,” Zayn said. “It’s not worth your time.”

Jade let out a frustrated sigh, getting heated just thinking about her conversation all over again.

“It’s just, he’s such a misogynistic, sexist, entitled pig. I know this is a terrible thing to say,” Jade said to Zayn, “But I kinda wish you hadn’t saved him.”

“Wow,” Niall said.

“Jade…” Leigh-Anne cautioned.

“No, I’m sorry, but it’s true. He’s a terrible person who preys on people’s dreams for his own gain. There is nothing redeeming about him. Not a single thing. And I’m having a hard time accepting that Liam is friends with someone like that.”

“To be fair,” Niall said. “He gave both you and Liam jobs when you both most needed them. He also came to Perrie’s defense in a heartbeat, even if Zayn is in the right. He has strong instincts about taking care of the people he most cares about. It’s just that there aren’t enough people in his life that he trusts enough to care about in that way. And Liam’s broken that trust time and time again, yet there he is, still giving him a job.”

“Which is why there has to be a catch,” Jade pointed out.

“Or,” Niall said, and Jade wrinkled her nose. There were no “or’s.” She knew there was a catch. “He’s really just that lonely.”

“Oh please,” Jade said rolling her eyes. “He has seven girlfriends and a devoted group of admirers in his friends. He’s not lonely. He’s spoiled and taking everyone around him for granted while using people for his own gain.”

Niall shrugged. “Just because people are surrounded by a lot of people, it doesn’t mean they’re not lonely.”

“I think we’re all missing the point here,” Jade said, “Louis’ the lowest of the low. And I hate him, and Liam doesn’t. The end.”

No one provided a rebuttal and a small, tense silence took over the room before a knock on the door made them all jump in surprise.

“It’s probably Liam,” Leigh-Anne said getting up so Jade didn’t have to.

Jade hoped it wasn’t him. She needed a night away from him to try and recollect her thoughts and sanity. Plus she really needed to get to bed soon since she had work in the morning.

Leigh-Anne opened the door and Liam stood there, looking like exactly the kind of guy she’d see at a club and want to go up to, but wouldn’t have the courage to actually approach. However, he wasn’t alone.

Perrie moved past Liam and invited herself right in, stopping before a very dumbfounded Zayn.

“What are you doing here?” Zayn asked as he got up from the floor to confront her face-to-face.

“You’re not answering any of my calls, so I made Liam bring me here.”

Great, Jade thought. The one time the Queen of Hearts leaves her kingdom and it has to be Jade’s place that she visits first. At least she now had a chair to offer her if she wanted to sit.

“She’s drunk,” Liam warned Zayn as he closed the door behind him.

“I’m not drunk. I’m upset. You won’t pick up my calls so I didn’t know what else to do. Come outside with me so we can talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Zayn shook his head. “You made it clear that I don’t have a say in our relationship, so I’ve taken myself out of it. You can go find a new guy to sit beside you at the clubs.”

Perrie shook her head and tried to grab his hand, but he took a step back from her.

“I don’t want a new guy. I just want you. I love you, Zayn.”

“Don’t say that,” he said, and Jade noticed a small flicker of pain cross his eyes that he blinked away. “Don’t come here with bullshit.”

“Zayn, please come outside,” Perrie pleaded, an act that Jade hadn’t thought her capable of. It had to have been her drunken state. Jade could think of no other explanation. “I just want to talk to you.”

Zayn must have realized that Perrie’s drunkenness was going to make the pleading last awhile because he let out a frustrated sigh and walked past her, opening the door for the both of them.

Jade didn’t want to be nosy, but her window wasn’t completely closed, so she didn’t have to strain to hear them. Liam sat with them in their small circle on the living room floor and asked politely if he could have some of the leftover pizza before taking a slice. The four friends stayed silent as they listened to the voices that had tried to move a bit further away from the window but were still audible.

“Don’t you understand that I’m through?” Zayn asked Perrie. “You’re too selfish and self-involved to love anyone but yourself. You don’t understand how it feels to be so scared that I’m going to find you OD’d in your bed. I have to walk away from it, because I can’t save you, so all I can do is save myself. So just go home.”

“Are you serious right now? You’re going to stand there and act like I don’t understand what it’s like to be scared about losing someone I care about?”

“Louis doesn’t count.”

“How does Louis not count?”

“Because I don’t want him to count. Because you never stopped being in love with him. That’s why you treat me like shit. We never had a chance because your heart was always there, stuck in his damn pocket, wasted on a guy who doesn’t even know what love is. That’s when this shit started. You were looking for ways to escape from the reality of knowing that not only could you lose your best friend, but that there was no way he was ever going to love you back. He didn’t love himself enough to live, so how was he going to love himself enough to love you right?”

There was a lengthy silence, and Leigh-Anne had her hand over her mouth and looked wide-eyed at Niall who seemed to look a bit hurt for his best friend right now. Jade tried to catch Liam’s eyes, but he kept his focus on his pizza.

“So like I said,” Zayn continued, “Bullshit. You don’t love me. You can’t love me, and I’m done with you and your best friend’s shit.”

“I’m sorry,” Perrie said, so faintly that Jade almost thought she didn’t hear it, but she had. Jade hadn’t thought Perrie capable of a sincere apology, and yet there it was. “Yes, I was once in love with Louis, but I stopped being in love with him when he gave me a big ‘fuck you’ by trying to kill himself. But that wasn’t the biggest thing I realized that night. The biggest thing I realized was that I was in love with you. I can’t …”

There was more silence, and Jade didn’t care if she was being obvious by leaning her head a bit, straining to hear.

“I can’t do this without you, Zayn,” Perrie said. “You’re the reason I always know everything will be okay. No matter what. You know it’s going to happen again. You know he’ll try again. I can’t go through that alone. I need you by my side, and I’m sorry I pushed you away, but I just get scared…”

Jade wasn’t sure what happened then, but moments later Niall received a text from Zayn saying he was taking Perrie home.

Jade wouldn’t normally have thought that Zayn should’ve given in, but knowing how upset he’d been these past few days just made Jade think that Zayn cared about Perrie more than he even realized. They were more invested in each other than they had thought. Jade hoped it worked out for Zayn’s sake.

#

Liam was emotionally and physically exhausted. The whole night felt like one giant day that wouldn’t end, and when Niall and Leigh-Anne had left Jade’s apartment, he sat on Jade’s new chair and just put his head in his hands.

Jade said nothing, and he could hear her move about her kitchen, running the tap, probably getting herself a cup of water to drink. He heard her footsteps across the floor and then the soft rustling of the mattress from her bedroom. He rubbed his face and stood up to join her.

“Cool chair,” he said, not thinking of anything better to say at the moment. He leaned against the doorway of her bedroom and stared at her.

“Thanks,” Jade said, sitting on her bed and looking at him as she drank her cup of water. “It’s my first purchase with the blood money.”

Liam rolled his eyes and was surprised when Jade said, “Sorry.” He looked at her and saw her lost in thought. But after a moment she spoke.

“Just, tonight’s been weird, and it’s made me think a little. I just really need you to tell me one thing. Just anything. Give me one reason, or one piece of information, or anything to convince me that Louis isn’t the devil. He’s your best friend. I won’t pretend to understand that, but tell me one good thing about him. Anything.”

Liam could think of several immediately, but none that would make an impact on Jade. She was looking for something along the lines of “he ran into a burning house and rescued three kids and the family dog” or “one time he bought a homeless family a house and even furnished it for them.” But those stories did not exist about Louis. So he had to tell her the ones that immediately came to mind instead.

“You accused him earlier today of preying on people’s dreams. He actually does the opposite. When Jesy and Perrie decided they wanted to do a fashion show to promote their line, Louis set it up for them. When I needed a job so I didn’t get disowned, Louis gave me one. When Harry was having a hard time getting auditions, Louis got him a better agent. When I asked him to create a job for you, he created one. What’s your dream, Jade? What’s your biggest heart’s desire?”

Jade shrugged, but then said, “You know what it is. I want to be a writer.”

“You want to be a writer, and you want to make money being a writer. So you probably want a great literary agent to make sure that happens. Louis can make that happen for you. All I have to do is ask him for you. And do you know what’s even crazier?”

Jade shook her head.

“That you could even ask him yourself, and he’d do it for you. He would do it for you,” Liam reiterated for her. “Because that’s what Louis does. He wants me, and anyone I like, and any of his friends to have what they want and be happy.”

“But why?” Jade asked. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

Liam took his keys out of his jeans pocket. After everything that had happened today, and everything that had been said, he didn’t want to deal with Jade and her judgmental questions about him and his friends anymore. Right now her crazy ways weren’t endearing to him, they were just frustrating.

“Doesn’t it though?” Liam asked. “I think it’s obvious. My mom has this obnoxious Quote of the Day calendar with really cliché and uninspiring quotes that are supposed to give you perspective for the day. I never pay much attention to them, but one time I noticed the quote for that day, and I never forgot it because it always reminded me of Louis. It said, ‘The first person to help you up, is the person who knows how it feels to fall down.”

Liam left Jade’s place before she could try and stop him with her questions and objections. She needed to think it through for once instead of defensively jumping to conclusions. If she couldn’t understand that the only thing keeping Louis alive was his mission to make sure people didn’t feel as dead inside as he did, then she would never understand Louis at all.


	19. Chapter 19

Liam had barely paid attention to anything that was said during the church service he attended with his parents. His mind kept skating back and forth between the work he was doing for Louis and the fact that Jade had really not called him at all on Saturday. He had hoped that she called him to say that she understood things now, that it would all be okay, and that everyone could co-exist and live happily ever after. But that phone call didn’t come which both disappointed him and frustrated him.

His parents wanted to do brunch after the service, and Liam was too far gone in his thoughts to think that it would be anything other than brunch. However, the moment they had sat and finished ordering, his mother directed toward him a very pointed statement.

“I was surprised you came home last night. You hadn’t been doing that lately.”

This was a brunch trap, and Liam had walked right into it. His father put down his mimosa, just so he could give the conversation his full attention. He figured it had been time for another demand or ultimatum on their part. He just wished he had been better prepared.

“Well you did say not to come home if I was drunk,” he smarted defensively.

“Don’t speak to your mother like that,” his dad said and Liam apologized.

“Sorry. I’ve just been spending a lot of time working. So it’s easier to stay at Louis’ sometimes.”

“I’m concerned about this job you’re doing for him,” his father said, which was not surprising to Liam. He hadn’t liked it from the beginning.

“What’s to be concerned about? I’m using my degree and making money. I thought you’d like that.”

“There’s no future in this. It’s nice that you’re helping out your friend, but when you go to get a real job, this will not hold any weight on your resume. And that’s even if you can put it on your resume to begin with.”

Honestly, Liam had been meaning to talk to Louis about that. He was going to bring up to him that they needed to form a taxable business entity. It’d give them a monetary and legal out if things should implode with the rave.

“I told you it was temporary until someone called me back,” Liam assured his dad. “I’m still sending resumes out every day. No one’s hiring.”

“People are hiring,” his dad stated. “It’s all about who you know. This is what I was trying to show you when I got you the interviews that I did. You’re putting yourself in a position where you have to struggle, even though you have the resources available to you so you don’t have to. Help me understand why you won’t take them.”

“I learned from you and used my own connections to get this job. I’m just doing what you would have done.”

“Getting a job from a loser friend is not something I would’ve done.”

“Well that’s just it isn’t it?” Liam said, levelling his stare at his father. “You don’t have any loser friends. You would never make a single loser friend.”

“Liam, that’s not what your father is saying,” his mother interjected. “Poor choice of words, honey,” she said to her husband.

“It’s not a poor choice of words,” his dad argued, “What does Louis do all day outside of party and spend all of his parents’ hard earned money on drugs?”

“He doesn’t use anymore,” Liam decided to clarify, even though he didn’t feel his parents deserved an explanation for Louis’ behavior. “And what he’s spending their money on is building a business in something that interests him. And not that you care about my loser friends, but he’s pretty damn good at what he does. He has legitimate investors and a great reputation in the scene. When people want an event thrown right, they go to him. I logically have looked at what he’s working with and trying to accomplish, and what I see is the chance to be an integral team member in the startup of a great organization. Which, by the way, will actually look pretty damn good on my resume.”

His mother looked as if she was considering what he said, but his father wasn’t quick to let the issue go.

“If it’s successful,” he said. “Start-ups only work on resumes if they’re recognizable.”

“It’ll be successful. I’m going to help make sure that it is.”

“What’s your backup plan?”

“Well there’s always the bookstore,” Liam smarted again and his father looked annoyed that he flippantly discarded what he felt was a serious conversation.

His mom sighed and asked, “Are you still working there?”

“No, I got fired for not showing up after having to spend all my time in my room sending my resume out to real jobs.”

“See this is what I’m talking about,” his dad said, his frustrated tone not lost on Liam’s ears. “You can’t even keep a job that you wanted. You self-sabotage yourself in everything you do. This thing with Louis won’t be any different. You’ll quit that, too. You quit everything.”

“Stop that,” his mother said and Liam just watched this ping pong match between his parents. He wondered if they realized he was still seated there with him. “He does not quit everything. He finished college. Lord knows he could’ve quit that since it wasn’t even the school he wanted to go to.”

“He’d be crazy to not have wanted to go to Columbia.”

“Actually,” Liam said, “I did want to go to school in New York. I just didn’t care which school I went to.”

“You see,” his father said to his mother, “He wanted to go to school in New York, and while there, why not go to the best?”

“Maybe Liam didn’t want the best,” his mother said looking between her husband and her son.

“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” his father said looking at Liam now, as if he had been the one who had made the statement.

“Maybe Liam doesn’t know what he wants,” Liam said, taking his napkin off his lap and placing it on the table. “I’m going to call a cab and head out. I actually have a lot of things to do today that don’t involve crazy conversations that force me to talk about myself in the third person.”

“Liam, sit down,” his mother said as he got up, but Liam ignored her, knowing his parents weren’t the type to make a scene. Sometimes it was a good thing that his parents were straight-laced and predictable.

He made his getaway, giving the cab driver his home address so he could pick his car up and head to wherever Zayn was. He rarely talked to Zayn alone, but after Friday night, he knew that he would have to have a conversation with him. All day Saturday, Liam kept replaying his conversation with Perrie, and then Zayn’s conversation with Perrie, and he felt that he was still missing a lot of information.

Liam texted Zayn to ask if they could meet up, and Zayn texted back to let him know that he was home. So Liam hit the freeway to travel down to Torrance where Zayn still lived with his family. Liam had never been to Zayn’s place before. He followed the directions on his GPS and pulled into the driveway of a two-story home in a very well-kept upper middle class neighborhood. 

There were only a few things that Liam knew about Zayn’s family. He knew that his dad was a big time computer engineer at a big company and that his mom was a sales manager at another big company. He also knew that Zayn had two younger sisters, one in college and one in high school, and that he was extremely protective of both.

Zayn opened the door to let him in, the soft scent of jasmine candles greeting him as he stepped in to the foyer. Zayn motioned for Liam to take his shoes off, which he did, placing his black dress shoes with the collection by the door.

“You look rather dressed up,” Zayn said.

“I had to do church this morning with the parents.”

Zayn led him toward the kitchen asking, “You want anything to drink?”

“I’ll take some water. Thanks.”

Liam stood in the kitchen, looking around at the décor and realizing that a lot of it were original pieces probably created by Zayn. On the refrigerator door were child drawings that had probably been there since he was in elementary school.

“Is this some of your original work?” Liam asked, going over to look closer.

“Yeah. My mom refuses to take them down. She swears that when I brought that one home from kindergarten she knew then I was going to be an artist.”

“I can see why,” Liam said, “The perspective between the horse and the shoe is expertly done. Real genius at play here.” Liam tried to keep a straight face.

“It’s a cow and a car,” Zayn said handing him his water. “And you’re an idiot.”

Liam smiled and thanked him for the water, following Zayn up the stairs to his room. He could hear music coming from the other rooms, and a teenage voice talking loudly on what he assumed was a cell phone. Liam had realized once at Jesy’s house how noisy things were when a person had siblings. He always wondered if that was why his parents had chosen to only have one kid.

“So, I’m trying to figure out what you want to talk about,” Zayn said once he had closed his bedroom door.

Liam tried to take in all the artwork he saw, realizing that some of the comic book-inspired scenes were painted directly onto his walls. If he had ever thought of drawing something on the wall, he was pretty sure his mom would have killed him.

“Perrie mostly,” Liam admitted as he stood in front of a part of Zayn’s wall that had various shaped frames with different pictures inside. He realized the frames were made out of colored cardboard, and that Zayn had created it himself. Liam had no idea what it was like to be that creative.

In the center was a circular frame that held a picture of Zayn and his family, beside it in a square was him and Perrie, looking picture perfect on the beach as Zayn stood behind Perrie with his arms around her waist, and both of them smiling at the camera. Judging from how they looked, Liam assessed that the picture had been taken early on in their relationship.

“What about Perrie?” Zayn asked, pulling out a chair from his desk for Liam to sit on.

Zayn sat on his bed.

“How is she? I figured you probably spent yesterday with her.”

Liam sat on the chair and looked at Zayn, hoping this conversation wasn’t difficult.

“She’s Perrie. She’s like she always is,” Zayn said with a shrug. “She spent all day yesterday wanting to go shopping. So we went shopping.”

“Retail therapy I guess,” Liam commented.

“She has a problem,” Zayn said. “She doesn’t want to admit it. There’s nothing that can really be done about that.”

“Maybe we can talk to her parents.”

“We?”

Liam looked at Zayn, certain the tone of that question was coated with sarcasm.

“I just mean that I know her parents. I could help.”

“You could help,” Zayn repeated with the same tone, and he nodded as he looked around his room and back at him. “I’m sorry, Liam, I know you’re concerned, and you know I’ve got no issues with you, but do you honestly think you can just walk into this situation and fix everything? You? Who disappears whenever things get too boring or too intense for you?”

Liam didn’t know why Zayn was turning this on him. He looked confused as he tried to find the right response.

“I didn’t know what was going on.”

“Exactly. You didn’t know what was going on. This is supposed to be one of your closest friends right? But you had no clue.”

“Well it’s not like you told anyone what was happening.”

“Who was I going to tell? You? You weren’t around. Louis? The guy feeding her addiction? Jesy? She would’ve said I was overreacting and that Perrie was perfect and indestructible.”

Liam hated that Zayn had a point. He listened as Zayn continued.

“Do you know that every time you leave, your trio of friends falls apart, and every time you come back they get their hopes up that you’ll make everything go back to normal? And every time I watch as you don’t do shit and just end up leaving them all over again. You’re actually right that you should be the one doing something about this, but you can’t do anything about something you know nothing about.”

“Then tell me what I need to know, Zayn. I’m here. I’m listening. Tell me.”

“That’s not good enough, Liam. They need you. They simply just need you. Why are you always running away from them?”

Liam didn’t see it as running away from them. He hadn’t come here to talk about himself, and he was starting to fear this conversation was going to turn into something similar to the one he just had with his parents.

“I’m not here to talk about me. This isn’t about me. This is about Perrie and how we need to help her.”

“You can’t help her,” Zayn stated simply, not losing his cool, not reacting to Liam’s words, and just staying seated in his bed as he looked at him. “We can’t help her. No one can help her. She has to help herself, and all we can do is be there for her. That, unfortunately, is something you can’t seem to do.”

Liam did not like this conversation at all. He had hoped to come over and just hash out a plan for fixing Perrie, but now he was sitting there, forcing himself to stay seated when all he wanted to do was get out of Zayn’s house and far away from whatever Zayn was implying. But leaving now would just prove Zayn’s point further.

“I’m not running away from them,” he said, gripping the cup of water in his hands. “I just don’t relate. I haven’t related to them in a very long time. My life in New York was so different, and as far as I knew, that’s where I was staying. I wasn’t supposed to be back here dealing with any of this.”

He felt guilty saying it. Vocalizing his thoughts made him feel vulnerable in a way that he didn’t like, and he didn’t want to look at Zayn for fear that he was going to judge him, but Zayn seemed to be looking at him as if he needed help in understanding Liam.

“You didn’t have to come back into the fold,” Zayn pointed out.

“Yeah but I don’t know anyone else. That’s the problem. I was a really shy kid growing up, which is why it was crazy when Louis randomly decided to be my friend. He just sat next to me and said I was going to be his best friend. If it wasn’t for Louis, I wouldn’t have really had any friends in school. He was the one that got me to join clubs and sports teams and events in general. Any social life I had, it was because of him.”

“So what was New York like then? Without him?”

“Calm,” Liam said, the first word that popped into his head at the question. “But the thing is, I had built up a lot of confidence by then, so going out there I was fine initially. I joined things, sports, a frat, intramurals, and I made some pretty decent friends. But then I met my girlfriend and I became less interested in school and more interested in just spending time with her. I had found a really happy place there. Just me and her and our dreams for the future together. Each time I came back here for the summer, it felt like going back to high school where dreams were far away instead of so close you could taste them.”

“So you felt like you were taking a step backwards in your life,” Zayn nodded in understanding.

“Several steps. And then when Louis tried to kill himself,” Liam shook his head, it was still so hard for him to wrap his head around it. “It just made me never want to come back again. I was done with it. Everything here was depressing, and everything in New York was promising. I was never going to come back, Zayn. You can call it running away, but I saw it more as a permanent separation. So when I ended up having to come back, I just didn’t know what to do. I still don’t know what to do.”

“What you need to do is make a decision and commit to it. Decide if you’re done with these people or not. If you are, then you need to let them know and walk away from it all and never come back to them again. If you’re not done with them, and you actually want to keep them in your life, then you need to start acting like a friend to them.”

“It’s not that simple. I don’t even know what I want from my life. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what I want to do. I feel so lost right now, and it’s a pretty shitty place to be.”

“You’re doing this thing with Louis. That’s something.”

“If I didn’t feel lost, I never would’ve done it,” Liam had to admit. “Honestly though, I’m glad I did. I don’t know how he was doing all this stuff alone, but it’s bigger than him. So much bigger than him,” Liam said shaking his head.

“He needs you, just like you needed him in elementary school. Perrie told me stories about you guys in school. How you guys were inseparable and always in each other’s pockets. She tells me stories all the time to try and make me believe that there was a time Louis used to not just even smile, but actually laugh.”

Liam looked warmly at Zayn, as if never having considered that Perrie would tell him those kinds of stories.

“He did used to laugh, and smile, and make everyone around him laugh and smile,” Liam confirmed. “Now Jesy takes it all upon herself to do it because no one else will. I’m surprised Perrie talks to you about Louis. She has to know you don’t care to hear about him.”

“He’s her favorite person in the world. Of course she talks about him. Even after the attempted suicide, he could do no wrong in her eyes.”

“That can’t be true. I heard what she said to you Friday night.”

Zayn sighed.

“You and I both know that Perrie will say whatever it takes to get what she wants,” Zayn explained. “She just wanted me back, so she said whatever she thought I needed to hear.”

“I don’t think that’s true. I mean, yes, she does that, but I don’t think that’s what happened that night. I had talked to Perrie earlier that evening, and she told me things I never thought she’d ever say about anyone. She actually told me that she loved you. She has never, ever, said that about anyone. I don’t think she just needs you, I think she genuinely wants to be with you.”

“I don’t think that’s possible. Maybe she wants that, but she can’t possibly really love me. Not in the condition she’s in. And if she gets the help she needs, then she may come out of it realizing that she doesn’t need me or want me anymore. Right now she’s scared that Louis will try and kill himself again, and right now she’s coping with that by escaping through her drug addiction, and right now she needs me to be around because she feels alone and scared. So I’m around.” He shrugged.

Liam wondered how Perrie had gotten lucky enough to trap such a noble guy into her crazy world. Zayn deserved far better than this.

“You don’t owe her anything,” Liam pointed out. “So if you’re sticking around, it’s because you love her.”

“Of course I love her,” Zayn said. “I tried not to. I knew what I was getting myself into hanging out with her, but it happened anyway. That’s the funny thing about love isn’t it? That shit just happens.”

Liam nodded. It certainly did just happen. Liam drank some of his water and looked at Zayn again.

“So what do I need to know?” Liam asked. “I have a theory that things started getting really bad after Louis’ suicide attempt. Am I right?”

“That’s when it started becoming more frequent. At first she’d just do it at the clubs or at parties, but after that happened, I’d catch her doing it at home or when we were just out alone at a restaurant or shopping or whatever.”

“How often would you say she does it?”

“Now? Maybe three to four times a day.”

“Jesus,” Liam said trying to think through it all. “Louis can’t possibly be giving all that to her.”

“No, she’s got a dealer on the side she gets stuff from. And I think what she gets from him isn’t good shit at all. I’m pretty sure that’s what’s making it worse.”

“Do you know who it is?”

“She won’t tell me.”

“I wish you knew how insane this is to me right now. Perrie is not the type of person to lose control like this. Just seeing her drunk and breaking down on Friday night was surreal.”

“I’ve seen her like that before,” Zayn told him and Liam just looked at him with a sad look. “Many times. I’ve seen her crying in her bed for no reason at all with an empty bottle of liquor in her hand. I’ve seen her crying on her bathroom floor, with a razor and a mirror and a bloody nose. I’ve seen her stare off into space completely out of it and high off whatever shit she took. I started spending the night just so I could check up on her in the middle of the night to make sure she hadn’t OD’d.”

“Zayn,” Liam said shaking his head, “I know you think you couldn’t have told anyone, but you should’ve fucking tried. If you had told Jesy that, she may not have believed you, but I promise you she would’ve ran and told Louis.”

“Therein lies the problem,” Zayn said. “Louis. What would Louis have done? Louis would’ve found me, blamed me for doing that to her, and told me to never see her again. Louis and I have maybe shared three sentences to each other in our whole lives. Maybe four. He doesn’t know me. He doesn’t want to know me. And if I hand him over the excuse he can use against me to cut me out of Perrie’s life, then where would that leave her?”

Liam had a little more faith in Louis than that, but Zayn didn’t know Louis either. There was no way for him to know that he should’ve taken the chance.

“I’ll talk to Louis,” Liam said. “I’ll make him understand. He’ll listen to me, and we’ll all figure this out together. We’ll get Perrie the help she needs.”

“So you’re choosing your friends? You’re choosing to make this your life again and not leaving it?”

Liam knew he couldn’t not be involved now. If Zayn, who barely knew his friends was doing so much to help them, then what was Liam’s excuse? These were his people. And if Zayn was right, and they had their hopes put on him, then he needed to be a better man and come through for them.

“I’m here. Not just for them, but also for you. You don’t have to do this alone anymore,” Liam said.

Zayn said nothing and Liam got up from the chair, placing it back at his desk. Liam walked toward the door and stopped again to look at the picture on the wall of Zayn and Perrie. He looked back at Zayn sitting on the bed and tried to compare the two, not realizing the toll all of this must have taken on Zayn as well. Unfortunately, Zayn also didn’t look like the carefree guy in the picture anymore.

Liam left Zayn’s house thinking that he still didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life, but at least now he knew what he needed to do right there at that moment. As much as he didn’t like the feeling of his life in New York disappearing from him, he knew that he had made a choice. If he wanted to help save his friends, then he had to let New York go.

#

Jade spent Saturday working a double shift, which gave her the perfect distraction from running to her phone to call Liam and see how he was doing. She had gotten the hint that he wasn’t too happy with her at the moment, but she didn’t think she had been in the wrong.

Still, on Sunday, as she lay in her bed and stared up at the curtains of her fort, she started thinking about how he hadn’t called her at all yesterday either. He was definitely upset with her, and she wasn’t sure what to do.

When Leigh-Anne called her and asked her if she wanted to go for a jog around the neighborhood, Jade took her up on her offer, hoping she could talk to her friend and get some advice, but what she didn’t know was that Leigh-Anne had called her to offer her advice in the first place.

They reached a cute, small community park several blocks down from their apartment building. The park only had a slide, a pair of swings, and a tiny jungle gym in the middle. Leigh-Anne stopped at a park bench so she could retie her shoe.

“So Liam didn’t call me at all yesterday,” Jade told her as she stretched her arms behind her head.

“Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that,” Leigh-Anne said, switching shoes so she could tie the other one while she was at it. “You do know you were out of line that night right?”

“What? What do you mean?”

“Telling Zayn you wished he hadn’t saved Louis?”

“Okay that might have been a bit extreme…”

“It was very extreme, and you have no idea how much that incident affected Zayn. In fact, you have no idea how any of this affects anyone else. I don’t know what you want from your thing with Liam, but if you want to keep him, then you have got to stop judging his friends. You claim to really like this guy, but you’re insulting every facet of his life in front of him.”

Why was Leigh-Anne being mean to her and lecturing her right now?

“I thought we were on the same page about these people,” Jade said, confused and blindsided by the conversation.

“Are they my favorite people in the world? No. Do I choose to be in their presence? Yes. Do I do my best to respect their crew, in hopes that they respect mine? Yes. Do I call Perrie names behind her back? Yes. Do I call Perrie names behind her back in front of Zayn? Never.”

“But I told you what Louis does. How am I supposed to stay quiet about that?”

“No one told you to ask, Jade. You asked him, and you got what you asked for. It’s not like you couldn’t have guessed. He doesn’t hide who he is or what he is. You were being nosy because you wanted to prove to yourself that you had every right to hate him. You’ve never given that guy a chance. And I’m not saying you had to, but I am saying that if you weren’t going to, then you had no business snooping around his life just to throw it in his best friend’s face.”

Jade did not like feeling reprimanded. Especially not from a friend.

“All I wanted to do was understand why Liam is friends with him,” Jade defended herself.

“If you wanted to understand why Liam is friends with him, then you would’ve asked Liam that, not asked Louis for the fine details of his depravity. You were just being nosy, and judgmental, and insensitive to Liam. Again, a guy you claim to like.”

“That’s not true,” Jade said. “I am trying to understand. I’m trying to understand why everyone, including you and Niall, keep hanging out with Louis knowing the kind of person that he is.”

“We don’t hang out with Louis. We hang out with Zayn. Zayn hangs out with Perrie. Perrie is the one that hangs out with Louis. There’s nothing we can do about that, so we don’t pay them any mind. We just do our own thing. It’s honestly none of your business, Jade.”

“It is my business! I work for him!”

“Then don’t! If it bothers you that much, then let him know and walk away. And you should probably walk away from Liam while you’re at it. God knows that was never really going to go anywhere anyway.”

Jade stood stunned as she looked at Leigh-Anne, who at least had the decency to apologize for saying that as soon as she said it.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Jade. I didn’t mean that last bit.”

“No,” Jade said crossing her arms. “You did mean it. How long have you been waiting to throw that in my face?”

“I haven’t. Seriously, I just…come on, Jade. You have to know, or have thought…”

“Whatever. I don’t care,” she said throwing her hands up dismissively. “I just don’t care.” She turned to leave.

“Jade, I’m sorry. Hey, come on,” Leigh-Anne said walking beside her, but Jade needed time alone. She needed time to think about all this, and she needed time to get over the feeling of being hurt by her only real friend in town.

She avoided conversing with Leigh-Anne, and didn’t bother to go to her apartment since she already had her keys with her. Once they reached the parking lot of their apartments, she got in her car and drove off, heading to the beach where she could be alone with her water and her thoughts.

She reached the shoreline and sat down, pulling her knees up and laying her chin on them as she looked out at the blue sea. Tears fell, and she didn’t bother to stop them.

This was all a gigantic mess, and it was a mess that she had created. She couldn’t help her negative feelings toward Louis, just as she couldn’t help her positive feelings toward Liam. She tried to put it in the perspective of her dad. If Liam had sat in front of her, talking shit and finding out the worst, dark secrets about her dad, how would she have felt?

If she were honest with herself, she could admit that she would’ve been horrified and embarrassed. She would’ve wanted him to stop because knowing all the horrible things about her dad, would probably make him think horrible things about her.

She had done that to Liam. And for what?

Leigh-Anne was right in saying that Jade couldn’t have thought this was going anywhere, but that was mostly because there was so much about Liam she still hadn’t even been privy to. It hadn’t escaped Jade’s notice that Liam never once had asked her to come to his place, or to even meet his parents. And probably most telling of all, Liam had never really bothered to ask Jade much about her own family life. He knew little things and hinted toward her keeping things from him, but he never sat her down and ever just asked for more information.

And then there was the most damning evidence of all – Liam’s ex-girlfriend. He never talked about her with Jade, and he never seemed to care to mention that or any past relationship he had. In short, he never confided in her about anything, which means he didn’t trust her, which means she was just his sure thing for nights he wanted to get laid or didn’t want to be alone.

So then what was getting a job at the bookstore with her? And what was the fort? Was that just how he wooed potential fuck buddies? Then what about getting her the job with his best friend? He already had her at that point, was that just him being nice?

Then again, he was probably wondering if she even liked him. Considering how much she attacked his friends and his life in general, he probably didn’t think she cared at all about him.

This was so bad. She owed Leigh-Anne an apology because she was right. And she owed Zayn an apology because she didn’t take into account how he was affected by that traumatic night. She owed Liam an apology because she had been a shitty person to him altogether. And as much as she didn’t want to admit it, she owed Louis an apology for prying into his life when it wasn’t her place to do so. She would have to do that on Wednesday, after all these non-stop days of bookstore shifts she had in front of her. It would be hard to walk away from the money, but on principle alone, she couldn’t work for a guy like Louis, just how she couldn’t live with a guy like her father.

Jade took out her phone and texted Leigh-Anne to know that she was right and that she was sorry. She didn’t know how or when to talk to Liam about it, but she knew it couldn’t be today. She felt too ashamed to confront him right now, and the fact that he hadn’t reached out to her either meant that he probably could care less about anything she had to say anyway.

Leigh-Anne texted back that she was sorry, too, and that Jade should come home so they could order Thai food and hang out while watching a fun movie. Jade didn’t think she could do that right now, so she just sat there and stared at her ocean for a while longer.

#

Louis sat at his mother’s dining room table, trying hard to concentrate on her new mac and cheese with ham recipe and not on yelling at her and storming out of the house. Part of the problem was that Harry had plans for the evening and couldn’t come with him, which meant he had to go by himself. The only thing worse for Louis than being alone with his dad, was being alone with his mom.

“Are you taking your medication?” she said, and he hated the desperate concern that flowed out with the question.

He rolled his eyes at the question, not sure how he was supposed to answer that.

“Why would you think I’m not?”

“You just seem so high strung,” she said almost apologetically. “Are you enjoying this new recipe?”

“It’s really good,” he said as he took another bite. All of his mom’s food was good. Cooking had always been her favorite hobby, and he had fond memories of being her taste tester as a kid. Neither of them could’ve guessed back then that this is what their relationship would become once he was an adult.

“Well, I don’t want you to get more upset, but I’ve been meaning to ask you something,” she put down her fork and clasped her hands together, holding them against her chin. “Is the fact that your father is forcing you to go to law school adding additional stress to you? I can talk to him about dropping the idea. I know it’s not what you want.”

After his parents divorced, talking to each other was something his parents vowed never to do again. Because of his attempted suicide, they had to renege on that vow and now spoke about once a week to each other just to compare notes on their only child. The idea of his mom fighting his dad on this was enough to stress him out more than the idea of going to law school.

“It’s not a big deal,” he said with a shrug. “I don’t care about it either way. I’ll go and flunk out and he’ll get over it.”

“You shouldn’t have to do something you don’t want to do. He’s just worried that if you don’t have some direction you’ll get lost again.”

Lost? Is that what his parents called it?

“Lost? I know it’s hard for you guys to believe, but saying the word ‘suicide’ around me won’t make me go kill myself. Shocking. I know.”

“You expect us to understand without ever having talked to us about it. We still don’t even know why you did it,” his mother’s voice wavered and Louis had had enough.

“I have a lot to do tonight, Mom. I should get going.”

“Louis, please. Finish your food. God, I just don’t understand. You were such a happy boy. You used to love giving me and your dad hugs. You used to tell us everything. Now you tell us nothing, and you don’t sleep, and you don’t eat, and you do all these unhealthy things.”

“This guilt trip is fucking annoying,” he muttered and his mother’s eyes widened.

“Please don’t talk to me like that.”

“How else do you want me to talk to you? Or Dad? You both have the same issue. Neither of you listen to me. You keep saying you don’t know why this or that, but I’ve given you both all the fucking answers you need. It’s not my fault you both refuse to process it for whatever fucking reason you don’t want to process it.”

Louis’ hand was shaking and he put his fork down and ran his hand through his hair.

His mother sat stunned with her hand covering her mouth, and Louis could see her try to process the man in front of her and reconcile him with the young boy whose memory she held so dear.

“I’m sorry,” Louis said, running his hand over his unshaven face. “I’m sorry.”

She waved her hand for him to stop as she shook her head, trying to collect her emotions once again, but then she stood and left the table, probably escaping to her room where she could let her tears flow.

Louis stared at her empty chair for a long time, thinking that he wished he could’ve just reached out and hugged her like he used to love to do.

He left his mom’s house without saying goodbye and headed home, only to be met by Liam waiting for him outside.

“How long have you been here?” Louis asked as he unlocked the front lobby door to the building. “Why didn’t you text me to let me know you were coming?”

“I haven’t been here long,” Liam said following him inside and to the elevator. “And I was using this time to do some thinking.”

“That sounds dangerous.”

Once inside his apartment, Louis headed straight to his refrigerator and pulled out beers for them, sitting beside him on the couch as he tried to steel himself for whatever Liam was ready to tell him.

“I don’t even know where to start,” Liam said, “I guess, I’ll just start by saying that I went to visit Zayn today.”

Louis already wanted to tune this whole conversation out. He drank his beer and just kept his gaze on Liam to let him continue.

“And, he told me a lot of very disturbing things. Things about Perrie that I just never would’ve believed was happening in a million years.”

“Perrie’s fine,” Louis said. That’s all there was to it. He had spoken to her yesterday and she had been back to her old self. They were all overreacting.

“Perrie’s not fine. Zayn says she’s using three to four times a day.”

“Zayn’s a fucking liar,” Louis said. “I only give her enough for the club. Like I do for all of you.”

“He says she has a dealer, but he doesn’t know who it is because she won’t tell him. He’s also concerned because he’s convinced that the stuff this guy’s giving her is really bad shit.”

Louis’ stomach took a tumble as his defenses dropped. He tried to think of who the hell she could be getting other drugs from. Perrie couldn’t be that dumb. She just couldn’t be.

“He’s lying. There’s no way.”

“Louis, Zayn’s been dealing with this for a long time. He’s been staying at her place to make sure she doesn’t OD in the middle of the night. He’s caught her crying on her bathroom floor among other places. Perrie’s not okay. She’s got a serious problem, and we need to help her.”

“Fuck you, Liam,” Louis said, putting his beer down on the coffee table. “You’re not helping anybody.”

“Look, I know I’ve been a shit friend,” Liam said. “I’m sorry. I was trying to deal with a lot of things that frankly had nothing to do with you guys. But seeing Perrie go down like this? Seeing you put yourself in this overwhelming situation you’ve put yourself in with the rave? Seeing Zayn dead in the eyes like the rest of us because of what he’s been dealing with when it comes to her? It’s made me realize that I’ve been really selfish. I’ve been purposely distancing myself from all this, thinking I could escape it. But life doesn’t work that way. It brought me back here, and it brought me back here for a reason.”

“Oh that’s great, now you think you’re a savior. The great savior that will fix all our problems and set us all free. Are you expecting a bonus for that? I don’t think we can budget that in.”

“Make all the jokes you want, but I’m not letting Perrie die. That’s not going to happen on my watch. And either you’re in this with me and Zayn to try and help her, or you’re not, but that’s your decision. You now know what’s going on. You can’t pretend it’s not happening or convince yourself that we’re overreacting.”

“I just love that you think you can come back here and think you run everything,” Louis said, narrowing his eyes at Liam. “Like I haven’t been the one here trying to keep it all together. I have this under control.”

“Are you fucking delusional?” Liam asked him. “You don’t have anything under control. Not even your rave. Do you know how insane your numbers are? Do you know how much isn’t accounted for and how much money I’m still trying to collect on your behalf for things? Every single person you’re dealing with thinks that they can pull one over on you because you’re too careless. And if you don’t at least break even on this thing, what do you think these guys are going to do to you? Do you plan on just paying them back with what’s left in your trust fund? This is bigger than you, Louis. You’ve made too many overreaching promises already, and we only have about three weeks to get it right before this thing happens. You have NOTHING under control. Not Perrie, not your rave, and especially not your life.”

Louis didn’t care to hear any of this. Not now. Not like this. He got up from the couch and went to his room, slamming the door so Liam got the hint loud and clear that he didn’t need to follow. Unfortunately, Liam didn’t seem to understand the meaning of a door slam.

“Seriously, just leave me alone right now,” Louis said to him.

“Right, like I’m going to leave you alone in the state you’re in. Look, I’m sorry I’m hounding you like this, but I’m a little fucking scared right now. What’s happening here, man? What’s happening to us? Just a week ago everything seemed to be okay enough, but now I just keep thinking that everything is spiraling out of our control. What else don’t we know? I mean look at Jesy and Harry.”

Louis looked at Liam perplexed. If he told him that Jesy and Harry were involved in some crazy drug addiction as well, he was liable to crack and check himself into a mental institution.

“What about Jesy and Harry?” Louis asked, crossing his arms as he stared at Liam.

“I think they’re together, man.”

It took a moment for Louis to process Liam’s words and the meaning of them.

“You think they’re together?” Louis asked unsure. “What?”

“At the club the other night, they were acting really intimate. And just the way they were with each other seemed close. None of us have really been paying attention to either of them with all the shit that’s been going on, and I think they seriously started seeing each other without us looking.”

Louis had thought it was strange that Harry was skipping out on dinner at his mom’s house. He usually looked for any excuse to go. Was he with Jesy right now?

“No way,” Louis said, but his narrowed eyes showed he was definitely considering it. “Do you really think that?”

“I’m just saying. I’m making sure to keep an eye out the next time we’re all hanging out.”

“Jesy and Harry?” Louis said again as if having to visualize it. He thought of how Harry was singing to her while they danced at Jesy’s beach house party. Now that Liam mentioned it, little things seemed to make sense about them.

“Yeah, I’m like 99.9% sure of this.”

“Huh,” Louis said, still processing this information.

“But that’s what I’m talking about. Things happening all around us and we’re all so oblivious to it because of all these crazy issues in our lives. Anything could’ve been happening to any of our friends, and we wouldn’t have known. That has to change.”

“It’s not like they’re paying any attention to us either,” Louis pointed out.

“That’s where you’re wrong. They’re paying a lot of attention to us. Jesy and Perrie are both always asking me about Jade. Perrie…” Liam shook his head. “This whole mess she’s in happened because this was her way of coping with almost losing you. You can’t say she’s not paying attention. You have no idea how badly you messed her up when you did what you did. And I’m not blaming you…”

“Really? Because that sounds a lot like an accusation,” Louis said, his hands starting to shake again. He crossed his arms even tighter.

“No, I’m not blaming you. But you have to realize that there are consequences for every action. And that was the consequence of yours. Perrie slid into this crazy mess, and I …”

“You?” Louis stared at him, sure he wouldn’t finish the sentence. He still couldn’t believe Liam had actually said sorry at least once tonight.

“I walked away from it. I gave up on our friendship. I didn’t want anything to do with you because I didn’t want to be that guy that walks around haunted by the ghost of his dead best friend.”

Louis watched Liam as he took a deep breath and rubbed his hand over the stubble of his chin.

“I’m sorry,” Liam said to him. “I’m sorry I chose to deal with your attempted suicide in that way. What you did, it was clearly a cry for help, and I was too selfish to see that for what it was at the time. I just didn’t know what to do, so I did what I do best. I disappeared.”

To hear Liam admit what Louis had always figured to be true, was bittersweet for him. On the one hand, he hated that he was right about why Liam didn’t want to be around him, but on the other, at least he now knew, and maybe could move on from that aspect of things. Louis didn’t blame Liam for dealing with it like that, all he ever wanted was for Liam to be honest about it.

“We all do what we have to do to make it through the day,” Louis said. “I don’t blame you.”

“I blame myself,” Liam said. “And I guess you’re right. Is that what all this is? This rave and this club life? This is you making it through the day?”

“Some of it. Is that what Jade is? You making it through the day?”

“Some of it,” Liam said, and Louis shook his head in the only gesture as close to a smile as he could get at the moment. “You know, you really did a number on her the other day.”

“She kept pushing.”

“But why would you tell her those things? You knew she already didn’t like you.”

“That’s why. I like to give people what they want. She wanted every little thing that I told her. She wanted to think I was the worst human being on the planet, so I gave it to her. That’s why that saying about being careful what you wish for exists. For people like her.”

“Probably,” Liam said with a sigh. “I haven’t talked to her in a couple of days. I’m not sure how I feel about things between us right now. I think it might be time to let her go.”

“Hm,” Louis said, “Done with the rebound? Does this mean your heart no longer belongs to your New York ballerina?”

“I think so. I think New York and I are officially over. All of it.”

Louis sighed and nodded. That meant Liam was serious about everything he had said earlier, and that meant that no matter how much he wanted to deny it, things with Perrie were probably a lot worse than he could even conceive. How had this happened? Had it really been him that triggered it? He didn’t know how he was supposed to handle that situation. If he was the reason that Perrie had gone down this dark, destructive road, then he would never forgive himself.

“I guess I’m out that extra marketing assistant,” Louis said.

“You mean your only marketing assistant?”

“Semantics,” Louis said, walking past him and back out into his living room to get his beer.

“I guess I can text her and let her know,” Liam said, following him out.

“Nah, I should do it. As her boss and all. You have bigger things to discuss with her. Are you really sure you want to lose your crazy girl?”

“I have serious things I need to focus on now. I don’t need the distraction.”

“Well good luck dealing with that, man. You’re going to need it.”

Liam left soon after getting a confirmation from Louis that he was alright. Louis closed the door behind him, and dropped his head against it, letting out a long, pent up breath of frustration.

All he was able to focus on was the idea that Perrie was suffering, and that it was his fault. All he had been trying to do was make sure that she was happy, and to make sure she thought that she had nothing to worry about when it came to him. But that whole entire time, it just turned out she was worrying anyway and dealing with it by taking what he gave her and more. This was the problem with good intentions.

If he had been successful at killing himself, would Perrie have gone down this path, or would Zayn have been free to help Perrie out of the dark without having Louis interfere? Liam could’ve gone his merry way without ever feeling guilty for dealing with the aftermath of his survival. His parents could’ve moved on instead of trying to keep a relationship going with their living-dead son.

Through all his muddled thoughts, all Louis could think was that Jade was actually right. He was the worst of the worst, and even though she didn’t say it, he could imagine that she probably thought that he should’ve died.

He’d have to agree.

But right now, he had to help Liam save Perrie, and he had to put on this rave, and he had to try and make it another day without wishing that Zayn hadn’t saved his life. He went to his stash to find his good weed and decided to treat himself for the night. It’d help him stay calm. It’d help him fall into a semi-peaceful sleep so he could live to see another morning.


	20. Chapter 20

Jade didn’t know why she was having such a hard time deciding what to wear to quit her job. She had tried on three outfits and all of them didn’t seem “quitty” enough. She knew the real issue wasn’t that she wanted to look right for quitting, it was that this was the first time she was seeing Liam since Friday night, and she wanted to look nice.

She was scared.

Jade didn’t know what to say to either boy when she saw them. She felt so disconnected from them and everything that had happened. That was the beauty and the curse of working non-stop at a bookstore that none of them ever visited.

When she arrived at Louis' apartment, she took a moment to compose herself and remind herself of why she was there. She was politely quitting her job. She was hoping to talk to Liam. She mentally prepared herself for the worst: Louis telling her to get the fuck out, Liam telling her that he never wanted to see her again.

With this in mind, she buzzed Louis’ apartment from the call box. She was grateful when he didn’t ask who it was and just buzzed the lobby doors open.

Jade got up to this apartment and took another deep breath before knocking on his door. She still couldn’t believe how royally she had managed to screw everything up. Saying she had issues was an understatement, and she knew it.

“I didn’t think you’d show up,” Louis said when he opened the door, and Jade cleared her throat and nodded.

“Can I come in?”

Louis held the door open for her and she walked in, glancing toward where Liam sat in his usual spot. He looked up at her and gave his full attention to the situation. Her stomach sank at so far being right. He didn’t even smile at seeing her.

“So,” she said looking at Louis, “I wanted to apologize, and say I’m sorry to you. So, I’m sorry.”

Louis just stood before her and watched her as she spoke, which made her even more nervous.

“I was out of line on Friday, and I had no business prying into your life like that,” Jade continued, “So I’m very sorry. You didn’t owe me any explanations and I overstepped my bounds. Boundaries? My boundaries? I don’t know how that saying goes, but you know what I mean.”

“I think I get it,” Louis nodded.

“I also want to say that, unfortunately, due to the information that I did find out that day, I will have to respectfully no longer work for you. I’m afraid I don’t agree with the views of the management on life things, and therefore can’t support the cause.”

This had all sounded so much better in her head when she had rehearsed it mentally in the car. She was such a failure.

“Okay,” Louis said, and Jade looked toward Liam to address him next, but he was too busy looking at Louis, with his head cocked as if mentally asking him “Really?”

Louis sighed and Jade turned her attention to him just as he flipped his brown, messy hair out of his eyes.

“Why don’t we go for a walk?” Louis said to Jade.

“Um, okay,” Jade said wondering what had passed in their mental conversation. When she tried to look at Liam again, he was looking back at his screen, clearly avoiding her.

When they got downstairs, Louis pointed toward the right and said, “Let’s walk this way.”

“Oh, you really wanted to walk?” She asked confused.

“Yeah, I think since you had the courtesy to come and apologize, I should say something.”

“Okay,” she said even more confused, but she walked with him down the sidewalk of the beautiful neighborhood that she wished she could transplant her apartment building to. The tall palm trees that lined the street even seemed to be prettier and happier than the ones near her place.

“I know you really need this money,” Louis said as they walked. “So maybe we can work out a compromise so you can still earn it and I don’t lose my marketing assistant with a few weeks to go.”

“I don’t need the money that badly. I’ve been picking up extra shifts and working doubles at the bookstore. I just need to hold on to every penny and I’ll be fine.”

“Liam told me once that your dad was a minister.”

“That’s random.”

“And you came out here to get away from him.”

“That’s a lot of very personal information.”

“Well I guess now you know how it feels.”

Jade sighed and nodded.

“I’m sorry. I’ll apologize again if…”

“I’m not asking for another apology,” Louis cut her off. “I’m just curious to know what it takes for someone to leave the safety of their home, go across the country, and waste their talents on a bookstore job, struggling to pay rent by skimping on food and necessities and being perfectly content sleeping on an air mattress every night.”

“I have a real mattress now, thank you. And I don’t feel comfortable sharing my personal information with you. Sorry.”

The truth was that it hurt that he had asked her and Liam never had.

“That’s fair,” he said, and they paused to let a car go by before crossing the street and continuing their walk. “So what happens next month or the month after that when you don’t get a real job and you’re still trying to scrape enough pennies for rent and electricity and everything else you have to pay?”

Jade sighed and stopped walking, turning to look at him.

“I don’t know. I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m getting to the point where I feel I have to give up, and I just don’t want to.”

“I know how that feels,” Louis said, looking at her as well, and Liam’s words from Friday night came back to her like a giant wave of “see I told you.”

She wanted to ask him if that’s what he had been feeling when he gave up on life, but she kept her tongue in check. She had vowed to change on Sunday, and be more mindful and careful of people’s situations. Leigh-Anne and Liam and everyone else had been right. She didn’t know Louis.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “I think it sucks for anyone to feel that way.”

“I agree.”

She sighed and looked back the way they came.

“I know this is random and not what we’re talking about,” Jade said, “But Liam hasn’t talked to me since Friday, and he wasn’t really looking at me in there. He’s really mad at me isn’t he?”

“I think you guys are going to have to talk about that.”

“I really screwed up,” she admitted, wondering why her chest caved a little. “I just got so caught up in talking. Like my mouth wouldn’t stop. I messed everything up.”

“I don’t think it’s all on you.”

“No it is. He needed me to be something for him, and I just couldn’t be it. I know, I know, again, why I wouldn’t make a good day of the week,” she said, rolling her eyes and trying to be light about the situation.

“You should just talk to him.”

“I will. I should get going.”

“Jade, it’s just a few more weeks. Finish out this job for me, get your money, use that time to plan your next move. Maybe we could even come up with a solution for after so you don’t have to give up.”

Jade shook her head.

“I think you’re missing the part where I can’t socially-consciously work for you,” she said.

“Do you think every employee that works at Chik-fil-a supports homophobic hate groups? Have you ever looked into the politics and lifestyle of the Barnes & Noble CEO? Ever heard the phrase, strictly business? We’re not friends, but you have an opportunity to do this for yourself. Put yourself first. Do what you need to do so you don’t have to give up on your sacred dreams.”

“I see what you did there,” Jade said, hating that he used her words against her.

Louis shrugged then nodded back toward the apartment.

Jade shrugged as well and walked back, and when they reached her car, she said, “Only because it’s only a few more weeks.”

Louis nodded and said, “Wait here, I’ll send Liam down.”

Jade felt her stomach drop and she leaned against her car, waiting patiently while trying to distract her thoughts by sending random texts to Leigh-Anne and Niall. They were both at work, so she knew they probably wouldn’t reply, but at least she was doing something to keep her mind off Liam coming to talk to her.   

When he did finally make it down, she felt a large lump of emotion get stuck in her throat, and she tried to clear her throat as if that would remove it.

He looked great. Like he always did. And instead of having the inevitable “he hates you, Jade, just move on already” conversation, she wished they were having the “those jeans are looking a little low, how about we go to my place so I can just tug them off” conversation. Why had she been so mean and hateful on Friday? Why had she ruined everything?

“Hey,” he said, tucking his hands into his jean pockets as he stood before her.

“Hey,” she said, wishing she had pockets, too. Unfortunately she had gone with her more professional looking black slacks which did not possess such practical modern marvels as pockets.

“So…” he said, just sort of shrugging.

“So, I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m so incredibly sorry. I was out of line on Friday, and I had no right to go in on your friend like that. I had no right to disrespect you like that, and I had no right to be judgmental towards you and your friends. I don’t know why that happened. Well I do know why, but I also know I was in the wrong, and I’m extremely sorry for the things I said and how I said them.”

“Okay,” Liam said. “Apology accepted.”

She was relieved to hear that, but she knew she wasn’t in the clear.

“So…” it was her turn to say.

“So on Monday I was going to call you to let you know that I think we should end whatever this is that we’re doing.”

And there it was, the harsh verbal punch to her chest. She had prepared herself for it, but even then she didn’t anticipate just how much it would hurt. When she thought about Liam these past few days, she thought about how he had literally come out of nowhere into her life, and had given her a reason to smile and be excited about each penniless and jobless day. In a way, he had provided her sanity and a small sense of familiarity away from home. Losing that was painful.

“That’s understandable,” she managed to say with her voice only wavering slightly. “I took you for granted. All the amazing ways you made me happy and took care of me. I have no one out here, and you came out of nowhere and just made me feel like things were okay and that I wasn’t so alone. But I just lost it. I got overwhelmed.”

“We all do,” Liam agreed as he watched her. “It’s been an overwhelming couple of months.”

“It has. I really don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I didn’t think it would be this hard to find a real job.”

“Me either,” he said.

“So why didn’t you call me Monday?”

“I just needed time to think. A lot’s been going on in my life, and I didn’t know what to really do about you in the midst of all that.”

“That sounds weird. Like I was just a task on your to-do list,” she sighed and pushed her loose curls behind her ear. “What were we doing anyway? Was I just a task to you?”

“No. You were a distraction,” he said, and Jade bit her lip. That was too honest.

“Oh,” she said.

“You always ask these questions…”

“I know. I’m too nosy. I get what I deserve when I ask them.”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying. I just… I actually admire your curiosity. I admire the way that you always want to find out the whole story and not just take things for face value. It’s one of the things I really like about you.”

“Until I ask the wrong question to the wrong person.”

“There are always lines that shouldn’t be crossed.”

Jade shrugged at that. People seemed to cross lines all the time without negative impact, but whenever she did it, it caused things like this to happen. Did anyone call Louis out for crossing lines? Did Liam even ever get called out for crossing lines?

“I just think everything is unfair,” Jade said. “There are a lot of double standards. Whenever I tried to walk away, you would pull me in. I would never be the one to end this. It would be you. You were always the one in power, and I was naïve enough to think that what we were doing was mutual.”

“So pull me in,” he said and Jade blinked, not sure she heard him right.

Was he giving her the opportunity to get him back? Or was he giving her the opportunity to make sure their relationship was on a level playing field? Did that mean they were still in one already? She didn’t know what was happening right now.

“I don’t know how,” Jade shook her head. “What are we right now? What were we before?”

“Before? Friends with benefits?”

“We were friends?” Jade raised her eyebrows. “Friends talk about things and know things about each other. I know you have issues with your parents, but you’ve never even taken me to your place. You spend all this time at mine, and I have no idea what your bedroom looks like. Or even just where you eat breakfast. You’ve never told me about your ex-girlfriend in New York, or much of anything where that’s concerned. I guess because I was the distraction, you felt you didn’t have to tell me these things, but let’s not kid ourselves by labeling what we had as friends with benefits.”

Jade wasn’t yelling or accusing him, which she couldn’t even believe herself. It was as if she had found her voice all of a sudden, and just wanted to talk to him about things. She wanted to open up and let him know how she really felt. Maybe losing him had taken the pressure off a bit.

“You’re right,” he said. “So we were fuck buddies. And I think we were both on the same page, because you never really told me anything about your life either. Why you left. Why you hate your dad so much.”

“I ran away so I would never have to think about him again. Talking about him defeats that purpose.”

“I guess that makes sense then,” Liam said, walking over and pulling himself up on the hood of her car to sit. “But it seems to me that maybe you holding that back has been part of the problem you’re having out here. There’s no way you don’t miss your mom or your friends back home. You get really irrational at times. It’s like you’re acting out and don’t even realize it.”

Jade blinked her large brown eyes at him, processing the psychoanalysis he had just thrown at her. Was she acting out?

“I don’t think I’m acting out,” she said.

“Okay, before you started hanging out with us, how often would you get drunk?”

“Never. I got drunk once in college because I wanted to have the experience, but it was dumb, so I said I wouldn’t do it again.”

“But here you are, hanging out with us and drinking every night. Okay, how about this one? Before me, how many guys did you just randomly hook up with that weren’t your boyfriend?”

Jade felt exposed and she wrapped her arms around herself as she looked at him. That seemed to be enough of an answer for him.

“I’m the first?” He guessed correctly. “How many boyfriends did you have?”

“Just one. In college. He got boring.” She said, taking a deep breath. “How many girlfriends have you had?”

“Three.”

“Including New York?”

“Including New York.”

“How many girls did you just randomly hook up with that weren’t your girlfriend?”

“Three,” he said again.

“I’m the third?”

“Yeah.”

“One after each girlfriend, huh?”

“Something like that. But that’s not the point. The point is that what I’m doing is normal for me. What you’re doing isn’t normal for you. So then why are you doing it? What are you trying to prove to yourself? What are you trying to prove to your dad?”

“That I’m free of him,” she admitted. “I’m free to do what I want, and wear what I want, and be who I want, and stay out late, or sleep in, or hang out at the beach all day. I just wanted to live a life where I made my own rules. But I can’t do that until I have a real job and stability.”

“So then whose rules are you playing by right now?”

“I think mine, just not entirely mine. I only know you guys, so obviously I’m going to do whatever you guys do. Otherwise, I’ll stay at home, and look around my empty apartment, and start to think about how alone I am.”

“When you get your job and your stability, what is it that you want to do? What are your rules?”

“To be happy and free. To do what I want. To write and walk on the beach and have fun movie nights at my house with my friends. To go out to a club so I can dance like nobody’s watching, then go home with the man of my dreams and make sweet, passionate love in my fort.”

“That sounds like your life right now.”

“My life right now is like a copy of that, but it’s not the real thing,” Jade tried to explain. “I can’t be happy and free while I’m worrying about paying my rent. I can’t do what I want because I can’t afford anything. I’m too worried about losing my place to sit down and concentrate on writing. I only go to the club with your friends, so I always feel tense about it, and I don’t think I’ve found the man of my dreams yet.”

She hadn’t said it to hurt him, although his eyes did seem to narrow a little as he tried to understand what she meant by that.

“You’re seriously telling me that you plan on bringing someone else into our fort?” He said, his eyebrow raising a little. Was he teasing her?

“That’s all you got out of that?”

“It’s our fort.”

“It’s my fort. Besides, Niall’s been in the fort.”

“Why the hell has Niall been in our fort?”

“Leigh-Anne got mad at him about something, so he was on time out and came over to crash for a bit.”

“Niall’s not allowed in the fort.”

“Niall is so allowed in the fort.”

“You weren’t in the fort with him were you?”

“I have been a few times. Niall and I have totally napped together before. He gets put on time out a lot.”

“I’m not okay with this.”

“Again, it’s not your fort.”

She watched Liam sigh and rub his hand over his face.

“Okay, we’re off topic,” he said.

“I miss you.”

Liam dropped his hand and looked at her, so Jade repeated it.

“I miss you. I actually really like you. There, I’ve said it. I’ve liked you since you took care of me after the club and fed me and showed me the planes in the night sky. No one’s ever made me feel that special. No one’s ever built me a fort. No one’s ever cared enough to want to make me happy. My one boyfriend didn’t even seem to be interested in me. I got caught up in you because you made me feel like I deserved to be happy.”

“You do deserve to be happy,” Liam said reaching his hand out for hers. She hesitated slightly, but gave her hand over, letting him pull her toward him to stand between his legs. “Everyone deserves to be happy. I think I deserve to be happy, and you gave me that, too. After I lost my life in New York, after I lost my girlfriend, I just didn’t think I ever would be happy again. But then I met you and you just have this way about you. You kept putting a smile on my face with your ridiculous ways. And you were beautiful also, which just seemed unfair. I love seeing that look on your face whenever I surprise you or make you happy. You’re like full of wonder, and that’s something, as you now know, I don’t have a lot of in my life. Which is why, after things had calmed down and I just started thinking about it, I didn’t want to just end what we had.”

He had thrown her a reprieve, and her heart swelled in emotion. But the power play was still his. He was deciding to keep this going. He wanted her to pull him in. He wanted her to make this decision too, so that it was equal, so she tried to think of how she could do that.

“I think we need to be clearer about what we’re doing,” she said. She wanted to just say “yes” and throw her arms around him and kiss him, but that’s not how this would work going forward. It all had to be mutual. It had to make sense and be real. “Are we just fuck buddies or are we dating or are we going to be friends with benefits? Which is it?”

She knew Liam hadn’t expected it, because he didn’t reply right away. She had forced him to actually think about what he wanted with her, and that made Jade feel better already.

“I think I’d like to try dating you,” he said. “But only if you’re done judging me, my friends, and my life.”

“So done,” she promised him. “And I think I’d like that, too. The dating thing.”

“Then we’re dating,” he said, slipping his arms around her waist to pull her closer. “So tonight there’s this house party…”

“House party? I thought dating meant you taking me to a really fancy restaurant. You’re doing this wrong already.”

Liam smiled and just stared at her, and Jade really wanted to kiss him now. That smile. Those crinkly brown eyes. It did things to her.

“I promise I’ll take you to a really fancy restaurant tomorrow. Tonight there’s a house party. One of Louis’ people is throwing it and now that I’m his right-hand man, it’s hard for me to get out of these things.”

“I understand,” Jade said. “Do you want me to go with you?”

“I was hoping you would. I think Leigh-Anne and Niall are probably going too, for Zayn.”

“Zayn,” Jade said nodding. “I have to apologize to him, too. God, I’m really sorry, Liam. I have been out of control.”

“It’s okay, babe,” he said, and he pulled her in to finally give her that kiss that she had been wanting since she had walked into Louis’ apartment that morning and saw him.

#

Wednesday arrived at Louis’ apartment just as he finished getting ready for the house party. He dabbed on his cologne and buzzed her in, leaving his apartment door open as he towel dried his hair and let it just fall wherever it wanted.

He had big things on his mind about tonight, the least of which was discussing some business things that Liam pointed out needed to be taken care of. A number of his investors would be at this party tonight, and it was time to iron out details and make sure everyone was on the same page, especially those that Liam had his reservations about. He also was going to have to keep an eye on Perrie while also handling this Harry and Jesy situation. He wished his friends hadn’t chosen right now to fall apart when he needed things in his life to go as smoothly as possible.

“Hello?”

He heard Wednesday’s sweet voice in the living room and grabbed his wallet, tucking it into the back pocket of his black jeans and then walking out to see her standing there in a short, lilac print summer dress with white strap sandal heels and her brown waves, perfectly falling around the delicate spaghetti straps on her shoulders.

“Are there any special instructions for this party tonight?” She asked, holding her lilac Chanel clutch with both of her hands, which made her look coy as she patiently waited for him.

“It’s a pretty packed schedule for me,” he said, tearing his eyes away from her and heading to his kitchen to drink some water before they left. “I have a couple of closed door meetings that will be taking place, so you’ll have to occupy yourself during that time.”

“I can do that.”

“Do you want anything to drink before we go?”

“I’m fine, thank you.”

He drank his water, glancing toward her as she continued to stand there, waiting for him. He still hadn’t bothered to ask her what her deal was, and he still didn’t know why Perrie insisted this was a good idea. If he had to think about why Wednesday unnerved him at times, it probably had to do with the fact that she wasn’t as extroverted as his other days of the week. The other girls never had a problem making themselves at home, or entertaining themselves when they weren’t supposed to be “on,” but Wednesday always seemed to just be waiting for him to tell her what to do.

“Alright, let’s go,” he said, once he was done. He grabbed his keys and led the way out, opening the passenger door for her, which she thanked him for before sliding in.

His car’s sound system blasted one of the cuts he had been particularly obsessed with from one of his DJ friend’s side project. Louis was trying to find him an underground label to put it out on, but he hadn’t found anyone with the right vision that matched the vision needed for the genius of the track. As Louis sped through the LA streets, zig-zagging around cars obeying the speed limit, he got lost in his thoughts about what he could accomplish if he pulled this rave off just right. Part of his dream had always been to start his own underground label that could put out tracks just like this, straight to clubs and the hottest dance floors around the world. It’d be a niche market, but it’d be one he knew he could conquer.

Traffic impeded his progress once he hit the hill, and he lowered the volume a bit and looked over at Wednesday, who was staring out the window. He tried to see if there was a way around the gridlock, but it looked like every path was packed. He grabbed his phone from the center console and scrolled through all the missed texts while he waited for cars to move. Liam estimated he’d be at the party in about 30 minutes. Perrie said she’d be rolling in a bit later. Jesy was already there and confirmed it was an awesome party.

Why wasn’t traffic moving?

He looked over at Wednesday and down her body, his eyes focusing on the exposed thighs her short dress had revealed when she had sat down. If it was any of the other girls, he would’ve had no problem laying his hand on her thigh and fooling around with her while they waited, but it was that kind of playfulness that seemed to be missing from her.

He looked back up at her turned head, then asked, “What kind of music do you listen to?”

She looked at him, her brown eyes unsure that he had directed the question to her.

“All kinds of music.”

“What do you listen to when you drive?”

“Just whatever’s on the radio. It really depends on my mood. Sometimes I just listen to Power.”

“You listen to Power 106?”

“Sometimes.”

“I can’t imagine that.” And really Louis couldn’t. The summer dress-wearing, Chanel-carrying, model beside him drove around the city listening to hip hop and rap? He couldn’t picture it.

“What kind of music do you imagine me listening to then?”

He was surprised she had asked him a question in return.

“I guess pop. Like Katy Perry or something.”

“I like some of her songs.”

“I’ve heard some good remixes of her stuff,” was all he could offer.

They crept up the hill, finally getting past the red light that was causing all the problems, and he pulled up to the front of the pristine, two-story white house, where a valet service had been hired for the night. Louis handed over his keys and got his ticket, before taking Wednesday’s hand and making his way into the illuminated hillside mansion, assaulted immediately by the bass booming from the state of the art sound system in the main living room where the party seemed to be centered.

He moved through the crowd with ease, stopping for handshakes with his many male acquaintances and kisses on the cheek with his many female acquaintances. It didn’t seem to stop and he had a hard time getting to where the drinks were without being stopped for a conversation or general salutation, so he sent Wednesday ahead to get them some drinks while he settled in to talk until Liam finally showed up.

#

When Liam saw Jade in in her slim and fitted, short, black and white polka dot dress, he wanted to ditch the party altogether. It hugged her body in ways that should’ve been illegal, and he was wondering who exactly she was trying to impress tonight.

“Is this too much for a house party?” She had asked him when she had opened the door.

“I don’t care, its perfect for me,” he had told her, kissing her hungrily to let her know just how much he approved of her clothing choice.

When they finally did arrive at the party, the house was too crowded to easily find someone, so Liam resorted to texting Louis to try and find his location. He held Jade’s hand firmly, not wanting her to be lost or carried away by any drunk, handsy types. Jade seemed to still manage to dance her way through the crowd as they neared Louis’ location.

Louis sat on one of the black leather couches, involved in a discussion with some guys while Wednesday sat on his lap, one leg crossed over the other, sipping on her drink. Louis had his arm around her and resting on her leg, but he seemed only interested in the guys he was talking to and not at all in the beautiful girl on his lap. Maybe she wasn’t as magical as Perrie had thought.

“This is my jam,” Jade said as the music shifted to a dance song that was making Jade dance in place and thrusting her hips against him. Liam tried so hard not to laugh, but he couldn’t help it. “No you don’t understand,” she said, smiling at his reaction. “When I was in college I used to take these hip hop exercise classes at the gym, and this was my favorite song because it was at the end of the rotation, so I always knew when they played this song that the torture was almost done.”

“Babe, the fact that a song is your jam for that reason….I don’t actually know what to say about that.”

But Jade continued to dance, taking his hand to make him join in. Liam danced with her while keeping an eye on Louis, finally catching his attention when Louis glanced toward his general direction. Louis waved him over, but Liam just motioned to Jade to let him know he wasn’t getting out of this dance.

Liam cracked up at Louis’ confused look.

When Jade’s jam had finished, they were joined by Louis, who had gotten up and walked over to meet him halfway with Wednesday by his side.

“Sorry, it was her jam,” Liam explained.

“That was my jam,” Jade confirmed and Liam smiled and tried hard to keep it from becoming a chuckle. She hadn’t even had a drink yet, and the night was young.

“I’m sure we can get them to play it again if it’s that serious,” Louis said, still looking confused by this. “Come on, Liam. Let’s get you a drink so we can discuss a few things.” Louis put his arm around Liam’s shoulder.

“I’ll be back in a bit, babe,” Liam said to Jade, “Try to not break anything or make anyone cry.”

“Rude,” Jade said, but then she started dancing to the next song while Wednesday just watched her with amusement. 

Liam grabbed himself a beer from the open bar and stood by Louis in a corner by a window with a great view of the city.

“How are you feeling about your decision to stick it out with crazy girl?” Louis asked him.

“Pretty good so far,” Liam admitted. “How are you feeling about your new Wednesday?”

“I’m still not sure about her. But anyway, we need to handle this Harry and Jesy thing before we go into our meeting.”

“Have you seen them tonight?” Liam asked.

“They’ve been dancing in a corner, thinking they’re invisible. It’s taken everything in me to not go over there and break them up. Now that you’re here though we can divide and conquer. I’ll take Harry, you get Jesy.”

“Alright, let’s do this,” Liam said, taking another drink from his beer and hoping that he didn’t make Jesy cry.


	21. Chapter 21

The music seemed louder as Liam followed Louis to the corner of the packed living room where Harry and Jesy stood talking. As Louis had pointed out, they had their arms around each other, caught up in their own private moment without a care as to anything that was happening around them. Liam felt conflicted at the sight. On the one hand, he wanted Jesy to be happy, but this had come out of nowhere and been too sudden to feel safe or okay. Anytime Jesy got into a relationship, things ended badly for her. 

Liam cleared his throat to get their attention and Jesy smiled when she turned and saw them, putting her arms out to give them each a hug.

“You guys are finally here!” She said.

“We are,” Liam said giving her a tight hug back. “Do you mind if I steal you for a second? I have something I want to talk to you about.”

“Okay,” Jesy said.

“We need to talk about something, too,” Louis said, putting his hand on Harry’s shoulder. “Let’s go out to the pool, man.”

Liam and Louis exchanged a quick glance of solidarity before Liam took Jesy’s hand and decided to take her out to the front of the house. He walked a little way down the road from the entrance so that the new arrivals wouldn’t be able to overhear their conversation.

“What’s going on?” Jesy asked, her large eyes looking at his with concern.

“Why don’t you tell me?” Liam said looking at her in a way that let her know this was a serious conversation. “What’s the deal with you and Harry?”

“Me and Harry? Nothing. Why?”

“Don’t lie to me, Jesy. Are you guys hooking up?”

“That’s so none of your business,” she said crossing her arms.

“So you guys are hooking up,” he stated.

“What the hell? You’re not my dad. Oh my God, is that why Louis took Harry?”

Liam reached out to grab Jesy’s arm before she could run inside to try and interfere with their conversation.

“Jesy, you know we’re looking out for you here.”

“Oh my God!” She said pulling her arm away from him and running her hand through her dark brown waves of hair. Even in the subdued lighting of the night sky, her hair’s natural shine was noticeable. “You’re looking out for me here? What’s to look out for? I’m a grown woman. I can handle myself.”

“I like how you forget how we’ve had to save you from every single relationship you’ve ever been in.”

“I can’t with this,” she said throwing her hands up in the air, “I never asked for you guys to help. I had things under control and you guys always came in and ruined everything. It’s like you guys don’t want me to ever have anyone while all of you get to have whoever you want. I don’t want to be alone, Liam!”

“Calm down, babe, just calm down.”

“You’re telling me to calm down when you’re out here questioning my relationship with Harry?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know why I’m questioning it. Come on, I was there in high school when your boyfriend hit you right in front of all of us like it was perfectly fine. I was there when your next boyfriend cheated on you with half the girls’ volleyball team.”

“This is Harry!” Jesy emphasized. “Harry! You know him. You know he’s not like that.”

“He’s not good enough for you, and you know it.”

“Are you kidding me right now? So let me get this straight, Liam. You don’t want me, and no one else can have me? How is that fair? How? How is that okay? You and Louis are not my parents. You don’t get to decide who I date and who I don’t.”

“Louis and I wouldn’t be so concerned if you didn’t always sell yourself short. We’ve had Harry around this whole time and you never once looked in his direction, yet all of a sudden he and his fake girlfriend break up, and you settle for him, knowing it’s just a matter of time until he either gets back with her or finds someone he’s actually interested in.”

“Don’t say that!” Jesy said. She was never good at handling her emotions, and the inevitable tears began streaking down her face. “Don’t say that!” She said again, as she shook her head. “Harry likes me. We’ve talked about this. He doesn’t want to get back with her. He wants me! Why are you doing this? Why do you and Louis want to take away my happiness? Harry makes me happy! He likes me and we have fun together! Why isn’t that enough?”

Liam thought that was a pretty good question. Why wasn’t that enough? His heart broke as her cheeks became tainted with her mascara tears, but he just kept thinking how much worse this would all be when Harry broke her heart.

“Jesy,” he said, tentatively reaching out to touch her arm comfortingly as she stood there crying. “You know what you’re up against. What we’re all up against. You can’t just let people in like that.”

“He’s part of our crew! And Zayn got in without Perrie getting attacked for it!”

“Don’t do that yourself, babe.”

“Do what? Compare myself to Perrie? Oh, that’s right, Perrie gets whatever she wants. Perrie can have whatever guy she wants even though her boyfriends in high school were assholes, too. But not me, no, I have to sit here forever alone because you guys think you can run my life.”

“We’re not trying to run your life. We’re trying to protect you.”

“I don’t need to be protected. I’m happy with Harry. Maybe you guys should’ve been protecting Perrie all along instead. Fuck you and fuck Louis. I’m done,” she said pushing past him and heading toward the house.

Liam cursed under his breath and texted Louis to let him know Jesy was coming for him. He followed close behind.

#

Louis had taken Harry out into the patio area that had a lap pool with an infinity edge. The fall of water was too calm, and Louis headed instead toward a small set of stairs that led back up to the side of the house. Louis stood near them, hoping no one used them and disturbed them while they talked.

“What’s up, man?” Harry asked.

“Do you remember when I first let you into our crew, and I told you that there were a couple of rules you needed to abide by?”

Harry looked perplexed, but nodded.

“Yeah, vaguely,” Harry replied.

“Do you vaguely remember one of them being not to touch our girls?”

Harry lost the perplexed look and just stared at Louis.

“Come on, man,” Harry said.

“Do you or do you not remember that rule?”

“It’s been three years. Those rules still can’t possibly apply.”

“They still apply. And you obviously knew they applied, otherwise you wouldn’t have been hiding this thing with Jesy from us.”

“Are you fucking serious right now?”

When Harry first started hanging out with him, Louis had thought he was pretty cool and brought a relaxed vibe that had been missing with Liam gone to college. He hadn’t thought of him as a permanent replacement, but he knew that Harry helped round things out a bit and kept Louis from having to only hang out with the girls all the time.

He never trusted Harry fully, mostly because Louis knew that you should never really trust an actor, but something about him seemed genuine enough. Maybe it was his small Texas town upbringing, or maybe it was his adventurous personality that led him to LA to pursue his dreams and gave him the balls to introduce himself to Louis and his crew and join them for a drink out of nowhere. Whatever it was, Louis had no issues with Harry, but those rules were in place for a reason.

“What are you doing with Jesy?” Louis asked him.

“We’re hanging out. We’re having fun. What we always do.”

“It’s not what you always do. You know you crossed the line.”

“Look, man, I know you feel a certain way about Jesy and Perrie. I know you’re super protective over them. I know how this whole thing works. Do you honestly think that I would do anything with Jesy unless I was serious about it knowing that I’d have to deal with you in the end? Give me some credit.”

“It’s hard to give a guy who can’t follow rules any credit.”

“Louis, come on. Jesy and I have become really good friends over the years. We’re good together. We’re making each other happy. Isn’t that what you ultimately want? For Jesy to be happy?”

“Yes. I want Jesy to be happy. With a guy who loves her and treats her the way she deserves. Not with a guy who never once looked in her direction until his ass got dumped and used her to make himself feel better about it.”

Harry shook his head.

“You have no idea what happened between us,” Harry told him. “You have no idea why Jesy and I started seeing each other.”

“If I’m wrong, you can tell me I’m wrong.”

“It’s not that simple,” Harry said, “And it’s not something you would understand anyway. That’s the problem. You have no concept of how relationships work. We’ve spent the past three years getting to know each other better and becoming really good friends. And the moment that I get dumped, she’s there for me and trying to make me feel better. And yeah, we did hook up, and after that night, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I couldn’t stop having a smile on my face when she would call to check up on me, and I couldn’t stop thinking about the next chance we’d have to hang out together again. And this will come as a shock to you, but it wasn’t because we were hooking up. Every time we hung out, that didn’t happen. It was just because we genuinely enjoyed being around each other. We make each other happy, and we understand each other. That, my friend, is how relationships work. Like I said, you wouldn’t understand.”

Louis wanted to punch Harry for his self-righteous answer, but he also wanted to believe that Harry had grown to care for Jesy. He just couldn’t take that chance.

“Here’s what you don’t understand,” Louis said to him. “Those rules are in place for a reason. Jesy is a fragile person, and you’re messing with something that can easily break.”

“Let me stop you right there,” Harry said. “Jesy is a fragile person? Jesy is one of the strongest women I know. She has to be to put up with all of y’all’s shit. Watching her best friends leave or fall apart? She’s been here with you guys through it all, and still has managed to keep a smile on her face and believe in every single one of you. The only reason you think she’s fragile is because she doesn’t shy away from showing her emotions, and you think that’s a sign of weakness. You have to think that. That’s how you justify your inability to show emotions at all.”

It took a moment and a scream from Jesy for Louis to realize that his fist had actually propelled itself forward and connected with Harry’s jaw. If it weren’t for Liam grabbing Louis from behind and keeping his arms restrained, Louis wasn’t sure if he could’ve stopped himself from doing it again.

“Oh my God, baby, are you okay?” Jesy said fussing over Harry. “Come on, let’s get you some ice and go home.”

Jesy then turned to Louis and said, “I fucking hate you. Stay out of my business, and don’t ever talk to me again.”   She grabbed Harry’s hand and led him up the side steps so they could leave.

Louis’ mind raced, recalling the comment Harry made, and he looked down at his throbbing knuckles.

“Well that went well,” Liam sarcastically remarked. “Come on, let’s get your hand taken care of and find you a drink.”

Louis let Liam lead him back into the house. He had to pull his mind together.

Jesy had never hated him before.

#

Jade received Leigh-Anne’s text that she and Niall had arrived, and Jade went on a frantic search through the main party rooms to find her friend.

“Thank God you’re finally here,” Jade said clinging to Leigh-Anne once she saw her. “I’ve just spent the last half hour with Wednesday and you have no idea how hard it was for me to not ask her questions about being Wednesday. I just basically told her I loved her dress and tried to talk to her about fashion.”

“That sounds very exciting,” Leigh-Anne said with a laugh. “And speaking of loving dresses, I love this! I’ve never seen you wear this one before.”

“It’s new. I actually bought myself a dress for tonight. Do you really like it?”

“I love it,” Leigh-Anne said making her turn around to see the back.

“Zayn just texted that he’s here,” Niall said looking at his phone. “I’m gonna head to the front and meet up with him.”

“Okay, baby,” Leigh-Anne said exchanging a kiss with him before he disappeared into the crowd. “So, you and Liam. What’s the deal?”

“We’re dating. Like officially dating,” Jade said as she found a corner where they could stand and chat.

“Congrats!” Leigh-Anne said giving her a hug. “I’m so happy for you guys.”

“Me too. I mean, I think it took the crappy stuff to make us really just sit down and figure things out, you know?”

“I know how that is. Niall and I have been through so many crappy things that we live by the motto of what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Trust me, it’s not easy being the flawless couple we are.”

“You’re insane,” Jade said laughing. “Well in other news, I tried to quit the job with Louis, but he talked me into sticking it out since it’s only a few more weeks left.”

“He talked you into sticking it out?” Leigh-Anne seemed to look both concerned and annoyed by this.

“No, it’s okay, really. It’s only a few weeks. It’s not like he doesn’t know how I feel, so he’s well aware of my stance on the whole thing.”

“You sure about this?”

“Yeah I’m sure. I’ve got this all under control.”

“Famous last words,” Leigh-Anne teased her. “So speaking of the boy, where is he?”

“He and Louis have all these closed-door business meetings with the guy throwing this party. Rave stuff I guess.”

“That’s so weird. Who would throw a party just to talk business?”

“I think it’s like _The Godfather_ where even during his daughter’s wedding, The Godfather had to be The Godfather and still do business.”

“So then why are we here?”

“We were invited to the wedding? I don’t know. I just hope that he doesn’t want to stay once he’s done and we can go back and rekindle our sex life as daters instead of just whatever we were before.”

“Do you think the sex will be different?”

“I think it’s going to be better,” Jade said with a big smile and she and Leigh-Anne started laughing all over again.

Leigh-Anne received a text from Niall to come join them in another room where Perrie decided she wanted to be.

“The Queen of Hearts has spoken,” Leigh-Anne remarked showing Jade the text.

Jade rolled her eyes, but she still moved through the crowd once again as they tried to find their way to this other room that Perrie wanted to be in. Along the way, Jade felt her ass get groped and she turned around to cuss out the person who did it only to find Liam standing there looking at her amused.

“You were this close to getting my knee in your balls. This close.”

“I like to live dangerously,” he said giving her a little kiss. “You doing alright?”

“Now that I found Leigh-Anne, yes. I can’t believe I had to talk to Wednesday for that long. I didn’t even ask her her name. I wasn’t sure if that was crossing the line or not.”

“I’m sorry, babe. I have to go talk to these people for a bit longer, but then I’ll be out and I’m all yours.”

“Is everything going okay?” She asked looking into his eyes for any clues. She noticed that he seemed as if he had a lot on his mind.

“Everything’s going fine.”

He gave her another kiss before heading in the opposite direction, and Jade continued her journey with Leigh-Anne into a very modern and sparse room with white couches offset by plastic chairs in various bright colors in random places. If there had been a method to the plastic chair madness, it had been ruined by the various people in the room having rearranged them for their socializing convenience.

“Do you see this place?” Niall asked, coming up to Leigh-Anne. “It’s like a freakin’ installation. I want a room like this in our dream house.”

“Are we even allowed to be in here?” Leigh-Anne asked looking around.

“Other people are in here. I’m sure it’s fine,” Niall said as he took her hand into his.

Jade saw Perrie sitting demurely on the couch in a red jumpsuit with spaghetti straps and a large red belt around the waist. She had pulled her blond hair back into a very neat pony tail and her make-up looked dark and dramatic. She sat side-by-side in stark contrast with Wednesday’s natural summer day look, as the two seemed locked in conversation.

Niall pulled up some of the plastic chairs for Leigh-Anne and Jade to sit in, and Jade looked around noticing people were missing.

“Where’s Jesy?” Jade asked Niall.

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen her.”

“Harry’s not around either,” Jade continued to observe. “Maybe they went to get drinks.”

“Maybe,” Leigh-Anne agreed.

Jade hoped they came back soon because without them there, it made being with Perrie a lot more awkward. Although it did occur to Jade that this was the first time they had Perrie outnumbered. She only had Wednesday with her, and technically Zayn was on their side. She wondered if that’s why Perrie ignored them and didn’t bother saying hi when they sat down. But then again, it’s not like they had said hi either…

“Hi, Perrie. I really love your jumpsuit,” Jade greeted. She couldn’t help it. She knew what it was like to be outnumbered and feel awkward.

“Thanks,” Perrie said looking at her. “I like your dress.”

“Really?” Jade had not been expecting a compliment back. This was monumental. “I bought it today and was kind of excited about it. I wasn’t sure if it was too much for a house party though. Then again, I’ve never been to a house party like this.”

“Did you see that awesome infinity pool?” Niall asked her.

“Yes!” Jade said excited. “I think it would freak me out if I was in it.”

“No, when you’re in it you don’t really notice the effect as much,” Niall pointed out. “They’re cooler from an outside visual perspective than an actual usage perspective.”

“I still want one,” Jade said.

“No, me too,” Niall agreed.

“And I want a fire pit,” Jade added, having noticed the one outside as well.

“Have you ever seen the rectangular ones that they put on the floor of the patio?” Zayn mentioned. “Those are really cool.”

“Those freak me out,” Leigh-Anne said shaking her head, “Like what if you accidentally step in it?”

“Babe, I think you’d notice fire on the ground and not walk into it,” Niall said looking at her like she was crazy.

“No, she’s right though,” Jade said, “What if you’re like eating a plate of wings, and you’re all into your wings and walking and next thing you know you stepped in it because you were paying attention to your food and not where you were going?”

“Well when you play the plate of wings card….” Niall said as they all laughed.

Jade glanced over to Perrie and Wednesday to see if they had found it funny as well, and she was a little relieved to see that they were paying attention and had small amused expressions on their faces, even if they weren’t full-blown smiles.

#

Liam felt that there was a lot to learn from Louis when he was in his element. There was a fearlessness to his business tactics, and a pure risk-taking attitude that seemed to always land him on top. Even the powerful, big money guys in the room weren’t willing to play games with the stakes he threw at them, and that left Louis with the biggest chunk of the decision making in his corner, just where he wanted it.

He had managed to successfully shut down demands for a third stage, a separate VIP area from the main VIP area, and a tour rider from an overzealous DJ. The DJ’s manager sat in the room stewing after Louis had looked toward Liam to ask what the budget said about that and Liam had just shook his head no.

Liam was well aware that he was Louis’ secret weapon, and he played his part well, never contradicting Louis or interjecting when he was in the middle of one of his explanations.

“Let’s all try and remember,” Louis had warned them after they had gotten a bit too upset about the amount of no’s they were receiving, “that we’re all trying to make a profit. I have this thing set up in a way where we all come out of this big winners.”

“Not with that many DJs we’re not,” the guy throwing the party had said, and Louis had explained how most of them were playing for very little money before motioning to Liam to give them the numbers.

“How’d you pull that off?” One of the other guys had asked and Louis had simply answered that people do crazy things just for exposure. Liam figured if anyone would know that, it would be Louis.

The parties left the room soon after, which Liam had thought meant the meeting was adjourned. But a more private meeting needed to occur between the main investor and Louis. Liam had an idea what that meeting would be about, and he tried to not think too much about it as he rejoined the crowd and maneuvered his way back to the drinks.

He busied himself by sending Jade a text to let her know that he was almost done, working on his drink, and avoiding eye-contact with some of the women that kept looking in his direction. Liam was grateful when Louis showed up beside him.

“Everything okay?” Liam asked him.

“Everything’s fine,” Louis said, asking the bartender for a straight shot of whiskey. “So this guy you just met, he’s the guy whose people are going to be supplying the rave. He’s aligned with a local gang in the area who already is set up to handle the event.”

Liam’s eyes widened.

“Come again?” Liam asked.

“When you’re putting on an event like this, the big gangs in the area tend to want in.”

“Are we going to have to worry about a turf war in the middle of the rave?”

“You watch too many movies.”

“I’m not sure how else I’m supposed to interpret that,” Liam said with narrowed eyes.

“They’re businessmen, just like we are. This guy’s got it all worked out. We don’t have to deal with them, that’s all on him. He’s in charge of selling, we get a chunk of the profits, everyone wins.”

“So let me just make sure I have this straight. We now have a gang involved in throwing this rave? Louis…”

“I know. You don’t have to say it. I’m in some deep shit here. But this is how shit gets done.”

“But it’s not how it gets done,” Liam argued. “Come on, people throw raves and festivals all the time. You can’t tell me they go through all this.”

“A lot of them go through worse. You know how many of these things get shut down before the first DJ takes the stage? We’re trying to be a successful event.”

“There has to be a better way to do this.”

“Maybe if you had come into this from the beginning we could’ve come up with something, but it’s a little late for that now.”

Louis thanked the bartender for his drink and obliterated it.

Liam just watched his friend and tried to figure out why this whole thing was so important to him that Louis would make so many bad decision to get it done. Or maybe he was purposely making bad decisions, trying to push and see just what he could get away with. Maybe it’s what was making him feel alive.

“The next time you do something like this, it won’t involve gangs and paying off cops,” Liam said to him. “You keep saying you need to make the money off this one to take you to the level you want to be at right? Then that’s what we’re going to do. And at that level, we book legal venues, we don’t pay off security and we don’t let people provide drugs. If someone happens to find his way in and can do it, then that’s on them. Next time we stay completely above table. Understood?”

“Yes, Dad.”

Liam sighed and nodded, not sure what he would do if this all came crashing down around them and he had to call his dad from the slammer.

#

Louis thought it was an interesting scene to see Perrie alone in a room surrounded by no one that she trusted. Well she probably trusted Zayn, but he didn’t count. Even more interesting was seeing her and Wednesday involved in a conversation that made Wednesday smile so bright that Louis had to pause at the sight.

“How nice of you to grace us with your presence,” Perrie said to Louis when she spotted him, and Wednesday’s smile disappeared as she got back into character. A part of him was sad to see it go.

He leaned down to give Perrie a kiss on the cheek and nodded his hello to everyone else seated around.

“Have you seen Jesy anywhere?” Perrie asked him.

“She wasn’t feeling well so Harry took her home,” he casually lied, sitting beside Wednesday and searching her face again, wondering if he had made that smile up.

“You know, I don’t think I feel well either,” Jade said, and Louis watched as Liam laughed and grabbed her hand to help her up from her seat.

“Come on,” Liam said, “You’ve had a long night of dancing to your jam and being groped by horny men. Let’s get you home before you turn into a pumpkin.”

“No, it’s the coach that turns into a pumpkin,” Jade said wrapping her arms around his waist. “Am I going to have to sit you down to watch _Cinderella_?”

“You so did that to yourself, man,” Niall said as he and Zayn cracked up at Liam.

“Babe, I know it’s the coach. But I like the idea of you turning into a pumpkin. Come on,” Liam said, and he and Jade said their goodbyes to the group.

“We should get going, too,” Louis said to Wednesday. He was not about to be stuck there watching his friends couple off and start to fall into their love drunk moments that always happened toward the end of the night. This was the other problem with Harry hooking up with Jesy. Now he wouldn’t even have Harry to hang with at times like these.

“You should leave us with a little something for the night,” Perrie said to Louis. “Not that I need it. But you know, just for fun.”

“Sorry, babe, didn’t Liam tell you?” Louis said, his stomach sinking at the latest request. “He’s not letting me carry my own shit anymore. I have a guy at the clubs for us, but he’s not here at this party tonight.”

“Liam, of course,” Perrie said rolling her eyes, and she leaned in to Wednesday to give her a hug goodnight.

Louis glanced toward Zayn who was looking at him, and who just nodded with what Louis could only interpret as a thank you-nod.

Louis looked away and took Wednesday’s hand, leading them out of the packed house before he could think any more about this. Except that as he sped down the hill, blasting his music, it wasn’t enough adrenaline or distraction to keep him from only thinking about that one thing.

How was he supposed to keep saying “no” to Perrie? How was he supposed to get her to stop asking for it or doing it altogether? She was fine. Why couldn’t she pull it together so everyone could shut up and leave him alone about it? What if they were right? What if she wasn’t fine? He couldn’t allow himself to think like that. She would pull it together.

When they got into his apartment, Louis threw his keys at the wall in anger, forgetting for a moment in his rage that Wednesday had followed him in. He dropped to the floor, pulled his knees up to his chest, and wrapped his arms around them as he stared out into his living room.

Moments passed before Wednesday knelt in front of him, looking at him with concern and curiosity as she gently took his right hand and applied a washcloth wrapped around a plastic bag of ice to it. He knew she had seen it earlier in the night. He had appreciated her not bringing it up.

“Sorry,” Louis said. He could only imagine what was going through her mind.

“You’ve had a stressful night.”

“What were you and Perrie talking about when I walked in? What was she telling you that was making you smile?”

Wednesday blinked at the question, her eyes narrowing as she attempted to remember.

“Oh, she was telling me about their fall collection and the outfit that she knew I had to be the one to model on their website. She was describing how each piece would look on me and how I was the only one she could envision pulling the look off exactly as Jesy designed it. She was very enthusiastic about it.”

“That makes you smile? Knowing that you’re the only person that could possibly make an outfit look good?”

“Well, not like that exactly, but yes, it makes me smile to know that someone thinks I’m the right person for the job. It’s flattering.”

Louis dropped his eyes down to look at her dress again, and how pretty it looked on her as she knelt in front of him.

He looked back into her eyes and said, “I think you’re the only person that can pull off that dress exactly as the designer designed it.”

She didn’t want to break. He could sense it. But even though she fought it, the smile appeared on her face. It wasn’t as wide as the one she had given Perrie, but it was just as bright as he remembered, and he brought his knees down so he could lean in and kiss that smile.


	22. Chapter 22

Jade was alone in Louis’ apartment, and she was trying very hard to focus on her work and not snoop. She had offered to work from home, but Liam had told her that she’d probably get more done sitting at a real table, and having real furniture and a fridge with real food that Louis was probably not going to eat. Jade had looked at Louis for confirmation and he had just shrugged and told her not to burn the place down.

So for the first couple of hours, she worked hard and had a good level of productivity, updating all the sites and answering questions from people through their social media channels. But then her stomach growled, and she fixed herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of milk, and walked around the apartment, trying to get a better idea of the guy who lived there.

Louis’ apartment was clean, but not necessarily organized. She had learned that the clean part came courtesy of the cleaning service that came once a week. His entertainment center had stacks of video games and CDs piled high, although none of the CDs looked like the type they sold at stores. They all looked homemade and had names scribbled on them in black sharpie. Jade would’ve put one on, but Louis’ sound system scared her. She thought it looked like something NASA had been in charge of creating. Part of her wanted to try and mess around with his turn table, but she was afraid turning it on would cause it all to malfunction and defy his prime directive of not burning the place down.

He didn’t have pictures around, which Jade thought was a little bit odd. She, herself, had already planned on buying cheap frames when she got her next paycheck so she could put up some pictures of her and Leigh-Anne, and of course her and Liam. Jade amused herself thinking that it would be funny to give Louis a gift of seven frames so he could put up a picture of each of his girls.

Jade opened the bottom cabinets of the entertainment center, wanting to see if he had DVDs or more CDs in there, but instead she found a small journal-type book that she pulled out to investigate.

It was a scrapbook, and judging from the date on the cover, it had been given to him several years ago. Jade sat on the floor and started paging through the journal as she ate her sandwich. As each page turned, images of Louis and Perrie that Jade never could have imagined existed, revealed themselves as their story unfolded before her eyes. It was so weird for her to see their actual teeth, as they smiled together in every picture, hugging each other, holding each other, sitting on each other, and kissing each other as they had their picture taken or took selfies of themselves.

Jade barely recognized the two teens in these pictures as the people she knew now.

Their appeal was obvious in the images, looking like the picture-perfect high school couple that she would have envied growing up. She would’ve had a crush on Louis with his messy skater boy hair and playful blue eyes, and she would’ve wanted to be Perrie with her California blond girl looks. She wished there had been a picture of Liam in there so she could see what he had looked like that age, and she made a mental note to ask him to see one.

Louis and Perrie used to be happy, but something had happened to lead them to where they were now. Jade didn’t think it could be their break up, since that seemed to be mutual. She then thought of her own father and wondered if there was a time that he wasn’t the terrible man he had become. No one could be born that way, could they? There must’ve been a time when her dad was a young teenage boy with hope in his eyes and a big smile. But something must have happened to him, too.

She put the journal away and finished her lunch, not wanting to think about the past right now, especially ones that weren’t even her own.

#

Louis hadn’t allowed Liam to come with him inside the restaurant where he had to meet whoever it was he had to meet to make sure the rave went off without incident.

Liam had joked and asked if he was supposed to be the getaway driver, but Louis hadn’t found it funny and just told him that he’d be a few minutes.

When Louis returned, they drove silently through the dusty scenery, as Liam thought about what was about to transpire in a few short weeks out there among the dry mountains and parched land where Louis would try and make his dreams come true.

“Let’s take a look at the location,” Louis said out of nowhere, motioning for Liam to take the next exit. He followed Louis’ instructions and drove through the mountain passes until they reached a dirt road that went alongside a ranch.

“How did you find this location?” Liam asked him as he pulled over to park next to a wooden fence off the dirt road.

“I drove around and talked to these guys,” he said, motioning with his head back toward the ranch they had passed. “A friend of a friend mentioned him and said he’s let people do stuff on his land before.”

They got out, both young men sliding their shades on to combat the bright desert sun. They walked through the dusty, chaparral landscape, with no clear path ahead of them as Liam stepped around coastal sage scrubs and fallen branches from charred trees.

“I wanted to go south,” Louis mentioned as they walked, “But it’s too hot in the summer, so I had to settle for north. The cops are a bit stricter up here, which is part of the headache. They’re notorious for shutting raves down.”

“And the guy who owns this land is cool with you using it for a rave?”

“Yeah, he’s an awesome old guy. A total hippie from the 60’s who really believes in getting people together for peace, love and harmony. He’s looking forward to it.”

Liam smiled, the image of an old guy dancing at Louis’ rave passing through his mind.

“Is that what you’re looking for out of this?” Liam asked him.

“Maybe,” Louis admitted. “Who isn’t looking for those three things right?”

They stopped in the clearing and a number of industrial buildings could be seen in the distance.

“So I’m putting the stage here,” Louis said, his hands up as if creating the stage with his forefingers and thumbs in front of him. “That oil facility out there is going to look amazing at night, all lit up. Give it a slightly industrial vibe to go along with the lasers and lights.”

“That looks cool,” Liam had to agree. He would never have driven to a place like this and considered all the possibilities of how to set up the stage to get the maximum mood and effect. Liam was always in awe of how Louis’ mind worked.

“We’ll get the food vendors in toward the front,” Louis said sweeping his hand out to motion the area he was speaking about. “Alcohol will stay toward the front where it’ll be easier to kick people out if they start getting unruly. First aid and the EMTs will be set up there as well. Basically anything not related to the show will be front heavy. Back here is just for the music. On that side is where all the art is going. The booths and tents. It was Jesy’s idea. She really wanted there to be an area for people to be creative. I think she just wanted to show off her fashion, but whatever.”

Liam sighed at the mention of Jesy and lightly kicked at some of the dirt in front of him.

“What are we going to do about Jesy?” Liam asked him. She hadn’t picked up his calls, and Harry hadn’t either, meaning the two were making it a point to avoid both him and Louis.

“I don’t know,” Louis said as he put his hands on his hips and looked around. “I was thinking of stopping by Jesy’s at some point, but I haven’t had a chance. Harry I don’t give a shit to ever see again.”

“That’s extreme.”

“It’s not. He’s an asshole who thinks he can say whatever he wants. Like he can’t remember who made him.”

Liam sighed before remarking on that statement.

“Stop with that shit. Harry’s a good guy, and you know it. You know this situation could’ve been a lot worse if Jesy had gone outside the group. It’s telling that she hasn’t had a boyfriend since high school don’t you think?”

“Because she got smart.”

“Because she gave up,” Liam corrected him. “Harry has obviously brought something out in her, and I don’t think it’s the worst thing in the world. I just think we need to monitor it, but I don’t think we need to interfere with it anymore. Why shouldn’t Jesy at least believe she’s happy for a little bit? Peace, love and harmony, right?”

“You’re just happy she has someone else to obsess over that isn’t you. It takes the pressure off.”

“Her crush on me is nothing more than that. It really never has been. I’ve always been her safety net, just like you were Perrie’s.”

Liam watched Louis look up at the sky and then behind him at the peaks that rose in the distance.

“We should get going,” Louis said when he looked back at Liam. “Who knows what Jade’s done to the place.”

“No, hold on,” Liam said, not moving from his spot. “I want you to tell me what’s going through your head about Perrie. I know it has to be taking a toll on you.”

“She’s a big girl and she’ll be fine. No one knows how to handle themselves better than she does.”

“You know that’s not true. At least not anymore. Perrie’s become a cliché. The kind that we all swore we’d never be. We didn’t want to be like all the disaffected, disillusioned kids at our school that were trying to get their parents’ attention. But here we are.”

“Yeah, Liam, here we are. What’s your point? Perrie’s not a cliché. Maybe it got a little away from her, but now that she’s aware of it, she’ll pull it back together.”

“You can’t believe that, Louis. You just can’t,” Liam said frustrated by how he was refusing to acknowledge the issue. The fact that he could spot faults in every person around him except for Perrie was infuriating. “You have to take her off the pedestal you have her on. Just this once.”

“I don’t have Perrie on a fucking pedestal.”

Liam couldn’t stop the sarcastic laughter that erupted from his chest. He threw his hands up in the air and just shook his head. Looking back at him with an unbelieving look.

“You know what’s amazing about that statement?” Liam asked as he stared at him. “I never realized how high that pedestal was until right now. She wasn’t even that high when you were with her, but now, it’s almost as if you’ve turned her into a myth.”

“You’re insane,” Louis said. “It’s just Perrie. And you’re making it a bigger deal than it is.”

“Okay, if that’s the case, then let’s go over to her place right now so you can talk her into getting some help for her addiction.”

“We’d be wasting our time. She doesn’t have an addiction and she doesn’t need help, and you guys all need to stop putting that into the atmosphere.”

“You’re right,” Liam said, “We’d be wasting our time, just like I’m wasting my time right now trying to get you to see the truth.” He tossed his hands up in the air in defeat and shrugged. “I don’t know why I thought you cared enough about her to be concerned.”

“Fuck you, Liam. I care about her more than any of you do. Definitely more than Zayn does.”

“No you don’t. You care about yourself in relation to her maybe, but you don’t care about her. And definitely not more than Zayn. Zayn is willing to risk losing her if it means saving her life.”

“Zayn thinks he’s a fucking hero,” Louis said, the bitter tone in his voice loud. “It has nothing to do with caring about her.”

“You would think that,” Liam said as he focused in on his friend. Louis had never wanted to like Zayn. He never had even given him a chance. “Have you ever even thanked him for saving your life?”

“I’m not going to thank him for shit. He should’ve left well enough alone. No one asked him to do anything for me.”

Liam knew Louis felt that way, but hearing him say it felt like a blow all over again. Liam’s stomach and heart always seemed to drop simultaneously when Louis talked like that.

“Because you being dead would be better?” Liam asked him, swallowing thickly as he waited for Louis’ response.

Louis looked far away, as if the cloudless blue sky or the dry shrubbery on the ground were suddenly more interesting than anything else.

“You really think that?” Liam asked him again. “Do you wish you were dead right now?”

Liam waited for an answer, wishing Louis didn’t have his shades on so he could really look into his distant eyes and try and figure out what the hell he was thinking.

“I’m not having this conversation with you,” Louis said, shaking his head as he began to head back.

“Why not?” Liam asked as he followed him. “Why can’t you tell me what happened? Fine, I get it, you don’t want to talk to your parents or a shrink or whoever about it, but why can’t you talk to me? Do you know how guilty I felt about it? How guilty I still feel about it? I’ve tried a million times to think about what went wrong, and I can’t figure it out. What made you give up on life?”

“It’s none of your God damn business.”

“It is my business. You think I didn’t notice how much things had changed with you each time I came back for the summer? You think I didn’t notice that something was wrong with you? I had never seen you use that much. Something messed you up. Something happened. What was it?”

“Again, it’s none of your business. You left, Liam. You didn’t give a shit about me or any of your other friends remember? You don’t get to walk back in and just start giving a shit again.”

“Is that what it is? You were pissed off about me leaving so you decided to say fuck it and go crazy?”

Louis stopped walking and turned to face him.

“Not everything is about you, Liam,” Louis said. “I think I was smart enough to know that you were done being our friend. I tried to keep you in the loop, but I knew it was a lost cause. I moved on. We all did.”

Liam knew that wasn’t entirely true, but he kept his mouth shut because that wasn’t the point. Louis was deflecting, and even if his behavior had nothing to do with Liam, that wasn’t when Louis had given up on their friendship. Liam now realized that that moment had come when Louis had survived his suicide attempt. That’s when Louis gave up on all his closest relationships, except his relationship with Perrie.

_Perrie._

Liam rubbed his hand over his face, not wanting to vocalize the words running through his head. He had to take a deep breath as things slowly started to piece themselves together and make sense even though he wasn’t sure what had happened.

“Did something happen with Perrie while I was away?”

Louis said nothing, he just looked at Liam, still defensive, still unyielding.

“Louis, what happened with Perrie while I was away?” Liam asked again.

“You know what happened,” Louis then said smartly, throwing flippant words at him, “She got with Zayn and lived happily ever after.”

Liam narrowed his eyes and he tried to think this through. Louis and Perrie were always too entangled within each other, so much so that when Louis had tried to kill himself, Perrie had taken on the cause in her own way falling into an addiction. This all had to make sense somehow. Why was it so hard for Louis to admit that Perrie had an issue? Why couldn’t he just see the truth so he could help the only person in the world he seemed to care about? There were pieces of this puzzle that weren’t connecting.

“I’m serious,” Liam said, “What are you not telling me? Whatever it is, maybe it’s part of what’s going on with her now.”

“Nothing is wrong with her,” Louis snapped. “When has Perrie never been in control of a situation? It’s like you’ve forgotten who she is. Stop treating her like she’s some helpless girl that needs you, or Zayn, or anyone else to save her.”

Liam watched Louis, shaking his head, not understanding.

“So then what is this that’s happening now? If she’s not helpless, then what is going on?” Liam asked. “At least help me understand so I can back off and not lay in bed hoping I don’t get another phone call from Jesy telling me another friend is in the hospital dying.”

Louis said nothing and turned around, putting his hands on the back of his head as he stared out at any part of the scenery that didn’t include Liam.

“Why are you so reluctant to admit something is wrong?” Liam pressed on. “Why are you the only one who’s not seeing it? Everyone’s giving you evidence and you keep denying it. Is it because you feel guilty that this all started with you trying to kill yourself?”

Liam saw that Louis was shaking his head. He was listening, and he was answering him, even if Louis didn’t realize he was doing it. Then Louis crouched down and covered his head with his arms, visibly shaking.

Liam went to him, crouching down to hug him from behind. He was confused as to what was happening, but he knew that Louis breaking down was oddly a good sign. He wasn’t holding it in. This was progress.

When Louis finally spoke, it was only to say, “She was my first.”

Liam nodded, still holding him, not sure why that would be what he was thinking about.

“I know,” Liam said, because he wasn’t sure what else to say.

“No,” Louis said shaking his head and pulling away from Liam as he stood up. Liam stood up as well and watched Louis as he wiped his face with his shirt, repositioning his shades when he was done. “You weren’t here. You don’t understand.”

Liam felt a headache growing at trying to figure this all out. The bright sun beaming over them may not have been helping either.

“Help me understand,” Liam said.

“Perrie,” Louis said again, “She was my first day of the week.”

There was no way that Liam could comprehend those words, so he just looked at Louis for clarification.

“I wanted to DJ at this huge rave,” Louis said, “And I didn’t find out about it until after the submission deadline had passed. So Perrie and I researched the event and found out who the promoters were, and we found out which clubs they hung out in. So Perrie came up with this idea to get into the clubs and try and schmooze me into the lineup. It wasn’t a serious thing. It’s not like we went there thinking it would work, but Perrie thought it was worth a shot and that it’d be fun to try. So we get there, and Perrie uses her charm and beauty to get us in and up to VIP where the promoters were. And then she told me that she would pretend to be my girl and that I could do the rest. She told me then that men always respond better to a man with a beautiful girl on his arm, so she sat there and played the part while I talked to these guys and told them I couldn’t believe I had missed the cutoff because I really wanted to DJ.”

Liam listened to this story wishing it sounded like something farfetched, but so far it sounded exactly like the sort of thing that Perrie and Louis would’ve come up with to do together.

“They could care less about letting me DJ,” Louis continued. “They just wanted her there. They wanted her backstage with them at their event, showing her off so people could see that they could pull a beautiful teenage socialite into their world. It made them feel powerful. At the festival while I did my set, Perrie was backstage, dropping E and making more connections than we knew what to do with.”

Liam crossed his arms, nodding to let Louis know he was listening.

“So we kept this going for a while, using our tag team ways to get me gigs or to get in to exclusive events where we could meet bigger and better promoters and the hottest DJs around. Perrie had the beauty, and I had the knowledge of the scene to get us what we wanted.”

Liam watched Louis take a deep breath, as if trying to find strength to continue.

“Then one night at a club rave, the promoter had buttered me up and let me have a sick slot to DJ. I should’ve known he was up to something. I’m not that good of a DJ to earn the time I was given that late at night. But I was all ego, and thought I deserved it. So I took it. Meanwhile, Perrie was backstage with the promoter, and since it was late in the event, she was pretty drunk and had taken God knows what. Probably molly, probably coke, probably both. She didn’t remember. But when I got off the stage, I went looking for her, and none of the security seemed to know where she was, which made me think something was up. So I went to the green room and found Perrie half-naked with the promoter and a couple of his friends.”

Liam closed his eyes. He was not hearing this.

“I was going to kill them. I would’ve killed them, if I hadn’t been outnumbered. I just pummeled and kicked until I could grab her and run out of there with her. I didn’t talk to her about it until the next day, after things had settled down. She swore she was okay. She tried to make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal, but how could I think it wasn’t? I put her in that vulnerable position. I was so blinded by getting what I wanted that I let her flirt with these guys. I left her alone with them knowing what they really wanted from her.”

Liam shook his head, because the more Louis talked, the more Liam knew this all went deeper than that.

“Louis, you can’t take the blame for that. Perrie knew what she was doing,” Liam said, feeling nauseous as he thought about the game they had been playing. “Perrie would’ve done anything for you. You’re the only person she’s ever really wanted. It’s sick and twisted.”

“I know that,” Louis said. “Everything about Perrie and I’s relationship is sick and twisted.”

Liam looked up at the sky to try and calm down the sick feeling in his stomach. Louis and Perrie’s relationship in high school hadn’t been sick and twisted. They were like every other teenage couple, spending their time flirting, and laughing, and sneaking around. How had their relationship devolved into this emotional manipulative mess?

“Everything changed between us after that night,” Louis continued, almost talking to himself at this point. Liam looked back at him, glad that Louis couldn’t see how pained Liam’s eyes were. “I kept trying to get her to talk to me about what happened, but she wouldn’t open up. And then out of nowhere she got Zayn. It’s like, she replaced me with him. I don’t know if she knew what type of person Zayn was going to turn out to be, but damn she got lucky. We all got lucky. He actually turned out to be a decent guy. And part of me thought the guilt would start to go away because she actually had someone that might make her happy, but it got worse. I replaced Perrie with Saturday, and tried to keep my game going. I shifted gears from DJing to promoting to help me keep my mind off what I had allowed to happen to her. But I just never really forgave myself for it.”

“I think she knows that,” Liam said with a sigh. “And that’s why she’s falling apart, because now she blames herself for you trying to kill yourself because of that guilt. It’s like you guys created this Mobius strip of a relationship. Just an infinite loop of guilt you can’t break out of. But she’s trying to. She found herself a good guy. And she tried to do the same for you by giving you Wednesday. She’s trying to break the cycle. That’s why you have to help her, Louis. She wants to stop the loop that’s hurting you both.”

Liam had probably said too much, but he needed Louis to understand. He needed Louis to finally see the truth.

Louis had to wipe his face with his shirt again before looking at Liam and asking him a question that broke Liam’s heart.

“Why couldn’t I just love her like she wanted me to?” 

Liam took a breath and sighed before answering.

“Your parents had just divorced when you guys got together,” Liam remembered vividly. “You were already escaping into your music. You got together at the wrong time, when your mind was on so many other things. Like you pretty much said, even when you guys were doing this crazy plan of yours together, your mind was on everything except her.”

Louis considered this and then nodded, kicking another rock straight to one of the sage brushes.

“I still hate my parents for getting divorced,” Louis admitted, but Liam shook his head.

“You don’t hate your parents. You didn’t start treating them like shit until after you tried to kill yourself. At least I don’t think.”

“It started right before then. Part of the guilt probably, now that I think about it,” Louis said with a sigh as he sniffled a bit. He had reigned his emotions back in, but Liam was grateful he was still talking freely about it, as if all he had needed was a chance to tell his story to one single person that would listen. “I guess…maybe I thought it’d be easier for them to have a dead son that they hated instead of one that they liked. They wouldn’t miss me as much. It wouldn’t hurt them as much.”

“Louis…”

“I felt pretty worthless. I still feel pretty worthless. I wanted them to not care about me anymore. That’s the funny thing about parents though isn’t it? No matter what, they seem to still like their kids. I know this is random, but it makes me think about your girl. I understand her in a lot of ways. Disappearing, where they can’t find her, not knowing anything about how she is. If she’s alive. This whole coming out here was like Jade’s way of killing herself, too. Killing the old her. Who she was, where she came from. As far as her parents know, she’s dead.”

Liam sucked in his bottom lip and bit it as he thought about what Louis was saying. He had never thought of it like that, and now it freaked him out. Had Jade even considered it from that perspective? He suddenly felt like he needed to talk to her about what was really going on. Now that he was aware of the extent of pain that Louis and Perrie both had been carrying around with them, he knew that he had to figure out what Jade’s story was. If she was dealing with something as heavy, then it was only a matter of time before she imploded as well.

“Maybe we should head back,” Liam said.

“Yeah,” Louis said already turning to walk, but Liam grabbed his arm and pulled him into a tight hug.

He held him for as long as it took for Louis to relent and hug him back.

#

Jade was in the middle of pretending she had been working and not playing online when Liam and Louis got back from their meeting. She smiled at them and then looked curiously at Liam when Louis just walked right past and went to his room, shutting the door.

“Did the meeting not go well?” Jade asked him.

“No, I think it went fine,” Liam shrugged. “So, how about you wrap up what you were doing so we can get out of here and find some food?”

Jade would have to discuss the meaning of “fine” with Liam one day.

They decided on Chinese take-out, sitting in her living room to eat as they unwound from the day. Jade kept smiling at Liam, which prompted him to finally ask, “What?”

“I want to see a picture of you from when you were in high school.”

Liam blinked and then looked amused by this request.

“Why?”

“Because! I bet you were so cute.”

“I wasn’t. I was not cute.”

“Oh come on,” Jade said. She couldn’t imagine the sexy man in front of her not having been cute. He probably had all the girls following him around and giggling when he looked in their direction.

“I wasn’t. I was a very awkward teenager,” Liam insisted.

“There’s no way.”

“I was. I was tall and gangly and pretty shy.”

“I would’ve liked that. I would’ve thought you were cute. Especially the shy part.”

“I don’t think so,” he said smiling. “What about you? Were you this hot in high school?”

“Me? Are you kidding?” Jade said. “I was such a weird-looking teenager. Like I don’t know why my dad ever thought he had to worry about boys with me. Trust me, no one was looking.”

“I would’ve been looking.”

“No you wouldn’t have. My eyes were too big for my face.”

“My nose was too big for my face.”

Jade smiled as she looked at his nose. God, she loved his nose, its perfect angular slope, the way he teased hers with it before kissing her…. She couldn’t have imagined his nose as ever being something negative on his face. She needed to see a picture!

“I have to see that to believe it,” Jade said. “Tomorrow you have to bring me a picture of you in high school.”

“Only if you show me one.”

“Well I don’t have any, so I can’t.”

“You didn’t bring any with you? Not even a yearbook?”

Jade shook her head, thinking about all the boxes of things she had wanted to bring with her. She wondered where those things were now. Had it all been thrown away?

“I didn’t get a chance to.”

“Well, since it got brought up, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that,” Liam said, and Jade stopped eating and looked at him, wondering what he was referring to.

“About what?”

“You leaving your parents the way you did. I mean, you have to miss them right? It’s been more than two months.”

Jade shrugged, not really thinking about it like that. It felt like last week.

“I miss my mom. I don’t miss my dad.”

“So why don’t you call her and let her know you’re okay? You know she has to be worried.”

Jade didn’t know how she felt about this conversation. She was happy that Liam was interested, but she also didn’t feel ready to really talk to him about the specifics of it.

“It’s not that easy,” she said.

“Why not?”

“It just isn’t. It’s complicated. But while we’re on the subject,” she said hoping to switch tactics to throw this back on him, “When do you think I can come over to your place?”

He bit his lip, and she knew immediately that he was looking for a nice way to tell her it wasn’t going to happen.

“It’s not that easy,” he said.

Jade sighed and returned to her noodles, but then Liam made a frustrated sighing noise and she looked at him as he put down his food.

“I can’t bring you home to my parents,” he admitted. “They’re on me about so much right now. I don’t want them to use you against me because I really like what we have, and if they know about you, then they’ll just use it as another thing to throw in my face about how I’m spending all my time with you instead of looking for a real job. I just want to keep this world and that world separate for as long as I can. I’m sorry.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Jade said, pouting slightly. She suddenly wasn’t as hungry as she had been before. She had to ask the question on her mind. “Do you think they wouldn’t like me?”

“I think, honestly, at first, they wouldn’t understand you. My parents are the kind of people that play by the rules. So anything that deviates from the normal way of how life is supposed to be lived doesn’t sit well with them. You, up and leaving, being out here alone without a real job, and not talking to your parents? I mean, they wouldn’t even bother to get to know the real you.”

“I hate society,” Jade said. She knew she sounded bratty, but her feelings on the subject were very real. Jade felt that society had so many rules about how to live life, without ever taking into consideration that people were all too different to live life the same way.

“I think the rules exist for a reason,” Liam offered.

“To keep people in line, so that only those that fit into society succeed. It’s a con. The whole thing. Society says you have to go to college. So all these poor kids, or disadvantaged kids, or kids in difficult circumstances can’t go to college, and society treats them like crap. Then society tells you that you have to graduate college and get a great paying job with benefits, but you put out your resume and no one will call you for an interview, much less a job offer. I hate it. It just doesn’t work for me.”

“But how do you plan on surviving if you don’t play by the rules?”

“I’m surviving now.”

“Barely. And you want more than this. How do you get more without playing by the rules?”

Jade had no clue. She looked at Liam, and instead of judging her, he seemed to be looking for substantial answers, like she suddenly had the right thing to say for his situation. But Jade knew too well that their situations were completely different.

“You settle for less,” she said, her eyes dropping slightly. “You let some of your dreams go. You prepare for the worst.”

“That’s no way to live, Jade.”

“It is if you’re at least playing by your own rules.”

“I don’t think I can do it,” Liam said, and Jade thought it took a lot for him to admit that. It didn’t escape her how open and honest he was being with her. She wondered why.

“I won’t lie. I don’t think it’s for everyone. I think people who play by their own rules are the people who have realized that society has no place for them. If you don’t think you can, it’s probably because you know that society has a place for you. You wouldn’t leave the comfort of that. That would be crazy.”

“It’s crazy how much you and Louis are alike,” Liam remarked, and Jade’s face turned sour.

“Why would you say that? We’re not alike at all.”

“No, you are. Not in every aspect obviously, but you both play by your own rules and are very head strong. You both came from well-to-do families but didn’t let that stop you from going against the grain and doing your own thing. Perrie and I are similar in that we both are being who we’ve been brought up to be. It’s just…interesting.”

“I don’t think it’s interesting. And I don’t think you’re like Perrie,” she said, but then Jade reminded herself that she wasn’t supposed to be passing judgment, so she diplomatically added, “But then again, I don’t know Louis and Perrie well enough to really know. I don’t see it from my perspective, but I guess you’d know better.”

Liam didn’t bother saying that he did know better, which Jade appreciated. She watched him lean back against his hands as he watched her.

“You’re staring at me,” she pointed out.

“I am.”

“Why are you staring at me?”

“I’m just trying to figure you out. Your story. Here’s my theory. You’ve been lying this whole time and you’re really an undercover agent for the FBI, sent to infiltrate Louis’ rave to shut it down and throw everyone in jail.”

“How did you know?” She said, blinking her big, brown eyes at him as if she had been caught.

He smiled and shook his head at her.

“If I keep guessing, will you admit the truth if I get it right?” Liam asked.

“I’m not playing this game.”

“You threw it in my face that we didn’t know anything about each other. Now we’re dating. So now we’re going to get to know each other. You had big eyes in high school, and you may or may not work for the FBI.”

“Liam, if I had been sent by the FBI to infiltrate Louis’ rave, don’t you think they would’ve given me the training to better deal with Louis?”

“Okay, so not FBI. Let’s see, how about this one? Your boring ex-boyfriend was a pro wrestler…”

“That doesn’t even make sense,” she cut him off, exasperated by this game. Was he being serious or not? She couldn’t even tell anymore.

“Can you at least tell me what it was, what the one thing was that made you hate your dad so much that you left and haven’t talked to your parents in over two months?”

Jade shook her head, and watched Liam’s eyes narrow. She didn’t care that she wasn’t returning the favor of opening up a little, she just couldn’t talk about it right now. She didn’t know how to.

Liam got up and put the rest of his food in the fridge, grabbing his keys to head out.

“So that’s it?” Jade said looking at him from the floor. “You don’t get the answers you want so you just leave?”

“It’s not that, babe,” he said looking up at the ceiling as if he needed to figure something out. He looked back at her and said, “I’m sorry I pushed. It’s obviously not something you feel comfortable talking to me about. I’ve got a lot on my mind, and I actually forgot that I need to go talk to Harry about something. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay,” Jade said, biting her lip as she watched him leave.

Their dating life was a disaster.

She was going to lose him if she didn’t start to open up, but she had the suspicion that she would lose him if she opened up too much. Why did he suddenly need to get interested? And why didn’t she have anyone that she could talk to about this? No one knew the truth, and she didn’t want to tell anyone the truth. She wanted to just be this new Jade who lived in California and wanted to be a writer and had a new life. That part of her life in Maryland no longer existed. So why did anyone need to know about it? Why did it suddenly matter so much to Liam?

Jade lay back on her floor and just stared at her ceiling and wondered if maybe she could come up with a story about her past. She was a writer, and that’s what writers do. She could make up an amazing story to give to Liam that would make him stop asking questions and keep liking her just the same.

Inspired, Jade sat up and reached for her laptop, scooting up against her wall and pulling up a blank page.

#

Louis arrived at Perrie’s house and let himself in, knowing the door was usually left unlocked during the day. He walked into the den and found Zayn with Perrie as they both sat watching TV while Perrie painted her toenails and Zayn worked on some art on his tablet.

Louis took a deep breath and walked over, putting a hand up in greeting at Perrie when she looked over and spotted him.

“Louis!” She said, “I didn’t know you were coming over.”

Zayn looked over just to confirm that she wasn’t talking to the air, and then turned his attention back to his artwork.

“I was in the neighborhood,” Louis said, leaning in to kiss her cheek from behind the couch. She smelled of fresh mango and baby powder. “How are things?”

“Boring,” Perrie sighed. “Just getting ready for tonight.”

“Well there’s plenty of time before tonight,” Louis said as he walked over to stand in front of her. “So, I was thinking that maybe we could make ourselves some dinner here and talk for a bit.”

Zayn glanced up just as Perrie did, and Perrie gave Louis a suspicious look.

“You want to talk for a bit?” She asked him. “About what?”

Louis knew Perrie was too smart for her own good. She also knew him too well for him to be anything but honest. Louis looked toward Zayn.

“Do you think you could give us a little time alone for a moment?” Louis asked him, and Zayn seemed to actually consider whether that was a good idea or not.

“Whatever you need to say to me, you can say in front of Zayn,” Perrie said.

“Trust me, babe, I don’t think you actually want that,” Louis admitted.

Zayn just shook his head and got up from the couch. Louis knew that Zayn probably wanted Louis to leave more than Perrie did at that moment.

“I’ll be in your room,” Zayn said to Perrie.

Once he had left the den, Louis took the remote and turned off the TV so he could have her complete attention.

“This is all very dramatic,” Perrie said, turning her attention back to painting her toenails red.

“Well I’m a dramatic person. You know that.”

“Just say what you want to say.”

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t love you the way you wanted to be loved.”

Perrie’s eyebrows furrowed, but she didn’t look up at him.

“Is that really what you wanted to say? That’s so random.”

“I have so much I want to say. I just don’t know how to say any of it. I’ve never forgiven myself for what happened to you at that rave.”

Perrie looked annoyed and rolled her eyes.

“We’re back to that again? I told you it wasn’t your fault.”

“It was my fault.”

“I don’t want to talk about this,” she said, as she closed up her nail polish and put it on the coffee table in front of her. “Why are you bringing all this up again? I thought we had moved beyond this.”

“I’m bringing it up again because I’m scared about what people are saying about you. I can’t believe you would get drugs from people that you know you can’t trust. That’s sloppy, Perrie. I can’t let that happen.”

“Oh,” she said, playing with her hair as she put it into a loose bun, “Like how you can’t let Jesy and Harry happen?”

“Don’t change the subject. This is too important.”

“You have so much nerve doing that to her. She finally finds someone to make her happy and you ruin it for her with your bullshit. You know, Louis, the only person who thinks you’re important enough to tell people what to do, is you.”

“Don’t you remember, Perrie?” He said, bitterness rising in him from the verbal sting. “You’re the one who wanted me to be that type of person. You made me the person I am today. And now that I’m calling you out for your behavior, you suddenly don’t like it.”

“I didn’t make you anyone. I just brought out who you already were inside. It’s not my fault you bought into your own hype.”

“Stop doing that,” Louis said, already exhausted by this. “I’m here to try and make things right. I’m here to try and help you.”

“I don’t need help. I’m fine. And I have Zayn. So I certainly don’t need you.”

“So if I pulled coke out of my pocket right now and told you it was yours if you dumped Zayn, would you do it?”

Perrie looked as if she had been slapped.

“How could you ask me that?”

“Would you or wouldn’t you?”

“I wouldn’t, and you’re an asshole for even suggesting it. God, Louis.”

“Okay,” Louis said. He reached into his pocket, his heart pounding as he hoped to God she wasn’t lying.

He pulled out the baggie of coke he had scored for the night, and tossed it on the table in front of her.

“I can cut that up for you right now,” he said, watching her as her eyes flickered at the sight of the white powder. “It’s all yours, if you just send Zayn home and tell him never to come back into your life.”

Perrie actually seemed to consider the offer, which made Louis’ nerves start to unravel. He could feel his stomach want to rebel against him.

“I’ll do it,” she said looking up at him, “If you do it with me.”

Louis’ heart raced, and he looked at her, wondering why she would do that to him. All he could see in front of him was Liam’s Mobius strip, with him and Perrie endlessly running around like a track team passing a baton of guilt to each other after each lap.

He had to stay rational and get his brain back in working order. He could play this game. Except that he didn’t want to play games. He wanted to stop all that.

“You sure about that?” He looked down at her. “I’ll do it. If you’re sure that’s what you want.”

“Why do you want me to get rid of Zayn so badly?”

“You know I’ve never liked him. I think he brings you down, and I think he’s part of the reason that you’ve been so out of control lately.”

“Maybe you’re right,” she said, and Louis felt this whole evening backfiring on him. He had been counting on her picking Zayn over the drugs. “Or maybe you’re just saying that because you think that’s what I want to hear.”

Louis shrugged, and knew he had one last ditch effort to try and find the truth. He dropped to his knees and grabbed the baggie, opening it and cutting four perfectly symmetrical lines. Two for her, and two for him. He had hoped she would stop him at any point, but she didn’t. She watched him, and he felt as if he had been transported back in time. It all felt familiar and came easy to him, and even rolling up the ten dollar bill that he had pulled out of his wallet was done on autopilot.

And still, he waited for her to tell him to stop.

“Ladies first,” he said, offering her the ten.

He sensed a slight hesitation on her part, but then she shook her head.

“You first. I insist,” she said as she watched him.

“That wasn’t the deal.”

“It was. I said, I would do it if you would do it.”

“I believe you said you wanted me to do it with you, which means we should probably do it at the same time,” Louis reasoned.

“We’ll do one and one. You do one, then I’ll do one, then you go, then I’ll go.”

He had lost this game already. There was no point in going forward. He hadn’t thought this through, and it dawned on him that maybe this was what Perrie had wanted all along. Maybe she had just been waiting for him to come around to her side of things and join her, so they could continue to live their sick and twisted existence together until it killed them both.

He bent his head, lining up the bill with the first line and his right nostril, his hand trembling slightly. Would he really do this for her? Was she really going to let him? Because even if Louis hadn’t realized it before, he realized right then, with his blue eyes staring at his past mistakes, that if she really loved him, she wouldn’t let him do this, and if he really wanted to protect her, he would walk out of her life altogether and let Zayn handle it.

Louis looked up at Perrie from his vulnerable position. She sat at the edge of the couch, leaning forward to watch him better. He could see the resentment in her eyes. She was doing this because she was upset at him for daring to accuse her of not being in control. She was upset that he came over to intervene with her life in a way that wasn’t to her liking. And she had him on his knees, close to falling back into the exact behaviors that had led him down a dark and hopeless road.

He finally pulled his head back up, letting the bill drop from his hands next to the four lines that sat undisturbed.

“Okay,” Louis said, “Okay. You win.”

He stood up and stared at her, as she continued to look at him as well.

“What did you think would happen?” She asked him.

“I thought you’d choose Zayn. I thought I could walk out of here thinking that your problem wasn’t as bad as everyone made it seem.”

“What stopped you?”

“The fact that you didn’t stop me is what stopped me. The fact that you don’t care enough about me to stop me.”

“I don’t believe in stopping people from doing what they feel they need to do to make it through whatever it is they’re going through.”

“You’re just saying that because you don’t want anyone to stop you from doing this. But you know what, if that’s how you feel about it? Then this is yours. All of it. But it’s the last time I’m ever going to give you any. Don’t ask me for it again, don’t beg me for it, don’t try and get one of your friends to get it for you from me. I’m through with you, and I’m through with all the shit and games that come with you. I’m done.”

Louis walked away, feeling like he had lost a part of himself at that moment. Walking away from Perrie wasn’t something he ever thought he’d do, but he now knew that there was nothing else he could do.

“What do you mean you’re through with me?” Perrie asked, running over to him and grabbing his arm to stop him. “You sound like a crazy person.”

“I’m through with you. As in, you and I are no longer friends. As in don’t bother to show up to any clubs I’m at, or any place where I’ll be. We’re done.”

“You’ve got to be kidding,” she said, her voice getting louder. “You don’t just decide that we’re no longer friends.”

“I know. You’re the one that decides. And you just decided that you were going to let me go back to a very dark place.”

“You were bluffing.”

“How was I bluffing? You think I wanted to believe what everyone was telling me? I wanted you to prove them wrong! I wanted you to pick Zayn so I could go home and fucking sleep at night knowing that everyone was lying about you, and that you weren’t slowly killing yourself to get back at me for almost killing myself. But instead you turned it around so you could get out of it altogether by putting me on the spot instead. Like I said. You won. I’ve never been able to win against you.”

“I learned that from you,” Perrie said, her eyes hardening. “Killing yourself is a pretty good way to turn it all around and get out of things.”

And there they were, at the root of the problem.

“Yeah, okay,” Louis said, nodding out of wounded pride or frustration or both, “That was me getting out of it. That was me getting out of living with the guilt of what had happened to you. What I never should have let happen to you.”

“Why do you keep bringing that up? I didn’t need you to come save me! I had everything under control!”

“You had everything under control?” His incredulous eyes bore into her. “You were getting gang raped backstage while I was on stage thinking I ruled the world, and you’re going to stand there and try and convince me that you had that under control and that it wasn’t my fault?”

“Don’t be stupid,” Perrie said shaking her head at him. “Do you think that was the only time I fucked someone backstage while you were DJing? Do you think the only thing all those promoters and club owners wanted was for me to have a drink with them?”

Louis looked at her as he felt his soul crush into tiny pieces. It was his turn to shake his head at her.

“Stop. Perrie, stop,” he said, barely recognizing his own pleading voice.

“I knew what they wanted, and I gave it to them. And I did it for you. Because that’s how in love with you I was. I was stupid enough back then to think that if I helped you get everything you wanted, that you would finally love me back and make me your girlfriend again.”

“You didn’t have to sleep with any of those people. You know you didn’t have to.”

“Don’t stand there and act so innocent, Louis. You knew something had to be happening. We both knew what we were doing, and we let each other do what we felt we needed to do.”

“I thought you were just hanging out with them. I swear.”

“You had to know that there was a price being paid for your moments in the spotlight. Not to mention all the free drugs and booze they kept gifting you with. What did you think, that they were all just nice guys? That they actually thought you were a good DJ?”

Louis dropped his head into his hands, wanting to clear this conversation from his mental history. He thought back to those days and realized that he had pushed a lot of those memories and feelings into faraway places. Places that he hoped would never come back to haunt him.

“Admit it,” Perrie said, taking advantage of his silence, “Your guilt didn’t come from finding me that one night. It came from that night confirming what you knew was happening all along.”

He didn’t want to admit that she was right. He wanted to vomit as his old repressed thoughts resurfaced.

“I just thought,” he said, hesitating as he swallowed. “That if you weren’t saying anything about it, or if you didn’t tell me about it, that maybe it wasn’t a bad thing that was happening. You acted normal. You didn’t act like anything was happening to you.”

“That’s because nothing was happening to me. You’re acting like it wasn’t my choice. It was my choice.”

“No it wasn’t. You only did it because of me. Because you knew what I wanted, but after I found you in that room with those guys, you changed. We changed. You went and found Zayn and replaced me, like you stopped loving me at that moment and wanted nothing to do with me.”

“Because I knew then that I was never going to get you,” Perrie said. “Any respect you had for me was gone once you saw what you saw. You saw me as a victim, no matter how much I told you I wasn’t. It made you hate me, because it forced you to recognize what was going on.”

“No, you’re so wrong. I didn’t hate you. There was no way I could hate you. You did nothing wrong, Perrie. That never should’ve happened to you regardless of you being in control or not. It should never have happened to you!”

“Do you honestly think you would be who you are today if it hadn’t happened? This is what you wanted, Louis. You never wanted me. You wanted all of this. And now you have it. So what do you care about what I do now? Why can’t you just leave me alone to live my life how I want?”

“Because this isn’t okay! Because I do care about you.”

“You don’t care! People who care don’t kill themselves leaving people alone!”

“I couldn’t do anything for you! I couldn’t even protect you from those assholes that were raping you! What use was I to you? What good was I? I was useless to you!”

“They weren’t raping me! I went with them willingly!”

“You were drunk and high and in no mental state to make that decision! When I found you, you had no idea what was happening! Why are you lying about this? You were so out of it that you couldn’t get out of there on your own two feet without my help! That’s rape, Perrie! You didn’t let that happen. You didn’t want that to happen. You didn’t ask for that. You didn’t sign up for that. Those assholes did that to you, and it’s not your fault, Perrie. It’s not your fault.”

Perrie took a few steps back from him, shaking her head as she held herself. She turned to run back toward the coffee table. He knew what she was running to, and he ran after her.

“Don’t! Perrie, don’t!”

“You said it was mine!” she said, her voice cracking as she dropped to her knees in front of the coffee table and picked up the ten dollar bill that was still rolled up.

Louis grabbed her hand and Perrie shoved at him to let go.

“Don’t do this, baby, don’t do this.” Louis pleaded. “You don’t want to do this. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Leave me alone,” Perrie said, hitting at him and trying to kick him away from her, but he wrapped his arms around her, and squeezed her tight, hoping to calm her down.

Louis managed to get his leg up high enough to kick the coffee table over so that it was no longer close to her, and Perrie realized that this was one game, she was finally not going to win. She cried in his arms as he held her, rocking her back and forth, and thinking it was the most beautiful song he had ever heard when she started saying, “you win, you win, you win,” over and over through her tears.

Louis wasn’t surprised when Zayn came to sit beside them. He had a feeling that Zayn hadn’t really disappeared to Perrie’s room like he had claimed he was going to. Zayn watched the scene as he held his arms around his knees. Louis was surprised however to find that after Perrie had fallen asleep in his arms, his own shirt sleeves were wet from both of their tears. Louis sniffled as he looked over at Zayn, unsure of what to say to Perrie’s stoic boyfriend.

“What do we do now?” Zayn asked.

Louis wasn’t sure how he found his voice.

“Are her parents here?” Louis asked first.

“No, they’re out of town for the week.”

Louis nodded and sighed, looking down at his best friend, once again broken in his arms.

“Can you drive?” Louis asked him.

Zayn nodded.

“Pack her a small overnight bag, find her purse and get her ID, then get your car and I’ll bring her out. I know a place we can take her.”

Zayn nodded again and glanced at Perrie momentarily before he left to go follow Louis’ instructions.

Louis looked down at Perrie and gave her a small kiss on her forehead. When Zayn texted him that he was outside and ready, Louis picked Perrie up and carried her outside, gently placing her in the backseat of Zayn’s car.

He got in the back with her and gave Zayn directions to a place that he hoped would help Perrie find herself once more. He personally would love to meet the old Perrie once again.

It occurred to Louis that he wouldn’t mind finding the old him once again either.

#

Liam wasn’t sure if Harry would actually show up to the coffee shop, but he sat there anyway, drinking his coffee and reading about random things on his phone to pass the time. When Liam had first met Harry, he had been happy to find Harry genuinely friendly and easy to get along with. It was probably lucky for Louis, that Liam and Harry had hit it off pretty well.

“I’m only here because Jesy told me to see what you wanted,” Harry said, sitting down across from him. “But I’m ready to walk out if this conversation starts to go in a direction I don’t like.”

Liam shook his head.

“I just wanted to talk to you,” Liam tried to assure him. “As friends.”

“Are we friends?”

“Harry,” Liam said, “Come on.”

“No, you come on. What you and Louis did wasn’t right.”

“I’m sorry. Okay? I’m here to apologize. We shouldn’t have cornered you guys like that. The whole thing just threw us for a loop.”

“What whole thing? Jesy and I hanging out? Are you guys so afraid of losing your control over her that you can’t just let her be?”

Liam didn’t want to try and explain things to Harry again, especially since he didn’t want Harry to get up and leave, so he just said what he could to best answer the question.

“I think, the more time you spend with Jesy, the more you’ll start to understand why we freaked out. It wasn’t right of us, but we’ve been doing it for so long. You’re right though, a lot has changed in that time. Maybe they’ve changed for the better, but we’re all still used to the worst. I myself am just starting to learn about how bad things got while I was gone. It’s been an eye opening day for me.”

Harry dropped his defenses a bit, and Liam was grateful for it. More than anything, he just wanted to talk to a friend.

“Is everything alright, man?” Harry said and Liam could’ve reached out and hugged him for asking. He certainly didn’t have to after everything that had happened.

“I don’t know. This thing with Perrie is out of control, and Louis is walking a really fine line between being okay and not being okay, and I don’t know what to do about Jade.”

“What’s wrong with Jade?”

“I tried to ask her about her family situation again, and she closed up on me. She really refuses to talk about why she left and why she refuses to contact them. It’s one thing to leave. I can understand that. But to not let your parents know at all where you are? To not call them and let them know you’re alive? Doesn’t that sound extreme?”

Harry nodded and looked at Liam with concern.

“Have you tried googling her?” Harry asked and Liam was so stunned by the idea that he was sure Harry thought he was confused.

“What do you mean?”

“The Internet is an amazing thing, man. Put her name in and see what comes up. Maybe her facebook page, maybe she has a twitter account, or maybe something else.”

Liam was mad at himself for never thinking to do that. Not once had it crossed his mind to look up her information or stalk her online. He took out his phone and put her name into google as Harry took out his own phone to help.

“Where is she from?” Harry asked.

“Maryland,” Liam answered as he went through a dozen or so facebook pages that had her name but that didn’t belong to her. He almost wished she was there so he could tease her about having a more common name than he had expected. He started going through twitter accounts and wasn’t having much more luck when Harry got his attention.

“Liam,” Harry said, handing him his phone.

Liam took it and noticed the nervous look on Harry’s face. Liam looked at the screen and found himself reading an article about a minister that had been arrested on charges of larceny, identity fraud, falsification of documents, and grand theft. His wife had been charged with perjury and obstruction of justice. The last names matched up to Jade’s.

"Oh,” Liam said absently, taking in all the details of the case. “Shit.”

“That’s some crazy shit,” Harry agreed as Liam handed the phone back to him. “Her parents are in jail. I can understand wanting to distance herself from that.”

Liam nodded as he rubbed the back of his neck, the tension causing a small headache to form.

“How am I supposed to talk to her about this?” Liam asked, his forehead crinkling in concern. “I don’t think I can actually deal with this tonight. I’ll have to talk about it with her tomorrow.”

“You do look like you need a good night’s rest.”

“Yeah. I think I’ll head home and make that happen. Listen, man. You and Jesy. It’s cool. We just want her to be happy, and from what I’ve seen, you’re making her pretty happy. I can’t speak for Louis, but from me personally, thank you for being there for her and putting a smile on her face.”

“It’s the least I can do, considering how happy she makes me. She’s an amazing woman. I don’t know how both of you let her fall through the cracks. You guys are idiots.”

Liam nodded. He knew that well enough.

He left the coffee shop after exchanging a handshake and hug with Harry, then headed home where, upon arrival, he recognized Louis’ car in the driveway. Liam found his friend sitting by the front door, his head tilted back and resting against it.

“What’s going on, man?” Liam asked him, ready to hear another truth that he wouldn’t be able to deal with.

“Can I stay with you tonight? I don’t think I can be alone right now.”

“Yeah, of course.”

Liam opened the door for them and led Louis up to his room, grateful to find that his parents weren’t home yet. He lent Louis a T-shirt and some sweats and changed as well, watching Louis as he got into Liam’s bed and hugged the comforter close to his chest.

“What happened?” Liam asked him as he turned the light off and followed the path of his glow in the dark stars to his bed.

“I can’t right now,” Louis said. “I’ll tell you in the morning, okay?”

“Okay,” Liam said, sighing as he lay in his bed and stared up at the stars, making a wish that everything would be okay when they both woke up.


	23. Chapter 23

Liam woke up before Louis and went downstairs to find his mom in the kitchen making breakfast. His mom didn’t tend to make breakfast for him anymore, so when she handed him a plate with a waffle, eggs, and bacon, he was surprised.

“Thanks,” he said, “What’s the occasion?”

“I saw that Louis stayed the night. I thought I’d make you guys breakfast. I don’t think he’s been to the house since just after you guys graduated high school.”

“Yeah,” Liam said, sitting at the kitchen bar to eat. He didn’t offer more information because he had an idea that this whole breakfast thing was his mother’s way of setting up her own series of questions.

“So were you guys working late?” His mom asked as she put a glass of orange juice beside his plate.

“Not exactly.” Liam cut his waffle into smaller pieces. “I think he wants to talk about something, but he said he’d talk to me about it in the morning. I’m not sure what it’s about.” He couldn’t lie, but he didn’t know exactly how to present the information in a way that would make his mom back off.

“How is he doing these days? I haven’t talked to his mother in so long. I’ve been meaning to call her to see how she’s doing.”

“I think he’s doing alright,” Liam admitted. “As alright as he can be doing given the circumstances.”

When Liam had returned home from the hospital, he hadn’t known exactly how to explain to his parents his thoughts or how he felt about the situation. He had broken down in front of them, crying on the couch as they watched him confused and speechless. When he had finally told them what had happened, his mother had rushed over to him to hold him and tell him everything would be fine. His dad seemed incapable of processing it, and just kept shaking his head and saying he couldn’t imagine what Louis’ dad was going through at that moment.

After that, his mom had tried to make it a point to keep in touch with Louis’ mom, knowing she probably needed help getting through it. His dad had tried to keep in touch with Louis’ dad, but it was harder since they were both workaholics. And as time passed on, those bonds loosened considerably.

“What are those circumstances?” She went ahead and asked. “I know he’s doing this party thing you’re helping him with. I can’t imagine that’s good for his recovery or his mental health. He should find a real job. A steady one that can bring him some normalcy and perspective in his life.”

Liam stayed quiet because he didn’t want to snap at his mom. He ate his food, and possibly interpreting his silence as a sign that maybe she had crossed a line, she apologized.

“I’m sorry. I just worry about you kids.”

“We’re not kids, Mom,” Liam said looking at her. “We’re adults trying to figure our lives out. I’m sorry we’re not doing that fast enough for you, but I promise that we are trying. And I don’t want to argue with you, but normalcy and perspective? Really, Mom? Do you think that a real job is going to fix someone who thought the solution to all their problems was killing themselves? There’s no easy solution to his recovery.   Each day he wakes up and survives the day is a victory as far as I’m concerned. Fuck normalcy and perspective.”

“Liam!” His mom chided.

“Sorry,” Liam said, rolling his eyes. Of course she’d only choose to focus on his expletive use.

She sighed and focused on the new batch of waffles that were ready.

“I’m sorry, too,” she said. “It’s just hard for me to understand the situation. I honestly believe there are always solutions to every problem. You just have to work harder sometimes to find them.”

Liam was through with the conversation, so he didn’t reply once again. In his head, however, he wanted to use Jade’s words and say, “That’s easy for you to say. Society’s rules were made for people like you to come out okay.” He didn’t even want to imagine what she would’ve said in return.

When Louis finally made his way into the kitchen, he shuffled over to Liam and sat beside him, still looking half asleep and still in Liam’s clothes.

“Good morning, Louis,” his mother said, “I’ve made you guys some food.”

“I’m good with just cereal,” Louis said as he yawned.

Liam’s mom brought him over a plate of food and said, “You look like you need real food. Eat. Do you want orange juice or milk? You know, I’ll just bring you both.” She said walking to the refrigerator.

Louis stared down at his plate of food as if he didn’t know what to do with it, and Liam passed him the glass syrup dispenser.

Louis went ahead and poured some syrup over his waffle, then politely thanked Liam’s mother for the glasses of orange juice and milk she set before him.

“It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you,” she said and Liam hoped she just stopped and went away. “How are you, Honey?”

“I’m fine,” Louis lied.

“Okay, well good,” she said, and she looked between the two friends and grabbed her plate. “I have a lot of work to do, so I’ll be heading to my office, but feel free to help yourselves to seconds. There’s plenty of food.”

Liam thanked her and was relieved when she finally left the kitchen. He ate his food as he waited patiently for Louis to be ready to explain what was going on.

“Zayn and I drove Perrie to rehab last night,” Louis finally said, and Liam almost choked on his bacon. A warning would’ve been great before dropping that bomb.

“What? What happened?”

“I went over to her place to talk to her, and things got ugly. We just ended up fighting and…” Louis shook his head. He couldn’t seem to explain. “Things were so fucked up between us. You don’t even know how bad it was.”

Liam’s eyes widened. If it was worse than what he had told him yesterday, then he would rather not know. He watched Louis stare down at his plate again, trying to find the strength to keep talking.

“Admitting that she had a problem meant that I had to be honest with myself and admit things about myself that I just didn’t want to,” Louis said. “I needed her to be okay, Liam. I needed her to be okay.”

“I’m sorry,” Liam said, putting his fork down to focus completely on Louis who looked close to another break down. “But you took her to get help. It doesn’t matter how bad things were as long as you go forward on a positive note. And this is a positive note. Things can finally start to get better.”

“Maybe for her.”

“For you, too. Come on, things are already better for you. Look at what you’re about to pull off. All your hard work for your dream.”

“It came at too big of a price,” Louis said, and Liam’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Why do you say that?” 

“I sacrificed Perrie for this dream, and look where she is now. That was my doing.”

“Louis, you can’t think like that. You can’t do this to yourself, man. You can spend all day trying to blame yourself for things, but that doesn’t change anything that’s happened. You learn from it and you move forward.”

Liam wanted to smack himself for sounding like his mother, but sometimes even she had a point.

“How do I move forward from this?” Louis asked, looking at Liam with worn out and pleading eyes. “What happens when Perrie gets better? How do I look her in the eyes again after all that we said to each other last night?”

“The way she was able to look in your eyes again after you almost killed yourself. You have to forgive yourself, Louis. And that’s something you haven’t even done from the first time around. All this guilt you carry around is going to kill you. I know you know that. This cycle won’t end unless you start forgiving yourself.”

“I don’t know how to do that. I don’t think I can.”

“Talk to someone. There are people that can help you with this. Your parents would find you the best psychiatrist in a heartbeat if you asked them. We’re all here to help you. You just have to ask, man. Talk to your parents. Talk to me. Talk to whoever you need to talk to.” Liam knew there was a pleading tone to his voice, and he was aware that he was begging Louis to take his advice. Liam wasn’t dumb enough to think that he would get his old friend back, but maybe he could get a version of Louis that was alive again.

Louis looked back down at the half-eaten food on his plate. Liam wished he had something more to say to him, but he wasn’t sure what else could be said. So instead he reached over and pulled Louis into a tight hug.

#

Jade hated when she got stuck with the morning shift at the bookstore, especially after nights where she hadn’t gone to sleep because she had been writing. She had found her groove and had gotten really excited about the story she had come up with, only to realize that the sun was rising and that she would have to be at work in four hours.

“You look very tired,” said one of her co-workers, an older man who had retired from decades of working in the real estate world. He had grown bored and had decided to spend his time working at a bookstore, even though he didn’t really need the job with his retirement money.

“I am very tired,” Jade confirmed. “I didn’t sleep last night.”

“You and your rock star lifestyle,” he teased her, having been privy to all of her complaints about how she kept getting dragged out to clubs and house parties by her friends.

“Not this time. This time I was up all night, finally working on my great American novel.”

“So you found your theme?”

“I did.”

“And what is it?”

“How the rules of society should be obsolete in the new millennium. How things like social media and the Internet in general have obliterated ideals of what life should be because now people are exposed to all different types of lives and lifestyles that can’t possibly fit the status quo. I’ve been working on a project for this guy, and I’m in charge of all the social media and online marketing presence for his event, and seeing how there are thousands of people who want to be part of this event because it’s their chance to be themselves for one night and not have to live by the rules of society, makes me realize that subcultures have always existed for this reason. And if you think about all the different types of subcultures that exist: gangs, cults, polygamous groups, Mensa, artists, thespians, just every type of subculture you can think of, you start to think that maybe, if you add them all up, the amount of people in subcultures might match or even exceed the amount of people who actually fit into society’s socially acceptable norm.”

“Are you writing a novel or a thesis?” He teased her.

“Probably both,” she said with a sigh. “I just feel the world would be a better place if everyone could always just do what works best for them. I don’t mean criminal acts like, oh hey, killing that guy would work best for me. But I mean things like not being penalized in society for not having a mortgage, no offense, and a well-respected white collar job, and I don’t know, whatever else society expects for people to have.”

“Do you really not want any of those things?”

“Of course I want those things. I just don’t want to be penalized or thought lesser of because I don’t have them. Maybe I’ll never have them. Maybe I will. Does it really make me a terrible person if I don’t? My parents had those things and they weren’t great people. But if you put me and my dad in a room and had society judge us, he would be revered and I would be considered a loser. And all because he had a mortgage and a respectable job, while I worked at a bookstore and lived in a small apartment without furniture.”

“I thought you got a chair.”

Jade made a playful non-amused face at her co-worker and he laughed.

“Well your thesis slash novel sounds compelling. I can’t wait to read it,” he said before getting back to work.

Jade couldn’t wait to work on it and finish it. Now working at the bookstore felt like an impediment to finishing her novel, and she felt anxious for her shift to end. Luckily she received a visitor that helped her day go by a little quicker.

When Leigh-Anne walked in, Jade excitedly waved at her until she noticed the serious look on her face.

“What’s wrong?” Jade asked her friend once she stood before her at the customer service desk.

“Something crazy happened last night. Can you take a break?”

“Sure, give me a sec.”

Jade found another co-worker to watch the desk for a fifteen minute break, and she met Leigh-Anne outside, taking the moment to sit on a Promenade bench to give her aching feet a rest. The worst part of her job was definitely all the standing around she had to do.

“What’s going on?” Jade asked her.

“Perrie’s in rehab.”

“What?” Jade said, her eyes widening as she replayed the words in her head.

“Zayn and Louis took her last night. Zayn stayed the night with us and he told us about how crazy things got. I guess Louis had gone over there, and he and Perrie had a huge fight. Zayn didn’t really get into specifics. I’ve never seen him this distraught. He’s at home with Niall. We both called out of work to just sort of be with him, but I don’t think there’s much we can do.”

“Oh my God,” Jade said. She couldn’t imagine Perrie being so out of control that she’d end up in rehab. That seemed to go against her actual nature.

“Yeah. Exactly,” Leigh-Anne said as she finally sat beside her on the bench. “He’s just taking it so hard. You know, I always felt that things with Zayn and Perrie wouldn’t last, but I was hoping it wouldn’t end like this.”

“Do you think they’re really breaking up because of this?”

“I don’t know. We asked Zayn that but he didn’t really answer. He just really didn’t want to talk about anything. Like I said, I’ve never seen him like this.”

“Poor Zayn,” Jade said, thinking he should never be upset. He was the sweetest guy. It seemed to go against his nature as well.

“It’s just so crazy to me how much he cares about her,” Leigh-Anne said. “She never deserved someone as good as him, and now look what she’s done to him.”

“I can’t believe I’m about to say this,” Jade prefaced, “But, that night when she came over to find him, I started seeing her a little differently, and I think maybe there’s a lot more there than we know. I don’t just mean between Zayn and Perrie, I mean with Perrie herself. And I’m not ashamed to admit that some of my judgment is based on the fact that I’m still not over her being a great bowler. I don’t know. I have no idea what I’m trying to say, but I genuinely feel bad that she’s in rehab.”

Leigh-Anne crossed her arms and sighed.

“You’re a better person than I am on this one,” Leigh-Anne admitted. “But I guess I should say that my opinion stems on many months of observation. I knew it was only a matter of time before this happened. That girl has been off for some time now. That’s why I would get so mad at Niall for joining in with their partying. It’s like he was enabling it all. So was Zayn, but that was her boyfriend. That was for them to deal with. I actually had the fear that she’d end up in rehab and drag Zayn with her, but he seemed to back off once he realized that she might really have an issue. I’m proud of him. And that’s why I’m sad for him and mad at her. She wouldn’t have done the same for Zayn.”

Jade had to agree with Leigh-Anne on that one. Perrie definitely didn’t come off as someone who would have been that person for Zayn if the situation had been reversed.

“God, what a mess,” Jade said, and she put her arms around Leigh-Anne to give her a big hug. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Sad for Zayn, but fine. I should probably get back to them. I left on the pretense of picking up food and I want to make sure Zayn eats before he inevitably escapes to the skate park.”

“Okay, let me know if you need anything. I’ll help however I can.”

“You just did,” Leigh-Anne said giving her a huge hug before leaving.

Jade found it hard to concentrate on work after that. Perrie was in rehab. It was crazy to even think about, and she wondered how Liam was dealing with that. She wondered if Liam felt guilty at all, blaming himself for not being around more for his friend.

When she got on her lunch break she called him, and she wasn’t surprised when he didn’t answer. So she left him a message.

“Hey, I’m sure you’re busy and everything, but I just wanted to say that I heard about Perrie, and I’m so sorry about your friend. I’m on my lunch break, so if you want to call me or need someone to listen, I’m here. Or if you want to swing by later on tonight. I just really hope you’re okay, and I’m really sorry.”

She hung up and wished for once she knew where he lived so she could just go to him and give him a huge it’s-going-to-be-okay hug.

#

Louis had left Liam’s house and gone to his own place to shower and grab his skateboard. He hadn’t been on his board in a while, not really having the time or the energy to skate.

In high school, he rode his skateboard everywhere, much to the annoyance of his parents and everyone else that encountered him. He had taught Liam how to skate, knowing that the naturally athletic boy would have no trouble picking it up. For a while they’d skate together, but then Liam wanted to spend more time surfing and playing basketball instead, and then college happened and Louis focused less on his board and more on his mixing console.

Louis drove to Venice Beach, having a feeling that if he knew anything about Zayn at all, it was that he would be at his favorite skate park, trying to avoid thinking about all that had happened. His instincts had been right and he found Zayn in the largest bowl, following the curvature around before skating back up to the rim. He had ear buds in his ears, so Louis considered how best to get his attention. He decided to skate around for a bit first, trying to get his own mind into a place where he could talk to the guy that he had barely said any words to last night. Even while they had been in the car together alone on the way back to Perrie’s house, they hadn’t exchanged words, both of them lost in their own dark thoughts.

Louis dropped into the small bowl to warm up, trying to get used to the skate park feel, especially one with so many onlookers and advanced skaters in the mix. Louis learned within those next few moments that Zayn was a pretty great skater. He had a Zen aura about him as he commanded the snake run and he noticed the look of respect thrown Zayn’s way from the other skaters. Louis thought that in a weird way, this was Zayn’s underground rave club. He wondered if Perrie had ever come down here to watch him.

Louis sat on the railing to take a breather and to be in Zayn’s line of sight should he finally choose to acknowledge that he was there. Louis wouldn’t push him to talk if he wasn’t ready to.

Zayn did some runs in the large bowl before rolling over to Louis. He pulled himself up on the railing to sit beside him, and took his ear buds out.

“Hey,” Louis said to him, not sure what else to say.

“Hey,” Zayn said back, clearly in the same boat.

“You’re good out here. Doing this.”

Zayn shrugged.

“Why are you here?” Zayn asked him.

“I had a feeling you’d be here. I wanted to talk to you I guess.”

“I don’t think we have anything to talk about.”

“You overheard everything didn’t you?”

Zayn shrugged again, but then explained.

“I didn’t feel comfortable leaving her alone with you. So I sat outside the den and listened just in case I needed to come in.”

Louis nodded, knowing he would’ve done the same in Zayn’s situation.

“There were a few moments you could’ve come in and I wouldn’t have blamed you.”

“I almost did. I’d start to come in and something else would stop me. A gut feeling, I guess.”

Louis fell silent, thinking how he wished he had listened to his gut feelings all those years ago.

“Are you going to visit her?” Louis then asked.

“I don’t think so.   No.”

Louis was surprised to hear that. He looked at Zayn a moment as Zayn had looked away and stared off toward the skaters doing their tricks.

“She’s going to ask about you,” Louis mentioned.

“I don’t think she will,” Zayn said.

Louis looked out ahead at the Pacific Ocean waves, lapping against the sand. He didn’t want to flat out ask Zayn if he was done with Perrie, but something made him think he knew the answer to that.

“Zayn, a lot of what was said last night was said out of bitterness and pent up emotions. There were a lot of unresolved feelings, but I don’t think any of that changes how she feels about you.”

“You’re going to sit here and try and talk to me about her feelings toward me? I don’t care what your thoughts are on that. I’ve never cared about what you think. Finding out everything I found out last night doesn’t change that. I still don’t care.”

“That’s fair,” Louis said. As if his world wasn’t crumbling enough, he felt that every single person around him was going out of their way to show just how little they cared about what he had to say. He seemed to be the one constant aggravating person in their lives, and he had a feeling that they’d all be a lot happier without him around.

This was exactly how he had felt two years ago when he had tried to end it all.

And then Zayn had saved his life.

Louis shook his head, trying to rid those thoughts from his mind. He had to listen to what Liam had told him. He just couldn’t remember right at that moment what those words had been.

“Are you going to stay with her?” Louis went ahead and asked.

“How would I stay with her?” Zayn said turning his attention to him. “I was just her accessory right? Or maybe I should say, I was her permanent day of the week.”

Louis looked away, shaking his head before looking back at Zayn.

“You know you were more than that to her,” Louis told him.

“No, I know I wasn’t. I couldn’t be. That would’ve required her to not be fully invested in someone else.”

“She was trying not to be. That’s why she had you.”

“No, she had me because she wanted to throw it in your face that she didn’t need you. I’m no one’s pawn. I don’t like being used. So, no. I’m not staying with her, and I’m not going to visit her, and no, I have no intentions of talking with her after she gets out of rehab. I want her to get better. I want the world for her. I want her to love herself and to be happy. Those are all things she can do without me. I’m done.”

Zayn put his ear buds back in and hopped down off the railing then skated away.

Louis’ heart broke for Perrie, and he had no idea what he would say to her if she asked about Zayn. Louis dropped down off the railing and grabbed his board, looking ahead at the inviting ocean in front of him. It beckoned him, as if giving him yet another out from dealing with the maelstrom surrounding him.

_You have to forgive yourself._

Those had been Liam’s words. But how was he supposed to forgive himself? How could he forgive himself for hurting all the people around him and making their lives miserable when all they had been trying to do was be happy? He thought he had helped in giving them what they wanted, but he had never realized what they had really needed.

He had never paid attention.

#

Jade was relieved when she received a text from Liam saying that he was on his way over. Having just arrived home, she sped through her shower and got into a comfortable pair of shorts and tank top, then left the door open for him because there was no way her exhausted body had the strength to get up from her bed once she got into it.

“Hey,” she said, giving him a small supportive smile when he came into her bedroom. “Are you okay?”

Liam looked tired as he dragged her chair behind him. He carried it over to her bed, sitting in it as he leaned forward to look at her.

Jade lost her smile.

“I’m so sorry about Perrie,” she said, thinking that must’ve been why he was being so serious right now. Normally he would’ve made himself at home and gotten into the bed with her to talk. She didn’t like this.

“I am too,” he said. “But it’s for the best.”

“It is,” Jade agreed.

“Jade, I know your parents are in jail.”

Jade’s heart stopped. She stared at him, even though she had quit breathing.

“There was an article,” he continued. “It talked about the charges against your dad and mom. I’m sorry that happened.”

Jade sat up completely, still staring at him as her heart went from not beating to beating so rapidly she swore it was trying to run away.

“You wouldn’t tell me anything,” Liam explained. “So I just looked it up online. Your name, Maryland, minister, whatever would bring up something. I can understand keeping that from people. I understand why you did. I was pretty shocked to read it, but I wouldn’t have hated you for it. You could’ve told me.”

Jade almost laughed at him in frustration. This coming from the guy whose parents wouldn’t even like her because she didn’t have a real job and had essentially run away from home.

“Oh, you wouldn’t have hated me for it,” Jade mocked him. “Well that makes it all better. I can’t imagine why I didn’t just tell you.”

“Jade, I’m sorry,” he said frowning. “I thought we were trying to really get to know each other, but then you held back and, I mean, you don’t trust me enough to know this information. It’s like we haven’t really taken a step forward in what we’re doing.”

“Stop, just stop,” she said. She felt embarrassed and so exposed. “Okay, Liam. Fine. Let’s go ahead and take that step forward. Yes, my parents are in jail. My dad is a horrible man, who preyed on people’s fears to build up a massive church for his own profit. He was a controlling asshole that decided what I wore and what I did and what I was exposed to so he could make me the perfect, pious daughter and walking advertisement for his church. He didn’t even want me to go to college. He wanted me to go straight into helping him run the church along with my mom and his good friends, who were all crooks just like him. But I rebelled, and I got a scholarship and went to college anyway, and he couldn’t object because the church members praised him for raising such a smart daughter.”

Jade had to reign in her emotions. She could hear herself practically yelling. She took a deep breath and then continued.

“He used to scare people into ‘donating’ money so they wouldn’t end up in hell. These people at our church were so convinced that they were all damned. He preyed on former drug addicts and alcoholics and people who had lost their way, and he promised them salvation. He preyed on people who had nothing else to believe in. And he took their money and bought houses on small islands, and opened foreign bank accounts, and invested in the stock market, and I, being the dutiful daughter that I was, helped him every summer that I had free from college. I watched him, paid close attention, and took notes on everything he was doing, and a month before I graduated, I handed over all of my evidence to the detective in charge of the case that had begun against him and his whole operation.”

Liam’s eyes widened as he sat up straight and looked at her.

“Yep,” Jade confirmed with a sad nod, “I’m the one who turned my parents in. Them and their friends. I brought down my dad’s empire. Everything that was to be my future and my inheritance. It’s all gone. All of it. Because of me.” She shook her head at the memory. “I thought I had some time after graduation before it all went down, but I got the heads up from the detective that they were coming in, and so I had to leave. I had three hours to throw as much as I could into my car and get the hell out of there. I hated my dad, I didn’t care what happened to him, but my mom… I wish I could’ve at least told her that I was sorry, and I wish I could’ve told her good-bye.”

Jade’s eyes watered and she stared at her wall to try and keep her tears from falling. She didn’t want to cry over them. She didn’t want to waste tears on people who did so much damage to others.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Liam said, but Jade shook her head. She didn’t want to hear it.

“You know, I didn’t want to tell anyone that story. Not you, not Leigh-Anne, not anyone. I had to reinvent myself, be a new person, with a new life, far away from all that. I have nothing of my past because my past doesn’t exist anymore. All I have is right now and what’s coming next. I don’t have parents anymore. I don’t have a home. This is it. That’s all I needed you to ever understand. That who I am, where I come from, who I want to be, all of that, you’re looking at it. You’re looking at it,” she reiterated, swallowing the lump in her throat.

Liam got up from the chair and sat beside her on the mattress, putting his arms around her as he tried to hug her, but Jade shoved him away from her.

“Jade, don’t push me away,” Liam said, trying again. “I’m here for you.”

“No, you’re not,” she said keeping her hands up defensively. “You were the best thing that could’ve happened to me when I most needed someone to make me believe that things could be okay. But they can’t be okay, can they? And you can’t really be here for me because you have a whole other life that’s your real life. You can’t give me what I need, and I can’t give you what you need.”

“Don’t do this, baby,” Liam said shaking his head. “Don’t try and cut me out of your life just because I found out about your past. I feel like I understand you so much better now.”

“It doesn’t matter. Don’t you understand? You can’t date a girl whose parents are in jail. You just can’t. You have obligations and parents who have expectations for your life. I don’t fit anywhere into your life, and I’m not just going to be your side thing until you find a nice, respectable girl that you family loves. It’s over, Liam. It’s all over. It has to be.” 

“Please don’t say that.”

“The dream has ended,” she said, “And it was a great dream. God, it was great. You made me feel like everything was going to be okay. I can never thank you enough for that. And this fort. The mattress. Feeding me. Your amazing lips and how good of a kisser you are.”

“Babe, you’re talking crazy. Let’s just get a good night’s sleep and talk again in the morning.”

She shook her head.

“Jade…”

She kept shaking her head, and then she got up from the bed, her emotions so strong that she couldn’t feel her sore feet protesting the action. She opened the door for him, standing there waiting for him to leave.

She hated the hurt puppy dog look upon his face, and the way his brown eyes were filled with concern and confusion. He hesitated before standing up and walking over to her, and he stood in front of her, pleading silently for her to change her mind.

Jade made the mistake of looking at his lips as she tried to avert her eyes, and she needed to feel them one last time against hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him hard, and full of all the emotions that he had made her feel in those short summer months – happiness, excitement, trepidation, confusion, uncertainty, wild abandon, curiosity. Everything that defined them went into that kiss, and when she pulled away and let him go, she felt the tears well up once again.

“Bye, Liam. Thank you for everything.”

She noticed he looked confused and hurt, but mostly confused. But then he did leave, and she shut the door, the tears falling freely as she made it back to the safety of her fort.


	24. Chapter 24

In the days that followed, Louis felt as if everything had come to a complete standstill. Even when he got the inevitable scathing phone call from Perrie’s mom, he couldn’t seem to care.

_“How could you? What were you thinking? Why would you do something like this without talking to us first?”_

The barrage of accusatory questions didn’t seem to end, and Louis had finally just hung up. He knew that Perrie’s mom would probably call his mom next, but that wouldn’t do much for her either. All he could hope was that Perrie’s mom wouldn’t spring her little bird out of her cage just yet.

He tried to focus on the rave during the day, and tried to focus on the scene at night, but as he hit the clubs and found himself alone with only his day of the week, it was just a reminder of everyone he had managed to push away once more. Only this time, they had actually stayed away instead of kissing his ass and finding excuses and reasons to come back.

He tried to get Liam to go out with him, but Liam was lost, having explained to Louis that “Jade dumped me because she realized I could never be as strong of a person as she is. Or something like that.” Liam had seemed incapable of elaborating, or maybe he just didn’t see the point in doing so, but after dealing with work stuff, Liam would just head home to mope or maybe think or maybe just stare up at his stars of unfulfilled wishes.

Louis was alone. He had no one anymore and he tried to make himself believe that he was okay with that. He grabbed one of his bongs and sat in his living room, smoking as he stared off into space, trying to keep the thoughts inside his head from taking over his sanity, or at least what he had left of it.

There was no one there to save him now. No one in his apartment, and no way for anyone to get in if he didn’t let them. He tried to think of what he had in his apartment that could do the trick. He had some molly lying around, his anti-anxiety medication, a substantial amount of weed, various bottles of liquor, aspirin, but that didn’t seem like enough to take him out. He had knives in the kitchen that might be sharp enough to do damage, and razors in the bathroom that might work.

He rubbed his head, trying to think and not think at the same time.

He vaguely heard his phone ring and his front door buzz. He thought maybe it was an auditory hallucination and ignored it, but it seemed to get louder as he was pulled away from his mindlessness. He sat there, still, waiting for both loud sounds to stop. When they finally did he took the final hit from his bong, not even realizing it had all disappeared so quickly.

And then there was a loud knock on the door.

He sat still again, thinking if he didn’t make a sound, the person would just go away.

“Louis!” Jesy’s voice called out, followed by another loud bang on the door. “I know you’re in there! I checked the garage for your car. Open up!”

He didn’t move. He said nothing.

“Louis! Please open up!”

His phone began ringing again, and he had a feeling that Jesy was multi-tasking.

“God damn it, Louis! I will find the strength to break down this fucking door!”

He finally got up, feeling as if he was walking in slow motion as he made his way over to the door and opened it for her.

“Oh my God, are you okay?” She asked first, rushing in and hugging him before pulling back to look him over again. “You look like shit. Are you high? You look high. Jesus, sit down.”

She grabbed his hand and walked him over to the couch, and Louis wondered why he couldn’t process anything that was happening.

Jesy grabbed his face to look in his eyes as she sat beside him. He noticed the worried expression on her face.

“Why are you here?” He asked. His voice sounded distant. “I thought you weren’t talking to me.”

“Liam called me to tell me about Perrie, and I was too mad at you to check up on you earlier, but oh my God, I so should’ve. I’m so sorry. I knew you had to be taking it hard, and I was just so mad at you. Louis, look at me. What did you take?”

He shook his head, trying to focus his eyes on her.

“I didn’t take anything,” he said. “I was just trying to relax, and go to sleep. You interrupted that.”

Jesy stared at him, and even in his haziness, he could tell by her quivering bottom lip that she was ready to cry. He was so exhausted, but Jesy was there. He hoped he wasn’t making her up. He hoped she really was there.

“Can you stay?” He asked her.

“Of course I can stay,” she said, squeezing his hand.

“Okay,” he said. “Do you want to take a nap with me?”

“Yes, I’ll take a nap with you. Come on.”

Jesy didn’t let go of his hand as she stood up and helped him get up as well. She made sure he got into his bed okay and then joined him, snuggling into his side, holding him tight as he slowly drifted off into a toxic yet comforting sleep.

#

Jade was avoiding going over to work at Louis’ place, so she had sent him an email letting him know she’d be doing all her work from her own place. He had been fine with that, which confirmed to Jade that Liam had told him everything.

Jade tried hard to think about what was next for her. Maybe it was time to move on. Maybe she needed to find a simpler location that was less expensive and could make better use of her bookstore salary. She had already started asking her co-workers if they knew how transferring to another location worked. She had always heard that Portland was nice.

“Knock knock,” came Niall’s voice as he tapped on her window and waved for her to let him in.

Jade smiled and got off her bed where she had created herself the best work-from-home laptop setup.

“You’re home from work early,” she observed as she let him in.

“Yeah, I wanted to beat Leigh-Anne home and get a chance to talk to you before I lost the both of you to whatever it is that happens in here when the two of you are alone.”

“Just let your imagination run wild, Niall.”

“Oh, I do,” he said with a smirk and Jade told him he was terrible and offered him her chair.

“No, I gotta pace for this conversation,” he said, as he began pacing.

Jade bit her lip, wondering if this was going to be a conversation about why Liam hadn’t been around and why she changed the subject whenever he was brought up, but it turned out it wasn’t about Liam at all.

“So, you know, Leigh-Anne and I have been together for a really long time. Like a crazy, super long time.”

“I do know,” Jade confirmed with a nod.

“And we both had these big plans when we first moved out here. We were going to do college, then find these amazing jobs, and get married, and get a house, and start a family, and live happily ever after.”

“Those sound like amazing plans.”

“Right. Except life doesn’t really work out the way you had hoped. We managed the college part, but I’m in a crappy job and she can’t get out of the intern position. They’ve already made one of the interns she came in with permanent, and the other guy has pretty much been told he’s next in line, which leaves Leigh-Anne third and with no indication that they’re going to make her permanent at all.”

“That’s just not fair,” Jade said as she frowned. “Leigh-Anne is so good at what she does.”

“My girl is great at what she does. No one in there works harder than her. I can guarantee that.”

“Maybe she should find another company to work at.”

“She’s trying, but you know how things are. It’s all about who you know and finding the right company at the right time with the right keywords on your resume. It’s just a bunch of bullshit.”

Jade couldn’t agree more.

“We’re struggling,” Niall continued, “And we were hoping we wouldn’t be struggling once we graduated. We wanted to get started on our lives and just go from there. So we’ve been at this standstill these past few months, and as you know, we’ve been having our arguments and disagreements here and there.”

Jade’s heart dropped as she looked at him worried. Niall and Leigh-Anne were the perfect couple. She wouldn’t be able to handle it if Niall had come over to tell her that they were done. Not after everything else that had happened.

“I think arguments and disagreements are normal in couples that have been together as long as you guys have,” Jade offered, hoping to help.

“They probably are, but in our case it’s just a sign that we’re both frustrated. And I think we both have lost sight a little on what it is that we both really want, which is really just to be together. So that’s why I was thinking that maybe we should just cut the bullshit that we can’t control. There’s nothing we can do about not getting hired or promoted or whatever. We’re doing the best we can, and if it’s not enough for the people in charge, then, you know?”

Jade nodded and Niall kept going.

“So I was thinking, that maybe we needed to focus on what we can control. So I’m going to propose to her.”

Jade screamed and jumped up and down before pulling Niall into the tightest, biggest hug she had ever given him.

“Oh my God! Oh my God!” Jade screamed.

“Yeah, oh my God,” he agreed, his eyes wide from both her reaction and probably the reality of what he had admitted.  “I need your help. I want to do it in a really cool way, but I don’t want it to be a cliché proposal. I was thinking of painting a portrait of her and attaching the ring to her finger, but then I thought that might be too obvious and cheesy. I’m not really an obvious and cheesy type of artist.”

Jade cooed at the idea, but he was right.

“No, you should definitely stick to your style of art. It has to be totally you, but also totally you and her. Maybe you can do sand art and put the ring in the sand and give her a metal detector.”

Niall blinked and Jade laughed.

“Okay, so that’s the worst idea ever,” she admitted.

“I’m just imagining giving Leigh-Anne a metal detector and her being like, ‘Niall, I know you’re not giving me this to try and find a ring, because if that’s what this is then I’m going to be mad at you for dirtying my ring up’ or something along those lines.”

Jade laughed for a good few moments at Niall’s perfect impersonation of Leigh-Anne.

“Okay, maybe make her a very abstract marketing proposal?” Jade tried.

Niall considered that, “A power point presentation and a ring inside a generic two-pocket folder. Tempting.”

“I suck at this,” Jade admitted. “Honestly, I think if you just hung it around her cat’s neck, she’d love that.”

“Yeah, you go and try and tie something around Walter’s neck and see what happens.”

Jade sighed and started pacing with Niall as she tried to think of a great idea for how he could propose to her. She was so in love with the idea that she really wanted to help. She needed something happy and promising in her life, and she had a feeling her friends did, too.

She looked over at her laptop to see the rave website up, and she smiled as she turned back to Niall.

“What if you proposed to her at the rave?”

Niall stopped pacing and looked at her like she was kidding.

“The rave? Louis’ rave? Yeah, I don’t think any of us are attending that.”

“What? But you have to. I’ve worked so hard on promoting it.”

“I think those bridges have been burned for like … life. Zayn won’t go and if he doesn’t go then we won’t go.”

Jade pouted. She had a feeling Zayn wouldn’t go, but she was hoping that Niall and Leigh-Anne would go to keep her company. There was no way she could be at this rave alone with Liam. She supposed she didn’t have to go since her work technically would be done, but she had been looking forward to it. It seemed like it was going to be a really great event.

“Well that sucks,” she said. “Because there’s an art area that’s going to be set up. It was Jesy’s idea, and basically it was for people to just be as creative as they wanted to be, so everyone could go in that area and create whatever they wanted. And I was thinking that you could go there with Leigh-Anne and create your original abstract work of art, and then get on one knee in front of her, and bam!”

Niall seemed to be considering this as he stared at her, and then he nodded.

“That actually sounds perfect,” he acknowledged.

“I told you! But you’d have to come to the rave.”

Niall narrowed his eyes a little in thought and then moved his head from side to side.

“Let me think about it,” he said and Jade jumped up and down again, and gave him another hug.

“I’m just excited that you’re proposing to her at all. I don’t care how you do it. I just think, right now especially, we all need some positive life events. You know?”

He hugged her back and said, “I do know.” Niall thanked her for her help then excused himself, explaining he had to do some thinking while he started on dinner.

Jade sat back down on her bed and looked at the rave site, thinking how weird it was going to be without Perrie and Zayn there, and possibly without Niall and Leigh-Anne and her. That thought made her sad, not for Louis, but for all of them in general.

How had things turned into this gigantic mess? And was she repeating her own pattern by leaving it? She hadn’t had many choices when she had left her parents, but leaving these people should be easier, technically. She had only known them for such a short amount of time, and she didn’t really have strong ties to any of them outside of Leigh-Anne and Niall. Not anymore anyway.

If she was honest with herself, she knew that she just really didn’t want to be in a city where Liam existed. She was afraid of running into him, or seeing him and not being able to control her emotions. She could admit that their “relationship” was flawed, but he had brought her so much happiness, and strangely, wonder. Everything about him had held so much meaning for her, from the things he did, to the things he said, and when it was all said and done, she couldn’t even refer to him as anything more than “a guy I once messed around with.” It made her sad and disappointed in herself. Was she ever going to be the type of person that could have a real relationship with someone, or was her decision to eradicate her past always going to leave her not whole enough to completely invest herself in another person?

She wanted to cry just thinking about it, so she tried to focus on the happy news of the day. Niall was going to propose to Leigh-Anne. She really wouldn’t want to miss their wedding.

This was all so confusing. Maybe she’d hold off on making any life decisions until after the whole rave thing was done.

#

Liam had stopped by the bookstore after work and bought himself a copy of _Alice in Wonderland_. He then had driven himself to the beach and sat there on the sand, taking turns between reading and staring out at the ocean.

He discovered that Alice was quite the petulant person. Much as Jade was. And just as Alice had entered a crazy world, but followed the ridiculous directions in them nonetheless, so had Jade. And he now understood why she had said he was the Cheshire Cat. Because just like the fictional creature, Liam floated in and out as he pleased, never completely there for her, never giving her the answers that made the right amount of sense to really help.

But Jade’s life wasn’t a fictional children’s story.

Liam closed the book and shut his eyes for a moment, allowing the steady rhythm of the waves to help him organize his thoughts.

At the end of the book, Alice’s sister had woken her up from her Wonderland dream. She was back home and all was normal. Jade couldn’t wake up from her dream. Even though she had told him that her dream had ended with him knowing about her past, the fact was that Jade could never really escape her dream. Every time she wakes up, she won’t be in Maryland, and things won’t be back to normal.

When Liam woke up the morning after Jade had dumped him, he had woken up in his own bed, and his family bustled about, doing what they always did. He had been the one to wake up from the dream, and he snorted at the idea that maybe he was Alice and maybe Jade had been the Cheshire Cat all along.

Their non-relationship got “curiouser and curiouser” the more he thought about it.

Liam left the beach and headed home where he found his parents in the kitchen as they appeared to be working together on making dinner.

“Oh good, you’re home,” his dad said, “I was about to go throw these steaks on the grill. Why don’t you come out and help me a bit?”

Liam knew his dad didn’t need help grilling, but he told him he’d be right out, taking the chance, as he changed into something more comfortable to mentally prepare himself for whatever it was his dad was going to talk to him about.

He joined his dad outside, and crossed his arms as he watched the older man flip the steaks over the open flame.

“I have very exciting news for you,” his dad said. “Well, I think it’s exciting. You won’t think it’s exciting, of course.”

“What’s the exciting news?” Liam went ahead and asked.

“An old friend contacted me because he was looking for a junior financial analyst for his company. His company is very big on advancement, and will pay for your MBA so you can move up to senior analyst in 3-4 years’ time. The position starts at 50k, full benefits, paid vacation, the whole package. It’s a great opportunity.”

Liam just stood there, staring at his dad, and thinking about how Jade had the courage to turn her parents in and walk away from the life she knew while he couldn’t even start a real conversation with his dad about his life and career. If he did, what was the worst that would happen? What would he lose if he finally stood up for himself? Would his parents cut him off and kick him out of the house?

He had a job with Louis, and he knew he could stay with Louis if he needed to. He may have not had a lot of options, but he had more than Jade had had when she had stood up to the corruption of her parents.

“Dad,” Liam said tentatively as he uncrossed his arms and stepped a little closer to speak with him, “I know you don’t understand me, and I don’t know if you’ve just never wanted to or if you’ve tried and haven’t been able to, but we’re two very different people. I can’t even begin to explain how much I appreciate that you find these opportunities for me, and I also can’t begin to explain how much it really eats me up inside when you do.”

His dad looked at him, already setting his face in a look that showed the disappointment that Liam was so familiar with. It hurt his chest every single time he saw it.

“Are you going to stand there and tell me that you don’t want this job?” His father asked with a tone that almost felt like a warning.

“No, actually, I just want you to know how I feel about it. I want you to understand, or at least try to understand, that I will actually go and meet with your friend and accept the job, but when I do, I will resent you for the rest of my life, and that won’t be fair to you because I never once have had the nerve to be honest enough to tell you that I don’t want to do this for a living. So to avoid resenting you, I’m going to be honest. I hated my major. I tried to love it because I wanted to be just like you, but I’m not like you. I’ve always looked up to you because in my eyes you’ve always been perfect. You work hard, you’re extremely successful, and you’re a good person. I’ve always been proud to have you as my dad, and I’ve always known I was lucky, but it doesn’t change that I’m just not the type of person who can do what you do.”

His father didn’t seem as shocked to hear this as Liam had expected him to be. He took the steaks off the grill and looked at Liam, as if trying to find the right words.

“Dad,” Liam said, thinking that maybe he should keep talking and say everything he needed to say before his dad kicked him out and disowned him. “I want to find what my true life’s passion is, and I want to love what I do so that I can be like you and wake up excited about doing it. That’s something I’ve actually learned more about while working for Louis. He’s chasing his life passion, and with all the shit he deals with every day, including his own sanity, he still looks forward to when it’s time to buckle down and be serious to make sure this event gets put on. It’s inspiring to watch.

“I have a lot of friends with their own callings: Jesy, with her fashion line, Zayn, doing art for Marvel, Harry, acting in pilots and films. I know you hate my friends, but I’m surrounded by people chasing their dreams, and it’s amazing. My problem has always been that I don’t know what my dream is. I don’t know what my life passion is. I wasn’t born creative or talented like them, but I also wasn’t born the finance wizard you are either. I’m just this average guy that’s gotten by on his connections, but has never really found his niche, or his calling, or the one thing he’s meant to do. That’s all I wanted to try and do, Dad. I just wanted to find something that was mine. But, I guess we see how that turned out. So I will take this job, and I will try really hard to make you proud, and maybe just maybe, somewhere down the road, I will figure out what it is that I was really meant to do.”

Liam turned to go back inside the house, but his dad said his name and stopped him. Liam turned to look at him, crossing his arms again as he waited for the verdict. The lump in his throat and the pit in his stomach only made it more nerve-wracking for him to stand there.

“I think a problem that so many of the young people your age have is that they think life is just about chasing their dreams,” his dad said.

Liam rolled his eyes and turned to go inside again. He did not want to listen to this.

“Wait one moment. I’m trying to talk to you.”

Liam took a deep breath and swallowed hard as he turned again to look at his dad.

“I heard what you had to say, now you get to hear what I have to say,” his dad said, and Liam felt he was being scolded. “Life is about balance. You can chase your dreams, but you also have to take care of your responsibilities.”

Liam noticed his mom at the sliding glass door, listening to the conversation. He wondered how long she had been listening before she decided to just stand there and make it obvious.

“That’s easy for you to say,” Liam threw back at his dad. “Your dreams and responsibilities coincided with each other. Your dreams were to make this amazing company and be the best which helped with all the responsibility part. Not everyone’s dreams work like that. I have a friend whose dream it is to be a published author, but she can’t just go be a published author, so she has to work at a bookstore, even though she has a degree, because she has to pay the rent while she hopes someone will call her and hopefully offer her an admin job or any entry level job to help her out. But all she wants is to be a writer. And you know what the worst part is for her? Her dreams will probably, never actually come true. Because life isn’t fair, and we have to settle for jobs we don’t want because we have responsibilities that we have to take care of.”

“You act as if it was easy for me and your mother to build our companies from the ground up. You act as if your mother and I didn’t have to struggle to create the life that we wanted to raise our only child in. You think all of my dreams come true? Do you want to know what my biggest dream was, Liam? My biggest dream was passing my company and legacy down to my only son. That’s what my dream was. But like you said, life isn’t fair. My dream won’t come true, but I and your mother both have worked hard and done everything we physically can to make sure that your dreams do. We’ve given you everything we can. But we can’t give you your dream. That’s one thing you will have to find for yourself, and I personally think that the right thing to do is to have a steady job until you find it. But if you have another way you’d like to go about it, then we’re here, we’re listening, just tell us what it is that you want to do.”

Liam felt like the biggest asshole on the planet. He couldn’t look at either of his parents, too ashamed by coming off as an ungrateful son. He stared instead at the glistening pool in their backyard and wondered how best to fix this situation and show them that he was more than grateful for all they had done for him.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said, still not able to look at them. “I think I still have a lot to learn about things. I’ve actually been learning a lot this summer. Things have been really screwed up. Perrie’s in rehab, and Louis still isn’t okay, and I ran away from them when they needed me most because I was so busy trying to figure out how to live this life in New York that was both amazing and frustrating.”

Liam looked at his parents, both of them watching him and listening carefully.

“I didn’t run back home after New York just because I couldn’t get a job,” Liam continued. “I ran back home because I couldn’t deal with the fact that the girl I was in love with left me. And then I got back here and I was lost. I should’ve been honest from the beginning. I’m really sorry. I was just really messed up.”

His mom nodded at him in understanding, while his dad continued to just watch him.

“The point is,” Liam said, swallowing again, “I don’t want to be a financial analyst, but that’s what my major prepared me for. I’m competent enough at it, so I can do it until I find what it is that I really want to do. So that’s what I’ll be doing. But I’m going to tell him that I can’t start for another two and a half weeks, because I need to finish doing this thing with Louis first.”

“It’s important to honor your commitments,” his father said, which Liam knew was as close as his dad could get to agreeing with his decision.

“I think the food is almost ready,” his mom said. “Why don’t we all come inside to eat?”

“I’m not that hungry,” Liam said. “I think I just want to go to my room for a while.”

“I’ll make a plate for you to take with you,” his mom said, motioning for his dad to bring in the steaks.

Liam went inside and poured himself a glass of water while he waited for his mom to put his plate together.

“You know,” she said as she handed him his plate, a small knowing smirk playing on her lips, “I had a feeling there was a girl behind the bookstore job.”

Liam shrugged as he took the plate.

“Don’t worry, Mom. There’s no longer a bookstore job and there’s no longer a girl.”

“What happened?” She asked, her amused smile turning into a concerned frown.

“Reality made us wake up from our dream.”

He went to his room to eat his food, watch TV, and mentally prepare himself for the new life he would be leading in a couple of weeks.

#

Louis was so hungry that he felt he might eat his entire pizza and have to start on Jesy’s. They sat on his couch in a comfortable silence, focusing on eating their food before really speaking.

“I’m sorry,” he decided to say first. “For coming down so hard on you being with Harry. It’s really hard for me to trust guys when it comes to you and Perrie, but I have to learn to let go.”

“It just really pissed me off because you and Liam don’t even pretend to care about anything that has to do with me, but suddenly I find happiness and you guys are all scary about it.”

“We care about you, Jesy. You have to know we do.”

“I don’t. All I know is that you care about Perrie and that Liam cares about himself or something. I don’t even know what Liam cares about anymore. Jade I guess.”

“No, they broke up.”

“Oh,” Jesy said frowning. “That’s so sad.”

“Zayn and Perrie are broken up as well. Not that Perrie knows that yet.”

“That’s even sadder,” Jesy said looking like someone had kicked a puppy in front of her. “I loved Zayn for Perrie. He was so sweet and a genuinely nice person.”

“I think all of this is more than he signed up for. I don’t blame him.”

“But if he loves her, he should be there for her when she gets out of rehab.”

“I’m not an expert on love, but I don’t think it’s that simple. I think sometimes if you love someone, you have to walk away.”

Jesy seemed to consider this.

“I guess I can see that,” she said. “If you think you’re doing more harm than good.”

Louis dropped his eyes and focused on eating another slice of pizza. He could feel Jesy’s eyes on him, and he wasn’t surprised when she asked him a question.

“What made you take her to rehab?”

“I was tired of doing more harm than good,” he stated.

She didn’t press further, which he appreciated, so she returned the topic to her and Harry.

“I want you to apologize to Harry.”

Louis sighed and looked at her.

“I don’t know if that’s going to be possible,” he said.

“Because you didn’t like what he had to say to you? He told me everything. He told me what he said before you punched him.”

“He crossed a line.”

“He told you the truth. And you’re dumb to sit here mad at him for it. You have to apologize to him, and then you guys have to become friends again. I know you miss him. And he misses you too, you know?”

“I just can’t believe you’re with Harry,” Louis said looking disturbed by the thought. “He’s not even that good of an actor. I can find you a way better actor to hook up with.”

“You’re the worst,” Jesy said smiling. “Harry’s an awesome actor. And his pilot got picked up so we’ll get to see it when it premiers in the fall.”

“Good for him,” he said, nodding to himself a little. He did mean it, and he hoped Jesy knew that.

Jesy put her plate down on the coffee table and wrapped her arms around Louis, looking up at him as she snuggled into him.

“Louis?”

“Yeah, babe?” He said, as he finished his last slice.

“This morning…” 

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I was so scared.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Promise me you won’t do it again.”

“I was just high,” he said. He wanted to comfort her, but he also really didn’t want to think about it.

“Promise me, Louis. After the first time, you just know. I could see it in your eyes. You were done. You can’t be done. Even if you think no one else needs you, just know that I need you. I know I’m probably not enough, but at least…”

“You’re enough, babe,” Louis said, placing a small kiss on her head, before leaning his head on hers and sighing. “You’re enough.”


	25. Chapter 25

Jade woke up before the sun, grabbing her iPod and driving to the beach. She walked right to the water’s edge, sitting on the damp sand that had just seen the last of the high tide. She put on her Fleetwood Mac mix, in the mood to torture herself as she thought about the first time she and Liam had become acquainted in her fort.

She missed him.

She missed looking into his dark brown eyes that always seemed to be searching for something more, something that she nor the world could ever give him. He had been as lost as she was, and that’s why the universe had brought them together. Jade was convinced.

She missed his strong arms, the taut muscles of his biceps, the athletic lean body that felt powerful next to hers. And again, she reminded herself, the universe had brought them together. It had been written in the stars. A succinct moment in time when she was allowed to live a dream that she herself had created.

What was she supposed to do now?

The water lapped at her Keds and Jade played with it, sliding her foot out of her sneaker and burying her toes in the fresh quicksand that the water had created. The water was cold, and it electrified her.

The sky glistened, the early morning pastels appearing in shades of pink-orange, purple-blue, a smoggy haze muting the effect to create a painting that she was sure Niall would take credit for.

This could only happen here.

She knew she didn’t want to leave. She knew it as much as she knew that she loved stories. She knew that what she had experienced in these short summer months had been more inspiring and more important than anything she had ever experienced before. She was writing again, something she hadn’t been able to do the whole time she was trying to help a detective ruin her parent’s lives.

Ruin her life.

She had been too stressed to write. Her mind too occupied with impending doom to focus on the lives of imaginary friends. But now, as things had slowly seemed to come together, those characters were alive again. She was alive again. And she could be alive with or without Liam. But it would be nicer with him.

Jade leaned forward to touch her hands to the wave that had come up to greet her. It gave her the strength to decide that she wanted this. She would try. She would fight for it and try and make things right with her friends. Maybe once they all knew the truth, they wouldn’t be interested in being friends with her, but that was for them to decide, and she would be okay with their decision.

She had to stop trying to escape her past. It was too much of who she was. An obedient daughter, confused, itching to rebel, then doing it in the worst way she knew how. If her dad had just been more understanding. If her dad had let her have any ounce of freedom. If he had once shown that he loved her and not just needed her to play a part, she never would have done it. She would have lied for him and told that detective to leave her and her family alone. She was angry at him, and she hated him, and she wanted him to get what he deserved for treating people the way he did, for abusing his power, for never loving her.

That is who she was. She was a young woman, sad and lonely, who had betrayed her family, who had wanted to do the right thing, and who was not afraid to start over. She couldn’t know fear. There was no place for it in the life she had chosen. So this is who she was, and it was only right for her friends to know it, to know the real her, and maybe to finally understand her.

She pulled her phone out and sent a mass text to Leigh-Anne, Niall, Zayn, Jesy, Harry, even Louis, and then she looked at Liam’s name for a moment before adding him.

_Sorry late notice but party at my place tonight. You HAVE to be there. BYOB because I’m broke phi broke. Also bring blankets. And pillows. Just be there please._

Jade reread the text and laughed at herself as she pressed send. She had no idea if they’d show up. She knew Leigh-Anne and Niall might come over just to see what she was on about, but the others probably thought she was sending out a drunk text.

It was now in the universe’s hands. She had no control over what happened next.

#

Liam knew the job was his, but he still wanted to earn it in his own way. He wanted to put effort into it and make a great impression. He had texted Jesy pictures of him in different interview-worthy outfits, and she had given him the thumbs up when he had worn a light blue button down shirt, with black slacks, and a modern black suit jacket. She had picked out a blue tie that was a shade lighter than the shirt, saying it both accented and blended in. Liam took her word for it.

He arrived in Downtown LA thirty minutes early, making sure to park in the parking garage for the high rise he’d be working at. He sat in the car for a few moments to compose himself before walking in. Liam strolled into the lobby with fifteen minutes to spare, and by the time he reached the floor of the company and checked in with their receptionist, he was exactly ten minutes early.

When his new boss came out to meet him, Liam shook his hand, surprised that the man was much younger than Liam had expected. His short, dark curls helped with the youthful look and he wore his blue and white-striped tie loose, as if he hadn’t even bothered to really tie it that morning.

“Your dad mentioned that you liked surfing,” his boss said as he led him to his office.

“I do. I haven’t been all summer unfortunately.”

“You gotta change that. A couple of guys from the office and I went last weekend. We try and make it at least a bi-monthly thing. You should join us.”

“Yeah, definitely. That sounds really cool.”

“We’re an outdoorsy bunch, for the most part. I never would’ve survived in New York. I don’t know how you did it, man.”

“Urban hiking. Lots of stairwells in New York,” Liam explained as he followed him through the office. Liam took in the rows of cubicles, the professionals typing madly on computers or talking intently in phones as they brokered deals. He entered his boss’ office and took a seat across from his desk. “Plus there’s Central Park, which is great for jogging.”

“Yeah? I’ll have to check it out next time I’m out there,” he said sitting in his chair, and leaning back casually as he crossed his leg over his knee and played with the pen in his hand. “So, when are you available to start?”

“The second week of August. On Tuesday instead of Monday if possible. I’m the finance manager on a friend’s event, so I can’t start until that’s all wrapped up.”

“Oh yeah? What kind of event?”

“It’s a rave actually. He’s a rave and club promoter.”

“No shit,” his boss said looking impressed. “Send me the info, my wife and I will show up. We haven’t been to a good one in a while.”

Liam wondered how his dad could have possibly known this guy. He could never imagine having met him on the golf course or any stuffy business event.

“I’ll pass it along to you,” Liam assured him. “So, my dad didn’t really mention your history. Did you guys used to work together?”

“Yeah, he was my boss for a while,” he said. “Taught me everything I know, and then I bounced and came to take over this company. I felt bad, but he understood. Business is business. He wished me the best and all that.”

“What was that like? Working for him.” Liam said intrigued and impressed. He had never had the chance to talk to anyone with that perspective of his dad.

“It was amazing. Your dad is like the best in the business. He’s made so many billionaires in this city. Including himself, but you knew that.”

Liam didn’t. He was pretty sure they weren’t billionaires. He thought he would’ve known.

“I actually don’t know a lot about that side of him,” Liam admitted.

“No? Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Doesn’t really bring the work home or anything. That’s smart. I try not to do that, too, but sometimes it can’t be helped. That’s usually when my wife throws me dirty looks and forces me to sit and watch _Scandal_ with her. You ever watch that show? It’s pretty good.”

“I don’t watch a lot of TV.”

“Yeah, me either. You’re too young to be married. Is there a girlfriend? Boyfriend?”

“Not at the moment,” Liam said with a small chuckle. The idea that his dad put up with a guy like this was too amusing to him. “I just got out of a pretty long term relationship with my ex-girlfriend so I’m taking a small break right now.”

“Smart. Just like your dad,” his boss said with a nod. “Well, this place is a cool place to work. Everyone’s pretty intense, and everyone does their job really well. You can ask anyone for help and they’ll give it to you. Everyone knows what they’re doing. We only hire the best.”

Liam kept his eyes from looking down, even though that’s what he wanted to do. The qualifier of “and the occasional guy as a favor to my longtime mentor” hung in Liam’s head, even if his boss hadn’t said it. He would have to prove to him that he was worthy to be there, just as Zayn had to prove to his boss that he had been worthy to get the hook-up to work at Marvel.

“I’m very excited to learn from the best,” Liam said. “I also hope that the experience I gained from my internships in New York are valuable as well.”

“I’m sure they will be. Columbia, man. What was that like?”

“It was great. I learned a lot. What college did you attend?”

“Berkeley. I’m a total California boy. The biggest move I made was from north to south.”

“I understand that,” Liam said, wondering if the reason his dad had probably taken this guy under his wing was because he reminded him so much of Liam. “I just wanted to try something different. Something completely new.”

“I wish I had had the balls, man. I really respect that. And honestly, that’s exactly the kind of attitude we need in this company right now. That’s why I didn’t hesitate to call your dad when your resume landed on my desk. Sorry, I hope you’re not upset about that. But I knew it was you, obviously I knew. Your dad talked about you all the time. Even though I never met you, I always felt I knew you, you know? And then there was your resume with everyone else’s and it was exactly what we needed. Just different blood, different energy. Someone who knew what he was doing, but willing to do it his own way. You know what I’m saying?”

Liam’s eyes were wide at his boss’ revelation. He just nodded dumbly and let him keep talking, trying to process that his dad hadn’t gotten him this job. He had and he hadn’t. It had actually been a team effort.

“So I called your dad and told him I had your resume, and we talked for a good hour. I actually miss your old man. And he said he’d give you the news. I just knew this was going to work.”

“Thank you,” Liam said finding words finally. “I had a feeling that this was going to work, too.”

“Gut instincts. They make all the difference in this business,” his boss said standing up. “Come on, let me show you your cubicle and introduce you to some of your fellow analysts.”

Liam followed him through the office, still shocked and trying to process what he had learned. His dad had known all this, but he hadn’t presented the information in that way. His dad knew that there was a strong possibility that Liam would walk away from this, a job that he himself had earned, and yet his dad had played the charade of having hooked it up for him anyway.

Why?

Liam knew why.

He looked at his small cubicle which was a quarter square of a cubicle of four where other junior analysts sat. He shook their hands, remembering their names mentally with his own mnemonic device of associating them with the trails in the canyon he liked to hike, and joked casually with them as they discussed how intimate he’d have to get with them in their close quarters.

His boss took him around the rest of the office to give him a small tour, showing him the meeting rooms, the break rooms, where the IT department sat, and anyone else he needed to know before shaking his hand one last time and telling him he’d see him in August.

Liam sat in his car in the parking garage for a long moment, not even bothering to turn it on as he thought about everything that had just taken place. He had to think about his dad, and all he had ever done for him, and had to acknowledge that his dad knew Liam would find out that this job had been his without any help from his dad. He knew how his dad functioned, and he had been trying to surprise him.

That’s why they had made dinner, and that’s why his dad had been so excited about telling him about it. And Liam had ruined the plan because instead of letting his dad reveal the truth in his own way, he had jumped the gun to tell him everything that was on his mind. His timing was impeccable. But Liam didn’t regret it. He should have told him long ago what he was thinking, and he should have stood up for himself and stood his ground as soon as he had come back from New York.

Liam also had to acknowledge that he hadn’t done anything to make his parents think that he didn’t need their help anymore. They were treating him like he was still in high school and had to do everything for him because he was acting that way. He was walking around moping and not making any decisions for himself. What else were they supposed to believe? He was as much to blame for the whole mess as they were, and it was time he started acting his age. It was time for him to take responsibility for his own life, just as Jade had done when she had turned her parents in and left Maryland.

He had a job. Technically he had two. He needed to move out. For a moment he considered getting his own place, but then he thought of his conversation with Jesy that morning. When he had been talking to her on the phone and trying to find the right interview outfit, she had mentioned that Louis was back in his bad place.

_“He was going to do it,” she had said as he had been trying on another tie. “If I hadn’t gotten there when I did, Liam…”_

Those tiny bit of words were still haunting him now.

Louis should never have been living alone in the first place. He knew his parents let him because of how badly he had reacted when they had both suggested he move home to his mother’s. They thought he was going to kill himself from that outburst alone, so they let him do what he wanted. Louis’ biggest problem was that he always did what he wanted.

That would change once he had Liam as a roommate.

#

Louis arrived at his mom’s house and sat in the driveway momentarily, trying to organize his thoughts. Unfortunately they weren’t capable of being organized. He could mentally visualize them bouncing around each other chaotically like molecules in a large gaseous space.

He found energy from some unknown source within him that allowed him to get out of his car, and he let himself into the house which seemed empty and undisturbed.

The smell of food was absent, and Louis thought how different the house seemed when she wasn’t expecting him, as if it lacked the overexertion of effort. It was peaceful and relaxed, music softly playing in the background, the sliding glass door open as a tiny summer breeze played with the sheer white curtain.

He found her in the backyard, tending to her garden, a smile on her face as she hummed to herself while snapping dead leaves and petals off her flowers. She discarded them in her pail as the flowers seemed to freshen up after her touch. He knew she’d bring in the dead remnants and use it to make her own potpourri. He suddenly thought the action strange – his mother making the most of death.

Not wanting to disturb her just yet, he tried to not make any noise as he stood there watching her. He couldn’t remember the last time he had seen his mother relaxed and happy. He was used to seeing her anxious around him, worried, never sure of what to do or say. This was how his mom used to be, and now he realized that this was how his mom still was. She just wasn’t herself when she was around him.

When she was about to turn to head inside, he stepped forward to make it seem as if he had just walked out there. She had paused at the sight of him, her face collapsing in worry.

“I didn’t know you were coming over today. Did I forget? I wouldn’t have forgotten. What’s today?”

“You didn’t forget,” he assured her, guilt flooding him at her concern. “I just needed to come see you.”

“What’s wrong? Is everything alright? Sit down,” she said, putting her pail down and pulling a patio chair to him.

He didn’t want to sit, so instead he stood behind it, placing his hands on the back of the chair as he looked at her.

“I had to take Perrie to rehab.”

His mom nodded, clutching her shears to her stomach with both hands as she spoke with him.

“I know. I’m sorry. But that was a very great thing you did. You saved her life.”

Louis shook his head, gripping the chair tighter.

“I’m the reason she had a problem in the first place.”

“People make their own decisions…”

“No, this wasn’t that kind of situation. It’s very complicated, and it’s very much my fault. I just never wanted to admit it.” Louis looked past his mom. It was much easier to look at her flowers. “Mom, I’ve done really bad things. Things that I can’t forgive myself for.”

“What kinds of things?”

Louis shook his head. He couldn’t talk about it. The words were there but they were stuck.

“Mom,” he said, weaker, his voice shaky, “yesterday I was thinking about it again. I was really close, but then Jesy came over…”   Louis sighed, frustrated, not sure why the words wouldn’t come.

His mom seemed to understand, and she rushed to him, putting the shears down on the chair and placing her hands on Louis’ arms to get him to look at her.

“Thank God for Jesy,” was all his mom said.

Louis looked at his mom and saw the scared look in her eyes. His breath hitched as he tried to exhale.

“I need to talk to somebody,” Louis said. “I need help, Mom. I need help.”

Memories of his youth flooded back to him as his mother wrapped him up in her arms like he was back in kindergarten and needed to be kept safe. Louis hugged her back, holding onto that safety for as long as possible.

#

Leigh-Anne walked into Jade’s apartment with a pile of pillows and blankets. Niall was already there hooking up his small speakers to his iPod.

“So, what’s this party about again, Kanye?” Leigh-Anne teased her, obviously amused by her text.

“You’ll see when it gets started,” Jade said, taking some of the pillows from Leigh-Anne’s hands.

“We’re here,” Niall pointed out, “It’s started.”

Jade smiled and set the pillows up against the wall and then strung up some of the out-of-season Christmas lights she had found at the dollar store. She wanted to try and make her apartment seem as party-ish as possible.

There was a knock on the door and Leigh-Anne answered. Jade’s heart stopped as she looked to see if it was Liam, but it was Zayn, and her heart started beating again.

“So what’s the occasion?” Zayn asked as he handed over a reusable bag that clanked with the noise of glass bottles. He had an Iron Man sleeping bag with him and a pillow.

“She won’t tell us,” Leigh-Anne said, taking the bag to the kitchen to take out the bottles of liquor.

“Who else is invited?” Zayn asked.

“Everyone,” Jade said.

“Who’s everyone again?” Niall asked, having already gone down this road with her earlier when he had first contacted her to inquire about the text.

“Whoever shows up,” Jade stated, focusing on stringing the lights together in a way that made it seem more atmospheric and less Christmas-y.

Niall got the speakers to work and put on a Kanye song just to mess with Jade as he and Zayn fell into one of their private conversations. Leigh-Anne came over to Jade with a red cup.

“Here, pre-party drink.”

Jade thanked her and took a sip of the wine she had brought over.

“I needed that,” Jade admitted.

“Mhmm,” Leigh-Anne said, observing her, “You looked a little stressed. You invited Liam didn’t you?”

“He probably won’t show,” Jade sighed.

“Is that what this is all about? This whole party?”

“No, you’ll just have to wait and see. Stop trying to get it out of me and help me with these lights.”

The next time there was a knock on the door, Niall had opened it to welcome in Harry and Jesy who had arrived together.

“Zayn!” Jesy said, dropping her blankets and giving him a big hug. “I’ve missed you. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he said hugging her and rubbing her back. “How are you?”

“Fine, you know, always fine,” she said with a big smile.

Zayn, Harry, and Niall all traded boy hugs while Jesy came over to give Jade a big hug.

“Thanks for inviting us! I swear I haven’t seen you in forever. You too, Leigh-Anne,” she said hugging her as well.

“It has been awhile,” Jade said smiling at Leigh-Anne’s overwhelmed reaction. “Everything okay with you?”

“Well, as okay as it can be given the circumstances,” Jesy said. “This is so cute. I don’t think I’ve ever been to your apartment before. Oh my God is the fort in there? _The_ fort?”

Jade laughed and led Jesy to her bedroom.

“Yep, this is it,” Jade said stretching her arms out as if modeling her bed.

“Wow, he did such a nice job. This is the cutest thing ever. Do you know when he and Louis were younger, they used to build forts all the time? Or more like, Liam would build them and Louis would wait until he was done and help him just put the blanket over it. They used to use chairs, sofas, anything they could find.”

Jade nodded, biting her lip, the thought of Liam a dull ache at the moment.

“Yeah,” Jade told her. “He actually did tell me that.”

Jesy looked at her and then randomly gave her another hug.

“It’ll be okay,” Jesy said. “I don’t know how. It just will be.”

Jade wanted to believe that, so she hugged Jesy tight, thinking that would help it be true.

“So is the party started now?” Niall asked Jade when she walked back out into the living area.

Louis had probably been a long shot, and Liam probably wouldn’t show up, but she didn’t want to give up on it just yet. She told him to give it fifteen more minutes.

“Let’s make margaritas,” Leigh-Anne said, and Jade and Jesy went into the kitchen part of her small apartment with her so that Leigh-Anne could get the drinks started.

Fifteen minutes later, Jade told Niall to drink his margarita and wait another fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes after that, Niall gave up and put his iPod on, playing Kendrick Lamar’s “Poetic Justice” as he rapped to Zayn and Zayn rapped Drake’s part back to Niall. Harry got up to dance and pretended to be Janet Jackson in the background which made Jade have to physically hold herself to keep from falling over in laughter.

“You show them your moves, baby,” Jesy said whistling for Harry who turned around to sway his booty for her.

“Baby?” Leigh-Anne mouthed to Jade, who just shrugged. Leigh-Anne looked at Jesy to confirm. “Girl, are you two together?”

“Me and Harry? Yeah.”

“That’s so cute,” Jade said giving her a hug that Jesy was already in the process of returning in excitement. “Congrats!”

“Thank you!” Jesy said, and Jade noticed a relieved look on her face before she turned to admire her man.

Jade turned her attention back to all the hip swirling that was happening in her living room, and when Zayn started trying to do a little hip rolling of his own, Jade nudged Leigh-Anne to grab her phone and film it.

“That’s probably never going to happen again,” Jade told her.

“Good point,” Leigh-Anne said, taking the video on her phone.

And then there was a knock on the door, and Jade froze. She had been so caught up in the fun moment, that she had almost forgotten who was left to show up and why she had assembled these people in the first place.

Niall opened the door as the room got quiet, and Niall turned to Jade and said, “I guess the party’s now officially started.”

He opened the door all the way so that both Liam and Louis could walk in. Jade thought it was smart of them to coordinate arriving together, neither of them probably knowing what to do when they had received that text.

“Cool,” Jade said, taking a deep breath and walking over to the living area, to lower the music. “Um, now everyone can just settle in, and I’ll explain why I invited you all over tonight.”

“I can’t wait to hear this,” Niall said as he walked over to the corner where Zayn had decided to sit.

Liam and Louis put their pillows down and sat beside each other, while Leigh-Anne and Jesy helped Jade bring all the food and drinks to the living area. Jesy sat against Harry who had sat against the wall, and Leigh-Anne sat next to Niall, munching on cheese from the cheese platter.

“Okay, so you’re all here,” Jade said, rubbing her hands together nervously. She glanced toward Liam who watched her, and at Louis who had grabbed whatever drink Jesy had put in front of him. “I wanted to gather everyone because, well, you guys are really the only people I have here, and, actually, you’re the only family I really have.”

“Aww,” Jesy said, and Jade smiled at her before continuing. Jade hoped Jesy didn’t hate her after she told them the truth.

“The thing is, I haven’t been completely honest with any of you. About why I’m here, or who I am, or where I’ve been, or anything really,” Jade said, receiving the curious and suspicious looks from her friends that she had expected. “And you all have taken me in and helped me out a lot, so I just wanted to come clean. I think all of you deserve that.”

Jade took a deep breath, trembling a little, not used to having this much attention on her.

“So, um, hi,” she said with a little wave, “I’m Jade. I was born and raised in Maryland. My dad’s a minister and my mom was the church secretary. I went to Georgetown University where I majored in English, and during my senior year, I turned my parents in for larceny and grand theft among other things, and they were arrested, and I drove here to start a new life.” She cleared her throat to better deal with the wide eyes and stunned silence looking at her.

Louis gave Liam a look and leaned into him to ask if she was a narc. Liam shook his head no, and in any other circumstance, Jade would’ve laughed. Instead she continued.

“So yeah, my parents are in jail, and I didn’t tell you guys because I just wanted to erase that part of my life. I wanted to start over with new memories and new people, but I learned recently that doing that will cost me people who are very important to me. Because you have to be honest with people, and I wasn’t, and,” she looked over at Liam, “I’m sorry.”

Liam nodded slowly, watching her as if trying to understand why she was apologizing.

“So let me get this straight,” Leigh-Anne said, “You turned your parents in to the cops and now you’re on the run?”

“That’s gangsta,” Niall said.

“I’m not on the run. I mean, yes, I had to leave right before they got arrested, but I had always intended to leave. I’m not in trouble, and no one’s after me. I just couldn’t be there when it happened. I didn’t want to be there. I felt really guilty for doing it, but, you have to understand, my dad was doing terrible things. Really unconscionable things to really good people.” Jade looked at Louis whose attention was solely on her. “Louis, that’s why it was so hard for me to give you a chance. You remind me so much of my dad. Just in how you use your power to get what you want, and the whole thing with your girls, and I just didn’t trust you. But I also have to apologize to you because you obviously mean a lot to some of these people in this room, and you give so much of yourself. You gave me a job when you didn’t have to, and you put up with my crazy questions and judgments of you, and I’m sorry.”

Louis nodded at her, showing understanding in his blue eyes, and Jade looked around the room.

“Actually, I have to apologize to all of you.” Jade looked at Zayn next, “Zayn, I’ve been wanting to apologize to you since that night that I said what I did about you saving Louis. I was angry, and I’m sorry. That was so wrong of me. I had no idea how that affected you or what you went through, and I had no right to say that to you.”

“It’s okay,” Zayn said with a nod.

“And Leigh-Anne and Niall, you two have opened up your home to me, your lives, everything, and I am so sorry that I didn’t do the same. You two are the first people I should have told all this to. More than anyone else in this room, you guys are my family, and I love you both so much. I’m sorry that you’re just learning about all this now. I’ll understand if you don’t trust me or don’t want me in your life anymore.”

“Was your drink spiked?” Leigh-Anne asked. “You think that’s enough to get rid of us? You’re my girl. And thank you for choosing to come out here and move right in next to me. In case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t made any good girl friends out here. You would’ve had to do something way worse than stand up for justice to make me write you off.”

“What she said,” Niall added.

Jade was so grateful to them, and wanted to hug them right then and there, but first she needed to address Liam.

“Liam,” she said, “I am so sorry that I didn’t talk to you, and that when I did, I just pushed you away.”

Jade was about to continue but she heard sniffling and looked over at Jesy.

“Are you crying?” Leigh-Anne asked her.

Jesy just waved them off.

“It’s what I do,” she said, “Continue, Jade. This is beautiful. I love you.”

Harry wrapped his arms around Jesy and placed a small kiss on her head as he held her against his chest.

Jade looked back at Liam who had never taken his eyes off her. She swallowed, crumbling under that intense gaze.

“Um, yeah,” Jade said. “It’s just that, I didn’t really understand what we had, or what was going on between us. Everything got so confusing, and we never communicated well. But when we were together, God that was amazing. You made me feel so important, and so warm, and safe. Like everything was actually going to be okay. And you made me this amazing fort. And I thought you really liked me, like, _liked me_ liked me, and then I would look at you, and think to myself, how can this guy like me? I’m so me, and you’re so, I mean, look at you. You’re so hot.”

“Preach,” Leigh-Anne said.

“I’ve known that since day one,” Jesy pointed out.

“Are we serious right now?” Niall said.

“So that’s considered hot these days,” Harry noted.

“Standards have decreased,” Niall agreed.

Louis and Zayn didn’t say anything but they both were giving looks that agreed with Niall and Harry. Liam looked like he wanted to hide under his blanket, and Jade had to bite her lip from cooing out loud at the red tinge of his cheeks.

“His body though,” Leigh-Anne said to Niall.

“He’s had that body since like tenth grade,” Jesy told her.

“Jesus,” Leigh-Anne said shaking her head. “I need pictures.”

“You don’t need no damn pictures,” Niall said and Zayn snorted.

“Can we just get back on topic,” Liam finally said, speaking for the first time.

“Right,” Jade said, “So, basically, I really liked you, and I’m sorry I couldn’t give us a fair chance. You’re amazing, Liam. You really are.”

Jade had no idea what else to say, so she addressed everyone again.

“As for the rest of you, I think it’s really sad that this whole group got disconnected. I mean, I know it was always two groups, but I feel that, I mean, my favorite memory of all of us being together was at Jesy’s house for Fourth of July. Like, we all got along really well that day, and it felt special. And now, you know, because of the things that have happened…”

Jade wished someone else would talk, but she rambled on.

“I think maybe I’m not the only one that’s had something to get off my chest. And I think that everyone should take a turn at being honest and saying what they feel they need to say to each other. Because I think that it’s really sad that Louis, Liam, and I have been working so hard on this rave, only to realize that none of you were going to come. And it’s not about that, I know, but it is about the fact that maybe we should get all that out in the open and just try and fix this. We have drinks, we have food, and we have music. Let’s just chill and talk. Okay?”

“Okay,” Jesy said before everyone else could object like they wanted to. Jade was so happy to have Jesy there on the same page as her. “I’ll go first. Jade, I think you are so cute, and so pretty, and I think that you make Liam happy, and that Liam makes you happy, and I think you guys should talk at some point and work it all out.”

Now it was Jade’s turn to have her cheeks turn red.

“I also want to say to Leigh-Anne that I know you and I haven’t been close,” Jesy said as she looked at Leigh-Anne, “But I think you’re so pretty and so smart, and I always wanted us to get to know each other better. Especially since I could really use your marketing brain with my clothing line.”

Jade smiled at Leigh-Anne who seemed shocked to hear this from Jesy.

“And Zayn,” Jesy said with a sigh, “I adore you so much. I don’t want to bring the mood down, but I have to say this, since we’re being honest and everything. I know you’re probably super upset with Perrie right now, and you want to give up on what you guys had, or just walk away from it, and that’s your decision and I respect your decision, but she really thought you were everything. She really did. We’d be in the middle of conversations at times and you would text her or something and her face would just light up as if someone had hand-delivered her a new pair of Manolo Blahniks on a bed of diamonds.”

Jade thought that was the most amusing analogy she had ever heard, and if Zayn agreed with her, she didn’t know, because he just stayed quiet as he looked down at his cup.

“Only you, babe,” Harry said shaking his head.

“But you know what I mean right?” Jesy asked him and Harry assured her that he did before placing a kiss on her cheek.

“Okay, well I don’t have shoe metaphors or whatever,” Leigh-Anne said, “But I’ll go ahead and go next. Ladies first and all that. Jade, you’re my sister from another mister. I’m shocked to find out the things you told us today, but I completely understand not being ready to tell a bunch of strangers your story. I think you’re an amazing person for doing what you did, and I am proud to call you my friend.”

Jade was so touched and put her hand over her heart, mouthing “oh my God” to Leigh-Anne. Leigh-Anne smiled at her and then looked at Liam.

“So, Liam, that was nice of you to build Jade this fort and all, but did it not occur to you to actually go buy new sheets and give us ours back after some time? It’s been three months.”

“I asked Niall if he needed them,” Liam defended.

“I’m just messing with you,” Leigh-Anne said causing Liam to roll his eyes. “I just wanted to say to you that you’ve made our Jade a mess. One moment she’s in Lala Liam Land, the next she’s in Boo Hiss Liam Land. Whatever it is the two of you were doing, it definitely involved a lot of emotions, so I’m with my girl, Jesy, on this.”

Jade glanced at Jesy to see that just as she expected, she had perked up and had a huge smile on her face at Leigh-Anne calling her “my girl.”

“Basically,” Leigh-Anne continued, “You two need to talk. Maybe what you had can’t be salvaged, but you won’t know unless you talk it out. Jesy, girl, we should probably hang more and I will be more than happy to give you some marketing ideas for your awesome line. Harry, I’ve always been a fan of your curls. Niall, I love you. Zayn, baby, I know you’re hurting right now. I will admit, since we’re being honest, that I never understood what you saw in Perrie, but all that mattered to me was that you were happy. Now that you’re not, I just want to know what I can do to help you be happy again, because you deserve that. I’ll continue to be honest and say that there was a moment there that I was scared about you hanging out with these people. I thought they were going to bring you down with them. Partying every night is crazy.”

Leigh-Anne looked at all of them.

“Sorry, but it is. You guys like to have fun, but it’s too much. Pick a night to just stay your asses at home and read a book, or bake a cake, or whatever. Perrie’s in rehab, but she won’t be the only one if you all don’t slow it down.”

Leigh-Anne looked back at Zayn.

“Part of me is happy that you’re not with her now. And part of me wants it to stay that way. And I know I’ll never hear the end of this, but I’ll say it anyway, part of me wishes you and Jade would hook up. There I said it. Niall it’s your turn.”

“What?” Jade said.

Liam looked at Leigh-Anne as well as if she had thrown something at him.

Zayn looked confused.

“I mean, don’t get me wrong,” Jade said, “Zayn is fine.”

“Isn’t he though?” Leigh-Anne said.

“Zayn is so fine,” Jesy agreed. “I told that to Perrie after she introduced us.”

“He’s not that fine,” Liam said, which caused the entire room to yell “oh!” at the same time and Zayn actually smirked, causing Liam to shake his head.

Jade couldn’t get over the touch of jealousy that Liam still had when it came to her. It was like Niall and the fort. She had to admit that she liked that a lot. She liked him a lot. She was going to drive herself insane thinking about this.

“Okay, settle down,” Niall said, “Because I have my things to say. For starters, Jesy, I don’t think anyone’s ever told you this, but you are hands down, the coolest fucking person in your crew.”

“Agreed,” Jade said.

“Yep,” Leigh-Anne said with a nod.

“That’s my girl,” Harry said with pride.

“You guys stop,” Jesy said as she covered her face.

“No, he’s right,” Liam said which made her cover it more.

“Second of all,” Niall continued, “I really hate my job, and every day that I’m stuck at it, I get more and more resentful of the fact that Perrie got you that job at Marvel.”

Jade’s eyes widened, not at all expecting Niall to say something like that to Zayn. The silence in the room confirmed that she wasn’t the only one surprised. Zayn looked at Niall with a frown, but waited for him to continue, or maybe he was searching for words.

“I know it’s a personal thing,” Niall explained. “I’m not mad at you for having the job. I want you to understand that. I’m glad you have that job because you deserve it. But I’m really jealous of it, and sometimes, especially on days when my job particularly sucks more than usual, I get very bitter about it. And I’m sorry about that. Because again, it’s not anything you did wrong. I just really really really hate my job situation right now. Really.”

Leigh-Anne pouted and put her arms around Niall.

“I’m sorry,” Zayn said looking hurt by Niall’s confession.

“Don’t be sorry,” Niall said. “I’m sorry.”

“Niall,” Jade said, “I know you hate your job, but at least you have one. No one will hire me. So the next time you think about how much you hate your job, maybe you can make yourself feel better by saying, hey, at least I don’t work at a bookstore for minimum wage like that loser Jade.” Jade shrugged. She was trying to help.

Niall sighed and nodded at her.

“Yeah, I’ll give that a shot. Calling you a loser will definitely make me feel better.”

“I’m here to help,” Jade said.

“Zayn,” Leigh-Anne said tentatively, “You should probably go next, hun.”

Zayn shook his head as he looked around the room, and shook his head again.

“I don’t think I have anything to say.”

Jade felt so bad for Zayn. He had been bombarded by so many people’s opinions tonight on him and his relationship with Perrie, right down to Niall being upset that she had got him a job. If she was Zayn, she wouldn’t want to say anything either.

“Well I do,” Louis said, and Jade snapped her attention to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tried to get a head start on posting this. The rest will be posted in the morning!


	26. Chapter 26

The room sat quiet and Jade glanced around and saw that everyone had unsure looks upon their faces as they stared at Louis. No one had dared say anything to or about Louis. Even Harry had gotten a comment, but Louis was avoided at all costs, the large elephant in the room that no one wanted to talk about. Jade actually felt bad for him being left out, and she listened to what he had to say.

“Jesy, you’re a life saver,” Louis began. “Literally. Thank you for checking up on me even though you were mad at me.”

Jesy looked ready to sob as she nodded her head.

“Harry, you’re right. I don’t know the first thing about relationships. I’m not sure I ever will. You were also right that I don’t show my emotions, and that I have issues with that. And you’re also right that the rules don’t apply to you. There aren’t any rules anymore anyway, but even if there were, I consider you a really good friend, and I’m happy that you and Jesy have found each other and have been there for each other this summer.”

Harry nodded and said, “Thanks, man. I consider you a really good friend, too.”

Jade wondered what that was about and looked at Leigh-Anne who looked just as lost as she was. Yet, they both listen engrossed.

“Leigh-Anne, I know you’ve never liked us, and I understand feeling protective of your own crew. I don’t blame you for how you felt, in fact, I admire that you kept an eye on your people and tried to do what you could for them and their happiness. I relate, in that I was trying to do the same with my group of friends, but I failed miserably at it, while you obviously did a really great job. My mom is great at making food, so maybe I inherited some of her skills. I’ll make sure and pick a day of the week to try and bake a cake or learn a new recipe instead of going out.”

Jade wanted to hug Louis. What was happening? She looked at Leigh-Anne who looked shocked that he was talking to her, much less saying he admired her.

“Niall, I’m sorry that you hate your job. Email me your resume and cover letter and I’ll try and find you one you like better.”

Niall’s eyes widened and then Louis looked among the three remaining people in the room. He seemed to be debating who he wanted to speak to first.

“Um, Liam, we’ve talked a lot, so I think I’ve told you just about everything, and if I haven’t, I’m sure it’ll come up, so, Zayn…”

Zayn closed his eyes as if wanting to be left alone, but then he opened them and looked at Louis.

“I don’t think we’ll ever be able to get along or anything, but I do know that I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for you. And I’ve been very angry with you for a long time for saving my life. Because I had to continue to deal with the things I was trying to get away from. I felt as if you robbed me of my freedom. But, I have to thank you for it. Because if you hadn’t saved me, I don’t know if Perrie would’ve survived, and it was never my intention to take her with me. She once told me that I was a ghost. And at the time, I thought she was high and talking crazy. But tonight I actually understand what she was telling me.”

Louis took a sip of his drink, looking around the room before continuing and looking among all of them as he spoke.

“Perrie told me once that I was successful at killing myself. That I was a ghost haunting everyone around me. That everyone kept living their life, and forming bonds, and all I would do is make everyone nervous and scared. And so I sat here tonight, watching something amazing happen. Watching all of you open up, and be honest with each other, and bond and form new friendships, and not one of you acknowledged that I was even here the whole time.”

Jade’s heart hurt a little, and she hoped there were enough tissues in the place for Jesy. 

“I did that to myself,” Louis acknowledged, “And I did that to all of you. And I’m sorry. I don’t know how to get out of this dark place I’ve been in for years now, but I’m going to start seeing someone and try to get out of it. Because I’m tired. I’m so tired. And Zayn, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to our group. You’ve saved two of us, and I really would hate to lose you. You don’t ever have to talk to me if you don’t want, but it would be a damn shame for Liam or Jesy or Harry to lose you.”

Jade blinked away the silly tears in her eyes and thought they could move on, but apparently Louis hadn’t finished.

“And last but not least, Jade,” Louis said turning his attention to her. She hoped he didn’t make her cry. She couldn’t imagine what he would have to say to her. “You are the craziest person I’ve ever met.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Jade said to try and lighten the mood a little. She really didn’t want to cry.

“You should. It is one. I have to apologize to you for being an ass while you were grilling me about my girls. I knew you were looking to think the worst of me, so I gave you every answer you expected from me. Even if they weren’t true.”

Jade narrowed her eyes and asked, “Which parts weren’t true?”

“I don’t have as much control over the situation as you think I do. I really do let my girls do whatever they want. I don’t expect anything from them after the club. Ever. There are nights when they’re not in the mood and it’s cool. We say goodbye, they go their way, and I go mine. There are nights when I’m not in the mood, and they’re cool with that, too.”

“This is fascinating,” Leigh-Anne mentioned, and Jade smiled as Leigh-Anne paid closer attention. “Hey, I’ve always wondered how it worked, too,” she said to Niall when he raised his eyebrow at her.

“What about the whole sleeping with other guys when they want them thing?” Jade asked carefully, and Louis swallowed and glanced at Zayn, whose face looked suddenly sad.

“That part was true. I’ve always let the girls do whatever they wanted when it comes to that,” he shook his head, rubbing his forehead and Liam put his hand on Louis’ back to rub it. “But you know,” he said looking back up at her, “I’m putting an end to it.”

Jade nodded and the room fell silent, no one having quite the right thing to say after Louis had said so much. It was probably the first time that Jade had ever actually heard Louis utter that many words. She thought she had a better idea of him, or at least grasp, even if it was still a loose grasp.

"I guess,” Liam said tentatively as he looked around the room, “If I had to add something to this conversation, I want to apologize to all of you for disappearing at probably the worst times. I should’ve been more present, even when I was here. I’m sorry, Jesy, that I didn’t do enough, that I didn’t talk to you enough or try and do more for the group with everything that seemed to be going down with Louis and Perrie. And I’m sorry, Louis, for giving up on our friendship after you tried to take your life. I could’ve handled that better. I just didn’t know how to. And Jade,” Liam paused, shaking his head slightly, “I just feel we have a lot to talk about.”

Jade nodded at him, relieved that he still wanted to say anything to her after everything. A small silence took over the room again for a moment, then Harry jumped in. 

“Okay, well I haven’t gone yet,” Harry said, “So I just really have one thing that I need to confess or share with the whole group. So you guys know how I shot that pilot earlier in the summer?” Harry waited for everyone to nod or confirm they remembered and then continued. “Well it’s been picked up and will be premiering in the fall.”

Jade cheered for Harry along with everyone else and then stopped when Harry motioned for everyone to settle down.

“Thanks,” he said, “But that wasn’t the confession. The confession was that, since you’ll find out when you see it, I’m just going to go ahead and let you guys know what I wouldn’t tell you before because I didn’t want all of you assholes to make fun of me the whole time. But basically, it’s a cop drama and I’m playing the young male prostitute who’s the key witness, and yes I have nude scenes. So who wants more margaritas?’

“Oh my God!” Jade said as Jesy and Leigh-Anne screamed.

“That’s not what you told me!” Jesy said laughing. “That’s amazing!”

“I didn’t want you to let it slip around your friends,” Harry admitted.  

“Nude Harry scenes!” Leigh-Anne said reaching over to hi-five Jesy.

“You should not be that excited about nude Harry,” Niall said shaking his head with a smile.

“How nude are we talking here?” Liam asked looking disturbed.

“Yeah, do we get to see peen?” Jade asked.

“Peen!” Jesy shouted out and Harry shook his head knowing that this reaction was exactly what he was going to get from his confession.

“I’m not telling you guys anything else,” Harry said.

“Well that officially got the party started,” Leigh-Anne said. “How about we turn the music up and have Harry do a striptease for us?”

“Yes!” Jesy agreed and the guys all groaned.

Jade looked over at Liam who was looking at her, and he didn’t look away.

“I think I’m going to step outside for a smoke,” Louis said to Liam.

He obviously wasn’t in the mood to be around this much happiness right now, and Jade didn’t blame him. She looked toward Zayn who seemed to be having a similar conversation with Niall as they got up to head outside.

“I’ll go with you,” Liam said to Louis, and they left just before Zayn and Niall did.

The three girls and Harry looked at each other and Jade felt like a complete failure. She had wanted them all to bond, but she should have known that there were too many issues in the way. But at least Jesy and Leigh-Anne seemed to have become friends. Baby steps.

She wanted to talk to Liam. She had come clean, but she still felt the whole situation between them was so unresolved. And he had been looking at her a lot throughout the night.

“Do you think they’ll come back?” Jesy asked, “Or do you think the party’s pretty much over?”

“What do you mean over?” Harry asked, “This party has just started. This party isn’t over until we’re all living it up in the fort.”

Jade smiled and Jesy laughed, wrapping her arms around Harry’s waist.

“You know,” Jade said, looking around at all the blankets and pillows that had been brought in, “That’s not the worst idea. Why don’t we make a big fort in the living room?”

“I think some of these sheets might be designer,” Leigh-Anne pointed out as she looked around.

“Mine aren’t,” Harry said. “Let’s do it. Turn the music up and let’s build an awesome living room fort for all of us to fit under.”

Jade went to the other side of Harry and put her arms around him, too. They were going to build a super huge friendship fort, and it was going to be amazing.

#

Liam stood with Louis, next to the wooden fence next to Jade’s apartment building. It was dark enough for Louis to light up a joint with no worries, but there was enough light pollution for Liam to have a face to face conversation with him and be able to read his face for what was really going through his mind.

“I don’t know how you’re feeling right now,” Liam said, “But I’m pretty impressed with everything you said tonight. I think you said a lot of things that people really needed to hear from you.”

Louis shrugged and offered Liam the joint after he had taken a drag, but Liam turned it down. Liam needed to keep his head on straight, at least until he had finished the next conversation he planned to have tonight.

“So,” Liam said after noticing Zayn and Niall down the sidewalk having their own conversation as they smoked as well, “I came to a pretty big decision today. After I got my job.”

“Yeah? How’d that go?”

“It went really well actually. I think I’m going to really like working there. But yeah, I decided I’m moving out of my parent’s house. Finally.”

“About time,” Louis said taking another drag.

“And I’ve decided that I’m going to move in with you.”

Louis wrinkled his nose as he looked at him, “You decided what?”

“I’m moving in. Or, more like, we should probably go look for a two bedroom and move into that instead. Does your building have two bedrooms? Because I like your building.”

“You can’t just decide to move in with me. That’s a two-person decision.”

“You’re gonna let me be homeless?”

“You can find your own place.”

“I can’t believe you don’t want to be my roommate.”

“It’s not that.”

“I’m getting pretty offended here.”

“Liam, I’m not a girl who will give in to your little words and pouts and shit. You can’t move in with me. That’s final.”

“It’ll be awesome. We can build forts and play video games all night long.”

“You have a problem.”

“And you’ll be cooking once a week which means we won’t starve.”

“I hate you right now.”

“And the best part will be that we can continue to work on your business together because that was going to have to stop with my new job and all. But if we live together, then we can work on it at night and just crash when we’re done.”

Louis sighed and leaned against the wooden fence as he looked up at the night sky.

“I wasn’t going to continue it after the rave,” Louis said.

“I know you said…”

“No, Liam, I can’t.”

“Listen, I know you feel guilty about the things that happened to get you to this point, but you’re here now. And you love this. You were born for this. You said that you’re going to get help right? You’re going to get better, and then you’re going to come out of all this stronger and more in control of the situation. You’re beating yourself up and giving up on your dream over bad things that happened when you were 18. 18, Louis. You’ve grown up, you’ve learned a lot, you’ve learned how this game is played, and now you can beat it. You were trying to build an empire at 18. I don’t know if this could have gone any other way. If it hadn’t been what happened with Perrie, then it would’ve been something else. Bad things happen all the time, man, and they happen to really good people. Look at Jade. Look at what she had to do to her parents. You can’t escape the horrible things life throws at you, but you can learn and rise above it. You can have your dream, Louis. You deserve to have it.”

Louis sighed and looked back at Liam.

“What’s the real reason you want to move in with me? Be honest.”

Liam didn’t want to be honest. He didn’t know why Louis had to make this more difficult than it was, but after everything that had been said tonight, the least Liam could do was tell him the truth.

“Because I don’t think you should be living alone. Because last night you wanted to kill yourself again. Jesy had told me this morning. Because you’re a lonely person and you push people away so someone has to be there. Someone that is done running away and who wants to do what he should’ve done all those years ago. Someone who wants to be here. With you.”

“With me,” Louis said with a soft snort. “Because now you think I need a guardian angel.”

“I actually believe you have a lot of guardian angels. I also think you have a stronger will to live than you think you do. But I still don’t think you should be alone. I don’t think anyone should be.”

“You should move in with your crazy girl. She’s alone.”

“I think I’d need to fix things with her first.”

“You will. If you really want to.”

“I think I really want to.”

“Then do it.”

“I will. I also really want to move in with you.”

Louis sighed and said, “I don’t like people in my personal space.”

“We’d have separate rooms.”

“No, I mean all of it. I like living by myself.”

“You’ll like living with me. Just ask my college roommate. He liked living with me so much that he requested me each year after that and then tried to live off campus with me and my girlfriend because he didn’t want to lose me as a roommate.”

Louis seemed lost in thought all of a sudden and Liam watched him, waiting for him to say what was on his mind, but when he didn’t Liam prodded him.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing,” Louis said.

“Okay,” Liam said thinking that was a little weird. “Either way, if I was kicked out of my house, I’m pretty sure you’d let me stay with you, so how about we pretend I got kicked out. Would that make it work better in your head?”

“I went to New York.”

Liam didn’t think he understood him, or maybe he had missed the beginning of that sentence while he had been talking.

“What?”

“You mentioned your college roommate. It made me think about last year. It was the end of fall, during Thanksgiving break. I got on a plane and went to New York. I was going to surprise you.”

Liam was stunned into silence. He crossed his arms and looked at Louis, unsure, giving him his entire attention.

“Why didn’t you? You didn’t tell me.”

“I couldn’t. I got to your school. I stared at it, and all I could think was that I had no right to do that. You had this whole other life that I wasn’t a part of. This girl you were in love with, this future that was perfect, and I knew that I had no place in it. I knew you were boxing me out of your future plans. I think I went to try and salvage that, but I realized that you’d be better off without me. So I went back to the airport and came back home.”

Liam had no words because Louis had been so wrong. If he had seen him. If he had known that he had it in him to leave his scene and his world just to talk to him or hang out with him, then Liam would’ve thought there was a relationship worth salvaging. Why had he turned around? He had been so close. Liam could envision him there, and he wanted to change the events so that he ran out of his apartment and grabbed Louis before he could leave.

“You should go, Liam.” Louis said. “You shouldn’t move in with me. What you should really do is go find your next great adventure. I’m serious. I’m not just saying this because I’m in a bad place. You should go explore another city, and hike new hills, and surf new shores, and find a new girl to fall in love with, and find your true calling. Don’t stick around here because of the ghosts.”

Liam shut Louis up with a tight hug that he wasn’t expecting.

“Listen,” he said, speaking close to his ear as he held him, “I don’t believe in ghosts. Do you hear me? I don’t believe in ghosts. You’re alive, and you’re here, and I want to be by your side as you take over the world. And I don’t need new hills or shores. These have never failed me. And I don’t need a new girl to fall in love with. I have a crazy girl that will hopefully want to be with me again and who keeps me on my toes and amuses me every time I see her. So don’t tell me that I should leave, when everything I need I have right here.” He squeezed him tighter, and then let him go. “So I’m moving in with you. The end.”

Louis looked at him and shook his head.

“You’re an idiot,” Louis said and Liam shrugged.

Liam felt as if someone was walking to them, and he looked over to see Zayn headed in their direction. He had a feeling he knew who he wanted to talk to.

“Well you have an idiot for a roommate,” Liam told him.

“I get the master bedroom.”

“I’m cool with that. I have to go talk to Jade, and I think you have someone who wants to talk to you, so I’ll meet you back inside in a few.”

Liam nodded to Zayn who nodded back, and then Liam caught up to Niall and asked him to send Jade outside.

#

Louis offered Zayn a hit off his joint which Zayn accepted with a small thank you. They smoked in silence for a few minutes before Zayn spoke.

“You’re right. I don’t think we’ll ever be friends. But it looks like we’re going to be spending a lot of time together regardless.”

“Yeah, it looks that way,” Louis agreed. “Especially now that Leigh-Anne and Jesy are going to become best friends.”

“That’s good for Jesy,” Zayn said. “She needs a girl around that isn’t Perrie.”

Louis nodded and looked into Zayn’s eyes.

“You’re really done with her aren’t you?”

“I don’t believe in absolutes,” Zayn answered. “I just think I have to wait and see what happens.”

“You made her light up like a pair of Manolo Blahniks on a bed of diamonds. I mean, are you really just going to walk away from that?”

Zayn rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Jesy,” Zayn simply said.

“Jesy,” Louis agreed.

Jesy, who had saved his life. He didn’t have a problem thanking her for it. But Zayn…

“Listen,” Louis said, glad that he had calmed down enough from the weed to have this conversation properly, “I didn’t do a good job in there of apologizing to you and thanking you, but regardless of everything else, thank you for saving my life.”

“Even though I robbed you of your freedom?”

“Yeah. It’s hard to explain, and honestly, the less you understand it, the better.”

“No, I think I do understand. You thought you were done.”

“I did,” Louis nodded. “I was a believer in absolutes.”

“Well, maybe next time, instead of trying to kill yourself, you should just wait and see what happens.”

“And what if nothing happens? What if nothing changes?”

“Something always happens. Things always change.”

Louis swallowed, honestly freaked out by the idea of things changing almost as much as he was freaked out by the idea of things never changing.

“I’m glad you’re getting help,” Zayn said.

“Me too,” Louis admitted.

“Alright,” Zayn said, taking a last drag off the joint before handing it back to him and heading back to Jade’s.

Louis leaned his head back against the fence again and wondered how he was going to get through any of this. How was he going to get through therapy? How was he going to get through putting on this rave without a complete break down? How was he going to interact with Zayn now that his friends were being forced together? How was he going to deal with no longer living alone? How was he going to stop being a ghost?

#

Jade was nervous to talk to Liam, but she left the fort building to do so, wanting to hear what he had to say, even if it was really bad.

She caught sight of him as he stood there staring out at the street, his hands in his pockets, kicking at the concrete of the sidewalk absently. She walked up to him, holding herself and standing before him, looking up into his eyes.

“You rang?” She joked, smiling tentatively.

“I did. Everyone in there wanted us to talk so…”

“You wanted to talk, too,” she reminded him.

“Yeah, I did.”

“Me too,” she admitted.

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

Then they stood in silence, neither of them knowing what to say. Jade knew she needed to apologize first, but she wanted him to say something like, “this is dumb, let’s go back to dating and forget this ever happened.” She sighed.

“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I freaked out.”

“You had every right to. But, Jade, you’re so amazing. I never could’ve done what you did. I never could’ve had the courage and strength and fearlessness to do what you did. And maybe this is selfish, but I need someone like you in my life. I don’t want to lose you.”

“Oh my God, I was hoping you would say that!” Jade said a little too excited, and she tried to calm herself down. “Okay, I’m calm. I just haven’t been able to stop thinking about you at all. I was going to run away again and try living in Portland.”

“Portland?”

“I heard it’s nice.”

“Okay,” Liam said. Jade thought it was adorable how confused he look.

“But I just kept thinking that I didn’t want to leave here. I didn’t want to leave Leigh-Anne and Niall. And I missed you, too. And not just because you’re hot. But because I just do.”

“I don’t know. You think Zayn is fine so your tastes can’t be trusted.”

Jade gasped and Liam chuckled which made Jade’s heart soar. Oh God, she was doing that thing again. She needed to reign it in. Why did he have this crazy effect on her?

“I can’t believe how jealous you are of the idea of me and Zayn.”

“I’m not jealous.”

“Oh but you so are. Just like you were jealous of me and Niall napping together in the fort.”

“That’s because the fort is sacred.”

“Hmm.”

“Jade, I want to start over.”

Reign it in, Jade, reign it in. She told herself this over and over before speaking.

“Do you think it’d really be possible? To start over? It seems like we’d be kidding ourselves again.”

“I think anything’s possible. I think ‘the third time’s the charm’ is a saying for a reason.”

“I don’t know, Liam. I think a lot of things were said tonight, and I think my emotions are all over the place. Maybe we need to sleep on it and then have this conversation again when things have settled.”

“I’d be okay with that,” he said, and Jade oddly felt relieved.

“Thank you. So we should get inside. You won’t believe your eyes.”

“I won’t? Why not?”

“You’ll see,” Jade said.

She took his hand to lead him back into her apartment where a gigantic fort had been made with all the pillows and sleeping bags and designer sheets laid out beneath it for them to lounge upon. It looked like a tent made by expert caravan travelers and decorated with the Christmas lights hanging all around it. Jesy and Harry had already cuddled into their pillow-haven corner as Niall and Leigh-Anne tried to figure out which part of it would be the coolest to call theirs.

“So this is impressive,” Liam said, as he stood by Louis who had his arms crossed while he took it in.

“I don’t remember you ever making one this big,” Louis said to him, which caused Liam to sigh.

“Yeah well, it’ll be the first thing I do in our apartment.”

“Great,” Louis said rolling his eyes.

Had Liam said "our apartment”? Jade watched the interaction between the two friends and held back her tongue, not wanting to ruin the vibe by asking for an explanation. She convinced herself that it must have been an inside joke between the guys.

“Loooouis,” Jesy said reaching her hand out to him, “Come sleep with me and Harry. We left you a good spot.”

“We’re really sleeping here?” Louis asked, looking between Jesy and Liam.

“I guess so,” Liam said with an amused grin, and then he looked at Jade. “You have to sleep out here with us. No cheating by hiding in your personal fort.”

“Are you kidding?” Jade said with a big grin, “I would not miss a sleepover like this for the world. I’m calling dibs on the other side of Leigh-Anne,” Jade said, hopping over Zayn’s legs to get to Leigh-Anne and cuddle in next to her.

And much to Jade’s happiness and satisfaction, they spent the rest of the night in the fort, telling random stories about growing up, or crazy club nights, or stupid things they had done in general, as one-by-one they all drifted off to sleep.


	27. Chapter 27

With a week left to go until the rave, Liam was on overdrive as he shifted focus to helping out with promotion and last minute loose ends. He hadn’t had a chance to have a real talk with Jade yet, but he was supposed to meet her for dinner that night to finally do so.

However, each time he looked at the time on his cell phone, his nerves didn’t come from counting down the hours until dinner. It came from counting down the minutes before he had to leave to go visit Perrie.

He had been surprised to receive a phone call asking for him to come visit. He had been wondering when they would decide she’d be okay to have visitors, and finding out that he was the first person she had requested to visit him had been shocking. He had told Louis who had just shrugged and told him to make sure she knew they were all supportive of her recovery. Then Louis had left to go run errands.

When Liam arrived to the rehab center, he wasn’t surprised to find that it was a beautiful retreat with white buildings and red Spanish tile roofs surrounded by pristinely kept landscaping. He checked in at the front desk and was searched by security before being allowed into a spacious common area where Perrie sat on a brown couch waiting for him.

He almost didn’t recognize her. She had no makeup on and wore a plain blue t-shirt and a pair of jean shorts. Not a speck of red could be found on her, and she wore her blond hair in a neat pony tail. Liam thought she looked healthy and quite beautiful.

She stood up to greet him, and he smiled and pulled her into a hug.

“You look amazing,” he told her. “How are you?”

“You look amazing yourself,” she complimented him, holding onto him a little longer than he expected. Then she shrugged. “I’m…here. Let’s go outside. We can walk around the grounds and the little lake. It’s really pretty and I know you’ll like it.”

He followed her outside and was struck by the sense of peace. It was quiet, but not forced to the point of distracting. It was just quiet enough for people to think without going mad.

“I was surprised you wanted to see me first. I thought you’d want to see Louis,” Liam admitted as they strolled.

“I can’t. I’m not there yet.”

“I can understand that.”

“It’s hard. I’ve had to talk so much about him here. Some days I miss him, other days I never want to see him again. Some days I say nothing is his fault, other days I blame him for everything. The therapist says it’s part of healing to go through so many emotions.”

“Have your parents come to see you yet?”

“They’ve tried. I can’t talk to them either. I’m ashamed and embarrassed that I ruined their illusion of me. They wanted to get me out of here, but they can’t do anything unless I decide I want to leave.”

“I have to admit that I’m a little surprised you didn’t run when you had the chance.”

“I only didn’t because I was too embarrassed to look them in the eye and have to explain why Louis and Zayn had brought me here. It was a pride thing. I kicked myself after they left, but then when I woke up the next day, I felt calm. It was the first time I’ve felt relaxed in a while.”

“Like a vacation,” Liam said with a smile.

“I guess. How is he?” She asked.

“He’s actually doing decently at the moment. He’s started seeing a therapist.”

“Really?” Perrie stopped walking and looked at him to make sure he wasn’t lying. Her blue eyes looked hopeful.

“Yeah. He took it hard. Bringing you here and everything. I think it forced him to think about things he hadn’t wanted to, so he got to that place again. Jesy showed up in time to keep him from doing anything, but I think it was a wakeup call for him. So he started seeing someone. He’s only been once so far, I think, but it’s good. He’s trying.”

“Good. That’s so good,” Perrie nodded. “How’s Zayn?”

Liam wasn’t sure how to answer that one. Why couldn’t Jesy have been the first one? She would’ve told Perrie what she felt she’d want to hear.

“He’s doing alright,” Liam nodded.

“Is he mad at me?”

“I think he’s…you know, I think he’s just dealing with everything in his own way.”

“If I asked him to, do you think he’d come see me?”

Liam sighed and just shook his head, hating the way her face fell.

“No,” he said, “But, I think after you get out and everything, with a little bit of time, he would talk to you if you needed him to.”

Perrie bit her lip and looked at him like she was slightly lost in thought.

“I’m sorry, babe,” he said, not sure what else to say.

“No, it’s okay,” she said blinking away her emotions and focusing back on him. “I know Zayn. This is exactly how he’d handle this. I was just hoping.”

“You never know what could happen down the road.”

“I think there are certain lines that get crossed sometimes that make it impossible for things to ever be what they were. Louis and I crossed one of those lines. And all this was Zayn and I crossing another. I will never find anyone as amazing as him again.”

“I don’t think you should give up.”

“You’re too sweet, Liam. How are you and Jade doing?”

“Right now? Nonexistent. Well, that’s not true. We’re acquaintances, but that’s because we’ve been too busy to talk things through. We’re actually meeting tonight for dinner to discuss things.”

“What happened?”

“It’s really complicated and weird and probably won’t make sense,” he admitted. “Let’s just say that she finally let me know who she really was, and before I could tell her that it made me think she was even more amazing, she kicked me out thinking she had ruined everything. So see? You shouldn’t give up.”

Perrie smiled a little at that.

“So who is she really?”

“You’re going to have to ask her to tell you herself once you’re out of here. It’s her story to tell. She actually threw a sleepover party last week just to have this conversation with all of us and it was, probably one of the most amusing things I’ve ever been a part of. Everyone was there. Harry, Jesy, Leigh-Anne, Niall, Zayn, Louis, me, and we just ended up confessing all these things to each other. It was pretty crazy.”

“It sounds it,” she said, and Liam couldn’t tell if she was trying to envision it or grateful that she hadn’t been there. “Louis and Zayn talked? Are they getting along?”

Liam shook his head.

“I don’t think those two are ever going to get along,” Liam said. “They’re being civil for now, but I think there’s a lot of anger and lack of understanding between them. Louis did finally thank Zayn for saving his life though. So there’s that.”

“At least there’s that.” Perrie looked disappointed. “I wish there was a way to fix everything.”

“Just fix you. That’s all you need to focus on. Everyone else will take care of themselves.”

“I keep trying to imagine how things will be when I get out. I can’t even think of what I would do with myself. I don’t know how to live a life where I’m not at a club or an event at night. I’ve taken up knitting while I’ve been here. Maybe I’ll just sit at home and knit all night and give my pieces to Jesy to incorporate into her clothing line.”

Liam chuckled at that idea and Perrie smiled at him.

“Well, maybe that’s an option,” Liam said. “Honestly though I think we’re all going to be slowing down a bit, so maybe we can all do dinner here and there, or go bowling.”

“Maybe I should join a bowling league.”

“I would go to every single one of your matches if you did that.”

“Would you?”

“Of course,” Liam said, loving the amused smile she gave him.

“You’re really staying this time aren’t you?”

“I am. I got a real job and everything, and I’m moving in with Louis. We’re switching over to a two bedroom in his apartment building.”

“That’s the most amazing thing you could’ve told me. God, that’s great. That’s so great. He never should’ve lived alone.”

“Yeah, now he’s going to have to put up with someone actually making his life difficult by not letting him get away with all the crazy things he does.” Liam shook his head and sighed. “I’m so sorry, babe. I seriously am. I should have been here for you guys.”

“You had your reasons for not sticking around.”

“I was being selfish. I was tired of it, honestly. All the clubbing, the same scene every night. I thought we’d all move on together to better things, but I was growing apart from you guys. I stopped relating and confused that for growing up instead of pulling away. I hated coming back and seeing you guys look dead in the eyes or worn out. It was so depressing. I just didn’t want to be pulled into that. I had started to make what I thought was a great life for myself in New York. I’m really sorry.”

“How can you be sorry about that? We were a mess. Who could blame you for wanting to escape it? I’ve had to talk about that here as well. I was mad at you for giving up on us, but I understood it. You’ve always been the one person in our group that did the practical and rational thing. Why give in to the crazy when you can walk away?” 

“Because you guys were too important to walk away from. Even if it took me this long to realize it.”

Perrie reached her hand up to Liam’s face, placing her palm on his cheek as she smiled at him.

“I don’t want you to blame yourself for what happened with me and Louis. Even if you had been here, you couldn’t have stopped it. We were a train wreck waiting to happen, and neither of us listen to anyone. You would’ve tried to warn us, or tried to intervene, and we would’ve pushed you away anyway. It’s the nature of our relationship. We’re not good for each other.”

“That wasn’t always the case. You guys were great together in high school.”

“Back when we thought being together just meant talking all night on the phone and me borrowing his hoodie. It’s nice to think that those naïve times were great, but all they really were, were naïve. Louis never thought he had to fully be invested, and I was just happy to have any little part of him. I let him get away with so much even then.”

“That’s Louis’ fatal flaw.”

“His hamartia,” Perrie agreed. “He has a way about him. People let him do whatever he wants.”

Liam smiled, “You know, if you’re looking for something to do and occupy your time, you might want to try college.”

Perrie shrugged, taking her hand away from his face to wave him off.

“You know I’d be bored. Besides, I have my knitting and my bowling league.”

“You also have Jesy’s company.”

“I’m just an investor. She’s the brains and creative force behind it all.”

“You’re wasted on this socialite life.”

“Only you think that,” she said with a smile. “You’ve always been too nice to me.”

“Is that why you asked for me first?”

“Maybe.”

“Because, you know, Jesy’s sweet, too.”

“Jesy would’ve spent the whole time crying and telling me all the things I wanted to hear. I needed someone to give me honest answers to my questions.”

Liam smiled and reached over to pull her into a hug. He was proud of her. She was taking all this seriously and she seemed to be doing amazing. Perrie wrapped her arms around his waist, and he felt her sigh against his chest.

“I’m scared,” she said. “I don’t know what I’m doing, and I don’t know what’s going to happen next. I understand now why you would run away. I’ve never feared facing people before. I don’t know how I’m going to look anyone in the eyes ever again.”

“You will. You’re finding your real strength in here,” he said. He hoped. “You’re going to deal with things and come out a stronger person. Someone who can hold her head up high and walk with pride.”

“I’ve never failed so miserably at anything before. Everyone will know when they see me. Oh that’s the girl that couldn’t keep it together. The girl that couldn’t hang. I want to stay here forever where it’s safe and no one’s judging me.”

“No one’s going to judge you when you get out of here. Everyone’s just going to be happy to see you and to know you’re okay. You didn’t judge Louis after he tried to kill himself did you?”

Perrie shook her head.

“See?” Liam pointed out. “It’s the same thing. It’s all in your head. And if anyone does make a comment, you know we’ll be the first ones there to say something right back to them. You’ve never been scared of haters before.”

“It’s harder to be hated for your flaws than it is to be hated for your strengths.”

“Then just show them how strong you still are. You get out of here, you hold your head up high, and you live your life.”

Perrie looked up at Liam as if thinking already of how to implement this strategy, and then she gave him a serious look.

“You’re going to do the same right? Now that you’re sticking around and having to put up with this scene that you tried to get so far from?”

Liam wasn’t sure what she meant, and she must have seen the confusion in his eyes.

“You need to hold your head up high too, Liam. Don’t ever regret having walked away from all of this. So many people stuck in the scene don’t have the power to do that, but you do. Going forward, as you continue to help Louis with all this, know that you’re the reason they won’t ever bring him down. The way this game is played, too many people want in and will sacrifice everything to get in. You’ll walk away from it and that is something they have no idea how to deal with. They’ll never understand you or your role in this, and that’s what will make you untouchable. They can’t bribe you. You can’t be bought. They’ll fear you, Liam, and you need to own that and never be afraid of that, or feel guilty for it. Know that. Understand the power you bring to this game. Okay?”

Liam stared at Perrie, thinking about how even in rehab, even when not able to talk to Louis, even when she wasn’t wearing red, she was still the mastermind behind everything. Already she was laying down the foundation for Louis’ future success, even if she herself would have no visible part in it.

He knew she was right, and he had needed to hear that what happened to his friends wasn’t his fault. He nodded and said, “okay” before holding her tighter there by the small lake in the place where it made sense to really think.

#

Jade was busy typing away on her laptop as she answered Facebook questions and sent out tweets to hype people up. They were so close! One more week and she would be standing in the middle of the desert, surrounded by festival goers, and hopefully feeling accomplished as she knew that she had helped get them there.

There was a knock on her door, and Jade got up from her bed to open it. She expected to see Leigh-Anne standing there, but instead she saw Louis, holding bags that were filled with burgers and fries judging from the smell and grease splotches on the paper bags.

“Have you taken a break today?” Louis asked as he came in.

“Not really,” Jade admitted. “Every time I answer a question, fifteen more pop up. And never mind Twitter.”

“Why don’t you eat and let your eyes rest then,” he said handing a bag to her.

“Sure thing, Boss,” she said, excitedly pulling her burger out to devour. She sat on the floor and offered him her chair, but he sat on the floor with her, facing her. “So, you’re here,” she mentioned as she took a bite. “Not that you’re not welcome over, but it’s just weird,” she added as she chewed and put her hand in front of her mouth so he didn’t see her chewing and talking.

“Well, you’re one of my best employees and I’ve never sat down and actually talked to you about anything. So…”

“You know, it’s not like this conventional employment or anything.”

“Still,” he said, “I thought we should talk. Especially since I’m not sure we’ll ever talk again once this rave is done.”

“I can’t believe it’s almost here and done with,” Jade said not sure why it felt a little sad. “This whole time it’s seemed liked this abstract construct that would never really come into fruition. I almost felt like I was online promoting a place that didn’t really exist.”

“Well technically it doesn’t. It won’t until next week.”

“True enough.”

“I don’t think I’ve properly thanked you for all your help. Without you, I’m not sure how much of this could’ve been pulled off.”

“I didn’t do much. I mean, not compared to all that you do. I still don’t know how you do what you do. It has to drive you crazy at some point doesn’t it? Okay, poor choice of words. Not that you’re crazy.” Jade shut up.

Louis nodded, and she was grateful he understood what she meant.

“I think any great idea worth striving toward has the unintended consequence of insanity,” he said.

“That’s deep,” Jade said.

“You think so? You can use it in your novel.”

“I will.”

“How’s that coming along by the way?”

Jade let out the type of laborious sigh only reserved for talking about her novel.

“You know,” she said, shaking her head. “It’s a novel. It writes itself when it wants to and punches me in the face when it insists on remaining stagnate. I don’t know if throwing raves is like this for you, but part of me feels alive when I’m writing, and the other part of me feels like I’m slowly stabbing myself in the head.”

“That’s exactly what throwing raves feels like.”

“I kinda figured,” Jade nodded.

"Why have you never asked me for help finding an agent?”

Jade’s eyes widened and she looked at Louis as if he was a teacher who had just caught her cheating on a test.

“What?” She asked, thinking he hadn’t really been so bold to ask that.

“This is your dream right? You want to be a published writer, get on the bestseller list, try to focus your life’s energy on writing the great American novel. Right?”

Jade nodded dumbly.

“So then why not ask for my help? Nothing stopped me from asking the top promoters and club owners in town for what I needed to get my dreams to happen, but you’ve never once asked Liam to ask me to make your own dreams come true. Why?”

“I just didn’t think it was right,” Jade admitted with a half shrug as she moved the paper down from around what was left of her burger.

“So you believe in the whole ideology of the starving artist who has to struggle and pay their dues?”

“No. I mean, maybe, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I just don’t think it’s right to ask people for favors like that.”

“Why not?”

“It seems like you’re using them or something. Like that’s the only thing you want from them. And then you feel like you owe them for the rest of your life for hooking you up like that. I don’t want to owe anyone anything.”

Louis was staring at her, chewing on his own food as he looked like he was thinking about what she said.

“I think,” he finally said, “that while you have a point, no one really owes anyone anything, so if you ask for a favor and someone does it for you, they did it for a reason, and sometimes it may be because they want something back from you, but other times they just want to help you out. Would you hesitate to ask a doctor friend for a favor if you had a health issue but didn’t want to go to the doctor to check it out?”

“That’s life or death.”

“And your dreams aren’t? I believe you referred to them once as ‘sacred’ when you were going off on me about something.”

Jade smiled. She remembered that conversation all too well.

“I think that you and your friends were raised in a way where opportunities exist,” Jade said. “And you have no problems taking those opportunities because you feel entitled to take them.”

“You think those opportunities aren’t out there for you?”

“No. I mean, yes, they’re out there, but no, I don’t think they’re mine for the taking.”

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“You just wouldn’t understand.”

“I think you’re scared to really make your dreams come true.”

Jade rolled her eyes at his assessment. Of course he would think that.

“How can I be scared of the one thing I’ve always wanted?” Jade smarted.

“Because your dream defines you. Losing it scares you because you think you’d lose who you are.”

“Well, I mean isn’t that the nature of a dream? Are you saying your dreams don’t define you?” Jade asked him.

“Of course, but I wasn’t afraid of losing them. I was afraid of not seeing how big they could get. You have to throw your dream out there and let it grow and reach its full potential. That’s the only way you can really see your own full potential,” Louis said, his eyes turning slightly downcast. “Even if it comes at too high a price. This rave is my last dream. I’m done with having dreams define me.”

“You can’t be done with dreams. What would you do instead? What would motivate you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe being a lawyer. I start law school in a few weeks so we’ll see where that takes me.”

“You’re really doing that? I overheard you and Liam talk about it once, but I thought it was like an inside joke.”

“No I’m really doing it. My dad seems to think it can solve all my problems.”

“I think you would make a great lawyer.”

“Why? Because of the whole bad reputation of lying and having no integrity?”

“No, not at all. Because lawyers have to influence people and sway them to their side. You’re like really good at that. Swaying people, manipulating them, you know.”

“Maybe,” Louis shrugged and finished his burger. Jade watched him ball up the wrapping when he was done before starting on his fries. “So are you sure you don’t want me to find you an agent? It’s the least I can do for someone who helped me out with my own dream and all.”

“You’ve never even read my work,” Jade pointed out. “You wouldn’t even know if I was any good at what I was doing.”

“There are a lot of shit books out there,” Louis pointed out, “I can’t imagine yours is any worse.”

Jade looked disturbed by that observation, but then sighed.

“True enough,” she said. “How about I finish this one I’m working on and then we revisit this conversation?”

“Whatever you want,” Louis shrugged.

Whatever she wanted. Jade wasn’t even sure what she really wanted anymore. She did want her dream, but it almost felt as if her dream was supposed to happen to a version of herself that deserved it, and right now, she felt she deserved very little. She looked at Louis and wondered if he felt that way too, and if so, then why didn’t that stop him from thinking he deserved his dream. She stared at him with narrowed eyes.

“What?” He asked, obviously noticing her expression.

“I’m just thinking about you. Like you’ve said a lot of interesting things to me just now. Stuff I didn’t even think you’d think about.”

“You’re surprised I have thoughts?” He said with a raised eyebrow.

“No, well yes, okay I am. I forget you went to college and stuff. UCLA right? It just seems like you were always at a club and the idea of you sitting in a classroom seems weird.”

“I actually liked school.”

“Really? What did you major in? I don’t think Liam ever told me.”

“Sociology,” he said and Jade thought that made all the sense in the world.

“You like people, so you studied them,” she explained to herself.

“I like the idea of human interactions and ways they are controlled,” he nodded. “I did my honors thesis on rave culture. How it brings everyone together in the purest form of human bonding. Through music. Which, I argued, was the most universal human language.”

Jade wanted to read it and told him so, which just got a dismissive shake of the head.

“I don’t even think I saved it on my laptop,” Louis said.

“Don’t lie, you totally did,” Jade said with a big smile. “You have to let me read it someday. I bet you’re a good writer, too. And reading it is really going to piss me off.”

“Why would you think I was a good writer?”

“Oh I don’t know, Mr. Honors Thesis,” Jade taunted him and then sighed. “Besides, I have a sixth sense when it comes to people who are good writers. What grade did you get on it?”

He didn’t answer and Jade rolled her eyes.

“You got an A,” she stated for him.

“It was an A+ thank you very much.”

“I hate you. You were one of those weren’t you? Totally coasted through college, didn’t even have to try so hard, had a crazy good GPA. So good in fact that you didn’t have to think twice about applying and getting accepted into a law school just to appease your dad.”

“Like I said, I actually liked school. Are you telling me you didn’t or that you weren’t that kind of student?”

Jade laughed and smothered her fries with more ketchup.

“I still don’t know what Georgetown was thinking when they took me. I majored in English because I liked to read and write and thought I could handle it. I never got an A on any paper I wrote until the very last class I took my senior year. And I think that was a pity A because my professor could tell I was stressed about things in my life.”

“You have a serious problem giving yourself credit.”

Jade blinked and looked at him, not knowing how to feel about the assessment. She did have that problem, but she didn’t like that he pointed it out.

“I’m admittedly hard on myself,” she said keeping her cool. “But so are you. So is everyone.”

“I’m critical of myself, but I don’t let that stop me from trying to accomplish things. You call it entitlement, but the way I see it, I’m the only one that can make my life what I want it to be, so why am I going to hold myself back more than the world already does?”

Jade snorted.

“You think the world is holding you back? You? A privileged, white, male? This world was created for you. It’s not holding you back at all. Me on the other hand, I’m screwed.”

“The world’s holding everyone back. You think the world cares about skin color? Money? Gender? Yes, dividing people based on those things are social ideologies that are created to control people and keep them in line. I’ll agree with you on that. But life itself? Life doesn’t care about any of us, Jade. Being privileged, white, and male didn’t keep me from feeling worthless. Being privileged, white, and female didn’t keep Perrie from becoming a drug addict. Life screws everyone over, which is why I don’t try and add onto it by holding myself back. Screw the superego. If I want something, I’m going after it. Call me entitled, but at least I get what I want, right?”

“If I try and do what you do, I won’t make it as far. That’s how the world really works. If I was trying to do all this stuff that you were doing, I wouldn’t have been able to put on a single club night. How many female club and rave promoters do you know?”

“Two. And it’s sad that I can give you an exact number. But there are two that I know, and they’re both great at it. I’ve done co-events with both of them and recommend them all I can to help them out. And yes, it’s infinitely harder for them than for us guys, which says a lot because it’s damn hard for us anyway. But they have the passion and drive for it, so no one stops them from doing it. You could make it as a club promoter if it’s what you really wanted to do.”

“Yeah right. You just said you have to help them out. Probably because no one takes them seriously I bet.”

“They’re taken seriously by those who know better. They have to deal with a lot of bullshit that we guys don’t. People think they’re just pretty girls helping out a male club promoter who’s pulling the strings.” He sighed and looked away, shaking his head a little. “Jade, I get what you’re saying, I do. But the point I’m trying to make is that you can make all the excuses you want for why things are hard for you, and you can blame the world, or the man, or racism, or sexism, but at the end of the day, they’re still excuses. Nothing in the universe stopped you from eating today, or going online to promote a rave. If it’s something you really want, you’ll do it or get it. Whether it be a job to pay your bills, or a literary agent, or a dining room table to go with your chair.”

“You think I’m making excuses? I’ll have you know I’m not the type of person to make excuses. I get my shit done. Just like I moved out here on my own and have made it this far on my own. So don’t tell me that I’m using what you refer to as social ideologies as excuses. I don’t need to make excuses for anything. It is hard to get a job, not that you would know that, and it is hard to achieve your dreams. And just because it’s worked out for you doesn’t mean it works out for everyone else. If someone wants to be a promoter but doesn’t have the personality for it, or the right connections, or enough money to put on events, are they making excuses? No, those are the facts. So they have to work harder, and they have to change their personality to chase their dream, and they have to make themselves vulnerable to make the right connections, and they have to swallow their pride to acquire the money. You didn’t have to do any of those things. You were born for this. All you had to do was be you, and it worked.”

Jade bit her lip, thinking she may have said too much, but knowing deep down inside that she had to say it.

“I guess we have very different opinions on this matter,” Louis said, looking at her, his eyes a bit narrower as if processing her words.

“I guess so. I think you and I are just very different. I don’t see how I can apply the things you do to my life because it’s like comparing two things that can’t be compared.”

Louis nodded and got up from the floor. He grabbed his keys and slipped on his shades, heading to the door to let himself out.

“For the record,” he said, looking at her before he left. “I think you’re capable of achieving your dreams. And I also think there are avenues you maybe haven’t explored yet, and other things that you would be pretty great at if you sat and thought for a moment, not about all the things that are different about us, but about the things we actually have in common. You might be surprised.”

He left her apartment and Jade just sat there on her floor, confounded and wondering why he would ever think those things or think they had anything in common. And by mentioning it, did that mean he had thought about what they had in common? She wondered what his list of commonality looked like. This was going to drive her crazy for the rest of the day.

#

Louis returned to his apartment and paced around, staring at his phone and debating whether he should text Wednesday to see if she was free. He distracted himself from making a decision by taking calls or replying to texts he received, but then, he shot her a text as well, and felt anxious as he waited for her to reply. Each text that came in after that that wasn’t from her felt like it was mocking him, but he continued to carry on business as usual.

When she finally texted back to say that she was not busy at the moment, he texted her to come over early, and busied himself on his laptop, playing with some remixes he had been working on in what little spare time he could find. He bopped his head to the rhythmic patterns, focusing on some places in the song he could tweak to lift the track with a beat that made more impact.

Wednesday arrived in a pair of skinny jeans, an off-white short-sleeved blouse, and a tan Burberry tote slung over her shoulder. She held her keys and an iced coffee from The Coffee Bean in her hand. He oddly noticed the crystal dragonfly keychain hanging from her keys, sparkling as it caught the light from the sun that came in through the dining room window.

“I brought my things to change into since I couldn’t get ready and be here early,” she explained as she walked in.

“No, that’s fine,” Louis said closing the door and thinking that he had no idea what he was doing. “I thought we’d do something a little different tonight.”

“Okay,” she said. She didn’t seem surprised, nor to care, as she placed her tote down on the dining table.

“Do you cook?” He asked her as he walked into his kitchen.

“I know how to make a few things,” she said, having followed him.

“I’m not that good,” he admitted, “But my mom is great at it. She has this recipe that I thought we could try and make tonight. We’re staying in tonight. You don’t have to stay if you have better plans.”

“It’s Wednesday. How would I have made better plans without a heads up that we weren’t doing anything?”

“I’m just saying. You don’t have to stay,” Louis shrugged as he took out the chicken from his refrigerator.

“I’ll stay just the same.”

“Is that what you really want to do?”

“I’m already here.”

He glanced at her as he placed the food items on the counter before him, and then turned his attention back to the ingredients, trying to remember what his mother had told him to do with them. Then he squinted and looked back at her.

“That doesn’t really answer my question,” he said. “You always do that.”

“Well I’m not sure what you were trying to ask. If you knew we weren’t going to be doing anything and you were going to give me the option of not spending the night with you, then you could’ve told me that through text before I wasted time and gas to come over, so I’m assuming you want me here for a reason.”

“I can compensate you for the gas.”

“Why don’t you just stop the charade and tell me what tonight is about instead?”

“There’s no charade. And tonight is just about doing something different.”

“Okay,” she stated again.

“I have no idea what to do with this,” Louis said with a sigh as he motioned toward the chicken. “Maybe we should just order food.”

Wednesday stared at him for a brief moment, then placed her iced coffee down as she sighed and motioned for him to step aside.

She washed the chicken and asked, “Do you at least know the name of the dish you were trying to make?”

“Chicken piccata,” he told her as he pulled up the email his mom had sent him on his phone. “My mom emailed me the recipe.”

“Okay,” she said as she took a look at the instructions then nodded as she began preparing the chicken.

Louis watched her, wondering what could possibly be going through her mind as she seasoned the chicken. She had gotten dressed and made her way over in good time, just to stand in his kitchen and make him dinner. Why was she there? Tuesday would’ve told him to order a pizza. Saturday would’ve been amused before telling him to get dressed so they could go eat somewhere. Friday probably would’ve left.

“You once told me you were intrigued by me,” Louis said as he leaned against the counter. “Is that still the case?”

“You’re an intriguing person. That hasn’t changed.”

“Again, that doesn’t really answer my question. That’s like a blanket statement. I want to know what you think.”

“Do you?” She asked as she looked at the recipe on his phone again before continuing her food preparation.

“I wouldn’t have asked otherwise.”

“I suppose you wouldn’t have.”

“Just answer the fucking question.”

She wasn’t fazed by his tone, as she moved on to the next part of the recipe before answering him.

“I’m still intrigued by you. Yes. I don’t know if you remember, but you accused me of being intrigued by your money and popularity instead.”

“I do remember. You said it was possible and that you wanted to find out for sure.”

“I lied. It was never your money or popularity. It was just you.”

Louis narrowed his eyes, his arms crossed as he worked through the hazy confusion in his mind.

“I can’t figure out what you want,” Louis admitted. “All the other Days, I know exactly what they want. The connections, the visibility, the hook ups, but I can’t figure out what you want. You’re a model, I assumed you wanted the visibility.”

“Modeling is a hobby,” she said. “I don’t want the visibility.”

“You take acting classes…”

“Another hobby. I’m shy. I thought the acting classes might help me break out of my shell more.”

“What the fuck do you want then?”

“I just wanted you,” she said, turning to look at him with the most earnest hazel eyes Louis had ever seen.

He knew he looked confused, his eyes beady as they looked at her trying to understand.

“But you didn’t even know me.”

“That’s why I agreed to your terms at brunch and became your Wednesday. To get to know you better.”

“Everything I told you at that brunch should’ve told you everything you needed to know about me.”

Wednesday shook her head and then turned her attention back to the dish.

“No one wakes up one day and decides to live their life that way,” she stated. “There is no way you were always that person. I knew there had to be more to you than what you put out there for people to see.”

“Except there isn’t. At least not that you would have seen.”

“How would you know that?” She asked. “You have no idea what I see. You can’t see what I see.”

Louis crossed his arms tighter against himself before asking, “What is it that you see?”

“Someone who is his own judge, jury, and executioner.”

“And that intrigues you?”

“No. That’s just what I see.”

“Then what intrigues you?”

“Who you really are under your self-imposed emotional sentence. That part of you that invites me over because you really want to make your mom’s recipe.”

“That has literally never happened until this moment. There’s no way you knew about that part of me.”

“No one is one-dimensional. I knew there was more.”

“And yet there isn’t. I really am one-dimensional. I really don’t give a shit about you or any of the other days of the week.”

“Then I suppose it’s a good thing that my happiness isn’t dependent on you giving a shit about me or not,” she said with a shrug as she covered the chicken breasts in a flour mixture.

He hadn’t expected her to say that, nor had he expected the comment to make a small pain ripple through his chest.

“Then why the fuck are you here? What are you getting out of any of this? I can’t even figure out if you like being my Wednesday or not.”

“I thought you didn’t care.”

“I care about things making sense. And neither you nor this situation makes sense. How did you even meet Perrie in the first place? Whose idea was it for you to do this?”

“It was my idea. I wanted to do it.”

“Okay, fine, because you found me intriguing. How did you even know about me to be intrigued in the first place?”

“Do you really want to know the answer to that? Curiosity killed the cat and so on.”

Louis raised his eyebrow and he turned sideways to face her better, his hip resting against the counter.

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know.”

Wednesday added the flour-battered chicken to the pan on the stove and the warm smell of the frying chicken mixed in with the olive oil and lemon made him think of home. He wished he could find the energy to cook and recreate that scent of safety for himself.

“The first time I noticed you at a club, I was out with friends celebrating one of my friend’s birthdays,” Wednesday began as she kept her eyes on the chicken in the pan. “We were crowded around a small table in the corner, just laughing about something, and I happened to look over just as you were walking in. I remember that I was standing, and as soon as I saw you, I sat down. Like I had to physically sit down. There wasn’t room on the chair, so I ended up sitting on my friend’s lap. And everyone laughed but my eyes were just on you, like tracking you as you moved confidently through the crowd. I swear that crowd parted for you. And my friends were saying my name and asking me if I was alright, but I couldn’t really hear them. I was just watching you as you greeted the VIP bouncer, and then I watched you as you went up to VIP and everyone greeted you there, and then you disappeared from my view, and I remember leaning, like physically leaning my body to the side and stretching my neck to see if I could find a way to keep looking at you, but you were gone from my view.”

Maybe Louis should’ve been the one running away from her. He stared at her incredulously.

“Do you want me to keep telling you this?” She asked as she turned the chicken over.

“Keep going.”

“Well, I was ruined for the rest of the night. I couldn’t concentrate on anything except for looking up at VIP hoping to see you again. I felt I had made you up. Like I had accidentally drank a spiked drink and was hallucinating about a guy. Anyway, I went back to that same club the following night, hoping to see you again, but you never showed up. It wasn’t until a week later that I saw you again. It was a different club and you walked right by me, so I was able to point you out to my friends who thought I was crazy. They were like, ‘That’s the guy? He’s so short.’ And I remember defending you and saying you were taller than me and that’s all that mattered.”

“I’m not that short,” Louis said defensively.

Wednesday smiled a little as she pushed some of her brown waves out of her face and back behind her ear.

“Needless to say, when I ended up walking into the photo studio and saw Jesy and Perrie there, I took it as a sign. I mean, what were the chances that I would end up being called in to model for the two girls you kept hanging out with at the club? I saw it as fate. Even when Perrie started warning me, I still believed deep down inside that this was all happening for a reason. I’m not going to pretend that I didn’t consider that maybe I was getting myself into something crazy, but I figured, if worse came to worse, and this was all a big mistake on my part, that I could walk away from it and kick myself later for being stupid and naïve. I just thought it was worth taking the chance instead of always wondering what if.”

That part made sense to Louis, even if nothing else of what she had said did. Wondering “what if” was never a good way to live life. It was part of what he didn’t understand about Jade and why he had wanted to talk to her. He admired that Wednesday seemed to be like him in that regard, but everything else she said was hard to swallow. Fate had always been a difficult concept for him.

“So do you regret taking that chance now?” He asked her.

“No,” she said, her tone indicating the assuredness of her answer.

“Even after you’ve seen that this isn’t going anywhere? That I’m not someone that’s ever going to love you back? Even after you’ve seen firsthand that I’m just using you? That you’re just a prop in my business dealings?”

“I still don’t regret it,” she confirmed.

“Help me understand that.”

She shrugged as she looked at him.

“I don’t believe in regrets. I made a decision and took a chance. That’s all there is to it. So I’m just a prop to you, even after all these weeks. I wasn’t anything more than that to you before so it doesn’t make much of a difference if I’m just that now does it? I had nothing to lose by becoming your Wednesday.”

“But you were hoping you could change me.”

“I didn’t think I could change you, but I did think I could figure out why you were the way you were. Like I said, I was intrigued.”

“Well you must be pretty disappointed right about now.”

“Not as disappointed as you want me to be.”

He narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out anything about her that could possibly start to make sense to him, and then he thought about Perrie’s words to him at the club that night when he had tried to tell her that things with Wednesday seemed pointless. If he wanted to try and figure her out, it would probably help if he knew something about her.

“It occurs to me that I know nothing about you,” he said.

“I don’t see why that’s important considering I’m just an accessory,” she replied.

“It’s just…when I first met Tuesday, she was driving a hand-me-down Dodge that needed a paint job and probably a new engine. Monday’s first acting gig was a local furniture commercial back in Pennsylvania where she was from. What kind of car do you drive?”

“An Audi.”

“New or old?”

“Well it’s older now. It was a high school graduation gift.”

“Where are you from?”

“Pasadena.”

Louis blinked, then asked, “Former rose parade queen?”

“No, I royally bombed the public speaking portion. But I did make the court.”

“College?”

“USC.”

“Major?”

“Art History.”

“Are your parents still together?”

“Happily so.”

“Any siblings?”

“I’m an only child.”

“Employment?”

“None yet. Just modeling on the side. As a hobby.”

“What do you want your job to be?”

“It depends on my mood. Some days I want my own art gallery, other days I want to teach art to kids. Sometimes I want to just travel the world seeing every major art piece in person and writing long stream-of-consciousness essays about them, then presenting them as a collection in the form of a very pretentious memoir.”

“Ex-boyfriends?”

“Just one.”

“What happened?”

“My former best friend.”

Louis shook his head.

“Asshole,” he offered.

“He really was,” she said, and then asked him back, “Ex-girlfriends?”

“Just one.”

“What happened?”

“I wasn’t invested enough, but I would never have cheated on her that’s for sure.”

“You’re not the cheating type?”

“No, I don’t believe in it,” Louis admitted, and then for some unknown reason, he felt compelled to explain. “My dad cheated on my mom. That’s why they got divorced. And I saw what that did to her. How it made her doubt herself and who she was as a wife, as a woman in general. I wouldn’t want to do that to someone.”

“That’s such a messed up thing to say to a girl you don’t give a shit about,” she said, biting her bottom lip a little.

Louis knew it was, but he didn’t apologize for it.

“I think this is done,” she said, taking the chicken out of the pan and letting it cool on a plate. She cut a small piece and blew on it to cool it off before offering it to him. “Let me know if this tastes like your mom’s.”

He leaned his head forward, taking the bite from her fork and savoring the juicy texture and lemon flavor that heightened the senses of his taste buds.

“It’s better,” he said, looking deep into her hazel eyes.

She held his gaze for a fraction of a moment before looking away to turn off the stove.

Louis reached to her, sliding his hand around her hip and to the small of her back, tugging her to him as he brought his lips down on hers. She reciprocated, not much to his surprise, but he wanted to feel something from her other than what he expected of her. He didn’t know why it mattered. He had once wanted the same from Saturday and felt relieved when she hadn’t crossed the line. Would he be relieved if Wednesday didn’t either?

He pulled away and looked at her, her eyes waiting for their next instructions. The problem with Wednesday, Louis realized, was she was too good at playing this game. The other girls knew they’d be rid of him as soon as they got what they wanted. Maybe not Saturday, or maybe yes Saturday. She had stuck around long enough to maybe be hoping for more. He was so damn confused. Louis let his hand let go of her waist and hang limply by his side.

Wednesday said nothing and busied herself in the kitchen as she looked for an accompaniment for the chicken. She found pasta and began boiling it, while Louis left the kitchen and paced his living room with his hands on the back of his head.

Something was very wrong with him. Something incredibly more than he had even imagined. Breaking his routine had unnerved him, and Wednesday unnerved him, and now he was anxious and his anxiety medication hadn’t prepared him to handle this double onslaught of events. He took deep breaths and long steps to his stereo, putting on a mix he had laid down with a producer friend back when he believed he could get away with a career as a mediocre DJ.

Louis leaned his arm against the entertainment center, and dropped his head on it, letting the heavy bass beat serve as an auditory wall to help prop him up. He wouldn’t crumble. Not because he was at home instead of someplace safe where he could forget how pathetic his life really was, not because he had a Pasadena princess cooking him a savory meal in his kitchen, not because his best friend was in rehab, not because his other best friend was forcing himself into his daily life and routine by moving in, not because he had a rave to pull off in a matter of days. He wouldn’t crumble.


	28. Chapter 28

“Are you going to eat?”

Louis pulled his head away from his arm and looked over his shoulder at Wednesday who had set the table and placed their plates on it. She had found a bottle of wine in his alcohol stash and had already poured them two glasses.

He looked back at the stereo and pressed stop on the mix, switching to the receiver and putting Power 106 on softly in the background. She liked hip hop. It still boggled his mind.

Louis took a seat at the table and stared at her as she cut up her chicken and began eating.

“Are you coming to the rave?” He asked her once he had decided to eat his food. The pasta was tender and complemented the chicken well. She had been modest about her cooking skills.

“If you would like me to.”

“Would you like to?”

She shrugged as she swirled pasta around her fork.

“I don’t have plans for that day,” she said instead.

“But would you like to?” He asked again, trying to not get more frustrated with her.

“Sure. Yes. I would like to.”

“Are you always like this or are you just like this with me?”

Her eyes darted up to him. Finally, an honest reaction. He watched her and interpreted what he could before she answered.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” she said.

“You always say what you think I want to hear.”

“Isn’t that part of your conditions?”

“No. You’re your own person. I never asked you to be just who I wanted. I only asked you to make sure you made me look good.”

“That wasn’t all you asked.”

“Are you like this with other people?”

“I think too much and say too little. I’m like that with everyone.”

“I don’t believe you. Perrie really liked you. I can’t imagine she would’ve liked you if you acted like this with her.”

“Is she okay?”

Louis blinked and Wednesday held his gaze, not backing down from the question. He hadn’t mentioned the situation to her, and as far as he knew, she had no idea where Perrie was or why she hadn’t been at the clubs with them lately.

“Perrie’s always okay,” he said out of habit, then shook his head, “No, I mean, I don’t know.”

“Did you two have a falling out?”

“I don’t think I want to talk about this.”

“Why do you have boxes all around? Are you moving?”

Louis wondered if she was purposely now asking questions just to annoy him since he had called her out on not speaking much. Many things Wednesday did seemed spiteful to him.

“Liam and I are moving in together to a two bedroom in the building.”

“That sounds fun,” she stated in a way that didn’t convince Louis that she actually thought it sounded fun.

“It sounds like a pain in the ass,” Louis stated, “Do you live alone?”

“I live with my parents.”

“Did you at least do the dorms in college?”

“No. I just commuted.”

“Do you like living with your parents?”

“I don’t care one way or the other. They give me my space. I like my room.”

“Do they know what you do on Wednesday nights?”

“Not really. They know I go out and hang out with friends. They don’t ask too many questions.”

“It sounds like they don’t care.”

Wednesday looked at him as if wondering if he had seriously just said that about her parents.

Louis just shrugged.

“My parents have always trusted me and my decisions,” Wednesday stated. “I’ve never given them a reason not to.”

“I’m sure they’d regret trusting you if they knew about this.”

“They’d be concerned and confused possibly, but not untrusting. Do your parents know what you do at night?”

“They have an idea. They’re not the type to understand it all. My dad’s a workaholic whose idea of fun is golfing. My mom is very domestic. She likes cooking and gardening. I don’t think she leaves the house much.”

“So would you say you turned out more like your dad than your mom? Just with different interests and motivations?”

Louis hadn’t thought of it really, but he supposed to an extent that was the case.

“I think yes, in a lot of ways, but I think I have a lot of my mom in me as well. My mom was a great wife, she always made sure that dinner was ready for my dad when he got home, and she made sure everything in the house was taken care of so he didn’t have to worry about anything. She’s a great mom. She was great to me and my friends when they’d come over. She just really liked to take care of people. And I like to take care of people, too, in a weird way.”

“I can see that,” Wednesday nodded. “You’re always hooking everyone up. It’s your way of taking care of them. Even people you don’t care much about. Like giving visibility to your days of the week.”

“I just want people to be happy.”

“Except yourself.”

Louis didn’t answer. He decided right then that it was the right time to concentrate on the food in front of him before it got completely cold.

“Or,” Wednesday said, “You want to be happy, but can’t figure out how to make that happen. So maybe you feel that making other people happy might help make you happy. The way that your mom probably thought that loving your dad so selflessly would ensure that he would always love her. But it doesn’t work, you know? That’s the weird thing about it all. We’re taught to help others, to treat others well, but they forget to tell us that you have to be selfish first. It’s like when you’re on a plane, and they say if the oxygen masks are deployed, to put one on yourself before helping someone else put theirs on. That’s how happiness works, too.”

His entire life was summed up in ten seconds by the concept of a plane losing altitude. He stared at her, putting his fork down and grabbing the bottle of wine instead of his glass. He took a drink from it, still looking at her as she watched him.

“You wanted me to talk more,” she stated.

“Did I say anything?” He smarted.

“When was the last time you were happy? Like really happy?”

“When I was 18 and DJing at clubs and raves all over the city.”

“So what happened?”

“That’s a story for another dinner,” Louis said taking another drink before putting the bottle down in front of him. He stared at the label for a moment. “Can you stay over tonight?”

“I can. Are you sure that’s what you want?”

“I don’t know what I want. I just think that I shouldn’t be alone tonight.”

“Then you won’t be.”

He sighed and looked up at her. She pursed her bottom lip out while trying to figure him out, or maybe trying to figure herself out. Either way, she looked adorable and Louis wanted to kiss her again, and that just confused him even more. So he focused on finishing his dinner instead.

#

If Liam had met up with Jade before his conversation with Perrie, he was sure his mindset would’ve been quite different. However, after visiting with Perrie, he made a few stops, planning thoroughly in his mind what needed to be said, and picking up an item that would hopefully make sense to Jade when she saw it.

It had occurred to him, as he drove to the restaurant, that he had been living his life completely wrong. Like there were choices and decisions he had needed to make in his life that he had missed, so now he had to play catch up and line his life up in the order that had been initially intended.

They had decided on a neutral place to have dinner. A restaurant with an ocean view and an outdoor deck so they could breathe in the salty air and hear the waves. It was Jade’s environment, but it was also his. Liam stood on the deck, enjoying the view as the sun began its descent. He sipped from his pint of dark ale and thought back to the many summer mornings he had spent down on the ocean, surfing and searching for that elusive perfect wave.

It was a metaphor, he realized. He lived his life searching, but never quite catching what it is he thought would make him happy. And then Perrie had gone and put everything in perspective, all from a place created to put damaged and complicated lives back together.

“I’m not late,” Jade said, and Liam turned to see her rushing over to him, then stopping to lift her foot behind her so she could adjust something on the buckle of her high heel.

In the colors of the declining sun, her large brown waves of hair looked almost red, and her skin glowed like the answer to every infuriating riddle he had thrown at her when they had first started doing whatever it is they had been doing.

“I mean, like, in Hawaii, I’d be early,” Jade finished as she made it to him and let out a sigh. “Sorry. Traffic. You know, someone should really do something about the traffic in this city.”

“It’s really okay,” he told her, and motioned her toward their table, pulling out her chair for her.

Jade thanked him and situated her purse beside her before taking in the view.

“This is amazing. It’s a perfect sunset,” she cooed.

“A perfect view,” Liam agreed as he sat across from her, taking in the look of wonder upon her face, as if this was the first Pacific sunset she had ever seen. He wondered what it was like to constantly be impressed by things in life without having to bother to search for them. Jade was lucky in ways she couldn’t comprehend.

She turned her attention to the menu, peeking up at him and smiling before looking back through the selections.

“Have you been here before?” She asked. “What’s good?”

“I think I’ve been here once. When I was younger. I don’t remember. But everyone seems to be getting the special. It’s surf and turf, I think.”

“Oh God, how long have you been here?” Jade said and Liam just grinned and shook his head.

“Trust me, I was early. I was in the neighborhood.”

“Can we get an appetizer? I want crab cakes.”

“Sure.”

They ordered, both deciding on the special of the day, Jade ordering an iced tea while Liam went for another ale. They stared at the sunset, occasionally peeking toward each other, and at one point Liam felt compelled to take his phone out and take a picture of her staring at the ocean. Jade caught on and played shy, before posing convincingly, then Liam returned the favor and let her do the same, using his phone.

“I want a real phone,” she said randomly. “Like, not this track phone that I use. I want one where I can take pictures and set it as my background.”

“You should get one,” he nodded.

“I want so many things. Things that involve existing again.”

He wanted the same for her. He wanted the same for himself.

“I think I might be able to help you with that,” he said, leaning a bit closer to the table, looking at her and noticing the curiousness of her brown eyes.

“Oh really?”

“Might,” he pointed out, “But let’s talk about us first. That’s why we’re here right?”

Jade sighed and he watched her take the safe refuge of looking back at the blood orange sky.

“So, I like you,” Jade said, not looking at him. “I can’t deny that I like you. And you make me smile. But I don’t exist right now.” She then looked at him and he paid close attention to her words. “It’s like Louis at the sleepover. He’s a ghost. So how can he carry on anything that’s real with anyone else? At least he’s a ghost. I literally stopped existing. So how can I have something with you if I’m not even me right now?”

“That’s a valid point,” he said, the disappointment in his voice layered behind the understanding of her situation.

“I’m just trying to figure out so much. And now, strangely, I feel like I’m finding my footing. I made the decision that I want to stay here. I made the decision that I’m making myself a new family, and I don’t know who all will be in it, but I know that Leigh-Anne and Niall are in it and I have something great there. I’ve found my inspiration. I’ve been writing. I’m starting to be me again.”

“You know what’s weird? I feel that way, too. Like having left and having to come back. I felt I was in some in between place or something. My life ended and I was waiting for it to start again. But I had to be the one to start it. And I think I have.”

“I think you have, too,” Jade said with a smile. “Your new job. You and Louis being business partners and roommates. You guys are going to be like a sitcom.”

“We’ll probably be at each other’s throats.”

“So it’ll be that kind of sitcom,” she said with a teasing tone and Liam chuckled.

“I think your TV show will be more interesting.”

“Mine would be a reality show. The Life of Jade and the Cats Next Door. It’d be a mess really.”

“I’d catch every episode.”

She smiled at him and he kept his eyes on her bright face, thinking she had no business being as beautiful as she was and having less business not realizing it.

“So,” he said before she could start talking, “I like you, too. Just so we have that established.”

“That has to mean something. Like, initially we met and I was drunk and you fed me, but it wasn’t anything more than that. Well, except that I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you either.”

“In what way though? Because I was sure there were moments where you weren’t thinking about me at all. Like whenever you weren’t around me. I was very ‘out of sight, out of mind’ to you.”

“I think that’s just how I am. About everything. I focus on what’s in front of me.”

“So after our dinner, regardless of what we say to each other, you’ll go home and forget all about me.”

“I won’t forget about you. I don’t forget about people. I’ll just probably be focused on what’s going on in my house and how much more I have to pack and what I have to do in the morning. But, before you go off on me about that, I’ll also point out that when I close my eyes, I see you and imagine you sleeping beside me.”

“No you don’t.”

“I do. And not that you have to take my word for it, but I can rank who I think about the most, and you’re high up on that list.”

“I bet Louis is number one.”

“He is number one. I think about Louis more than I think about anyone else, both because of the business and because of his general being. I wake up sometimes wondering if he’s made it through the night.”

“Perrie is number two?”

“My parents combined were usually number two, but now they’re not.”

“Jesy is?”

“You are.”

“How do I get to be number one?”

Liam smiled at her as she smirked before holding her straw with her fingers to take a coy sip of her iced tea.

“Am I your number one?” He asked her.

“You used to be, but I can’t unsee how sexy Niall looked in my fort.”

Liam narrowed his eyes, pretending to be cross which caused Jade to snort as she laughed.

“Our fort, first of all,” Liam pointed out.

“No, my fort. I took it down, by the way.”

Liam’s eyes went wide, his stomach dropping a bit as he hoped she was about to say she was kidding. But she didn’t say those words.

“You’re joking,” he said. He hoped.

“I’m not. I had to. Well, for a few reasons,” Jade explained. “I mean, mostly I felt bad that I was monopolizing Niall and Leigh-Anne’s sheets like that. So I washed them and gave them back to them and said I’d replace any that maybe suffered a little too much wear and tear in the process.”

“But, why? That fort was like the perfect symbol of what we had.”

“Which was nothing, remember? That’s why we’re having this conversation right now. We didn’t exist. It’s like what we did over the summer was an idea, but it wasn’t an actual thing. The fort was a symbol of the idea of what we could be, not what we really were.”

She was right, and he hated hearing it, but he had to agree. Still, that fort had meant so much to him, more than he realized now that he knew it was gone. That fort was his escape. Jade was his escape.

“I just can’t believe it’s gone,” he said.

“I’m sorry,” she said, and he noticed that she did look sorry, as if maybe she should have warned him that she was going to do it first.

But what was done was done, and the fort was gone.

He was silent for a moment, focusing a bit on his food and drink, night settling in as the last light of dusk diminished in its entirety. Jade had followed his lead, but she was antsy, as he could hear her leg shaking beneath the table.

Liam searched for the right words. What he wanted to say was that this was ridiculous, that they clearly had a strong attraction to each other, that the universe brought them together when they were at their most vulnerable and insecure for a reason. He wanted to tell her that she was beautiful and that she could just move in with him and Louis – be the female lead of their sitcom.

“I think we should start over,” she said before he found the courage to utter a word.

“I think so, too,” he said before she could take it back.

“I think, we’re both in this place of genesis, and we can start this together, as long as we both respect that maybe we still need to figure some things out along the way.”

“I’m in complete agreement.”

“But I think we need to be serious about it, too. I, at least, am on shaky ground. I have so little. I want things in my life that will solidify my place in this world. I want absolutes. I want to actually meet your parents and I want them to know that I exist. I want a phone call from you every now and then just to show that you haven’t forgotten me. I want you to respect me for who I am, and not just roll your eyes at me and say I’m just being crazy or weird. And I want to do these things for you, too. I can’t give you the parents thing, but I want to be able to call you and let you know that I’m thinking about you, and I want to respect you for who you are, not just the hot guy whose body I may be a tiny bit obsessed with.”

“I rather enjoyed how you objectified me.”

“No you didn’t,” Jade said with a knowing smile.

“Maybe not all the time. But sometimes. It was nice. I think I never returned the favor much, so just in case you didn’t know, I think you’re hot and your body is totally what made me make sure you got down those stairs alright at the club that first night I met you.”

“And here I thought you were just being a gentleman. It’s ruined now that I know you wouldn’t have helped me down the stairs if you hadn’t liked my body.”

“At least I’m honest?”

“I respect that,” Jade said. “And okay, maybe I wouldn’t have let you feed me if you hadn’t looked the way you did.”

“You superficial person you.”

“I know. I feel bad about it.”

“Don’t. I’m glad that the one person who found me attractive was you. I’m lucky.”

“I’m sure I’m not the only one. You always forget Jesy.”

“I never forget Jesy. Jesy is in Harry Land.”

“After decades lost in Liam Land, she finally found her way to Harry Land. Her journey is complete. Maybe that’s where I’m going to end up, too. Harry Land!”

“Never. I won’t allow it.”

“Like you won’t allow Niall Land?”

“You know I’m suddenly glad you took that fort down.”

Jade busted out laughing and Liam had no choice but to laugh with her. He knew this conversation barely made sense, but somehow, in that moment, it made all the sense in the world.

“So we’re starting over,” Jade said, her voice wanting a confirmation from him.

“We are. Are you done eating?”

“I’m stuffed,” she said, pushing her plate away from her.

“Alright, then I have a proposal.”

Jade raised her eyebrows and leaned in to hear it.

“I propose that you come spend the night with me. At my parents’ house.”

He could see that she wanted to keep her emotions in check, but her teeth were on full display, and he could feel her feet tapping against the wood of the deck, as if she was a kid who was just told she was about to go to Disneyland and could not keep the anticipation disguised.

“That’s a very bold proposal,” she stated.

“I figured, if I’m about to move out then I should share this part of me with you before I do.”

“Would your parents be okay with that?”

“Probably not, but what are they going to do? Kick me out?”

“Have you ever brought a girl to sleep over in your room before like that?”

“You mean have I ever snuck a girl into my room while my parents were out?”

Jade finished the last sip of her iced tea and grabbed her purse, which amused Liam even more considering he hadn’t paid yet. He took out his wallet and waved the waitress over, handing her his credit card to expedite things.

“That’s not what I mean,” she said, her rose red lips turning up in amusement. “I mean, have you ever brought a girl over, with your parents knowing, and had her spend the night in your room?”

Liam smirked as he finished off his ale.

“You’d be the first,” he admitted.

“Can I just say that I’m really liking how this starting over thing is going so far?”

“Yeah? I figured you’d like this idea.”

“I love it. Best idea ever.   This food was also the best idea ever. And this ocean view. And mostly this existing thing. I’ve missed it.”

“So have I,” he agreed.

Once their bill was settled, they parted ways briefly, Liam following Jade to her place so she could put away her leftovers and pack a small overnight bag. He waited for her in his car at her insistence that she’d be quick and he took the time to text Louis and check up on him. He didn’t get a text back which was unlike him considering he was always on his phone texting and replying to someone. He sighed and rested his head on the back of his car seat hoping that his friend was just busy. He wondered if there’d ever come the day that he didn’t have to worry about him.

“Okay, ready,” Jade said after she put her things in the back seat and joined him back in the car. “I’m so excited. Are you sure about this? I just want to see your room, so if it’s uncomfortable or you change your mind or your parents kick me out, let me at least see that, okay?”

Liam leaned over to give her a peck on the lips, and he squeezed her knee before starting the ignition.

“Stop worrying. No one’s kicking you out.”

“So you say.”

“Actually, babe, if you feel uncomfortable at all, just let me know. We’ll just come back to your place. I don’t want this to be a bad experience for you. I really just want to share this part of me with you.”

“That’s all I want, too. I’m sure it’ll be fine. I mean, I make the best of bad experiences anyway. So even if your parents are horrible to me, I’ll be like, hey, I saw your room. All’s well.”

Liam just shook his head and said, “You have problems,” but then he remembered one of her wishes for their new start and quickly apologized. “Sorry. I swear that wasn’t me calling you crazy.”

“Yes it was,” she said, but she had a smile as she looked over at him. “It’s okay. I guess I just meant it like when I’m venting and you dismiss my feelings by saying it’s just me being me. My feelings are real, even if they annoy you.”

“I’m sorry I ever made you feel that way. I honestly can’t even think of a time that happened.”

“Um, that night that we went club hopping all over the city after bowling and all I wanted to do was go home and sleep because I had work in the morning? You were so dismissive of me and how I was feeling.”

“I’m sorry about that night. I was dealing with a lot.”

“No, you were trying not to deal with anything. You didn’t tell me until that morning why you were refusing to go home, but like, you could’ve told me earlier and we could’ve done something else. You could’ve just come over and escaped with me in the fort. Why didn’t you?”

Liam had to think back to how he felt that day and found that he could barely remember what had set him off in the first place. He thought it was strange how it hadn’t even happened that long ago, and yet he already felt like a completely different person than who he was that night.

“I don’t know. I think it was easy to fall back into how I normally dealt with things. Just hanging out with Louis and living it up for a night so I didn’t feel like a loser.”

“I promise you that hanging out with me would’ve been a much better escape.”

He glanced at her and smiled.

“I’ll remember that from now on.”

“You do that,” she said, leaning over to place a kiss on his cheek.

And he would remember. Perhaps because the idea of spending a nice evening with Jade after a long day of work sounded like paradise. Or perhaps because he’d be living with Louis, and Louis was a constant source of chaos, so Jade would be his sanity. Or perhaps because he just really liked looking at her and liked how she always made him smile, and right at this moment, he couldn’t think of anything more that he needed than that.

#

Jade loved Liam’s home from the moment the wooden gates opened to allow him into the driveway. The three-story Mediterranean villa sat nestled into the hillside, and Jade discovered as she got out of Liam’s car that the bottom floor was just the very large garage. Since every car seemed to be in its place, Jade took a deep breath to prepare herself for meeting his parents.

"I’m already in love with your house,” she told him as she followed him up to the main floor.

“You haven’t even really seen it yet.”

“I’ve seen enough,” she assured him. “It has character. I guess because you always talked about your parents being Type A, I didn’t imagine them in a house like this. I imagined like a minimalist modern type of house.”

“You mean generic?”

“Kind of. Or like Perrie’s. Like how hers is massive and all for show. And yours isn’t. It’s just the right size for a family your size and…warm.”

“Is that how your home was?”

Before she could answer him, they were standing in the living room where a woman he assumed was his mother was sitting watching television while typing on her laptop. That was sudden. She hadn’t even properly prepared, not that Jade was sure how else she was supposed to prepare.

Liam’s mother looked over at them and did a double take, noticing Jade and having to confirm that Liam had really brought a girl over that she didn’t know. Jade was struck by how Liam’s mom didn’t look like a mom, but instead one of those models they used to portray career women in financial ads.

“You didn’t tell me you were bringing a guest over,” she said, moving her laptop off her lap so she could walk over to them.

Jade tried to figure out what that flip in her stomach meant, and she reached over to grab Liam’s hand then thought better of it and kept her hand by her side just in case.

“Mom, this is Jade,” Liam said, “And she’s staying the night.”

Jade thought Liam could’ve come up with a softer way of putting that, but she just smiled, not sure what else to do.

“Hi,” Jade said to the woman who now stood before them.

“Hello, Jade,” Liam’s mom said. “It’s always nice to meet a new friend of Liam’s. Are you the one that works at the bookstore?”

“Yes,” Jade said looking at Liam surprised. She thought he had never mentioned her to them. How did she know that? Jade felt her heart beat faster.

“Well it’s nice to meet you. I wish I had known to get the guest room ready.”

“She’s staying with me. In my room,” Liam said, and Jade thought it was adorable how he bit his lip after he said that.

“Oh,” his mother said.

“Yeah,” he said. “Because we’re kinda together. You know, like, she can possibly be my girlfriend. If things go well. I don’t mean in the room. I just mean in general.”

Now Jade bit her lip to keep from laughing.

“I see,” his mom said.

“We’re gonna go now. To my room. Together. Before I keep sounding like an idiot.”

“Okay,” his mom said with an amused smile of her own.

Liam took Jade’s hand as Jade mentioned again to his mom that it was nice to meet her. He led her up the stairs to his room where he swiftly closed the door and Jade fell into a bout of giggles.

“I admit that could’ve gone smoother,” Liam said as he passed his hand through his hair and leaned against the door as if he needed a moment.

“No, I like exactly how it went,” she said, dropping her bag down and taking the room in. She looked around in wonder, inspecting the missing pieces of the boy that had captivated her from the first moments of meeting him. She walked around, assessing each part of his life carefully, as if in a museum and giving each work of art its due time of observation.

He had a lot of trophies, for things like basketball, baseball, and track, and he even had ribbons for surfing, which judging from the gold print, were given to him for participating in a surf contest for kids age 6-12.  One ribbon was blue and had a big “1” in silver on it. She smiled thinking of how thrilled he must have been to receive it.

His walls had a Lakers poster and a Dodgers poster, and then a couple of posters from raves that he must have attended. His desk had a laptop and not much else outside of a couple of small notebooks and pens and a cell phone charger. The shelf beside it held books that seemed to pertain to his classes in school, a mixture of high school summer reading list standards and non-fiction hardcovers of the finance variety.

On top of his shelf was a framed picture of him and Louis from high school. Jade almost screamed at seeing it. She lifted it up with reverence and took in how incredibly adorable Liam was at that age. His hair fell like a mop around his head with the exception of his bangs which swept left over his eye almost covering it.

“I mean, could you look more emo,” she said laughing and hugging the picture to her chest. “I love it. I knew it. I would’ve had the biggest crush on you. And you were so lanky! And your nose was perfect on your face even then.”

“I should’ve hidden that before you got here,” he said walking over to take it away from her.

“No, I’m holding onto this the rest of the night. So I can take peeks at it,” Jade said laughing as she stepped away from him.

“Only you,” he said shaking his head amused as he unhooked his chain wallet from his belt loop and tossed it onto his desk.

“Yes, only me. Your possible girlfriend. Which I believe is what Harry used to call his girl before Jesy. See? You’re a total gateway to Harry Land.”

“I choked,” Liam defended as he lifted his hands up in defeat. “I didn’t know what to say.”

“I’m just teasing you. I thought it was cute. You were so frazzled.”

“I’m still frazzled.”

“Aww,” Jade said walking over to him and putting her arms around him. “She didn’t kick me out, so you did well.”

“I told you she wouldn’t.”

Jade looked up into his sincere brown eyes and leaned up to give him a soft kiss on his lips.

“I like your mom,” she said, holding him close.

“You haven’t really met her yet.”

“I can tell. And she’s beautiful. I see where you got your looks.”

“I actually look like a weird combination of my parents. You’ll see when you meet my dad.”

“I do, too,” Jade offered.

She knew that she had asked a lot from him a few hours earlier. She had set down her expectations for him, but he hadn’t done the same. She wasn’t sure if he didn’t have them, or if he was waiting to state them, but she had a feeling that her opening up more to him about who she was and her past would probably be one of them. It occurred to her that he was being nice in not asking for that right away, as if acknowledging that she needed the time to heal from her difficult decision. God, she liked him.

She could hear the tentative tone in his voice as he said, “I know they might not be the best people in the world, but I’d really like to meet them someday. If only to thank them for giving me you.”

Jade stopped short of telling him just how laid he was about to get. She blushed and took a step back to look at him, and then looked back at the frame and shook her head.

“You’re the worst,” she said to him. “You just are.”

“Why? What did I say?”

“You have this knack for reeling me in. I’m a fish that gets caught on your hook every. single. time.”

“Good. That means you won’t swim over to Harry Land like you keep threatening to do.”

“No that’s still going to happen.”

Liam smiled and she thought he was going to come closer to her, but instead he turned to head toward a door that Jade soon learned was his walk-in closet.

“I have something for you,” he explained. “Just make yourself comfortable and everything. My room is your room.”

Had he gotten her a present? Had he known that she was going to be lured to his room tonight?

Every. Single. Time.

Jade put the picture on the nightstand by the bed before grabbing her bag and changing into a cute tank top and shorts pajama set. When he hadn’t emerged from the closet, she decided to wash her face and freshen up a bit.

“So like, I know this is a random question,” she called out to him loudly from the bathroom, “But, did you ever introduce your New York girl to your parents?”

There was a long enough pause that she wondered if he had been able to hear her in his closet and over the sound of the running water, but then he replied.

“That is a random question,” he said from the closet.

“I was just wondering if they liked her and stuff,” Jade said as she turned off the faucet and pat her face dry.

She walked back out into his room just as Liam came out of the closet in just his boxers and a Columbia basketball jersey tank top that should have come with a biceps warning. He carried a white box with a red bow on top over to the bed and placed it down.

“Yes, they knew her,” he answered. “They’d visit me in New York at times, so they got to know her well enough. I don’t know if they liked her or not, but they never seemed to not like her?”

“Did they know how you felt about her?”

"Well they had no choice to know considering I had to ask them for the money to buy her the engagement ring.”

Jade blinked a few times, the silence suddenly slammed into her.

“Oh,” she said.

Is that why he had never talked to her about the ex? Jade couldn’t imagine you simply get over a girl you want to marry. The only word running through Jade’s mind at that moment was “rebound” and she was close to grabbing her bag and running out of there.

“I mean, I guess, I mean, I knew I was a rebound. We had had that discussion,” she stated defensively, already trying to shelter her heart.

“No, I mean yeah, at the beginning you were, but we’re past that now. Third time’s the charm remember?”

Jade wasn’t so sure anymore and she crossed her arms, holding herself lightly.

“So you were engaged.”

“I was.”

“So what happened?”

Liam leaned against his desk, settling in to explain.

“I was becoming distant and more upset about my future career. I was frustrated with trying to impress my boss and get my footing on Wall Street. Then one day she comes home and tells me that she doesn’t know who I am anymore. I had changed into someone that she didn’t like, and she had met someone new. She took her stuff, left the ring and I never saw her again.”

“Never?”

Liam shook his head in confirmation.

“I tried to call her. She’s a ballerina and I knew she had been hired for some experimental dance show. I tried to go down to see her, but she refused to see me or talk to me. I was feeling like a failure already because of my job situation, but that…losing her, that felt worse. Almost on par with the friendship failure I felt when Louis had tried to kill himself.”

“I’m going to overstep boundaries here for a minute,” Jade interrupted. “But I really don’t think you can count any of those things as failures. And I’m sorry, but she sounds like a piece of work. I mean, who just breaks off an engagement without finding out what’s wrong with the other person first? I mean, that’s just a clear sign that something’s wrong. And she’s the failure for not recognizing that you needed her support because you were going through something. If she wasn’t there for you during that, then forget in sickness and in health. It sounds to me like you dodged a bullet.”

She knew she had said too much, but Jade felt it had to be said. She stayed quiet wondering if he was going to defend the stupid ballerina.

But he just nodded.

“Yeah,” he said. “I think it’s taken me all summer to realize that.”

“Rebound,” Jade sighed.

“No,” he assured her as he walked over to her, taking her hands in his. “Not because you distracted me from her or anything like that. I think it’s because I’ve learned in the past month alone just what real love is. Reconnecting with my friends and seeing us all fall apart in our own way, and how that didn’t mean running away from each other or giving up on each other. I had a very eye-opening conversation with Perrie this morning.”

“You saw Perrie?” Jade’s eyes widened. That seemed huge, so she found it strange he was just now mentioning it.

“I did. She asked me to visit her in rehab. I have to say, she’s looking amazing. Really healthy.”

“That’s really good,” Jade said, meaning it. “So can you tell me about this eye-opening conversation?”

“I can do you one better. Why don’t you open your present?”

Now she was suspicious of the present, but she wasn’t one to avoid boxes with pretty bows on them, so she let go of his hands and picked up the box.

Liam said nothing and she could feel him watching her.

Jade took the top off and parted the red tissue paper and looked confused. She put the box down and took out the cute red overall shorts, holding it in front of her and then looking at him for an explanation.

“Is this Perrie’s?” She asked.

“No. I bought it for you. It’s yours.”

“I think I’m missing something here.”

He smiled and sat at the edge of his bed, motioning for her to join him. She sat beside him, facing him as she tucked her ankle under her leg.

“While we were apart,” he began, “I did a lot of thinking about you, and us, just all of it. I bought a copy of Alice in Wonderland and went down to the beach to read it. Channeling you, I guess.”

Jade wished she could have seen that. The idea made her smile through her confusion.

“The point is,” he continued, “I came to an important realization. You’re not Alice. Maybe you were Alice back in Maryland, but the moment you left, you were no longer her. I’m not saying you fell down a rabbit hole into Wonderland either. I mean, you know how you say you stopped existing? Louis and I had talked about this once and he said that what you did was your way of killing yourself, too. He sees a lot of similarities between you guys.”

Jade frowned. Louis had hinted at that earlier, having left her apartment telling her to start looking at those similarities. She continued to listen. 

“The thing is that, the whole time you’ve been here, you’ve actually been the Queen of Hearts. The first time you came into our world, there you were wearing a red dress. At Jesy’s beach house, you wore a red bikini. One that you already owned, I believe. Yes?”

Jade nodded, but said nothing.

“You’re the one that’s been so quick to judge us and be all ‘off with their heads’ with Louis, Perrie, even me. Perrie’s just been keeping your throne warm. It’s like we were waiting for you to arrive and didn’t know it.”

Now Jade had to say something.

“This is crazy. Do you hear yourself? You sound like a nut.”

“No,” Liam shook his head. “I’m not crazy. I’m right. Louis has spent four years of his life building an empire, an empire he could never have built without Perrie. But it came at too high of a price. Now he has me by his side to keep things from falling apart, but he’s going to law school and under normal circumstances, Perrie would hold down the fort for him, but Perrie can’t be a part of this anymore. At least not in that capacity. The former Queen of Hearts has been dethroned, and you proved it by staying and throwing a party to bring the crew together. You’re the one that’s running this operation now. This rave is going to be a success. I know Louis keeps saying ‘if,’ but I know it will be. He’s too good at what he does. Even if he hadn’t wanted anyone to show up, his name in these circles guarantees at least a thousand people at an event. That’s without even trying. But he’s been trying on this one. And this time he had real help. From me, from you. This is going to be huge, and that means there’s going to be more. A lot more. I can’t force you to wear that to the rave, but deep down inside, you know whether you should or not.”

He was so wrong. She couldn’t wear it. She wasn’t the Queen of Hearts. Was he implying that Perrie was Alice then? She also wondered if Liam and Louis had actually had a conversation about confronting her about these types of things today, or if they were just so symbiotic that they had both brought these things up on their own. This was all more topsy-turvy than Wonderland itself.

Jade stuffed the overalls back into the box and covered it as if it was something evil trying to escape.

“I think you should return it,” she said.

“I think you should sleep on it,” he said, taking the box and placing it on the floor beside the bed. “How about we get to bed? That way I can show you what I’m pretty sure is going to be your favorite part of my room?”

“Is that a come on?” Jade said, already scooting back on his bed to get completely on. “Wait, do you have a side? I kind of claimed this side,” she said pointing out where she had placed the framed picture.

“Did you really just…” Liam began, but he didn’t bother finishing. He just shook his head and mumbled something that she couldn’t hear, although Jade was pretty sure she heard the word “picture” in there somewhere.

Jade pulled back his covers to climb under them and snuggle in. She loved how his comforter smelled like his aromatic cologne, the hints of lavender and amber swirled with his natural musk.

“Okay, are you ready for the best part of your night?” Liam asked as he stood by the light switch.

“There’s a part better than this picture? I don’t believe you.”

“That picture is going to mysteriously disappear in the middle of the night,” he said with a smirk before switching off the light.

And then Jade really was in another world, or more like a different planet. One that smelled like Liam and had the best view she had ever seen of the stars and planets in the night sky.

“This is amazing,” she said, taking in just how many there were and how they were scattered about just as they would be out in the middle of the universe.

She felt him join her in the bed and adjust the covers better to fit him in as well before his arm slid around her waist as he cuddled into her.

“I knew you’d like it,” he said.

“I love it. I don’t know why I didn’t picture you as the type to sleep under the stars every night. It makes perfect sense.”

“Does it?”

“I mean, on our first date you took me to Denny’s and then to a hill to look at the city lights as you pointed out the planes in the distance waiting to land at LAX.”

“Oh, was that our first date?”

“Our first unofficial date. Yes.”

“Good to know,” he said, nuzzling her neck before placing a kiss on her shoulder.

Jade turned her body to face him, and ran her fingers through his short brown hair.

“I bet your favorite part of living in New York was getting to go up all the tall high rises and taking in the view.”

“I did used to always do that. The building I interned in had a rooftop restaurant on the top floor, and it had this lounge area that you could just chill in. And I used to go up there after work and watch the sunset.”

“You know what else is interesting? When you built my fort, you could’ve just thrown sheets up and called it a day, but instead you made sure to put Christmas lights all around. Like my own little twinkling stars to lull me to sleep.”

“I just thought it should have a finishing touch.”

“You like lights. Are you afraid of the dark?”

"No, I'm not afraid of the dark."

“Then what is it? Sparkling lights, city lights, stars, the sunset, you’re drawn to it. You refused to go home that night of the thousand clubs until we had watched the sunrise at the beach. It’s like me with water.”

“So light is my spirit animal?”

“You tell me,” she said, running her fingers over the five o’clock shadow that graced his jawline.

Liam shifted his face a little to look up at his stars.

“I got those on my eighth birthday,” he said. “I went through this weird rocket ship phase, where I wanted to be an astronaut and explore space.”

“God, that sounds so like you,” Jade remarked. “Your sense of exploring and wanting to see what’s out there started at a young age. Are you sure you’re going to be happy staying in town?”

“I think I am. At least for now. And it’s not like I won’t get vacation time to explore the world with. Just because I’m choosing to stay put doesn’t mean that I lose out on seeing everything I’ve wanted to see. I just have to schedule it.”

“Was it really a phase? Or is there a part of you that still wants to be an astronaut?”

“I’m pretty sure it was a phase. I don’t think I was born with the discipline to be an astronaut.”

“Maybe,” Jade said, but she had a feeling that Liam could be quite disciplined when he wanted to be. “Or maybe you thought that space wouldn’t be as bright as you wanted it to be, so it was safer to stay down here where there’s sunlight for half the day. Because, you know, you’re afraid of the dark.”

Liam poked her side causing Jade to let out a tiny, surprised scream.

“I am not afraid of the dark,” he said.

Jade laughed and then diabolically grabbed the comforter and pulled it over their heads.

“So this doesn’t bother you then?”

“Nope,” he said, but he pulled it down just the same and Jade laughed at him. “Look, okay, I’m not afraid of the dark, but I will admit that I don’t like it when places are completely dark.”

“Oh my God, you put the lights on my fort so that you wouldn’t be scared of the dark when you spent the night,” Jade said as if she had just figured out the secrets of the universe. She sat up in the bed to try and look at him to see if she was right.

“No, I just thought they’d make a nice decoration. You’re really reading too much into this.”

“What are you going to do when you move in a few weeks? You’re going to have to buy more stars or get a nightlight.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“I’m sure you’ve already planned this. Were you going to be putting up new stars?”

“No, babe, for fuck’s sake, I was eight. I’m a grown man. I’m not putting stars on my ceiling.”

“Are you stringing up Christmas lights?”

“No. Baby, seriously.”

Jade pouted but she dropped the subject and decided to make herself at home on his lap. She straddled him and looked down at him, giving him the perfect view of her above him with the stars providing a backdrop. Jade leaned down to kiss him, not surprised when his large hands gripped her legs in response and slid up to grab her ass.

“Baby,” Jade said, “Why are you wearing clothes right now?”

“I could be asking you the same thing,” he said.

Jade smiled and then pulled her tank top off, tossing it to the side. She helped him get his tank top off as well, then leaned down to kiss his chest and flick her tongue around his exposed nipple before tasting it and sucking it hard.

“Lava lamps,” he said, and Jade’s head shot up as a small smirk spread across her lips.

“Oh. My. God,” she said.

“I bought two. Do not make fun of me.”

“I can’t believe you’re afraid of the dark.”

“I’m not afraid of it. I just don’t like it. There’s a huge difference.”

“It’s so adorable.”

“I can’t believe I just gave you this ammunition.”

“I think that means you trust me.”

“Or I was under the influence of your tongue.”

“Hm, let’s see what other information I can get out of you,” Jade said as she returned to having her tongue give his body all the attention it deserved.

Later that night, as they lay in each other’s arms, satisfied and under the glow-in-the-dark stars, Jade had a slightly lucid moment as she got lost in her hypnagogic state of consciousness.

She missed her mom. She wanted Liam to be in her life at least long enough to meet her. He was her light, and had been since she had met him. When he was around, things seemed brighter to her, and things seemed clearer, and things could be found. Because of Liam, Jade had been able to see clearly enough to finally find the lost parts of herself.


	29. Chapter 29

Louis hadn’t slept. He couldn’t. There was too much to do before dawn broke, and the way he figured it, there would be plenty of time to sleep after the rave had finished and the last beat had been dropped.

He showered and decided to go light with his clothing choices – white tee, khaki pants – knowing that the summer heat would be harsh for a good portion of the event. He’d bring a change of clothes with him anyway to refresh for when things got darker and cooler.

He wasn’t nervous. He mentally focused as he ate his cereal while checking his email and texts, replying regardless if the act would potentially wake the person up. When his buzzer rang, he assumed Liam couldn’t sleep either and had just made his way over early, but when the door opened moments later, it was Louis’ dad that entered instead.

The look on Louis’ face asked “Why are you here?” even as his lips couldn’t.

“I figured you’d be up,” his dad said as he walked to the dining room table where Louis sat. Louis watched as the older man pulled out a chair and placed it close to him, sitting and facing him as if he was about to have an important conversation.

“Is something wrong?” Louis asked hoping his dad hadn’t come over just to ruin his day. Today was too important. He couldn’t be rattled.

“Nothing’s wrong,” his dad said. “I thought I’d come by and wish you luck. I know it’s a big day for you.”

“Luck,” Louis said, his eyes narrowed slightly and he turned his attention back to his cereal.

“Maybe luck was the wrong word,” his dad said, releasing a frustrated sigh. “I’m just trying to say that I know today is important, and I wanted to come by and wish you well. I think it’s amazing what you’re about to pull off, and I’m very proud of you.”

Louis wondered if his mom had put his dad up to this. He flicked his hair out of his face as he turned his attention back to his dad who sat there looking at him with sincerity, or maybe hope, in his eyes.

“You don’t have to lie to me,” Louis stated. “I know you don’t understand why I’ve spent so much of my time devoting myself to doing this.”

“Has there ever been a day in your life that I’ve lied to you?”

Louis tried to think, but only honest moments filled his head. He tried to think of a moment when he could’ve been lied to. Like when he’d been upset after he had lost his first soccer match, and he expected his dad to tell him that it was okay and had done a great job, but instead his dad had told him that he couldn’t win every game, and he just needed to practice and do the best job he could.

And then he thought of his mom, and Louis looked at his dad.

“You lied to me and mom. Every day that you didn’t come home because you claimed to be working late, but instead you were with your girlfriend. You lied.”

His dad looked at him for a moment, then nodded.

“I stand corrected.”

Louis looked away, staring at his laptop and thinking about that moment after his attempted suicide when he lay in a hospital bed, his stomach pumped and tubes in his arms, while his dad sat by his side just wondering where it all went wrong. He remembered that his dad just kept asking “Why?” And he hadn’t even been asking him, he had been asking himself, or maybe a higher being. He could remember the look of devastation on his face, and the look of fear, a look that Louis still saw every time his dad looked at him now.

“I’m sorry,” Louis finally said, looking back at him to see that his dad’s own blue eyes had never stopped staring at him. His dad loved him. He loved his dad. He had told this to the therapist he had started seeing, and he needed to work through these issues. It wasn’t his dad’s fault that Louis hadn’t handled the divorce well, and it wasn’t his dad’s fault that Louis had let his best friend be pimped out for his own dreams. These were Louis’ issues to deal with, not his father’s.

“No, you’re absolutely right,” his dad admitted.

“No, I mean for everything. I’m sorry for taking my problems out on you and mom. I’m sorry for being an asshole for the past couple of years to the both of you.”

His dad leaned closer. Louis wished he hadn’t opened this door. Not today.

“We love you,” his dad said. “Please, if nothing else, understand that. Everything you’ve been going through. You could’ve shared with us. You didn’t have to try and push us away.”

Louis shook his head. His dad would never understand.

“If you knew who I really was,” Louis said, “If both of you knew, you both would’ve stopped loving me a long time ago.”

“That’s impossible. Don’t you understand that you’re a piece of us? That you weren’t just killing yourself when you tried to leave us, but that you were also killing a part of me and her?” 

“I’m sorry,” Louis said again. He couldn’t answer his dad’s questions. He didn’t know how to. He supposed he understood. He had felt a part of him die when he had found Perrie used as a toy by all those men, and another part of him died when he watched her fall apart before taking her to rehab. He imagined it was worse if it was your own child.

“What is it that you’re so afraid of us knowing?” His dad said, putting his hand on Louis’ shoulder and squeezing it. “Because we’re not blind. We know you drink a lot, we know you do drugs, even the hard drugs, we know you’re reckless with your behavior and your emotions based on the different girls we’ve seen come in and out of here. We know all of this. It doesn’t make us love you less, it just makes us scared and worried that you’re not happy. That you’re either searching for something or trying to escape from something.”

Louis thought of Wednesday. How she had said her parents would be concerned about her behavior, but not untrusting. How was she so aware of their relationship with her? Why couldn’t he have been that aware? Why didn’t he know his parents as well as she seemed to know hers? He wanted to know his parents.

“I don’t do hard drugs anymore,” Louis told him. “I haven’t since that night.”

“I’m extremely relieved to hear that,” his dad said, squeezing his shoulder again.

Louis looked at him surprised. He thought his dad would call him a liar, or at least give him a dubious look. He hadn’t been expecting him to believe him. 

“I don’t want to talk about this,” Louis said. “I just want to concentrate on today and pull this off.”

“You’re going to pull it off,” his dad said. “And I’m not here to spoil today for you. I want you to have a great time today, and enjoy the fruits of your labor. But maybe, sometime later this week, or whenever you’re ready, we can talk about it. I want to know what I can do to help. That’s all I’ve been trying to do. By staying out of your way, by giving you your space, by letting you verbally take your anger out on me. That whole time I’ve just been waiting for you to be ready to just let me in, for you to realize that I’m here for you no matter what. Always.”

Louis thought that his dad might get his wish sooner than he thought. In his first session of therapy, the floodgates had opened. Louis himself had been surprised, thinking for sure he wouldn’t make use of the time spent with the therapist, but he found out that he had so much inside of him he had wanted to say. Just as he had felt that at Jade’s sleepover, when he looked around the room and wanted people to know that he was paying attention, that he was still alive, that he had thoughts and opinions, that he wasn’t a ghost.

“I should let you to it,” his dad said, removing his hand and getting up from the chair. “You know, I know you hate this law school idea. But I think, with your personality and intelligence, with all your potential, you could take this law school thing and run with it and use it to help you achieve all you want. Specialize in contracts. You know?” His dad shrugged, “But it’s really up to you. If you don’t want to do it, then don’t. Do what makes you happy. I’m sorry that I pushed so hard for this, I just wanted to help.”

Louis looked up at the older man.

“I want to do it,” he told his dad. And really he did. The more he had thought about it, the challenge of it, the change of scenery and pace, the more he thought he could use the vacation. Leigh-Anne had given them all great advice at that sleepover, and he wasn’t one to waste good advice. It was three years of hard work, but Louis could handle hard work just fine. “I was planning on focusing on Corporate Law. Just in case tonight works out and I take this whole operation legit.”

“Don’t burn yourself out though. Running a company and doing law school is crazy. And your partying has to tone down. I’m not trying to be…”

“Dad,” Louis said, and hearing the term of endearment made the man listen. “I know. I’ve got it under control. I’ve got Liam working for me, and I’ve got someone in mind to take over my club promoting if she’s up for it. It’s going to be fine.”

His dad nodded and reached down to hold him, squeezing him in a way that made Louis think that his dad wasn’t convinced just yet that he wasn’t going to lose his only son soon.

Maybe it was guilt driving him, but when Louis’ dad made it to the door to leave, Louis stopped him and said, “Hey, would you like to come to the rave? I can put you on the VIP list. I can even make it plus one so you can bring your girlfriend.” It was definitely guilt. He was proud of himself for not saying “girlfriend” with a roll of the eyes.

His dad paused for a moment, as if unsure he had heard the words correctly, and then he nodded.

“I would love that. We would both really love that. Thank you.” 

Louis nodded and let out a breath once his dad left. He had to put his life together. The one that he had systematically broken two years ago. It wasn’t easy, and already he wondered if he had given his dad too much hope, but maybe what he had really done was given himself hope instead.

He glanced at the time and picked up his phone. It was time to wake people up and get the day started.

#

Jade stared at herself in the mirror and tried to get a read on the woman who stared back her. She knew her yesterday, but today was another story. Today was about tomorrow. Her past, present, and future had all converged into this single moment. The moment she had pulled on the red short overalls and clasped the red straps over her white crop top tee she had paired it with.

She had seen a movie like this once. Several actually. Movies in which colors defined the protagonist, or made a statement in a sea of monotone images. Jade had always loved the color red. Her father had always hated it and told her mother to dress her in more demure girl colors like pinks and lilacs, but when Jade had gone to college, she had invested in red. Red hair pieces, red pants, red socks, even the red bikini she had brought with her. When she thought back to that night that Leigh-Anne had offered her the red dress to wear, she thought of how scared she was to stand out again. She had been trying to get lost and hide. She didn’t want to wear it. But she had, because it had to happen. It was time to embrace it.

Which is why with the help of Leigh-Anne, she had dyed her hair red. She had never dyed her hair before, and the idea had scared her, but when she saw the end result this morning, she wondered why it had taken her so long. And she didn’t care if Liam liked it or not. She only cared that it was who she was right at this moment, and it felt great to be herself once again.

Jade finished getting ready and grabbed her backpack with some rave essentials – a change of clothes, sunscreen, an extra pair of shades in case she lost the ones she had slid on, a cute baseball cap which she didn’t anticipate needing.

She went next door and knocked, hoping her favorite couple was ready to go.

“One more minute,” Niall said letting her in. “Leigh-Anne’s almost ready.”

“I’ve been ready,” she called out as she poured food into the cats’ bowls. “This one hasn’t finished his hair.”

“Do you like this look?” Niall asked her, pointing up toward his blond hair, currently swept to the side and not teased up like he normally wore it.

“It’s very different,” Jade assessed. “But it’s cute. I approve.”

“Okay, we’re ready then.”

“Your hair looks so gorgeous,” Leigh-Anne said to Jade as she ran over to grab her bag and the keys. “That red is insane.”

“I fell in love with it this morning,” Jade admitted, grabbing the water bottle that Leigh-Anne handed her. “Have you heard from Zayn?”

“He still hasn’t decided if he’s coming or not,” Leigh-Anne said with a small sigh.

Jade didn’t blame him, but it still made her a little sad to think he probably wouldn’t show up. They should all be there.

“We wouldn’t be going if you didn’t threaten to kill the cats,” Niall joked.

“I never…” Jade realized he was joking and then laughed and hugged them both. “You guys, thanks for coming. Seriously. It means so much to me.”

“And that’s the only reason we’re going,” Leigh-Anne stated, giving her a squeeze and a kiss on the cheek. Niall gave her one too, and Jade laughed and let them go.

They drove listening to mixes that Louis had made for her of some of the acts that would be performing. It all sounded the same to her, but the three friends still had fun dancing in their seats as they raced through the freeway, the scenery changing from single family homes to barren mountain passes. There was no sign to indicate that an event was taking place, no “event parking” marquee or people in yellow vests waving orange traffic lights in a specific direction.

Jade took the exit and followed the two lane road through more dry terrain, passing a small ranch and a group of trailers that seemed to belong to an equestrian facility. And then they stopped. They had found themselves stuck behind a long line of cars that seemed to spring up out of thin air.

“Louis’ rave, causing traffic,” Niall commented.

“You think that’s what this is?” Jade said, surprised that already people had shown up. She had been instructed to arrive a few hours earlier.  She didn’t think people would start showing up until closer to the gate opening time.

They crawled along, passing by the main gate where people were lined up. The line extended further than Jade could see, and she blinked and looked at Leigh-Anne.

“I wonder how long they’ve been here,” Leigh-Anne said sounding as surprised as Jade felt.

Jade looked at the line again, taking in the teenage kids toward the front of the line in their colorful array of clothes, brightening up the dusty ground they sat on. The girls behind them looked a bit older, maybe college age, and all had hair dyed various shades of pink, purple, and blue. Behind them were some twenty-somethings, dressed in shorts or jeans and T-shirts, looking as if they could’ve been going to any concert.

As the line continued, Jade took in the variety of people and started to believe more in what she had been doing for Louis’ event. It didn’t matter how old or young, what gender, what walk of life, any of these people came from. They had one thing in common, and that was the universal language of music.

“VIP lot,” Leigh-Anne pointed out, and Jade turned out of the traffic and into the lot where a security guard asked to see her pass.

She took out her “All Access” pass that Louis had given her, and showed it to the man who waved her in. Jade had to take a moment to compose herself after she had parked. This was it. They were there and it was time to be the person that she was meant to be. She was going to walk onto the grounds, with her head held high, and with one purpose.

The purpose of existing once again.

#

Liam stood by the gates, already on his second bottle of water as he watched the people start to pour in. An energy poured in with them, an electrical pulse that seemed to reverberate off each of their bodies, their enthusiastic chatter creating a rhythm that would lead right into the first DJ of the day.

He remembered the last rave he had attended. Louis had invested and helped run it, so Liam showed up to support his friend’s endeavor, but already their relationship had been strained. He remembered having spent most of the event drinking a lot and dancing around with Jesy.

This time it was different. This time he was helping, and this time their relationship was stronger, even if it wasn’t back to where it used to be. Liam was sure it would probably never get there, but maybe it would get someplace better. He hoped.

Liam’s earpiece cackled and he heard Louis’ voice come through.

“How’s it looking up there?”

Liam pressed the button on his transceiver to reply.

“Impressive. There’s a lot of fucking people out here. How’s it looking back there?”

“Chaotic,” Louis said and signed off.

Liam smiled and shook his head, knowing that chaotic was exactly how Louis liked things. He watched the hired police check bags and pat people down, the bin of confiscated items getting fuller and fuller by the moment. Then he glanced toward the VIP entrance where an enthusiastic arm waved in his direction. He smiled and headed over to Jesy.

“We’re here!” She said, giving him a big hug.

Liam hugged her tight and told her she looked great, which she did in her black cutoff jeans shorts and black and white-striped tank top. He traded a handshake and bro hug with Harry who seemed to be matching her in his own pair of black jeans.

“This is pretty crazy huh?” Liam asked her as he looked back toward the swarms of people crowding in.

“It’s exactly how I thought it would be,” Jesy said, sounding like a proud mom. “I never once doubted Louis would get this turnout. He’s worked so hard for it, and he’s earned it.”

Liam nodded, his mind suddenly on the one person that had helped Louis build his empire.

“I wish Perrie could be here to see it,” he admitted.

Jesy nodded and reached into her tote bag.

“Next best thing,” she explained as she pulled out a small digital camera, “We’re going to document it all for her. Let her know that she was with us in spirit. I think she’ll like that.”

“And she’ll be at the next one,” Harry said, putting his arm around Jesy to rub her arm. “This one’s more just a trial run. Right?”

Liam nodded. But if this was a trial run, then he had no idea what to expect at the next one. This one had already exceeded expectations and the first DJ hadn’t even taken the stage yet.

“Oh my God!” Jesy shouted out and then ran past Liam so fast that he almost hurt his neck turning his head so fast to see what had caught her attention.

He recognized Niall and Leigh-Anne before he recognized Jade. He hadn’t been surprised that she had worn the outfit he had bought her, but it took him a moment and a few blinks to confirm that he was not hallucinating the color of her hair.

“It looks amazing! You look so hot!” Jesy said, and Liam just stood there dumbstruck and unable to move.

Harry had gone over to greet the friends as well, and once he had finished hugging Jade, Liam caught her eye as she stood and noticed he hadn’t come over. She smiled, almost as if there had been a small joke in her mind, and then she walked up to him.

“You scared of me or something?” She asked, teasing him and crossing her arms lightly.

“God, you’re beautiful,” Liam said. He didn’t know what else to say. It was what was on his mind, so he had blurted it out.

Jade smiled and uncrossed her arms, stretching them out so he could take in her whole look.

“So? Is this the Queen of Hearts you had in mind?” She asked, her playful smirk taunting him.

“Never let it be said that you don’t take ideas and run with them.”

Jade laughed and he was intoxicated. He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her in, kissing her longingly for as long as he could before being interrupted by Louis’ voice in his hear again.

“First act takes the stage in 30. Get your ass down here.”

Liam pulled away and sighed.

“Nothing kills a mood like Louis talking in your ear,” he explained.

“That sounds like a nightmare. Probably why I haven’t turned mine on yet,” Jade said pulling her transceiver out from her pocket. “How does this work?”

“I’ll show you on the way,” Liam said taking her hand, and then he addressed their friends, “Alright guys, try to stay out of trouble. Jade and I have work to do.”

“Oh yeah, work,” Jesy said with a wink.

“No, we really have to work,” Jade pointed out and Liam just started leading her away.

“Promise me something,” Liam said as he stole another kiss from Jade as they walked to the main stage.

“What’s that?”

“Promise me that you’ll never stop existing again.”

Jade looked at him and stopped walking, and when he stopped as well she reached up on her tippy toes and wrapped her arms around his neck, the action alone causing his own arms to instinctually snake around her tiny waist.

She looked into his eyes with an intensity he was sure he had never seen before, and then, for the third, and he was sure, last time, she introduced herself.

“Hi, I’m Jade. And I came into being last night when I dyed my hair red, and I’m here to stay. So I hope you like that because if you don’t, there’s a guy named Harry around here somewhere that’s next in line.”

Liam chuckled and dropped a small kiss on her lips before taking his turn.

“It’s nice to meet you, Jade. I’m Liam, and I’m also here to stay. And if you don’t like that, then I think there’s a girl named Jesy who’s waiting for me around here somewhere.”

“That’s a double date that might lead into an orgy someday.”

“Note to self, do not accept invitation for that double date.”

“You are so mean to Jesy.”

“I was more thinking that I don’t need to see Harry naked.”

“And yet we’re all going to see him naked when his pilot airs.”

Liam made a small groan and shook his head as Jade laughed.

“I completely forgot about that,” he admitted, and he pushed her wavy red hair strands out of her face as he looked at her, taking her in again, as he knew he’d be doing the whole day and night.

He gave her one last kiss before Louis interrupted again to ask him his location.

#

Louis had an idea of what waited for him when he took the stage. He had peeked out from the side to check, and the sea of people had made him take a step back and wonder if he had really woken up that morning. He gathered his thoughts then hopped up the steps and onto the stage, walking out as the techies did some last minute adjustments on the stage, making sure chords were taped down and that the mics were working.

Already a sea of faces greeted him, and Louis knew that most of the ravers wouldn’t even show up until the sun had completely set. A crazy vibe had taken over their piece of land that day. Louis felt like the leader of a tribe, and these people had put their trust in him. For the next hours that they spent here, the outside world didn’t exist. Their enclave was full of dreams, ideas, fun, stretching the mind in ways the real world didn’t normally allow. It was his job to guide them.

“How’s everyone doing?” He spoke into the mic, and the roar of the crowd replied in unison, not in a distinct word that could be made out, but in a sound that could be understood on any part of the planet without translation. “I personally would like to thank all of you for coming out to this idea. Because that’s what this is, an idea. And it’s an idea that’s constantly evolving, it’s an idea that gets bigger with each and every one of you being here and being a part of it.”

The crowd cheered again, and Louis looked out at the eager faces, at the girls sitting on someone’s shoulders to get a better view above the crowd, at the couples that held each other, at the friends holding hands in anticipation, ready for that first beat so they could dance.

“We’ve got some great DJs here tonight,” Louis continued, “But the real music, the real art, is coming from each and every one of you. So tonight, I want you all to do me a huge favor. Tonight, I want you all to create your own music. The music that’s only inside of you. I want you to find that music, and I want you to let it out. Dance, perform, sing, love, laugh. We have places around where you can create your own art. Pick up a paint brush, express yourself. Be who you are, because who you are is powerful and inspirational, and tonight we’re all going to inspire each other. That’s what true art is about. That’s what making your dreams come true is about. Welcome to your art. Welcome to your dreams. Welcome to ‘The Art of Summer Dreaming’.”

The crowd responded with the uproar of an inspired people that only got louder as the first DJ started his set.

Louis came off the stage, having unintentionally inspired himself a bit as well. If he had realized it, he would’ve hidden the small smile on his face before he reached the bottom of the steps and faced Liam and Jade, who were standing there with big smiles as they looked at him.

“You really think you’re ready to walk away from all this?” Liam asked him with a knowing smirk.

No. He couldn’t. He knew that now. And even though he knew it still hadn’t been worth driving them all mad over, he couldn’t imagine his life not being this moment right here.

“Let’s keep the ‘I told you so’s’ to a minimum tonight, alright?” He said, before looking over at Jade. “Cool hair.”

“Thanks!” Jade said. “So I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing, but I have my thingy working now.”

Louis looked at Liam who had sucked in his bottom lip to keep from laughing.

“I’m going to go start counting money,” Liam said. He leaned in to give Jade a kiss and told her he’d catch up with her in a bit. Jade looked at him confused as to why he was leaving her there alone, so Louis explained.

“You’re going to shadow me,” Louis told her.

“Oh,” Jade said. “Like your personal assistant?”

“Yeah, we’ll go with that,” Louis said, amused and oddly grateful for reasons he couldn’t explain even to himself. “Let’s go make sure all the DJs have made it on site. You ready?”

“I’m ready!”

Her enthusiasm comforted him and made him relax a bit, something he hadn’t been anticipating. He was used to having Perrie by his side, and that chemistry in these situations was completely different. Perrie had been jaded for a while, and as he realized too late, she wanted him to succeed because she believed in him, and wanted him to believe in her.

Jade didn’t believe in him.

Jade could care less about Louis. But Jade believed in this event, and what it meant, and what she had helped to create, even if she didn’t give herself the credit for it. Like Louis, Jade wanted the best for everyone, and wanted to make everyone’s lives a little better. In his case, putting on a rave. In her case, turning in a crook. But the reasoning behind it all was the same, and Louis knew that this is why, like him, Jade wouldn’t be able to walk away from this either. She hadn’t known until this moment what she had been helping out with, and now that she knew, her life as she knew it was over.

This is what Louis hoped she would one day realize they had in common.

#

Liam had been taking a break and looking around for his friends when his boss had texted him that he was around. Liam hadn’t been sure that he’d show up, but sure enough he had, and he gave Liam a hug and pat on the back that he hadn’t been expecting.

“Man, this is amazing,” his boss said and then he introduced the woman beside him with sun-kissed blond hair and the type of tan that only gets developed from spending a healthy amount of time on the beach. “This is my wife.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Liam said shaking her hand with a smile. “I’m glad you guys made it.”

“Wouldn’t have missed it,” his boss said. “Seriously, it’s been too long since we’ve done this.”

“When’s your next one?” His wife asked.

“We haven’t had that discussion yet,” Liam told them. “But we’re basing it off how we do tonight.”

“So next week then?” His boss said and Liam smiled at the joke.

He told them if they needed anything to text him and he left them to enjoy themselves as he gave up on finding the crew and went back to the front to collect more money. He passed by a group of girls in bikinis, squirting each other with water guns as they tried to run away from each other. He passed by a group of stoners, sitting in a circle as if they were about to start a séance. He tried to wonder what universe he had fallen into that he had just had a conversation with his new boss in this environment.

Liam was about to turn toward the main gate when he caught a glimpse of someone familiar coming through the VIP entrance. In his jeans, black and gray baseball tee, and black beanie framing his unshaven face, Zayn looked more like someone who had rolled out of bed and stumbled into the event, then someone who had gotten dressed with the purpose of actually attending.

“It’s good to see you, man,” Liam said walking up to him and pulling him into a hug in greeting.

Zayn hugged him back and pat him on the back before nodding at him.

“I’m like four hours late, and these lines are crazy,” Zayn observed. “Have they been like this all day?”

“They started like this,” Liam confirmed. “I’m glad you made it out.”

“I’m really just here for Niall,” Zayn admitted.

How things had changed. All the times Niall showed up to the clubs for Zayn, and here Zayn was returning the favor.

“I was trying to find him earlier, but I seemed to have lost the whole crew,” Liam told him. “Maybe if we work together in finding them we’ll have better luck.”

“Sounds like a plan,” he said.

They walked by the food trucks where Liam had them stop. Walking around the grounds, back and forth between the gates and the trailer that served as his office with its makeshift desk and the safes where the money was being kept, had given him a massive hunger.

“Are there wristbands for the alcohol?” Zayn asked trying to gauge the situation.

“Yeah, you should’ve had one in your VIP package. We sent them out to everyone so they didn’t have to worry about doing that when they got here.”

“I don’t remember seeing one,” Zayn said looking down at his VIP pass hanging from his neck, as if he had missed it being attached to it or something.

“Shit, weird,” Liam said, trying to think of that day on Louis’ living room floor when he, Louis, and Jade had sat putting together all the VIP packages to send out. “Come on, let’s get you one then,” he said leading him over to the line where people were having their IDs checked before getting a red wristband. And then Liam had the thought that whoever had done Zayn’s had purposely left it out. The only thing he knew was that it hadn’t been him.

Liam didn’t have them wait in line, going right up to their street team member who had volunteered to take on ID duties and politely requesting one from her. She handed it over to him with a smile before returning to her job.

“Here you go,” he said motioning for Zayn to give him his hand so Liam could put it around his wrist.

Zayn looked at the red wristband for a brief moment and nodded before looking back at Liam.

“Thanks,” he said.

Liam figured if Zayn wasn’t going to say anything about it, then he wouldn’t either. So he got into the food truck line and ordered some tacos while Zayn ordered himself a beer. It was while they waited for Liam’s tacos to be made that Zayn spoke his thoughts out loud.

“I heard you went to see her in rehab.”

“I did,” Liam confirmed.

“How is she doing?”

“Really well actually. She’s serious about her recovery. I think because she’s been wanting it for so long without realizing it. Like all this time, she’s been tired.”

Liam realized how that might have sounded, but before he could qualify that he wasn’t referring to his relationship with her at all, Zayn replied.

“She has been,” Zayn said. “Three years is a long time to be with someone, but those three years we were together, I was never with the person that she really was. I was with someone who was trying to escape and forget about their life, and I was part of that escape. I was just someone she could use to help her not deal with anything, and I fell for it.”

“Isn’t that all relationships though?” Liam countered. He didn’t want to see Zayn beat himself up. Zayn didn’t deserve that. “Aren’t we all just using each other in some way?”

“No, I think there’s mutual respect and equal distribution of give and take. I was giving her that. I think she did what she could. She’d spoil me, she’d tell me what she knew I wanted to hear, she’d keep me happy enough so I never questioned that it wasn’t all real. Like you said, she was tired. And keeping up the façade just made her more tired. And when Louis confronted her that night, when the façade finally crumbled, she was finally free. She didn’t have to pretend to be strong anymore, or okay, or in charge, or happy. That’s why she’s doing well. She no longer has to pretend.”

Liam couldn’t argue with that. That probably was a huge reason as to why Perrie’s mental health seemed a lot better now. But he also didn’t think her efforts toward Zayn were completely calculated. Maybe it was self-preservation that kept Zayn from acknowledging it or believing it.

“I still think you guys should talk when she gets out. I think you should meet this side of Perrie. She’s amazing.”

“I believe you,” Zayn said with a nod, “I believe the real Perrie is amazing. But we can’t talk. She needs to find her way on her own, find that part of her that she lost when she devoted her life to Louis. And I need to do the same, and find that part of me that I lost when I devoted my life to her.”

Liam wished he could have figured out things that well when things had fallen apart between him and his fiancé. He should’ve had the sense to call Zayn even then, if no one else. How had he taken not just Louis and Perrie, but all of his friends for granted? That’s something else he wouldn’t be doing again.

“Listen,” Liam said facing him, “I know you’re here for Niall, and I know you probably have no intentions of coming to another club night or event again, but Louis isn’t the only one who felt the way he did that night at the sleepover. Maybe I’m being selfish in saying this to you, but we need you around. I need you around. You could’ve saved me so much grief if I had had the common sense to talk to you after I got back from New York. I took you for granted. I took everyone for granted. But those days are done. I consider you a good fucking friend, and I want to be that for you, too. Seriously, man, anything, anytime, anyplace. You have a rough day at work and want to go get some beers, call me, I’m there.” 

“You know what’s funny?” Zayn said. “In those three years, I never knew the real you either. You were just the cool guy that popped up every now and then and made the crew seem a bit more relaxed. I’m all for starting a real friendship with you, and getting to know what it is that Perrie loved so much about you too, because she really did. I don’t know if you know that, but she always told me stories about you guys, and she often wished you’d just move back and fix everything. ‘Liam fixes everything,’ she would say. I kept waiting to see why she thought that.”

“Well now you will,” Liam stated.

“I think I’ve already started to,” Zayn said and gave him a small smile. “We’re cool, man. No worries.”

“No worries,” Liam agreed.

When Liam’s tacos were ready, he got himself a beer as well and headed off with Zayn to find the rest of their friends.

#

Louis had been in the middle of checking up on a technical issue, that luckily his head tech guy seemed to have under control, when he spotted Saturday walk by and into the VIP tent. She was hard to miss in her tiny jean shorts and sexy pink top that was as classy as it was seductive. She had a pink fiber optic hair clip in her hair that lit up her black waves with a cool pink effect. She was mesmerizing, but that wasn’t anything new to Louis.

“Shadow him for a bit,” Louis instructed Jade as he took off toward the VIP tent.

He walked into the tent, a refreshing haven from the outdoor elements, with couches and fans blowing, a full bar, complimentary snacks, and TV monitors set up with a live feed from the main stage. Someone could watch the whole festival from in there in comfort, but Louis had never been the type. Even when he was a DJ at a rave, he strayed from VIP and went out to see the other acts. It was a good place to regroup, but staying there would be missing out on the true vibe of the rave.

Saturday was regrouping. He had known from her text earlier that she was coming out with a group of friends, mostly her sorority friends who Louis was also well acquainted with. He had promised to come out and say hi at some point, but he hadn’t had the chance just yet. She grabbed a bottle of water just as he came up behind her, wrapping his hands around her hips and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

“Hey,” he then said. His great mood was something that would not be lost on Saturday.

She turned around, a smile in place, and leaned in to give him a short and sweet kiss on the lips.

“Hey,” she said back. “You’ve really outdone yourself, babe.”

“You would know. You’ve been through a lot of these with me these past few years. I feel like Drake. Started from the bottom now I’m here.”

She smiled at the reference and nodded, her eyes taking a quick glance over him and back to his eyes.

“Congrats,” she told him. “Seriously. Success is a great look on you.”

“Success looks good on anyone.”

“I don’t know. I know a lot of successful people, but they don’t quite do it for me the way you do.”

He watched her eyes divert before taking a drink from her water bottle. He knew that she was thinking she had said too much. Their relationship had always been a complicated one that way. She had known him before he had lost his light, and she hadn’t abandoned him after, and here she was telling him he looked good, and he could only imagine it was because she could see some of that light coming back. Maybe that’s all she had been waiting for.

“I’m sorry,” he said to her.

She looked back at him, putting the cap back on the water bottle.

“For what?”

"For a lot of things."

“Hm,” she said watching him. “I don’t think you really have to apologize to me for anything.”

“Do you remember that first year we were hanging out,” Louis said, memories flooding him so hard he could visually see the past playing out before him.

“Freshman year?”

“God, was it freshman year?” He asked almost surprised. “I feel no one should’ve known me freshman year. I was such an idiot.”

“I thought you were so cute,” Saturday admitted, hiding her smile behind her water bottle. “The first Greek mixer between our houses, remember? Up until that point all the frat boys I had met had been so full of themselves.”

“I’m pretty sure I was full of myself.” Louis was self-aware enough to point that out.

“You were, but in a different way. The other guys were like, ‘I drive a Porsche. I’m on the football team. My name’s on three buildings on campus.’ But you were like, ‘I just want to be a great DJ.’ Like that’s it. No posturing. No trying to impress. No showing off who you were. Just showing off who you wanted to be. It was different.”

Louis hadn’t quite remembered their first conversation, but he nodded.

“You should’ve ran away then,” he noted.

“Maybe. But I liked it. You liked to have fun. I liked to have fun. It worked.”

“It did.”

“I still remember that first Valentine’s.”

“Oh God,” Louis said looking up and sighing.

“No, it was great.”

“Yeah, it was fantastic,” he said, his voice layered in sarcasm. “I asked you if you wanted to go clubbing. I don’t think I even took you on a real Valentine’s dinner. Didn’t we go to In ‘n’ Out?”

“We did,” Saturday said. “But I’ll always remember that day, because as the girls in my dorm all started getting Valentine’s flowers and candy delivered to them, I just sat in my room with my headphones on trying to tune it all out because I knew I wouldn’t be getting anything. Then out of nowhere I get called down to the lobby, and there waiting for me were roses, chocolate, and an invitation to be your Valentine’s date that night.”

“The perfect lead-up to In ‘n’ Out. Naturally.”

“Naturally,” she said looking at him warmly.

“You tell me that story and you still think I have nothing to apologize for?”

“You never hid your agenda. How could you with Perrie always lurking in the background? And then the following year when the new crop of sorority girls came in and you found a new amusement, it was a pretty loud and clear signal.”

“Friday has never had anything on you.”

“And yet there she was. All blond and doe-eyed and ready to have fun with the most popular frat guy on campus. She made a perfect day of the week.”

Strangely, it stung to hear her say that. As if he hadn’t hurt her enough by leading her on with a Valentine’s invitation freshman year, and yet patiently she waited and went along with all the changes. Patiently she allowed herself to not be the first person he called, and patiently she allowed herself to be relegated to just one night a week. And now there was Wednesday doing exactly the same thing. Would she be willing to do it for more than three years as Saturday had done?

He suddenly realized that Wednesday hadn’t been the first of the girls to not want anything more from him than just him, she had just been the first to admit it.

“I think I owe you a dinner,” Louis said, looking into her brown eyes. “A real one.”

“I don’t say no to real dinners. I’ll look forward to it next Saturday.”

“How about tomorrow night?”

Saturday raised her eyebrow.

“Tomorrow’s Sunday,” she pointed out.

“I’m dissolving the days of the week. Starting today actually. You are officially no longer Saturday.”

“You’re dissolving the days of the week?” She asked, her eyes narrowing as if trying to understand. “What does that mean exactly?”

“It means I’m done playing this game. Like you said, this is what success looks like. And when you’ve made it, you can change the rules, create a new game. My financial advisor is insistent that we start doing things differently, and I agree with him.”

“So what does that mean for us exactly?”

“It means if I want to take you out on Sunday, and if you’d like to be taken out on Sunday, then that’s what we’ll do.”

He noticed she looked unsure, almost as if she thought this was the worst thing he could have told her. Then a voice in his earpiece said an act was going long and was asking permission to pull the plug on him. He took Saturday’s hand and led her out of the VIP tent while pressing the button on his transceiver and directing his stage manager to give the act five more minutes before pulling the plug.

Saturday didn’t ask questions as he led her past the people and events occurring in the backstage area. When Louis passed by Jade, he noticed her ready to say something to him but then stopping when Louis held up his hand to let her know that she needed to give him five more minutes. Jade looked suspicious but just nodded and turned around to keep shadowing the lead tech.

Louis took Saturday into the trailer that was serving as their headquarters and kicked out the two staff members that were in there answering calls and monitoring the social media.

“Just give me a few minutes, guys,” he said to them.

Louis wasn’t prone to being unprofessional while he was running things, especially not during such a huge event, but he owed it to Saturday to give her his full attention right now, and to see what she wanted, and to assure her that he appreciated her.

He removed his shades and ran his hand through his hair, looking at her as she stood there staring at him.

“So is this it then?” She asked.

“I’m honestly trying to figure all that out,” he admitted.

The transceiver crackled again and Louis held down the button.

“Jade, deal with the issue. You’re calling the shots for the next few minutes.” He turned off the transceiver and unclipped it from his belt loop, tossing it on his desk along with the earpiece and his shades.

“I’m very confused right now,” Saturday said.

“Don’t be,” Louis said, closing the gap between them and putting his hands on her arms as he looked at her. “Or, go ahead and be. I’m confused, too. All I know is that I’m going to be out of the scene for a while. Not completely, I’ll still show up to the clubs on Fridays and Saturdays. I think I want to try something new. I think I want to try actually dating people.”

Saturday’s eyes widened.

“You want to try dating people?” She asked him back.

“Yeah, which might be the stupidest thing to do when I’m heading to law school. When am I really going to have time to date? But still. I want to try.”

“Well, who are these people you want to try and date? All of us?”

“No, just you and Wednesday.”

Saturday nodded slowly.

“The new Wednesday. I haven’t had a chance to meet her yet.”

“I’m sure you’ll meet her before the night is over,” he said, although he hadn’t heard from Wednesday and hadn’t seen her yet. She probably had changed her mind and decided to skip it.

“So no more Friday? She’s been invested for some time as well.”

“I don’t think Friday’s ever cared about who I really am.”

“Wow, you’ve given this some thought.”

“A little.”

“And you think I’ve ever cared about who you really are?” She said, but the small curve of her lips betrayed her question.

“I think I want to take you on a real date and find out,” Louis said as he slid his right hand up her arm and over her shoulder, before reaching up to push some of her black hair behind her ear. “I have to get back out there, but I’m a tiny bit obsessed at the moment with the lights in your hair.”

The sparkling pink glow mesmerized him as he ran his fingers over the fiber optic lights.

“Everyone deserves at least a fifteen minute break,” she said, leaning in to kiss him.

He kissed her back, not bothering to point out that it had been far longer than fifteen minutes since he had told Jade to give him a few. He moved his hands down to grab her ass, squeezing it and kissing her harder as he guided her up against the desk. He lifted her up in one strong movement, setting her down on top of the desk and moving his hips against hers as she spread her legs for him.

They had been doing this for so many years that Saturday knew exactly where to touch him, knew exactly the right spots to concentrate on to get him as riled up as possible. He struggled with her jean shorts, wishing for once that they weren’t so fitted to her body. But once they were on the floor, she wasted no time in sliding his condom onto him, and he wasted no time in thrusting right into her.

She held onto him, gripping hard onto his back as she whimpered with each hard movement against her. And then she leaned in close to his ear and whispered for him to say her name, another whimper following the request.

He realized that he had forgotten how much he actually loved her name. He said it once, and she kissed him with reckless passion before letting go of him and laying back against the desk, arching her back so her hips were angled better for his deep thrusts. And he said her name again, and again, and again, as her whimpers turned to screams of pleasure and joined the echoes of her name bouncing off the trailer walls.


	30. Chapter 30

Liam knew Jade had to be freaking out.

After he had heard Louis tell her to take over, he had tried to make a beeline toward where he thought she’d be, but every place backstage he checked showed no signs of Jade-Life. He had the thought that she might have found a place to hide, but then he heard her over his earpiece telling the stage manager to pull the plug on the act.

When he finally found her, it was over by the side of the stage where she directed the tech guys to figure out a way to close up the time between the next act and the one after to get things back on schedule.

“Nice job,” Liam said and Jade stared at him, looking as if she wanted to cry.

“I’m going to kill him.”

“No you’re not. Why do you think he’s had you shadowing him all day? Louis’ not going to be around to do this while he’s in law school. He’s done being the promoter. That’s all you now.”

“This is crazy. He didn’t even ask me if I wanted to do this!”

“He didn’t have to. Look how naturally you took care of that situation.”

“I can’t do this. I can be his assistant all day long. But running things and telling people what to do? There’s no way. Did you see how those guys looked at me like I was crazy? They know I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“You’re acting as if you’re not used to people looking at you like that. You, the person who jumps down people’s throats and goes from calm to irate in .5 seconds. You, the most fearless person I know, who did something I’d never have the balls to do. You who complained about real bowling while schooling everyone on fake bowling.”

“Wait, I’m not getting how the bowling situation pertains to this…”

“I just wanted to throw that one in to mock you.”

“You’re such an asshole.”

“Come here,” he said, reaching his arms to her and pulling her into a hug even as she mumbled something under her breath and rolled her eyes. He placed a kiss on her head and held her tight. “People may roll their eyes and look at you like you’re crazy, but they do listen to you, Baby. And these are guys with a lot of ego and who are used to dealing with Louis. They’re not going to warm up to you right away, but they’ll come around.”

“But this isn’t my dream, Liam,” Jade said looking up at him. Her brown eyes looked worried, as if taking this on would somehow kill her writing plans.

“Are you sure about that?” He said. “I’m pretty sure you had changed your dreams at some point to something along the lines of just wanting a job that paid well enough for you to buy yourself a TV with a remote control and everything.”

“You’re making a point aren’t you?”

Liam smiled and placed a soft kiss on her lips.

“Maybe,” he said, holding her tighter. “Something about the fluidity of dreams. I don’t know.”

“No, you’re right,” Jade said as she pulled away from him and sighed. “I’m scared, and I’m letting that turn me into a really big brat right now. But you seem to think I can do this, and Louis for some ungodly reason seems to think I can do this, so I’m going to trust the both of you and go and do this. But I’m still mad at him for ditching me so he could have a ‘few minutes’ with one of his days of the week,” she said, using finger quotes to highlight the time limit.

“Is that what happened?” Liam said, completely floored by that explanation. Liam was fairly sure that Louis never hooked up with anyone while he was running things. “And here I thought he had to go take a piss or something. Although I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have gone dark even then.”

“No, he went to his trailer dragging Saturday with him.”

“That’s…amazing,” Liam said.

He couldn’t figure out if it was a good sign or bad sign that Louis had done that. On the one hand, he may have felt relaxed and in a good enough mood to be a little reckless at his own event. On the other, he may have felt overwhelmed and needed a serious distraction to help him escape a bit.

“Amazing’s not exactly the word I’d use for it,” Jade said. “I would have liked to have dragged you to a trailer and had my way with you, but I was working. That what I thought we were all doing.”

Liam smiled and shook his head at her.

“See, you’re doing that thing again,” he pointed out.

“What thing?”

“That thing where you’re acting like a boss. You’re running things. You’re upset people aren’t pulling their own weight. I forgot how much I liked working with you.”

"Yeah? Well in that case, what are you doing back here? Aren't you supposed to be working, too?"

“I was hoping we could find a trailer…”

“Shut up,” she said shoving him playfully with her hand. Even Jade was unable to not smile and be amused by the joke. “Well after Louis’ done, it’s our turn. I’m just saying.”

“I do what the boss tells me,” Liam said.

“I have a list of things,” Jade said as she heard her phone go off. Then Liam felt his own vibrate in his jeans pocket and he pulled it out to read the same text that Jade was reading from Niall.

_It’s time. Get here NOW!_

“Oh my God!” Jade said, almost dropping her phone. “We need to get out there. Shit, where’s Louis? What do we do?”

“Calm down,” Liam said. “Niall’s going to have to stall. Let’s go assess the situation at the trailer.”

Luckily for them, they were able to avoid any awkwardness when they spotted Louis heading in their direction as he put his earpiece back in his ear and reattached his transceiver to his belt loop.

“You are so on my shit list right now,” Jade let him know.

“I hear music,” Louis said, “And I don’t smell fire or hear any sirens. Great job.”

Jade looked both dumbfounded and ready to punch him, so Liam intervened by letting Louis know that Niall was ready for his big moment and that they needed to head over to the art area.

As Jade marched ahead of them, Liam took the opportunity to gauge what was going on in Louis’ head.

“So you’re looking pretty relaxed,” Liam casually mentioned.

“I made a big decision, and it feels good,” Louis said with a shrug. “I actually feel like I’ve taken all this weight off my shoulders.”

“And what decision was that?”

“Eliminating the days of the week.”

Liam glanced toward his friend, surprised and making sure that he wasn’t kidding him.

“That is a pretty big decision. Is there a new strategy you’re going to use or something?”

Louis nodded toward Jade ahead of them.

“She’s the acting promoter for now. She’ll have to figure out what works best for her.”

“She’s got a lot to learn, man.”

“She has less to learn than she thinks. The business side of it she’ll pick up, telling people what to do will come naturally to her, but she still has to learn the music, the DJs, what’s good, what’s bad, what it is people respond to and don’t. She’ll get there though.”

Liam nodded in agreement. He knew she’d get there because he knew Jade. Her resourcefulness had gotten her this far.

“So we’re not going to see any of your days anymore? Ever?” Liam asked, not even sure how he felt about it. It seemed like such a drastic lifestyle change.

“I’m holding onto Wednesday and Saturday…well, we’re not calling them that anymore. We’re going to call them by their real names from now on. But I’m actually going to take a page out of your book and try this crazy thing called dating.”

If they hadn’t been in a rush to get to Niall, Liam would’ve stopped walking in shock.

“You’re going to be dating them? Like real dating?”

“I’m going to try. I’ve liked one for a very long time, whether I’ve wanted to admit it to myself or not, and the other one intrigues me and makes me feel things that I’m not sure I’ve ever felt. I want to give them both a fair shot and see what happens.”

“I guess they’ll both be happy to just have to compete with only one other person.”

“I guess. I hope they don’t see it as a competition though. That’s not what this is. I’m a shitty prize, so I’d hope neither of them felt like I was worth competing over.”

“Okay Mr. I just pulled off an amazing rave and I’m about to go to law school. Yeah, really shitty prize there,” Liam rolled his eyes and punched Louis lightly in the arm. “I think Jade would say that no guy is worth competing over, so go with that instead of putting yourself down.”

Louis seemed to think that over and then nodded.

“The Philosophy of Jade,” Louis said. “It has merit.”

“Yeah,” Liam agreed. “Maybe that will be the book she ultimately writes.” He’d have to suggest it to her. In fact, he’d have to harass her to let him read something she’d written in the first place. Strange how he had never thought to ask her before, but now he wished he had thought of it sooner. Reading her work would reveal so much about her, and he wanted to learn the inner workings of Jade’s mind.

They arrived to the art area where even though the sunlight had been lost, large lights illuminated the white canvases and artwork that had been created upon them. A lot of paint had been tossed on the canvases, but between the splatters of neon green and rebellious red and black, there were small drawings, and poetry or various texts of thoughts, of stream of consciousness, of present tense feelings.

“Zayn, you’re here!” Jade screamed, and Liam watched as she ran to give him a big hug which he warmly returned.

“I am,” he nodded, and he blinked a few moments as he took in her attire and hair.

Jade bit her lip, and Liam knew she was worried and a bit unsure, and then he realized the obvious.

“It was you,” Liam pointed out, raising his eyebrow.

“What was me?” Jade asked.

“You didn’t give him his wristband.”

“Well I wanted him to show up,” she explained. “I just thought, you know, it’d remind you and you’d be like, no I can’t, and I wanted you to be like, yes I can,” she said looking between Liam and Zayn.

“That was very thoughtful,” Zayn acknowledged. He lifted up his wrist to show that he had the red wristband on. “It’s cool. Niall begged me to come.”

“Yeah, I’m like that,” Niall said, wringing his hands a bit as he bounced a bit on his feet.

“I’m glad you made it, too,” Louis threw out there to Zayn, seeing him for the first time as well.

Zayn just nodded at him, and Liam saw the silent mutual understanding pass between Zayn and Louis. It was better than the previous mutual distrust that defined their relationship. Liam was grateful for that.

“We’re here!” Jesy said running over with Harry, and the excited girl began passing out glow sticks. “We’re all going to glow tonight. It’s that kind of night. Hey!” She said when she caught sight of Louis and she gave him a huge, lingering hug that he returned with a small smile. 

“Are you having fun, babe?” Louis asked her.

“I am! So much fun. Soooo much fun.”

Louis nodded and fist-bumped with Harry before Niall cleared his throat.

“So, I made a thing,” Niall said, and he looked at Leigh-Anne who had stood beside Jade to chat with her about something.

“Oooh, what kind of thing?” Jesy asked.

“Babe, not your cue,” Harry said pulling her close to him. “Sorry, she’s rolling,” he apologized to the friends.

“It’s okay,” Niall said and cleared his throat again. “Baby,” he said looking at Leigh-Anne who paid attention to him.

“Why are you acting so damn weird?” Leigh-Anne asked him.

“Because I made a thing. I wanted you to look at it.”

“Okay where is it?” She asked waiting for him to point it out.

“Do you have your glow stick?” He asked her.

She raised her purple glow stick for him to see.

Niall motioned for her to follow him. Liam followed along as well, holding the blue glow stick that Jesy had given him. Jade came by his side and took his hand, smiling at him giddy, clearly excited for her friend.

They walked into the main art tent, toward the furthest back corner and Liam stood beside Jade, waiting for his cue.

“It’s too dark in here to see anything,” Leigh-Anne complained.

“That’s what the glow sticks are for!” Jesy reminded her.

Jade leaned into Liam and whispered in his ear, “Is this making you uncomfortable? Are you freaking out right now?”

Liam reached out to poke her side. She was the worst. And even in the dark tent, he knew exactly how she looked as she giggled at him.

“Alright, you ready to see it?” Niall asked.

“I’ve been ready,” Leigh-Anne sassed.

“Alright. On the count of three,” Niall directed. “One, two, three.”

On cue, Liam lifted up his glow stick, hoping that he was making his “S” the correct way and not backwards. It was hard to tell from behind the letter. He knew Niall had asked the art tent staffer to hold a camera and document it, but Liam still wished he was able to see the effect.

The light was enough to show Leigh-Anne’s face as she read the two words that the six friends were spelling out with their glow sticks.

“Say Yes,” Leigh-Anne read aloud. “Say yes?” She repeated unsure, and she looked over at Niall, who had dropped down to one knee and was presenting her a purple glow in the dark jar. Inside the jar was an engagement ring, right in the center and on display.

“Oh my God,” Leigh-Anne said, dropping her glow stick.

“Say yes!” Jesy shouted.

“Are you serious right now?” Leigh-Anne asked Niall.

“Well, I had to coordinate an actual rehearsal so these idiots wouldn’t mess up their letters, so I’m going to say that yes, I am actually serious.”

“I originally had to do the ‘A’ and the ‘Y’ so thank you again, Zayn, for showing up,” Jade said.

“You missed a good rehearsal,” Jesy said to Zayn, “Harry kept messing up.”

“Look, ‘Y’ is a difficult letter to glow stick,” Harry defended.

“Are you going to say yes or what?” Jade said to Leigh-Anne. “I want funnel cake.”

“Oh my God!” Leigh-Anne said, “Yes, of course, yes!”

Liam clapped and cheered with the other guys as Jade and Jesy jumped up and down with each other while holding hands.

Niall removed the ring from the jar and slid it onto Leigh-Anne’s finger, who admired it for a moment, picking up her glow stick so she could use it to cast light on the ring as she took a better look. And then she wrapped her arms around Niall’s neck and gave him a long kiss.

“That was so romantic,” Jesy said once they were back outside, and she twirled around with her glow stick and let out a content sigh.

“Yeah, real romantic,” Harry said, trying to move a bit away from her.

Louis stood beside Liam, and they both crossed their arms at Harry, Louis lifting his hand and spinning his finger at Harry to let him know that he needed to turn right back around and humor Jesy.

Harry narrowed his eyes at both of them, but he sighed and turned to Jesy anyway, who pulled him into her as she gave him a kiss of her own.

Liam tried hard not to snicker, but it came out anyway and Louis smiled.

“He hates us,” Louis commented.

“Yeah. He should,” Liam said, reigning it in a bit. “It’s alright, we’ll tell him we’re just messing with him in a bit.”

“Only after he’s made her night,” Louis said with a nod. “I love seeing Jesy that happy.”

“Me too,” Liam said looking toward their close friend. “One day we’ll see you that happy again.”

Louis snorted.

“Don’t hold your breath,” Louis said. “Alright, I’m heading to the main stage to catch this guy that’s about to come on.”

“I’m gonna go get this girl some funnel cake,” Liam said, trading fist bumps with Louis before Louis left to get lost in his music.

Liam walked over to Jade who danced and tried to get Zayn to do at least one move with her. Zayn stood stoic, amused, and not budging at her request. Liam decided to save him by picking her up, her shrill scream piercing his ear, as he carried her over his shoulder and pat her butt.

“I’m taking you to get your funnel cake,” Liam informed her.

“Liam! If you drop me I swear!”

“You wanna come along?” Liam asked Zayn.

“Yeah sure. I could use some funnel cake.”

“Zayn, save me!” Jade called out.

Zayn laughed, something Liam hadn’t seen him do in a very long time either. Liam smiled thinking that tonight’s success hadn’t come in the amount of people who had shown up, or the amount of money they had made at the gate. It had come in this moment right now. This moment where Jesy was happy and infatuated, Niall and Leigh-Anne were starting a great new chapter of their life, and Zayn was laughing. The more he thought about it, the more he thought that calling it a success was an understatement.

They reached the funnel cake truck and he put Jade down, the smell of the fried dough distracting her from being upset with him as she took her place in line and discussed topping options with Zayn.

Liam took the moment to take a picture of the surroundings, the main stage glowing a neon green from the lights playing to the music. He texted the picture to Perrie with a simple message.

_Wish you were here. It’s not the same without you._

He wasn’t lying to her. As much fun as he had been having, something was definitely missing, and it wasn’t just a matter of a socialite wearing red and acting as if the event revolved around her. It was the belief in Louis and his vision. No one believed in it or had ever believed in it more than Perrie, and this event had happened because of all her sacrifices. She was a part of this rave on a molecular level, and it felt wrong for her to miss it.

And it would’ve been wrong for him to miss it, too. What if he hadn’t ended up coming back? What if he hadn’t flipped that coin and ended up supporting Jesy at Louis’ warehouse event earlier in the summer? He would’ve inevitably heard about this event happening, and he would’ve been in his room, bored, maybe watching TV, and trying to avoid Jesy’s texts about him not being there.

It would’ve been his loss. He belonged in this nonsensical, convoluted, too-bright, too-loud empire that Louis had created, just as Perrie did, just as they all did. This was their reality.

He was surprised when Perrie texted back.

_Of course it isn’t. See you at the next one._

Liam smiled and then smiled again when he looked over to see Jade dig into her funnel cake as she walked over to him.

“This is soooooo good,” she said. “Try it.”

He broke off a piece for himself to try it and agreed that it was soooooo good.

“Have you ever read the sequel to Alice in Wonderland?” He asked her, reaching for another piece.

“ _Through the Looking-Glass_?” She asked with a nod. “Yeah of course. Why?”

“No reason,” he said, as he saw Zayn approaching them with his own funnel cake. “We’ll talk about it later.”

Jade looked at him suspiciously but then focused on her funnel cake without a single care in the world. Liam took a picture of her with her funnel cake and made it his new background on his phone before helping her devour the whole thing.

#

Louis had known this guy was going to kill it when he had asked him to come play. The crowd ate it up, the energy high and the beats dropped in time with the white and blue strobes coming off the stage. It was as if the music was sending out rays straight into people’s souls. Louis felt it, and he was ready to have his soul cleansed, but there was a voice in his ear splitting him away from the experience almost as quickly as he had fallen into it.

“What’s the problem?” Louis asked, recognizing the voice of the VIP gate security. He walked away from the crowds, trying to hear him better.

“Some girl’s up here claiming to be one of the DJ’s girlfriend, but she’s not on the list. She said she wanted to speak to whoever was in charge.”

“Alright, I’m coming,” he said, getting his mind back into work mode as he made his way toward the front of the site.

When he got there, he crossed his arms and calmly listened to the woman, then radioed over to the stage manager to find the DJ in question and ask him if he knew her. When he said he had and had forgotten to submit her name to the list, Louis motioned for her to follow him.

He led her backstage where he got a girl from the street team to give her a VIP pass and drinking wristband, before having her escort the girlfriend to wherever her boyfriend was.

“Louis, we have two kids down here in First Aid that are being taken to the hospital,” came the voice of his first aid guy.

“Fuck,” Louis cursed before hitting his button to talk back. “What’s wrong with them?”

“One overheated and lost consciousness, but we got him to come around, and we have a girl down here who’s severely dehydrated.”

“Alright, keep me updated on their conditions.”

“Will do.”

Louis picked up his pace as he headed to the VIP tent, his eyes searching out for his investor who was supplying the rave.

In a surreal moment, he spotted his dad instead. He sat on one of the couches with his girlfriend, enjoying a beer as he spoke with her. His dad put his hand up in a wave and Louis put his hand up as well in greeting, then just kept his finger up indicating he’d be right back.

He found the guy he was looking for toward the back of the tent, surrounded by rave girls in hot shorts and bikinis as he smoked weed and talked with another one of the investors.

“Louis,” he said with a big grin, “We were just saying you needed to get in here and do some celebratory shots with us. Tonight’s going down in history.”

“I don’t do celebratory shots until the last DJ’s done spinning,” Louis said. “I need to talk to you for a minute.” He motioned with his head for him to follow him, and they walked to the other side of the tent, away from anyone’s hearing range.

“What’s going on?” The guy asked.

“I’ve got two kids down. Sounds like molly. Just giving you the heads up.”

“Shit,” he said, putting his hands on his hips. “Fuckin’ kids.”

“How’s it looking? You started counting yet?”

“Why do you think I was celebrating, man? My people started running out of shit, the demand was so high. What about the whole event itself?”

“We broke even about two hours ago,” Louis confirmed the news that Liam had given him. That had helped him relax a bit as well. “We’re going into the late hours and there’s still a line out that gate. I honestly have no idea why.”

“Didn’t I tell you? You’ve got that magic, man. Everyone’s been waiting for you to do this. The biggest name on those flyers weren’t the DJs. People saw you were behind this and the whole scene showed up with their friends, neighbors, family, and anyone they could pick up along the way.”

Louis had a hard time believing that.

“I think people were just bored,” Louis shrugged off. “I gotta keep it moving. Enjoy your early celebration.”

“There’s a shot and a fat ass blunt with your name all over it when you’re ready.”

“Looking forward to it,” Louis said as he walked back toward his dad’s direction. He walked slow enough to radio Liam. “Liam, are you still around Jesy?”

“Not at the moment, why?” Liam answered.

“Do me a favor. Text Harry and let him know to bring her back here to VIP. I don’t know what she took or where she got it from so I want her to take it easy for a bit and cool off.”

“I’m on it,” Liam said just as Louis got to his dad.

“You’re here. I wasn’t sure if you’d show up,” he said to the man who seemed to have been watching him as he moved around the place.

“I wouldn’t have missed it,” his dad said and his girlfriend smiled at Louis politely and thanked him for the invitation as well. Louis just nodded at her, not able to give much more at the moment to the woman who had been a key part of breaking up his family.

“Are you guys having fun?” Louis asked them.

“Yes,” his dad said. “This is all very different. I don’t know what I was expecting. We were out there for a little bit, but we needed a break.”

“Are you going to DJ at all tonight?” His dad’s girlfriend asked, and Louis was surprised that she knew he even did that in the first place. He couldn’t imagine his dad talking about him to this woman.

“No, it’d be crazy trying to pull off a good set and a great rave at the same time.”

“This is just amazing,” his dad said shaking his head in disbelief. “I run a company, and I know there’s no way I could pull off running something like this. You’re amazing.”

Louis sucked his bottom lip, not sure how to respond to a compliment like that from his dad, so he figured that flattery begat flattery.

“I learned from the best,” Louis said with a half-shrug, but it was an honest answer. He knew his dad was great at what he did, just like his mom was great at what she did. If there was one thing he had learned and picked up from both of his parents, it was that if people were doing what they really loved to do, then chances were they’d do it really fucking well.

He had silenced his dad, who seemed too scared to say anything that might make Louis take that back, so Louis let him have his moment, excusing himself to deal with more rave matters.

As he walked out of the VIP tent, he did a double take, seeing a delicate female figure standing beneath a flood light in a short crème colored crochet dress with daisies blooming in her long brown waves. She was looking down at her phone, her fingers methodically tapping away at the screen.

“I had given up on seeing you here,” he said to her, taking in how momentarily surprised Wednesday seemed at seeing him.

She put her phone away in her small bag.

“I just got here,” she said. “I was texting you.”

“Fashionably late is always a good look.”

“I would’ve made it earlier but I got inspired by the collection I went to see at the Hammer today. I ended up going home and painting for a bit.”

“You have to check out our art area. I’m sure you’ll like it.”

“I will do that.”

“Did you come alone?” 

“No, I brought my friends.”

“Good. I hope they have a good time.”

“I’m sure they will.”

He pondered her for a moment, staring at her in a way that would’ve made anyone but her uncomfortable. He didn’t like that his actions seemed to have no effect on her, and yet, he must have had some effect, because there she was, standing and waiting for him to say something else to her.

“So, I’m no longer doing the days of the week thing,” he finally stated.

Wednesday continued to stare for a moment and then nodded slowly.

“Okay,” she said.

“But I’d like to keep seeing you.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” he said, not sure what else to say with her lack of in-depth responses.

“Does it work both ways now then?” She asked, and he looked at her a bit surprised, but mostly confused.

“What do you mean?”

“For example, a friend of mine has some work showing at a gallery this week and has her opening on Tuesday night. If I asked you to come with me to keep me company, would you?”

Louis had to admit to himself that he had not been expecting the scenario. He hesitated and bit his lip to keep from stuttering an undeveloped response.

“I could do that,” he finally said with a nod. “Yeah.”

“But do you want to?”

He looked at her, wondering if she was mocking him by giving him a taste of his own medicine. He supposed two could play at that game.

“Do you want me to?”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.”

Louis blinked, and then slowly allowed a small smile to play at his lips.

Her smile in return was bright, perhaps because it was the first time she had ever seen him smile, or perhaps because she knew she’d be getting something she wanted. Either way, he leaned into her, bringing his hand up to her face to tenderly caress it as he met his lips to hers, kissing her softly in the way that he believed delicate flowers should be kissed.

“Hey, it’s Wednesday,” Jade’s voice said, interrupting the mood.

Louis let the kiss linger, even after the interruption, and when he finally pulled away he looked toward Jade who was standing with her hands on her hips waiting for him.

“I’m done with my funnel cake,” Jade stated, “So I thought I’d come back to shadowing you. However, if this is what you’re doing now, I can do that, too. With Liam, not Wednesday.”

“Actually, she’s not Wednesday anymore,” Louis pointed out. “I’m done with that whole thing. No more days, just…” he looked back at the ethereal girl beside him and then back at Jade and said, “Let me just properly introduce you guys again.”

Louis watched Jade smile at the girl and say, “Nice to meet you, again,” to which she replied, “Nice to meet you as well. Again.”

“I have to get back to work,” Louis told her, and she nodded in understanding, leaving him alone with Jade, as she slipped into the VIP tent to find a refreshment.

“I’m so proud of you,” Jade said, giving him a quick hug out of nowhere.

“Why?” Louis asked looking at her.

“For being a tiny bit less misogynistic. The world is now a tiny bit better. Keep it up.”

“Well, let’s go to the trailer and talk about things that will probably make you think otherwise.”

Jade frowned and Louis led the way.

He had to prepare her. He had to explain to her some of the stuff that she hadn’t had a chance to witness or be a part of. He didn’t think she’d take well to the arrangements that were required to bring an event like this together. And he didn’t think she’d react well to knowing that part of her salary for the night would be coming from their cut of the drug money. He’d have to make her see that things weren’t as black and white as she thought they were.

Louis took a shortcut behind the stage, wanting the deep bass to thump through his body, to give him that feeling of life and that strength that he needed to make it through the rest of the night. He’d miss the sound of live DJs every night, but he’d make up for it getting back into creating his own. De-stressing from lectures and studying by manipulating the sound waves on his laptop sounded therapeutic at the moment. This was what had driven him mad, but in a lot of ways, it was music that had kept him going. It was only when he had stopped hearing the music in his own mind that he had given up. Now, caught up in the energy and electricity of synchronized lights and patterns of rhythms and beats, he was suddenly scared at what would happen when it all ended. He was scared that when the last DJ had played, and everyone had left, that he’d have the worst come down he had ever had. He never wanted to stop hearing the music again. He had to make sure that he didn’t. He vowed to be sure to always hear the music, even if it was only the music in his mind.

#

Jade drank her Red Bull and almost tripped over someone sleeping on the ground. He was difficult to see this far from the hypnotizing lights of the rave, and if it wasn’t for her hyperawareness of walking out into the unknown by herself, she would’ve completely missed him.

She had had to get away for a moment. Away from the chaos and away from Louis’ words. Away from the idea that after the dust had all settled, she was now helping to run a business that did things similar to what her father had done.

Jade stared at the ominous large towers of sparkling lights in the distance – the refinery that judged her as she stood in its line of sight. Behind her the music had barely faded, but she could ignore it enough to play out the paradox in her mind. She had had the courage to turn her father in for luring people into a place of promise just to take their money at the cost of their dreams. And yet, she couldn’t think of a single reason to treat Louis the same way.

Maybe it really came down to the fact that her father had been terrible to her and hadn’t allowed her the freedom to be who she was or explore who she could become. Louis had been nothing but accommodating to her, even when she had been so terrible to him. She wasn’t naïve to think that Louis and her father weren’t the same person, but somehow, the way she reasoned it, they were in it for different reasons. Her father wanted power and the money to obtain more power with. Louis wanted to escape and the money to make the escape large enough for everyone else to escape as well. One was selfish, the other selfless, but they were both crooks in their own ways.

“Jade!”

She heard Liam’s voice call out from behind her, but she didn’t turn around. She knew she wouldn’t have to.

“Jade, babe, what are you doing out here alone? Did you get lost?”

He stood in front of her, his voice trying to tease, but the worried tone seeped through. The refinery looked like a fake photographic backdrop behind him.

“I had to just get away for a minute.”

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“Just reality. I was so caught up in how amazing this all was that I didn’t even stop to consider that we were selling drugs, or paying off cops, or whatever else we’re doing. I sent my parents to jail, and Louis still sat there and told me all this. I felt he was almost daring me to bring the whole rave to a close.”

Liam sighed and Jade wondered if he was trying to think of a way to defend his friend.

“He was telling you because you had to know,” he said.

“Ignorance is bliss.”

“Ignorance is what almost made him kill himself and what put Perrie in rehab,” Liam said, and Jade could detect the small hint of bitterness. Was it directed at her?

“How?”

Liam shook his head.

“It’s not my story to tell, but what I can tell you is that Louis filled you in because being informed is the best way to protect yourself. Or at least he thinks so. He wouldn’t make you ever deal directly with any of it though. He’s going to continue taking care of that, even while in law school.”

“He’s going to get himself arrested one day. Or killed.”

“I think he’s well aware of the dangers associated with his actions.”

“And you don’t think we’ll all go down with him?”

Liam paused for a moment, and Jade stared at him, waiting for him to say something.

“I think that I’m staying in this to try my best to make sure it doesn’t happen to anyone,” Liam replied. “You can walk away from this, Babe. No one’s forcing you to wear red tonight and make the calls when Louis can’t.”

And yet she had done both things, almost instinctually once she had gotten past the initial fears that had overtaken her. And it forced her to have to rethink her parents, not just who they were, but their actions.

Was she being her mother right now? Being an accomplice to a mad man’s dream because she couldn’t stand on her own two feet without the safety net he provided. Would she really consider staying if she had a real job?

The high was real. She had felt it the moment she had stepped out of the apartment with her red ensemble. She had felt it again when her VIP pass had afforded her entrance while others waited in line. And yet again when she told the stage crew to pull the plug on the overzealous DJ. It was addictive, and the idea of having to wait in line again for a club disappointed her.

“What’s running through your mind?” Liam asked her and Jade shook her head.

“You don’t want to know.”

“Do you want to hear what I was going to tell you about the Alice in Wonderland sequel?”

“Suddenly I don’t.”

“Well tough. So the book I had bought had both stories in it. I dumbly didn’t even know it had a sequel.”

“Most adaptations blend the two stories,” Jade informed him. “People don’t even realize that things they think they know about _Alice in Wonderland_ actually happened in _Through the Looking-Glass_ instead.”

“Right, which is why people probably don’t know that there are actually two queens that wear red in Wonderland.”

Jade blinked and looked at him, and suddenly the answer she had asked herself in his bedroom became clear.

“The Red Queen,” she stated.

“Yeah,” Liam said softly, and Jade could feel his brown eyes staring at her, watching her.

“I completely forgot about her,” Jade admitted, shaking her head and looking up at the night sky. “Perrie never really was the Queen of Hearts. Just like you said. She’s always been The Red Queen. Cold and calculating. Outplaying all the chess pieces around her.”

Liam nodded and continued her train of thought.

“And you’re the Queen of Hearts, passionate and quick to temper. Playing your own game by your own rules.”

“They were mirror images of each other,” Jade said more to herself.

She knew why Liam had brought this up. It was his last ditch effort to make her see that she belonged with them. And belonging with them meant not walking away from who she was, not just in relation to them, but also in relation to herself.

She had been so quick to say “off with their heads” that she hadn’t stopped to think of the real consequences of her actions back in Maryland. She knew she’d be losing her family, but at the time she just wanted them to stop hurting so many people. If she had any second thoughts of what she had begun when helping out the investigators, she had to push them aside because she had already crossed a line that she couldn’t cross back over. She had convinced herself that what she had done was right. That she was helping the people that had been hurt. But what if there had been a better way?

If she just hadn’t been so rash. If she just hadn’t been so quick to exact revenge that stemmed from her own teenage rebellions.

“Oh God,” Jade said putting her hand to her stomach as she felt her emotions well up in her. “This is my punishment. I’m being punished for what I did to my parents.”

“Jade…”

“No, I am. What are we doing that my dad wasn’t doing? The corruption, the bribery, the money laundering. We’re doing that.”

“It’s not the same thing.”

“It’s exactly the same thing. It is, Liam. What makes us any better than my dad and my mom? Nothing. I am my mom.”

“You’re not though.”

“You don’t even know her!”

Liam reached out to take Jade’s arms, caressing them to try and calm her down.

“Listen, I’m sorry. You’re right, I don’t know her,” Liam said. “But I know you. I will tell you where I think the difference in the situations lie. Your dad was promising something that he couldn’t give. He was selling false hope, and he was using fear to do it. All Louis promises people is a night of escapism, and that’s exactly what they’re getting. That’s the difference. Louis isn’t your dad. You’re not your mom. And maybe everything we do isn’t legal, but we’re not screwing people over either. You’ve seen all these people here tonight. You see the smiles on their faces, the inspiration they’re all feeling. Tomorrow these people will go back to their everyday lives, but right now, they’re someplace magical. Someplace where they can really be themselves, regardless of what society wants them to be. This isn’t false hope. This is tangible.”

He made sense, but Jade wasn’t sure if that’s because she wanted him to make sense. She wanted to believe she wasn’t her mother, and yet the guilt left her wishing she could apologize to her mother right then and there.

“Why couldn’t I have been smart enough to find a solution without losing them?” She said, her voice quivering.

“That wasn’t your burden to carry.”

Jade felt her face flush hot, and she wiped at her cheek, more as an action to keep the tears from falling then to actually wipe any away.

“Karma,” she said. “Karma has a way of finding you. If this whole thing puts me in jail it’s because of what I did to my parents.”

“You’re not going to jail,” Liam said. “We would never let you take the fall. As it is, Louis would never even let me take the fall, much less you. If this all goes down, Louis will be the one who will shoulder all the responsibility. You know he would.”

She did know. In the short time she had known the one friend of Liam’s that she spent most of the summer hating, she had at least realized that much about his character.

“Baby,” Liam said, running his thumb over her damp cheek. “You don’t have to make any decisions tonight. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. You can leave right now, you can stay and wake up tomorrow and tell Louis you’re done, you can run away to Portland. Well, you can’t run away to Portland without me, but the point is, if this feels wrong to you, don’t do it.”

And therein lied the problem. It didn’t feel wrong. That’s what had her so confused. What if her dad hadn’t felt what he was doing was wrong? What if her mom hadn’t either? And why didn’t this feel wrong to her knowing what she did now about what it took to make it happen? Is it because she wanted it too much? Did she fall too far into the rabbit hole to climb back out into the world where she would’ve turned Louis in the moment she had found what he did? Was it really as simple as qualifying it all with intents? Did it feel okay because they were trying to do something fun and positive for people? Instead of using people’s dreams to make money, they were taking people’s money to give them their dreams.

“I’m in too deep,” she admitted to him. “I like what we’ve done tonight.”

“Me too. More than I thought I would.”

“Maybe I’m more my father’s daughter than I thought,” Jade admitted.

“I’m sure he had his good qualities as well. Focus on those?”

Jade nodded. She’d have to figure out what they were first.

She wrapped her arms around Liam, giving him a tight squeeze for just letting her vent, and for talking to her. Sometimes that was all she really needed, and she appreciated him so much for it.

He held her tight, turning his head to give her small kisses on her head and cheek.

Jade’s heart beat rapidly, but it beat to the time of the music playing from the stage. It was in her, and had taken her prisoner, already sentencing her to her sentence.

This was now her world. This was now her family. This was now her dream.


End file.
